take action

Your Life Doesn’t Get Any Better By Chance, It Gets Better By Change

What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results? That was me, for most of my life. I wasn’t happy with the results I was getting but I didn’t do anything differently to change them. I certainly hoped they would changed, and wished for them to change, but without taking different action there was really no hope at all that they would. The only way change happens is if we take action and make changes.

Change takes work. It takes risks. It takes us getting out of our comfort zones and doing something we’re not used to doing, maybe something we may not believe we can. But we can. We just have to do it. Those voices we hear may tell us we can’t, but we can. For me I had to hit a pretty hard bottom before I made the changes I needed to make. I was one stubborn gal and even though I didn’t like where I was and how I was living my life, I thought I could just wish it away, and not only did it not go away, it got worse. So for me, it took my life being in jeopardy to finally make some changes. You don’t need to wait quite that long, in fact, you can start right now!

It can be scary to start something new, or try a new way of life, but it’s typically just scary at the beginning, those first few steps, and once you’ve taken them you feel it’s right and taking the next few steps becomes less scary because you’ve already taken some, and it’s already feeling good. For me, I made sure to surround myself with others doing the same, and those people already in my life who supported me and cheered me on, it helped to have a cheering section and a group of people doing it with me, so even when things may not have gone as planned, there were always people there to encourage to keep trying, and that’s the key, just keep trying, each step isn’t always going to go the way you would have liked, and it’s those steps that we typically learn the most, they may sting in the moment, but that sting will help us grow, and, hopefully ignite the fire in us to try again.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. It’s that simple. In fact, in my case, and in others as well I’ve spoken to, when nothing changes, a lot of times, things actually get worse. The universe has a way to pushing us in the right direction, and if we’re not taking the hint, those nudges can sometimes feel more like a push, there’s a reason for that, we’re not supposed to be where we are. Take those cues, those hints, and look at your life and what you may not be changing, or taking action on, look at what may not serve you, and maybe never did, but you convinced yourself it did. Be honest with yourself SLAYER, and truly look for those areas that need change, that you can take action on and take it. Don’t even think about it, just take it, trust that you’re being directed where you should be and take the leap, we’re all here to catch you if you stumble.

Wishing for the life we want without doing the work doesn’t work. We have to roll up our sleeves and get to work, once we do we see that things start to fall into place, there may be a few bumps in the road, but those bumps don’t come close to the despair of staying somewhere we shouldn’t be. Trust that you have what it takes to get what you want, what you’ve imagined for yourself, go take it, and you may just find that you’ve made your own chances and a life that you once only dreamed of.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you take action when things don’t feel right, or hope they just get better on their own? What in your life could you take action on but haven’t? Why haven’t you? How long have you lived in this place and not take action? How does that feel? What can you do, SLAYER, to take action in that area of your life? Are you afraid? What are you frightened of? Does not taking action and staying stuck where you are bring you even more fear? It should. We are not meant to stay in one place, we are meant to learn, grow, explore, and challenge ourselves, get out there and go after what we want, make the changes we need to have the life we want, the life, up until now, we’ve only dreamed of. Make those dreams a reality, one change at a time.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you try something new you face new challenges, but those challenges also bring new results.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Challenge

Sometimes You Face Difficulties Because You’re Doing Something Right

There’s a belief many of us carry without ever questioning it:
If things feel hard, we must be doing something wrong.

So when resistance shows up — discomfort, fear, pushback, uncertainty — we assume it’s a sign to turn around. To retreat. To go back to what’s familiar.

But sometimes, the opposite is true.

Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re off track — but because you’re finally on the right one.

Especially when you’re choosing something new. Something honest. Something that honors who you actually are instead of who you’ve always been expected to be.

Familiar Paths Feel Easier Because They’re Familiar Not Because They’re Right

We are creatures of habit.

We do what we’ve been taught.
What we’ve seen modeled.
What feels easiest in the moment.

Even when those patterns don’t serve us, they feel safe because they’re known.

But “easy” doesn’t always mean aligned.
And “comfortable” doesn’t always mean healthy.

Sometimes the path that looks smooth is the one leading you further away from yourself. And the path that feels difficult is the one asking you to grow into someone new.

New choices almost always come with new discomfort — not because they’re wrong, but because they’re unfamiliar.

The Cost of Taking the Easier Softer Route

For a long time, I chose what felt easier on the surface.

I avoided conflict.
I tried to minimize attention.
I looked for solutions that required the least resistance.

But those choices didn’t bring peace — they brought consequences.

I didn’t get what I needed.
And when I did, it often came through manipulation, avoidance, or dishonesty with myself. I ended up doing far more emotional labor trying to maintain something that never truly fit.

What I thought was “keeping the peace” was actually betraying myself.

And over time, that betrayal showed up as anxiety, resentment, and exhaustion.

People Pleasing Is a Survival Strategy Not a Solution

Many of us learn early on that being agreeable feels safer than being honest.

So we prioritize other people’s comfort.
We swallow our needs.
We tell ourselves it’s not worth the trouble.

But unspoken needs don’t disappear — they turn inward.

They become anger.
They become sadness.
They become numbness.

And eventually, the weight of living out of alignment becomes unbearable.

That’s often the moment when people turn to outside fixes — anything to quiet the voice inside that says, This isn’t right.

I did too.

I tried to numb myself.
To silence the discomfort.
To convince myself I could stay somewhere I didn’t belong.

But I couldn’t — because I wasn’t supposed to be there.

The Truth Always Finds You

We can hide from the truth for a while — sometimes even for years.

But deep down, we always know when we’re not living authentically. When we’re shrinking. When we’re dimming ourselves to fit into spaces that don’t allow us to grow.

And when we finally start making decisions that honor our truth — maybe for the first time — the difficulties that arise can feel overwhelming.

But those difficulties aren’t punishments.

They’re signs that you’re walking where you’ve never walked before.

New Difficulties Mean New Growth

The challenges that show up when you choose yourself feel hard because they’re unfamiliar — not because they’re wrong.

They require courage instead of compliance.
Honesty instead of avoidance.
Boundaries instead of people pleasing.

But here’s what matters:
These difficulties are far healthier than the ones you lived with while betraying yourself.

Fear shows up when we’re letting go of old versions of ourselves.
Uncertainty shows up when we’re stepping into something real.

That doesn’t mean stop.

It means keep going.

Doing the Right Thing Doesn’t Mean Everyone Will Understand

Choosing what’s right for you doesn’t mean you don’t care about others. It means you care enough about your life to live it truthfully.

If you’ve chosen the right people, they’ll want the best for you — even when it’s uncomfortable. They may walk beside you through the difficulty.

And if they don’t — that tells you something too.

Sometimes growth requires moving forward without everyone coming along.
Or continuing relationships in a different way.

That isn’t cruelty.
It’s clarity.

Only You Can Walk the Path That’s Meant for You

Only you know what’s right for your life.
Only you can do the work to build it.
Only you can walk through the fear that stands between where you are and where you’re meant to be.

Difficulties don’t always mean danger.
Sometimes they mean direction.

So suit up, SLAYER.
Step onto the path that asks more of you — because it gives more back.

You’re not alone.
Plenty of us are walking beside you.
And we’re cheering you on.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Where in your life are you choosing what’s familiar instead of what’s true?
L: When have you ignored your needs to avoid discomfort or conflict?
A: What difficulty might actually be a sign that you’re on the right path?
Y: What would honoring yourself look like today — even if it feels uncomfortable?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Where have you faced difficulty because you were finally doing something right?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s questioning their path because it feels hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Feelings are like waves, they come and go, and you get decide which ones to surf.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peace

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Trust that things happen when you are ready for them, and when they do come, grab them.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Seize The Moment

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Life will continue to challenge us, until those challenges become better decisions.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Demonstrate

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s not so much knowing when to speak, it’s knowing when to pause.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

state-of-slay-green Pause (1)

Are You Killing Yourself To Live?

Sometimes we stay somewhere that feels safe even though it’s killing us. Sometimes we go after a job, a relationship, a situation that we feel we want, need, deserve, but we don’t belong there, and the pursuit of it is killing us. Sometimes we believe if we don’t get something or can’t maintain something we will die, but it’s the forcing of our will or the story we tell ourselves that we don’t deserve more than we have, or things have to look a certain way, that slowly kills us inside.

Life shows us where we’re supposed to be, what we can attain and who we can attain it with. We don’t always listen, out of fear, or not believing it to be true, but the signs are always there. When we’re in a situation that does not serve us there will be many signs that we should get out, people in our lives may even tell us to get out. Many times we make excuses and may stay telling ourselves we’re better off where we are, maybe even safer there, but the truth is, if it is not where we are meant to be, if we’re not reaching our full potential, we will slowly die there. Our soul will atrophy, and we will never see and feel the things we are meant to. I find this so sad, and yet, for most of my life I was slowly killing myself to live in the shadows, to be invisible, and as I lived there, I slowly slipped away and was killing myself in the process. I did realize that at the time, and I welcomed it. I wanted to disappear from the place I was, it had become too painful to live there and to complicated to numb myself enough to make it OK. I stayed out of fear, out of shame, ego, and from self-hatred, not believing, truly, that I deserved better. I was lucky that someone came into my life and showed me that it was possible to have more than I did, and that I did deserve better, and then the work began for me to believe it myself and go get it.

Why do we stay? Why do we try to force situations that don’t feed our soul, that don’t nourish us, encourage us, inspire us? Why do we tell ourselves it’s OK? It’s not. The price is too high to pay if something is killing you to stay there, killing any part of you, there is always a way out, another option if you look for it, if you’re open to it, if you allow yourself to look outside of where you are. We have the power to change our story, our situation, even a little, to make it better for us, to change the direction of where we are headed, or where we should be. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to pause and ask ourselves if we’re happy. If we’re living up to our potential. If where we are is true to who we are? And if it’s not, asking ourselves what we can do today to make a positive change in that situation, no matter how small, because that little crack through an open door, can sometimes let enough light in that you will find that door, and eventually, hopefully, kick it down, or at least turn the knob and walk through.

It’s time to get really honest with yourself SLAYER, it’s time to look at the place you stand, right now, and ask yourself if it’s killing you to be there, to stay there, or to get there? If it is, that price is too high to pay. Make the investment in you, in finding your place, what you love, where you need to be. All of those things you have dreamed of may be just within your reach, with a little work, trust and faith you are being led to them. Follow your heart, always, and get to work, your destiny is waiting for you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you happy where you are today? If not, why not? How can you change your situation to become happier? To make it better for yourself? Do you try to force things to be a certain way because you think they should be that way? Is the fact that you are trying to force something to be a certain way killing you? Making you unhappy? Are there other options out there that may make you happier, even if they are different from what you think things should look like? What are they? What stops you from going after those things? Get quiet today SLAYER, ask yourself if you are truly happy where you are, if you’re not, ask yourself where you could be that will make you happy, and what step you can take today to get you there. It’s all within our reach with an open mind, open heart and the courage to walk through that fear to get what we truly want. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s not what happens to you that determines your future, it’s what you do about it.

New blog goes up on Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Become

This Isn’t Who I Am, But It’s Who I’ve Become In This Moment

I know this feeling all too well. I remember thinking this when things got really dark. When the self-hatred overtook the light that used to burn inside of me. I didn’t like who I was, I didn’t like to look at the person staring back at me in the mirror, and I knew that wasn’t me, but what I’d become. When you’re staring at yourself from that place, the journey back seems impossible, to far to travel, you don’t like where you are, but fear you’ve gone too far the other way to make it back, to return to the you you once where. Or maybe you never knew who you were, or never liked that person either. So the journey then is more about self-discovery, to places you’ve never been, and that alone may paralyze you and keep you right where you are.

But going back to knowing this isn’t who you are. How did you get here? What lead you to this place? And why isn’t this place you? These are questions we need to answer. It’s easy, sometimes, when we make small concessions each day, to slowly lose ourselves, let ourselves slip away to something that may seem easier, or look better, or may be the promise of something new. But when we let who we are slip away, slowly and slowly we lose sight of who we really are, and what we deserve. We start to think we deserve this place, the place we find ourselves in, and we try to convince ourselves we’re OK there, even though we know we’re not. It seems easier to stay than to fight and get out, so we stay, sometimes for many years, sometimes a lifetime. And each time we stay when should go, a little part of us dies there, until one day, maybe we can’t get out, or can’t see the light we used to have inside of us. That is why it’s always important to stay true to who you are, what you desire and what you can take action on. And always take that action when you can. It’s much harder to fight your way back when you’ve gone too far. I was lucky enough to have done that, many years ago, to find that little spark of light inside of me and fight my way back, it took a lot of work, and it took many years, but here I am.

This statement now has a different meaning for me, if I’ve become something else in the moment, and it isn’t who I was, it is now a positive thing. It now means, for me, that I’ve surpassed where I was and have moved on to the next version, the 2.0 version, well, it’s probably more than 2.0 at this point, but you get the idea. That statement can also be used be positive once you’ve started to live as your authentic self and continue to push yourself to grow and expand who you are and the world around you. You know I’m one to always look for the positives in life, and this is an example of just that. I’ve had moments over the past 12 ½ years of being on this journey that have surprised me, I’ve surprised myself in who I am in a moment, because even I didn’t know I was capable of something, or of becoming someone so much bigger than who she was, or even imagined could be in terms of my capacity to love and give back. It’s amazing what you’ll find if you always make sure to stay true to yourself, to stand strong and fight for you.

It’s important to know who we are, otherwise we won’t know when we’ve lost what we’ve had, we may feel off, or different, and that can give us a sign we’re off course, but when we truly know who we are, and know we don’t feel like we are, it’s a sign to get to work and to get back to that place that lets our hearts shine. It’s also, on the flip side, a great marker for when we’ve exceeded who we were to become the beautiful people we are today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a strong sense of who you are? Do you like who you are? Is that who you are today? If not, why not? How do you get back to who you are? How did you get lost? What choices did you make to get yourself there? Or have you noticed the opposite, that because of your choices and hard work that you’ve exceeded surpassed who you were to be who you are today? What changes have you noticed? What do you love about who you are today? What else can you do to keep feeding that journey, that path you’re on to becoming an even better brighter version of yourself? Who are you in this moment? Is that person who truly are? Or do you have work to do to reclaim your true self? Find that place again SLAYER and use that as a launching pad to take you to places you have only imagined. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you