State Of Slay

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of you react to it.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Reaction

Your Problem Isn’t The Problem, It’s Your Reaction To The Problem

There are so many things in life we have no control over.
But one thing we always have control over is how we react.

Before I started this journey, I didn’t believe that. I saw life as something that was constantly happening to me. I felt like I was always on the wrong side of good—piled under problems that felt too big, too unfair, and way too overwhelming to change.

What I couldn’t see at the time was that many of those problems were the result of my own choices.
And even when I wasn’t in control of what happened, I had still made a choice somewhere along the line—choosing the person, the situation, or the behavior that led me there.

It was easier to blame someone else.
But the truth? The finger I was pointing should’ve been aimed right back at me.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

The Power of Radical Responsibility

When I finally got honest with myself—rigorously honest—I had to take a hard look at my role in the chaos.
And it was tough.
It’s not easy to admit that you’ve been the architect of your own pain.

But with that realization came something surprising: freedom.
Because if I was the one who got myself into it…
I could be the one to get myself out.

Owning my choices gave me power.
And from there, I could start making better ones.

Every Situation Is a Choice Point

We don’t get to control what life throws at us.
But we do get to choose how we respond.

Sometimes the best reaction is not reacting at all.
Sometimes it’s walking away.
Sometimes it’s taking a breath and choosing to show up in a way that honors your values—not your emotions in the moment.

That’s how we reclaim our power.
Even in the hardest moments, we are not powerless when we’re clear on what’s best for us—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

We always have a choice.
And that choice becomes the difference between staying in the problem and moving toward the solution.

The Problem vs. The Solution

When I started to shift my mindset this way, life got easier.
That’s not to say I never get frustrated or upset—of course I do. But now I ask myself:

  • Did I invite this in?
  • Can I disinvite it now?
  • What choice will move me forward instead of keeping me stuck?

That’s what it means to get into the solution.

Because staying in the problem only creates more problems.
But the solution?
That’s where problems go to die.

Clearing the Path Forward

I’ve learned that when I make decisions from a place that aligns with who I am—and who I’m becoming—I stop visiting the places that pull me back into chaos.

I stop letting problems define me.
I stop reacting from fear or ego.
And I start creating space for new energy, new opportunities, and new peace to enter my life.

So when the next problem pops up—and it will—ask yourself:

What’s the right reaction… for me?

That answer will always lead you toward your highest good.

SLAY Reflection: What’s Your Reaction Telling You?

  1. Do you let problems define your mood or your day?
    How often are you reacting instead of responding?
  2. How many of your current problems are tied to past choices?
    What patterns can you begin to shift?
  3. What small choices can you make today to create fewer problems tomorrow?
    Where can you be more intentional?
  4. How can you take your power back in difficult situations?
    What boundaries or truths are you avoiding?
  5. What does the “right reaction” look like for you?
    Is it silence, compassion, honesty, or stepping away?

    Call to Action: Join the Conversation

    I’d love to hear from you.
    What’s one situation or relationship where choosing not to engage helped you protect your energy?
    Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

    And if you know someone who’s caught in a cycle of reacting or proving their point, send this to them.
    Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Our greatest good is what we can do for others.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Change The World

Be A Conduit Of Good For Others

Before I began this journey, I often did good deeds—but if I’m honest, many were tied to expectations. I sought recognition, appreciation, or something in return. My actions, though seemingly kind, were often self-serving.

When I stepped into recovery, I was met with unconditional support. People offered help without expecting anything back. It baffled me. I waited for the catch, but it never came. Instead, they simply said, “Pay it forward.”

At first, I didn’t grasp the depth of that phrase. But as I started to help others without expecting anything, I felt a shift. Supporting someone else lifted me, too. It reminded me that even in my lowest moments, I had something to offer.

The Power of Selfless Acts

Helping others became a cornerstone of my recovery. Not grand gestures, but simple acts: a smile, a kind word, a listening ear. These moments connected me to others and grounded me in my own healing.

I learned that when I offer support without strings attached, it not only aids someone else but also reinforces my own growth. It’s a two-way street of healing and connection.

Letting Go of Expectations

True kindness doesn’t come with a scoreboard. When I stopped expecting reactions or rewards, my actions became more genuine. If someone didn’t respond as I’d hoped, I learned to let it go, sending them silent well-wishes instead.

This shift freed me from disappointment and allowed me to act from a place of authenticity and compassion.

Small Gestures, Big Impact

Being a conduit of good doesn’t require monumental efforts. It’s in the everyday moments: holding the door, offering a compliment, or simply being present. These small acts can have profound effects on someone’s day—and on our own hearts.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you look for ways to be a conduit of good in your daily life?

  • Have you experienced someone paying it forward for you? How did that make you feel?

  • What can you offer to someone today?

  • How does giving without expectation shift your perspective?

  • How can you cultivate compassion for others—and yourself?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ll be a conduit of good today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might need a little hope, send this to them.
Sometimes, we just need a reminder that we matter.

Would you like me to create a WordPress excerpt and tags to go with this?

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Celebrate who you are and what you’ve been through, it’s prepared you for where you are right now…and, what’s to come.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate

Yay! Congratulate Yourself, Especially For The Tough Sh*t

We recently got a puppy and are in the throes of house-training. We’ve had some hits, and some misses. A lot of misses. So when we get a hit, there’s a lot of celebration in the house. There’s always an immediate YAY and a lot of congratulations, and those celebrations aren’t just reserved for the wins at home, they can happen anywhere, and do. We laugh sometimes because, now, without even thinking about it, when our puppy does something good, we burst into yays, no matter where we are. And not only does she get excited, but it makes us laugh as well. It got me thinking today, in mid-yay, that we should cheer ourselves on just as much, maybe even throw out a verbal YAY when we do something great or something new. We all deserve some yays in our lives and some celebration.

Before walking this path, there very few yays in my life. What there was a lot of was negative self-talk. I was constantly telling myself I was stupid or had done something wrong, or even if something went well, I told myself I should have done it better. Nothing was ever good enough, and as a result I dug myself deeper and deeper into a depression. I didn’t feel worthy of praise. I was ashamed at how I was living my life, the things I was doing and if someone did praise me for something I thought they were lying, or they wanted something from me, I never trusted it, but I also didn’t trust myself.  I never gave myself any leeway to learn and grow, I expected myself to get it perfect right way, and when I didn’t, that kicked up right away which kept me in the dark.

The key to getting myself out of that cycle was learning self-love. A tall order at the start, but essential for my recovery, and, my survival. That negative self-talk had gotten so strong it was the only voice I was listening to, and I believed it when it said that I was never going to be good enough and everyone would be better off without me here. Learning that I was enough, that we all are works in progress, and that we learn the most from the things that don’t do our way, or, let me say it, failures, but, really, they’re not really failures because that’s where the most growth happens. In fact, in those failed attempts lies the most yays, in fact, walking through those failures and learning from them should be the loudest yays, and maybe even a little dance or hand clap. It’s most important to congratulate ourselves especially in the sh*t, we should make a point of it, in fact, I challenge you, next time, during one of those times to stand up and let out a loud YAY, because even though it may not feel like a victory in that moment, it truly is, and you’ll know why on the other side of it, so why not get the celebration started early?

We walk through a lot in our lives, and we’ve all been through some really tough things, but how often do you congratulate yourself for walking through those, and, making better choices today as a result? You may just owe yourself some yays for that. As I watch my puppy grow and learn, I realize that we are all still doing the same, we may be further along the path as someone just starting their life, but life is always teaching us new things, if we let it, so congratulate yourself as you learn each new thing. SL-YAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate who you are and what you’ve accomplished? If not, why not? What stops you? Write down an example of something you walked through that was difficult. Do you appreciate yourself for getting through that? Do you see how you learned from that experience? Do you see that perhaps you were meant to go through it to take away some valuable lessons and information? What did you take away from that experience that you use in your life today? When something goes well, or you accomplish a goal or project, do you congratulate yourself? If not, why not? If yes, how do you celebrate? Celebrate yourself everyday SLAYER, even just for getting out of bed today, hey, that’s an accomplishment in itself, and then, find as many yays in day as you can, maybe even say them out loud for some extra self-love.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go, they only determine where you start.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dont Compare

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let no one discourage you. You don’t need a fan club to achieve your goals. Be your own motivation.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ships

When Others Inject Their Fear Into Your Life

It takes courage to chase your dreams. To put yourself out there. To share your truth with the world, especially when that truth has been born from your soul. It’s vulnerable work. So naturally, we hope the people who love us will show up to support us.

But sometimes, they don’t.

And instead of encouragement, we get fear. Not our own—theirs. Projected through criticism, sarcasm, or silence. It can come from the people we least expect, and it can sting the most when it does. Their fear may show up as jealousy, pessimism, or even ultimatums. And suddenly, your moment of growth becomes a moment of conflict. One you never asked for.

Their Fear Is Not Yours to Carry

It’s important to remember: you are not responsible for making others comfortable with your growth.

You are not responsible for shrinking so someone else can feel tall.

We all carry our own insecurities, and when someone projects theirs onto you, it often has more to do with their inner struggle than with anything you’re doing wrong. You are not doing anything wrong by growing, dreaming big, or stepping into your light. In fact, you’re doing something incredibly right.

People who truly love you will want to see you win. Even if they don’t fully understand your path, they’ll respect that it’s yours. And they’ll support you because they care about your joy. If they can’t do that, then it may be time to lovingly step back and re-evaluate who gets to be in your inner circle.

The Subtle Ways Fear Shows Up

Not all fear looks like yelling or outright criticism. Sometimes it comes quietly:

  • The sarcastic comment

  • The deflating look

  • The unreturned text on a day that mattered to you

These passive reactions are just as powerful. And just as hurtful. Because they take up emotional space that you could be using to build, to dream, to thrive. When you’re busy decoding someone else’s discomfort, you lose time and energy that could be spent fulfilling your purpose.

And here’s the truth: people who inject fear or discouragement into your life when you are rising are not trying to protect you. They are trying to keep themselves from feeling left behind.

Let Yourself Rise Anyway

Your job is not to manage someone else’s emotions. Your job is to rise. To shine. To step into your purpose even when it makes others uncomfortable. You can do this with compassion, but you must also do it with conviction.

We rise by lifting others. But if someone refuses to rise with you, that’s not your fault. Let your light shine anyway. You never know who might see your light and be inspired to find their own.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you feel guilty when you succeed and others don’t?

  • Have you experienced people trying to discourage you from pursuing your goals?

  • Why do you think their fear shows up when you shine?

  • Have you ever dimmed your light to make someone else feel better?

  • What can you do to protect your peace and keep moving forward?

You don’t need to carry someone else’s fear. Let them work through it. Your job is to keep going.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve protected your light from someone else’s fear?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to rise because others are trying to hold them back, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is to be reminded we’re allowed to shine.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Too many of us are not living our dreams because we’re living our fears.

New blog goes up Tuesday,  until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fear Inflicted