We’re Only As Sick As Our Secrets

Secrets, we all have them, my whole life used to be a secret, I would hide what I was thinking and doing from everyone in my life, ashamed, confused, and angry.  I kept everything inside and consequently became very sick, my secrets nearly cost me my life. And it was me, I had control of that, it was me who held myself back from sharing, from getting help, from talking to the people who loved me about what was going on, it was all me, all in my control.

It wasn’t until I finally asked for help, finally started telling people what was going on that I first heard someone say, “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” That hit me like a lead balloon. Wow, I had put myself through years and years of suffering because of my fears, pride, and need for control and I could have stopped it, put an end to my suffering had I just spoken up. My sick brain told me that I was in control if I didn’t tell anyone, but the truth of the matter was, I had the control to stop it, I had control over my own well-being and my own happiness by sharing my struggles, by admitting what I had been doing, how I had been living, and how I was feeling. Once I said those things out loud, they lost their power over me. They were out there. Nothing left to hide. And, THAT is freedom.

We walk around ashamed and scared to share our truth with others, but when we do we harm ourselves, we tell ourselves that we are bad people, that we are better off alone, that no one will understand us, but none of that is true, there is nothing that we’ve done that someone hasn’t already done, sorry if you think you are tragically unique, but it’s true, someone, and probably many, have already done what you think is so shameful or horrible that you can’t possibly share it with anyone for fear of the consequences. But typically the consequences are understanding, kindness, love, and connection to another person who may also have felt like you, or now, because you shared your truth, understands you and has now found compassion for you, and possibly you for them.

People have asked me if I have any fear for sharing my truth in a public forum, do I worry what people might think and without hesitation I say no, because I don’t, and the reason I don’t is because all of the people in my day-to-day life, the ones I count as family, close friends, and my actual family, know all of this, at least the broad strokes, I may not have gotten into the detail I have here, but everyone knows, and in me telling them years ago, I was granted the gift of freedom from all of that, from the bondage of my past that I let bind me, I walk tall today owning my part in it, but also knowing that I am not that person anymore, I know that by me sharing it not only helps me, but it helps you, and that is far more powerful than anything that I could keep to myself out of fear, shame, or pride, that power is false, it only feels powerful because we think we’re safe, but we’re not, it makes us vulnerable to ourselves, the darkness, and to those who would exploit that and use that against us. When we are open and honest, we are free, we don’t have a reason to hide, and it keeps us safe.

Being open about where we’ve come from and what we struggle with also opens the door for people to understand us better, it opens the door to communication and connections to others we wouldn’t have if we kept to ourselves. It can also keep us safe if there is still a threat from our past that can harm us today, if those around us are clear on what our past is, it gives them a better understanding of why our safety rests in their hands in keeping our anonymity with certain people who may still want to harm us. It’s important to share your truth, even if it’s painful, ensure that everyone understands your situation.

At the end of the day you hold the key to our freedom, not sharing those things that you think are unsharable keeps you imprisoned in your own cell, it keeps you from connecting to others, and can leave you vulnerable to harm. You are only as sick as your secrets. Don’t let them have power of you and your life.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there things in your life or your past that you’ve never shared with anyone? If yes, why not? What do you think will happen if you do? What are they? Look at them, do you think that no one else has done these things or can relate to them? Do you see how holding on to your secrets can hold you back from living a loving and fulfilling life? Do you see how sharing these things might help others? You have the power to take control of your life, to let go of all of the things you think you have to keep a secret, and to find freedom from the bondage of your past and move forward. Let it all go SLAYER, we understand.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

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