postive

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! This present moment is all we have.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Only In The Now

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Kindness, somebody who brings warmth and value to somebody with no expectation of return.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Kindness

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Your body hears everything your mind thinks.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pinky Your Body

You Are Worth The Effort It Takes To Make You Feel Good

It’s difficult to believe you are worth fighting for if you hadn’t been taught that, have been in an abusive relationship, or believe you may have fallen too far back to ever see the light again. I know for myself, I wasn’t sure I worth fighting for, or, that I could come back from where I was. It’s tough to believe you are worthy of happiness when you feel so badly about yourself, or in my case, even hated yourself. How do you stop making choices that hurt yourself when that may be the only thing you’ve been taught, or, have become accustomed to living that way? It starts with you making decisions and choices that allow you to experience your own sense of worth and get you on a path of believing you are worth believing in.

For me, that journey started by joining a group that allowed me to be honest and open about who I was, what I had done, and where I wanted to go. It was that group that taught me to love myself, they showed me love before I was able to love myself, and through their love I was able to find some of my own. I also found, in identifying myself in their stories and struggles, I was able to find love and compassion for them, and ultimately, for myself. I knew I had a long road ahead of me, and truthfully, it’s a journey that never ends, it’s a daily effort to stay on this path, but it is much less laborious than it was at the start. With the help of those people, with the love of friends and family, and the guidance of professionals, I found a plan of what needed to be done to get me feeling stronger, better and brighter. And, I started to believe I was worth it. I started to focus on that work I know I needed to do, even the tough stuff, but I also focused on the stuff that made me feel good. I started to change my vocabulary, replacing I can’t, with I can, I will and I am, and I started to use that self-destructive energy I had been using to hurt myself for good, and started to practice saying the words to myself that I needed to hear, replacing the negative self-talk with positive encouraging words, enforcing that I was worth the work that needed to be done. As I did this I began to notice things change, shift, and those changes encouraged me to keep going. Today, knowing where I came from, I protect what I’ve worked so hard for, and am not willing to jeopardize it for anything or anyone. What I have today was earned. It started with a small amount of hope that I could have it, and has turned into the beautiful life I have today.

Find the words to say to yourself that you need to hear. Find a group of people, or maybe even one to start, to encourage you to be your best self. Do it because you’re worth it. Do it because you deserve it. Do you it because you believe in yourself, or believe you may believe in yourself one day. Make choices that show yourself that you believe in all of these things, and, believe in you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe you are worth the work? If not, why not? If you do, what have you done to improve yourself or your situation? If you are still working on believing, what can you do today to start to believe? Are there times that you have believed in the past? What changed that belief? What can you do to change it back, knowing you’ve had it before. If you explained to someone who didn’t know you, what words would you choose to describe yourself? How many of those adjectives are positive? How many are negative? What can you do to change those negatives to positives? SLAYER, you are worth the work. You deserve to be who you are meant to be. To shine bright, to share your beautiful unique spirit with the world, and to inspire others to do the same. Do things today that will convince you that you deserve the best.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Know that whatever comes your way, you have the ability to accept the good and learn from the bad to allow yourself to be your best  you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Within You

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your negative thoughts may be the only thing holding you back from becoming who you are meant to be. Look for the good in everything, and let go anything that stands in your way.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Positive Thoughts

Rebounding From Regret

It’s rare today that I regret things. When things don’t go my way, or something negative happens based on choices, or I decision I made, I now, typically look at that as learning. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting anymore, it still does, but I look back to see where I could have done something differently, or made a better choice. That type of thinking keeps me out of regret and back into action because it’s in action where positive changes, or better choices, are made.

I wasn’t always thinking that way, in fact, for most of my life I was full of regret, and full of anger about past events. I was angry at others, blaming them for the outcomes, or I was blaming myself and beating myself up further, telling myself I was a piece of crap because I messed up again. That vicious cycle kept me in the darkness, and propelled me even further down.

Regret, really, is useless. We can’t change the past, we can’t go back and change what we did, so why do we spend so much time regretting the choices we made when we can’t do anything about them? What we can do is make better choices moving forward. To learn from our past and use that to help us in our present day. There may be things that we can fix, or make better from our past, and with the knowledge of what we had done, we can use that to possibly amend or make repairs on the things that didn’t go well, or we misunderstood, that, is truly the only way we can change the past, by taking positive action today. Again, it goes back to perspective. We can take a seemingly negative situation and make it positive by learning from it, or fixing what we can with the knowledge we now have. When we think of things that way, we don’t really have anything to regret. Now, there are things that we can’t go back and change, or make better, the opportunity may have past and there is no going back, I’ve had many of those, but again, it’s about learning from those experiences, and, forgiving yourself for not having the knowledge, or courage, or experience in that moment to do the right, or best thing. We can’t look back at who we were and expect ourselves to have been who we are today. We have to acknowledge that we are on a path of self-discovery, and that we typically learn the most when things go wrong, or possibly hurt, because we pay more attention to those things, so the reason it may have happened in the first place is a positive reason, to get us to change. There are no coincidences or accidents, I’ve said this before, even accidents aren’t really accidents, they may not have been what we had intended or wanted but there is a reason for everything, and sometimes it’s not your reason, but the other people, or person involved, but, usually there is something we can all take away from each experience, good, or bad, it’s just how we choose to look at those experiences that sets us a part.

I had an experience yesterday that I was really disappointed in. It was something that I may have been able to control somewhat, but it had a lot to do with me not feeling well and I wasn’t as sharp as I usually am. I was upset. And I found myself, for a brief moment, starting to get down on myself, and then I stopped and got into possible solutions. As a result, I was able to come up with one. Now, that is growth and learning. Instead of getting angry at myself and regretting all of my actions leading up to that moment, blaming them for the place I was now finding myself in, I started to look for other options. As a result I stayed out of self-hatred and self-pity and stayed in the self-love.

Regrets don’t move us forward, only back, they keep us shielded from the present and what we can do to make things right, or better for ourselves, they keep us from learning, from growing, they pull us back into the shadows when we need to stay in the light. Let go of past regrets, learn from them, use them to build a better you, and one day you may find that have nothing to regret, what do you think about that?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to regret things from your past and hang on to them? Why do you think you do that? How does it benefit you? How does it hurt you? What can you learn from those things you regret? What can you do differently for next time? Are there ways you can now improve or better those situations you regret today? If so, what are they? Stay in action SLAYER, always focus on what you can do to make a situation or experience better, and if there is nothing, looking at you part and what lesson you can take away from those times to give you some positive actions to take the next time. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Live your life, and ignore the negativity.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happiness 2

Pain Can Be A Good Thing

Crazy concept right? How can pain be good? In my case it turned out to be. It took being in the excruciating pain I was in for me finally to surrender and ask for help. Now, I wish I had surrendered long before I did, I realize now how much self-inflicted pain I caused myself, but, it took that amount of pain, for that amount of time, for me to finally say enough. And for that, I am grateful. Pain is a big indicator that something is wrong, either with us, or the circumstances we are in. It’s a red flag that something is wrong. I do not believe we are meant to live in pain, but many times it’s what finally gets us to a place where we’re open to change, and in those cases, pain is good.

It seems like we go through much of our lives trying to avoid pain, so much so that some of us disengage from life to avoid it, and there are others out there who seem to run to it head on, leaving a path of destruction behind them, including, sometimes, themselves. The trick is to use pain to our advantage, as an indicator that something is wrong, and to allow it encourage us to make changes, or to reflect on our own decisions and actions that have gotten us to a place of pain. When we are in pain it’s time to put on that detective hat again and find out the facts. What is really going on? What is causing our pain? Why are we feeling pain? What can we do to stop the pain? Remember, we are in control of how we feel, and if something is wrong, it’s time to investigate why and then take action to make it better. Finding yourself in pain can also help you recognize what you want in life, and what your needs are. Pain can shine a light on needs that might not be met, so, there is another area to look at, what are your needs and are they being met? If they’re not, how do you change that? It’s also time to look at whether the pain you’re feeling is real or if it’s fear-based. We can suffer so much pain at our own hands and it can be all just worrying and fear we’ve created in our heads. Again, what are the facts? Have you created unnecessary pain in your life because of worrying about things you have no control over? And finally pain can bring us closer to others, or help us build a community around us. I know it did for me. Because I reached out and connected with others who were also in pain, or had been where I was, I started to build a new circle of friends who not only understood my pain, but had some suggestions of how to stop it, from that I learned how to be a better friend and how to get out of the painful cycle I was in.

Like most things, it’s all a matter of perspective, and pain is no different. Use the pain you may be feeling to your advantage, use it to get yourself to a better place, one in which you can thrive and continue to expand your world. When we are open to change, and open to looking, truthfully, at our own actions, we are in a position to stop the cycle that may have led us down a painful road. Take charge of your pain and take the time to learn about yourself so that you can make better choices down the road, and maybe, stop being so fearful of the pain that pops up in your life in the future, looking at it as an opportunity to examine the pain in your life and to take action to leave it behind.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hide or run away from pain or painful situations in your life? Do you see by looking at the pain and dealing with hit head on it can be used to make positive changes in your life? How can you change your attitude toward pain to look at it as more of a tool rather than something to hide from? Or, do you invite pain into your life willingly? Do you purposely cause yourself pain? Why? Does this seem like healthy behavior? What can you do to change that behavior? SLAYER, challenge yourself to think of pain differently, use it to your advantage and see how much of a happier and healthier life you have. We all will experience pain, it’s how we react to it that makes us SLAYERS. Pick up your sword be brave and face it, be strong to change it, and be humble enough to ask for help when you need it. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Sometimes A Breakdown Can Be A Breakthrough

I had always thought of a breakdown as a negative thing, but when I look back at mine, that moment when I couldn’t do it anymore, that moment where I had run out of solutions, where I was just done, I look at that moment as a blessing, it was a moment of clarity, the smallest bit of hope, and the moment when my new life was about to begin. That breakdown, as it were, was a gift, it meant that I had had enough, that I was putting a stop to the way I had been living my life and that I was finally going to reach out for help. Now, it could have gone a different way, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t jumping for joy during this profound moment, it was scary, and very easily, without that tiny dim light inside of me, could have come to a very dark end, but it didn’t, it didn’t because I believe it had always been a part of the plan for me, that the power that I believe guides me knew that it was going to take that breakdown to finally get me on my knees and surrender to the help I needed to get better. That breakdown is always what keeps me on this path because I remember what it was like in that moment, what brought me there, and I know I never want to go back, and I also know that moment, and worse, is waiting for me if I do.

I think we as human beings put things into compartments, I talked about this in my blog Finding Grace In The Gray Areas, we like to make things “good” or “bad,” but looking back the “bad” things that happened to me all led me to the life I have now, even writing this blog, I look back and see how the “bad” led me to the “good.” Life ebbs and flows, it doesn’t stay the same, we ride the waves of good times and the waves of challenging times, but in the end it’s all the same ocean, and we’re the same people riding those waves, it’s just a matter of how we look at those waves, our perspective, of those “good” and “bad” events.

I trust now that when “bad” things happen, that they’re happening for a reason. They might be happening as a result of my actions, so there’s a lesson there, and action on my part to correct it or make an amends to do it better next time. All good. Learning is good. Or, those “bad” things could be leading me to a place of good, a place of growth, of knowledge, of moving forward to the next chapter in my story. Sometimes we need a push by the universe so we don’t stay stuck, I know I need a nudge every once in a while, because when things feel good, and safe, and comfortable, well, sometimes I want to hang out there for a while, sometimes longer than a while, even though I know I need to keep challenging myself, so if I do hang on too long, the universe is bound to push me in the right direction, and sometimes that push can feel like a negative action, but, if we embrace it, ride the wave, look for the lesson or positivity in it, we may just have a breakthrough, a breakthrough we wouldn’t have had in our comfort zone.

Don’t get me wrong, a breakdown can be scary, but it’s in times like those that we really need to be open and honest with our friends and family, with those people who support us, they will undoubtedly be able to help us through those dark times, or at the very least, just be there when we need them most. If we’ve chosen the right people, and we’re living as our authentic selves, sharing our truths, we have nothing to fear, and we can trust the process we are going through, and trust that we are exactly where we are meant to be, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem as we walk through it, uncomfortable means change, uncomfortable means we are doing things differently, uncomfortable means if we stick with it, a breakthrough is coming.

When you feel like you’re in, or headed, for a breakdown, dig in with the good in your life, and get ready, something really wonderful may just be on the other side of it. Hang on SLAYER, and, expect the good.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have there been times in your life when you can see that a breakdown lead to something good? If so, what? Have there been times when, looking back, you can see that the universe has pushed you in a certain direction because you were stuck where you were? Write down all the examples you can think of in your life when this has happened. How did you respond during these times of crises? Do you see how surrounding yourself with good supportive people can help you through those times? Do you reach out to the people in your life when you’re going through a breakdown? If not, why not? I know, for myself, I would not be here had I not reached out, and I have countless people to thank for the life I have today, countless people who opened their hearts to me, supported me, and offered me their strength when I had very little of my own. Don’t suffer in silence SLAYER, you are not alone, and, that breakdown just may be the best thing that has ever happened to you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you