good enough

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Don’t let anyone who doesn’t know your worth set it’s value.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Worth Discounts

Know Your Worth

Before walking this path, I didn’t know my worth, in fact, I didn’t think I had any. Even when I found success, or was complimented, I didn’t believe I was worthy of it, and many times, I thought if someone was praising me for a job well done that they were lying and had ulterior motives. I never thought I was good enough or worthy of what I wanted, yet I was in fear of never getting those same things, or loosing the ones I had. It was a horrible place to live, and yet I lived there for most of my life. And ultimately, I almost didn’t believe my life was worth saving, but that little part of me that did, fought like hell to survive.

When I set out on a path of self-love and recovery, I had to hold on to the part of me that believed I was worth the work. When the road got tough, it was that part of me that got me through, that wouldn’t let me give up and dug it’s heels in and kept me moving forward, even if the steps were slow and small. Each time I moved forward I gained a little more self-worth, the act itself of pushing through and not giving up was building my belief that I was worth the fight, and I was, and still am. My self-worth also grew as I was able to be of service to other people, something I thought I didn’t have much to give but realized that even at the beginning of my journey, I still had a lot to offer someone who had just started, sometimes more than those who were much farther along, because it was easier for someone just starting to relate to me, still new, and still learning as I went. Those acts of kindness and compassion continued to expand my self-worth. And as I got further down the path I realized how important it was to protect my self-worth and what my worth really was. There are those who try to take advantage, or work out a deal that is really in their favor, stripping our worth in the process, and if we ourselves are unclear of our worth, or don’t think we have any, we will fall victim to those people time and time again. It is important to stand up, when something isn’t right, and say so, knowing and owning your worth. For me, self-love played a big hand in me realizing my worth, because if I was loving myself, and participating in acts that were loving to myself, I wasn’t going to tolerate someone else not honoring my worth, and, I certainly wasn’t going to participate in any acts that would diminish or dishonor anyone else’s.

We all have worth, and we all deserve to be treated with worth, and, we all should acknowledge others people’s worth. When we know our own worth we stop putting ourselves in harms way, we stop inviting people into our lives who disrespect us and start to contribute and look for loving acts in our lives, each of those acts builds more worth. We all have value, we all have worth, and it’s important to find ours and own it as we navigate through our journey and to see where that path with take us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you know your worth? If yes, how. If not, why not? Have you already known your worth, or have you discovered it along the way? If you don’t know your worth, why do you think you don’t have any or much? Did you ever feel you had it and lost it? If so, what happened? Finding your worth is an integral part to having healthy relationships in your life, respectful business or working interactions and the fuel you need to propel you forward to where you want and should go. Write out all of what gives you worth, and if you have trouble thinking of them, ask a trusted friend, sometimes we can see our worth through someone else’s eyes, but what’s most important is, finding it, and owning it, that’s when positive changes begin to happen.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Your body hears everything your mind thinks.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pinky Your Body

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! There’s no weight limit on beauty.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Blue Fat

Don’t Let Your Mind Bully Your Body

It was in my teens that I remember starting to hate my body. I felt betrayed by it. I had been a thin athletic kid and then things started to change. I felt like things were happening in my body that I didn’t like, and what was happening was bringing unwanted attention. It was during that time that I started hating my body. I had already had built up an uncomfortability with who I was, that I hid, and to then have my body change only added to my discomfort and eventual hate for myself and how I looked. It was during that time of change that I also became hyper-aware of others around me, comparing myself to them and never feeling like I could measure up. Nothing, in my eyes, when it came to my mind or body, was ever good enough, and the downward spiral began of my mind bullying my body.

Looking back at myself back then there wasn’t anything to be ashamed about, or beat myself up about, and having been on this road of recovery for quite some time I can see that what I was mainly upset about was feeling that I wasn’t in control. There were many things back then I felt I had no control over, and my body changing felt like the final betrayal, and I set out to stop it and take back the control I felt I had lost. That path led to an eating disorder I was lucky to recover from, and it took me many years to totally overcome, and even so, there are days today, that I keep myself in check and accountable regarding my food intake. But when I think back to those days and how much hate I had for myself and my body it makes me sad. There wasn’t anything wrong with it. And, now, in later years, I appreciate my body and what it does for me, what it allows me to do, and my overall health, but back then, it was all about looking a certain way and trying to manipulate myself to be something I wasn’t. I just wanted to blend in so that no one would ask me any questions, and the more I hated myself  the louder the negative self-talk got in my head. It was a scare that got me on the road healthier eating and self-care, but it was a slow and arduous road. And, as grateful as I am today to have a better relationship with food and my body, I still struggle with my own body image on certain days, I even caught myself today thinking negative thoughts.

Most of us seem to have things about ourselves and our bodies we dislike, or, would like to change. And, if there is a change that is better for your overall health and well-being it’s great to set goals and make those changes, but when we continuously beat ourselves up for not looking like someone we’re not, we are walking down a dangerous path. We are not meant to all look the same. We are meant to be all different shapes, colors, and textures, and you know what, each of them is beautiful! Like other topics I’ve covered it’s about changing our thinking, looking at the positive instead of focusing on the seemingly negative. We all were given the body we have for a reason, why not make the most of it, why not cherish it, love it, and appreciate all that it does for us, even if it doesn’t do all we would like, we can train ourselves to not let our mind bully our body. SLAY on!

(The picture above was from a time I hated myself and my body, proof to myself now how my self-image contorted the truth.)

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you love your body? Do you like your body? If yes, to either why? If no to either why? Have you always love or hated your body? If there was a change, what changed? What can you do today to have a more positive healthier body image? Have you tried this in the past? Has it worked? If yes, why did you stop? If it hasn’t, why hasn’t it worked? Is there something you are hanging onto that is stopping you from loving your body? Is there something you can do to change that? We all have our own unique beauty and it’s up to each of us to find that beauty, and, hopefully celebrate it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You owe yourself the same love you so freely give to others.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Name Yourself

Never, Never Again

There were so many times in my life, before walking this path, that I would say never again. And yet, I would repeat those same behaviors over and over, even the ones I knew were self-destructive and were taking down an even darker road than I was already on. My attitude, always, was, well if I’ve already messed up this little bit I might as go whole hog and hit the “f*ck it button.” There was no middle ground, I was either doing great, or down in the dumps, I gave myself no room for anything in between. Living within those tight parameters I was setting myself up to fail, most of the time, and truthfully that’s where my head wanted me, to constantly be failing so I would increasingly get worse and think there was no way out. But there was.

When I finally fell to my knees and was able ask for help, I was told it takes time to break old habits and to begin a new way of life, and that even if I made mistakes, or failed in my opinion, that was part of the recovery process. That I had to wrap my head around. Failure was part of the process? Well, the truth was, it wasn’t really “failure,” it was all just part of the process, something I had to learn as I fell and got back up again. I also learned that those falls were where I learned the most, so they, for me, were an essential part of the process. I had to find comfortabililty in the gray areas between what I viewed as “right” or “wrong.” Being OK in the gray wasn’t easy at first because the minute I wasn’t perfect at this new way of life and slipped back into old behaviors or patterns, that negative bullshit committee in my head would pipe up and say, “see, you can’t do it!” In fact, they would scream it. And, I had to learn to say, “you’re lying, I can, watch me.”

Change takes time. It takes of trying, over and over again, until it becomes less effort. Until it becomes a part of who you are and not something you have to think about anymore. You are going to fail, or fall, or make mistakes, that’s part of making changes, but the important thing is to not give up, to keep going, to do better next time, or try again. Don’t put those parameters on yourself and say never again, you may do it again, you may do it many times before you stop doing it, and even when you stop doing it, you may do it another time. Allow yourself to have some wiggle room, to be in the gray space in between, where you’re trying your best, and that’s good enough, it is actually more than good enough. It was pointed out to me in my early journey that I had done things the old way much longer than I had the new way, so it wasn’t fair to beat myself for falling back to what I knew or once did, but I always had the chance to do it better the next time. And that’s what I did. It’s been over 13 years now and sometimes I can still fall back, but I know now that when I do it’s just a moment and it’s not who I am today, and maybe I fall back from time to time to remind myself where I don’t want to fall back to, and that’s OK, because today I know the right choices for me and what I need to do to live this life I’ve worked so hard for, a slip from time to time isn’t the end of the world, it’s just part of the process.

Allow yourself to make mistakes, and when you do, never say never again, say, I’ll do better next time, or I’ll try to, or, I did my best today. No one is perfect, and embracing those times we may fall back, and learning to look at them as learning opportunities rather than failures is the mindset that will get us to the place we’re working so hard for, I know, because I got there, and I know you can too. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you’ve failed if you fall back on old behaviors? Do you beat yourself up for it? Do you set strict parameters for yourself that you can’t possibly live within to grow and learn naturally? Why do you think you do this? How do you think you can ease those parameters to let yourself grow and make mistakes as part of your process and journey? What do you think will happen if you do? Let yourself live in the gray area sometimes, let go of the restrictions of right or wrong and let yourself find your way, always striving to do better the next time if you haven’t made the best choice in the moment, let yourself find the right way and not beat yourself up for the mistakes along the way, those mistakes might just be what’s guiding you to the right choice the next time.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Celebrate who you are and what you’ve been through, it’s prepared you for where you are right now…and, what’s to come.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate

Yay! Congratulate Yourself, Especially For The Tough Sh*t

We recently got a puppy and are in the throes of house-training. We’ve had some hits, and some misses. A lot of misses. So when we get a hit, there’s a lot of celebration in the house. There’s always an immediate YAY and a lot of congratulations, and those celebrations aren’t just reserved for the wins at home, they can happen anywhere, and do. We laugh sometimes because, now, without even thinking about it, when our puppy does something good, we burst into yays, no matter where we are. And not only does she get excited, but it makes us laugh as well. It got me thinking today, in mid-yay, that we should cheer ourselves on just as much, maybe even throw out a verbal YAY when we do something great or something new. We all deserve some yays in our lives and some celebration.

Before walking this path, there very few yays in my life. What there was a lot of was negative self-talk. I was constantly telling myself I was stupid or had done something wrong, or even if something went well, I told myself I should have done it better. Nothing was ever good enough, and as a result I dug myself deeper and deeper into a depression. I didn’t feel worthy of praise. I was ashamed at how I was living my life, the things I was doing and if someone did praise me for something I thought they were lying, or they wanted something from me, I never trusted it, but I also didn’t trust myself.  I never gave myself any leeway to learn and grow, I expected myself to get it perfect right way, and when I didn’t, that kicked up right away which kept me in the dark.

The key to getting myself out of that cycle was learning self-love. A tall order at the start, but essential for my recovery, and, my survival. That negative self-talk had gotten so strong it was the only voice I was listening to, and I believed it when it said that I was never going to be good enough and everyone would be better off without me here. Learning that I was enough, that we all are works in progress, and that we learn the most from the things that don’t do our way, or, let me say it, failures, but, really, they’re not really failures because that’s where the most growth happens. In fact, in those failed attempts lies the most yays, in fact, walking through those failures and learning from them should be the loudest yays, and maybe even a little dance or hand clap. It’s most important to congratulate ourselves especially in the sh*t, we should make a point of it, in fact, I challenge you, next time, during one of those times to stand up and let out a loud YAY, because even though it may not feel like a victory in that moment, it truly is, and you’ll know why on the other side of it, so why not get the celebration started early?

We walk through a lot in our lives, and we’ve all been through some really tough things, but how often do you congratulate yourself for walking through those, and, making better choices today as a result? You may just owe yourself some yays for that. As I watch my puppy grow and learn, I realize that we are all still doing the same, we may be further along the path as someone just starting their life, but life is always teaching us new things, if we let it, so congratulate yourself as you learn each new thing. SL-YAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate who you are and what you’ve accomplished? If not, why not? What stops you? Write down an example of something you walked through that was difficult. Do you appreciate yourself for getting through that? Do you see how you learned from that experience? Do you see that perhaps you were meant to go through it to take away some valuable lessons and information? What did you take away from that experience that you use in your life today? When something goes well, or you accomplish a goal or project, do you congratulate yourself? If not, why not? If yes, how do you celebrate? Celebrate yourself everyday SLAYER, even just for getting out of bed today, hey, that’s an accomplishment in itself, and then, find as many yays in day as you can, maybe even say them out loud for some extra self-love.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fear is often the result of imagined consequences rather than reality.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay fear life