Good morning SLAYER! Our minds are like water, when it’s turbulent it’s difficult to see, when it’s calm everything is clear.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
difficult
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! Within difficulty lies opportunity.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Entitlement, Entitlement!
When I first started to walk this path, I had to give up a lot of things, make changes, leave my old way of life behind. The ways I used to deal with problems or cope with life were killing me, literally, and so I had to learn new ways, and even though I knew what I was doing was for my greater good, it’s hard to let go of a lifetime of doing things a certain way, ways that my brain told me protected me and helped me to function in my dysfunctional world. But I did it. I dove in to these changes to the best of my ability and as I got better at implementing them in my life, without me even realizing it, I started to feel entitled to having things go my way. I thought, well, I’ve made all these changes, done all this work, how dare life just go on as normal and throw me these curve balls, or difficult things to handle, when I should now have everything go my way. Doesn’t life know how much I’m working to make positive changes in my life!? Well, sure I was working hard, and I was making progress, but that doesn’t mean that life now was going to roll out the red carpet and I would be on easy street for the rest of my life. Life still did what life does, it ebbs and flows, and, we have no control over that.
What we do have control over is our attitude, and how we look at perceived negativities in our life. Life may not always go the way we’d like it to go, but how do we know what way it should go anyway? We only have the tiniest bit of information, the part that pertains to us, we don’t know how our part plays into the big scheme of things, and how all of those, perceived, negative things may just end up being the most positive thing in our lives because they challenged us, and taught us, and coached us into being who we are today, or who we were meant to be. Life doesn’t owe us anything. We owe ourselves our best effort everyday, to be the best of who we are, or at the very least, the best we have in that moment. It’s up to us to find those positive places in our life and to let our light shine, not only for ourselves, but so others can see it, and know there is light in the world, even at it’s darkest. We are not entitled to anything just because we’ve made positive changes in our life, but, when we make positive changes positive things come, and some negative things will come as well, but when we live in the light those negative things may not seem to big as they once did, or, you may realize that they were never really negative at all, they were just shifting your path or direction slightly to align you to where you were supposed to be. Where we find grace in our recovery or positive direction is when we can ride those waves, accept what is, learn where we can, and make the best or better choices for ourselves, without making more waves.
During the years of living this way, I do expect the good, because I give and live in the good, but I by no means feel entitled to it. I know what comes my way is there to guide me and teach me so I can continue to learn on this path, so that I can continue to meet others, like me, on this path and learn from them, and so I may share what I’ve learned on this path with those who may have just started their journey. Life is going to do what it’s going to do, and I’m going to do what I’ve been taught, to except what comes my way as what is meant to, then, it’s up to me what I do with that. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like life owes you something? If yes, why? Do you see that that kind of thinking only breeds resentments? What positive changes have you made in your life lately and what have been the effects of that? How does this change how you deal with negative things in our life? How has the way you deal with these negative things changed? How as that changed you? We are not guaranteed anything in life, but we can make the most of what we have and what we’ve been given. We can choose to learn from those things we may not have wanted for ourselves, and choose to see the lesson in them, or the opportunity to do better than we have in the past. Maybe even use them to help someone else, you never know what you are capable of as long as you live in humility and accept whatever life throws your way instead of expecting life to cater to your wishes and needs.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Your Scars May Be Someone Else’s Hope
When I was living in my disease I used to think I was too damaged to be loved. I thought that if I let someone in, truly in, they would see my scars and see how ugly I was. When I looked at myself, all I could see was the scars, and I worked really hard to pretend everything was OK in the hopes that you wouldn’t notice them. What I didn’t realize was the longer I kept trying to hide them, and hide my pain, the more scars I was accumulating, and the harder it was to hide them. It wasn’t until I sought help that I realized that my scars weren’t ugly, or something to be ashamed of, that they were just a part of my story, and my story, and my scars, may be able to not only help me, but may also be able to help someone else.
Scars prove we are survivors, warriors, they are what’s left when the wound is closed, it’s evidence the pain was there, but a sign that the healing can begin, or has already happened. They don’t make us ugly, or unlovable, in fact they can show the world just how beautiful we are, and how strong our spirit is. To still be standing, to overcome whatever obstacles we have had to to be here today is a show of our strength and our ability to overcome the suffering and to let that pain become one of our brightest assets because it didn’t break us. The fact that we’ve come so far despite the scars from our past allows us to shine a beacon of hope to those out there who are still suffering, I know this is true, because 13 years ago someone else’s beacon caught me in it’s ray of light and it showed me that there might be another way, a way to live in the light.
A large part of this journey for me was accepting those scars I could not see. Those scars that ran deep inside, and went back in time as far as I could remember. Those scars that would get in my way of friendships, relationships, commitments, dreams and ambitions. I had to learn to love those scars as well, and if I couldn’t, at least acknowledge them and learn from them as I stepped forward on this new path of light. Those scars were the ones I needed to share the most, as they needed the most light. And, the more I did share them the more I realized that there were many like me who had those same scars and I learned to find the beauty in them, and, in myself. I used to think of myself as a warrior because I was a fighter and I could get through things on sheer willpower alone, but that’s not what makes a warrior strong, it’s about knowing those weak places inside of us, loving those places, and moving forward anyway, overcoming those parts that aren’t strong, or we’re not proud of, and accepting them all, loving them all, sharing them all, and as we do those scars, those scars we used to think of as ugly, or things we should hide, become the most beautiful things about us because they show our strength, or character, our ability to survive, and we can use that to offer hope to those who still think they need to hide their scars. Our scars offer hope. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to hide those parts of yourself that you think are ugly? Why do you hide them? Why are you afraid to let people see them? Do you think other people don’t have the scars that you do? Even if some may not, the fact that you have overcome your obstacles, have lived through your scars, proves how strong and how much of a survivor you are, which is nothing to be ashamed of. Those things we have survived in our lives, those things we’ve overcome are what make us the most beautiful, not only because we’ve survived them, but because we can show others it’s possible, we can use those things we thought were the worst of us to show others it’s possible to not only live through difficult circumstances or events, but that we can use them to grow, to connect, and to thrive on the other side of them. I believe we survive, not only for ourselves, but to show others the way to stop hiding the scars and things we used to because we now know the beauty and value they hold today, and they remind us of where we’ve come from, and where you don’t ever want to return to again.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is an inside job. Don’t assign anyone or anything else that much power over your life.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Wear The World Like A Loose Garment
Before stepping on this path I was constantly trying to control the world around me. I would manipulate things to try to force a favorable outcome for myself. I would lie. Cheat. Steal. I would do anything I could to try to get the result I was looking for. As those of you know who have tried this approach, it is impossible to control people, places and things, the only thing we can control is how we react to the world around us, and how we conduct ourselves while we’re out there.
For me, when I made a decision to live a healthier life and made a commitment to make better choices for myself, I had to find a balance of not trying to control everything, but also not just cutting myself off from the world, to observe what was going on, changing those things I didn’t like that were in my control and learning to accept the rest. The observing things and letting them go proved to be the most challenging. It was hard to just see things and not try to control what I didn’t like, right down to noise outside my window from a garbage truck. I mean, doesn’t the truck driver know I’m trying to concentrate over here!? I was told to wear the world like a loose garment. I thought, how am I going to do that? Not react or try to change things? But I learned, I had to, my mental health depended on it. I could no longer enjoy the luxury of getting so tied up in things being my way, and that being the only way, it wasn’t healthy for me, or those around me. I had to start letting things go, so I took the loose garment approach and set off on my goal to start observing and stop obsessing.
It wasn’t easy at first. Just noticing things, things that bothered me, or weren’t “right” or things that could be done better, but I had to ask myself if it was my business in the first place, and most of the time, it was not, I had to ask myself if anyone had asked for my suggestions, and, most of the time, they had not, and I had to ask myself if I wanted to be right or I wanted to be happy, well, I wanted both, but many times, that wasn’t an option, so I had to choose happy. I practiced just acknowledging things as they came up, without reacting to them, that wasn’t always easy, but like anything else, the more I did it the easier it got. When I found it difficult to let something go I had to ask myself if it was my business to be worrying about it in the first place, most of the time, it was not. The better I got at this the less stress and anxiety I felt in my life, and, because I wasn’t trying to control the outcome I was able to see things from a different perspective, and, I found it easier to find solutions to things because I wasn’t trying to meddle in the results.
The more we’re able to wear the world like a loose garment, let things slide off of us, and not try to manipulate the results to suit our own needs, to happier we’ll be. Now, my illness used to tell me different, but today I know the truth, and I know what is best for me to live the kind of life I want to live, and that is one where I know the difference between what I am able to change, should change, and what is none of my business all together, and that frees me up to do a lot of more productive things, like reaching out to all of you here at STATE OF SLAY. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to manipulate things in your favor? What is the result of that? How does it help you? How does it hurt you? What happens when things don’t go your way? How does that impact your day? Are you able to let things go if you don’t get your way? If not, why not? If not, how can you learn to let things go and trust the outcome? Do you get involved in situations that are not really your business? Do you get told things are not your business? Do you still involve yourself? Typically, what is the result? How does that harm you? What if you just observed things SLAYER, and not get involved in every battle, every thing that catches your eye as something you don’t like, or need to fix? What if you choose to let those things go that shouldn’t involve you? What would you do with all the free time? Perhaps continue to work on your own self-love and self-care? Just a gentle suggestion
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
The Living Dead – Numbing Parts Of Yourself And Letting Them Die Off
For most of my life I lived my life like the living dead. I was living a life, well, going through the motions, but was numbing our stuffing down those parts of me that were too painful or I didn’t want to face. I had done that for so long that it became normal to shut down my feelings and thoughts until some of them started to die off. Some of those parts I didn’t even notice were gone and others I was glad to see go because I thought it made my life easier not to feel them. I thought those parts dying off made my life easier. But what was happening is I was slowly becoming dead inside and the only thing I was making easier was for the negative voices in my head to take over and control my life.
My whole life I had tried to fill a void inside of me with outside things, something I was never able to do, and couldn’t do, but by numbing parts of myself or letting parts of me die off I made that void even bigger. My brain was telling me that this was a good thing, but what it was really doing was letting my disease progress and start to take over from those parts of me that knew better or would resist. I look back at myself at that time and I looked dead. There was no life in my eyes, and there have been times I haven’t even recognized myself in photographs. If you had asked me during that time how I was I would have said great, but I would have been lying. I would even lie to myself, but underneath my own bullshit I knew it wasn’t true, that I was dying, and I was letting it happen. It got to a point where I was almost completely dead inside, and the rest of those parts of me that hadn’t died, were in grave danger of forever being numb, but I somehow found one tiny bit of light left, one little bit of hope that I hadn’t killed off, and that little bit was enough to give me the courage to reach out for help before I had let go all together and succumbed to death itself.
Today, after many years of work and learning to love myself, I have also learned to feel my feelings without being afraid of them. No matter what life throws at me I won’t allow myself to numb what comes up, and I certainly won’t allow any piece of me to die off because I’m afraid of it. That does make some days difficult, it can be uncomfortable to sit in my feelings and then have to find a way to work through them, and I do it. I do it because I’m worth it. I’m worth the work, and I know that today. And so are you.
We are not meant to go through life numb, or let parts of us die off just so we can get by without feeling things we don’t want to feel. Those feelings are there to tell us things, to teach us things, and to guide us to where we are meant to be. Those feelings are there for a reason, so to take them away we are walking through life blind, and wandering aimlessly to whatever destination seems the easiest, and not where we are necessarily meant to be to help us grow and learn. If you find something too painful use that as in indicator to change, to seek out help, to understand why these memories or feelings have come up, there is always a reason for everything, so trust that you are experiencing exactly what you are supposed to and instead of grabbing for the nearest thing to numb those feelings, ask yourself what you can do to learn from what it is coming up, no matter how daunting that may seem, there is always a way to find your way on the other side of them, and find a way to let your inner light shine and burn bright. I was able to find my light in the darkness, and I know you can too. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: When you feel uncomfortable with your feelings do you immediately try to numb them or make them go away? Why? How do you do that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? How long have you done that? Do you ever let yourself feel your feelings? What scares you about your feelings? Where you ever told you weren’t allowed to have feelings? Who told you that? Why? You are allowed SLAYER, we’re all entitled to feel what we feel, and we can use what we feel to get stronger and to let those feelings guide us to where we are meant to be next, and typically the feelings we are resisting the most are the ones that are going to teach us the most, so dive in and feel what you feel.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
You’re Finding It Hard Because It’s Hard
I know when I started on this path it wasn’t easy. It’s still not easy on certain days. But I know that’s because it’s not an easy path. That’s part of the journey, the ups and downs, it just is, and the tough days always pass. But sometimes when we’re in them they don’t feel like they will. Sometimes when we’re in the them our head tells us they never will. That’s why it’s important to share our truth with those around us, and to find people like ourselves on the same or similar path. When we are working to do the next right thing, when we are facing our fears, our demons, things can get hard, but know that it’s because it is hard, not because you’re doing it wrong. In fact, if it were too easy, that is likely a sign you’re not being truthful, or, not doing all you can do.
I am a firm believer in always sharing your truth, especially when you are struggling, not just for yourself, but to let others who are struggling know it’s normal, and not just them. When I was just starting, and didn’t know what I was doing, just following the directions I was being given, everything was new, everything felt weird, everything felt hard, and when I would speak to someone who was also experiencing the same thing I felt better, like I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t doing it wrong, it was just hard to throw away all the coping mechanisms I had used, the vices, the bad habits, and replace them with healthy choices, and not having those things I used to use to hide behind, I had to learn to stop hiding and face the truth, my truth, now anyone can imagine, just by looking at it in black and white, that is not an easy road. And why it’s so important to share that to ease that difficulty and possibly share that journey with others who are also in that same path. Life is not meant to be lived alone, we find inspiration, strength, encouragement from those around us, people who are trudging the road next to us, it’s easier when we do it as a group, we propel each other forward, we hold each other up and give each other strength, we cheer for each other when we succeed or go beyond anywhere we’ve been before. Good, bad, easy, hard, it’s important to share what’s truly happening for you each day. Yes, it’s going to be hard some days.
I think many of us have been told or have learned to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is OK, or good, when we may be struggling inside, but when we do that it’s not only a disservice to us, it’s also a disservice to everyone around us who may be feeling the same. It’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to not know the answers, it’s OK to say that you’re finding life hard. It’s more than OK, it’s required to live a life of rigorous honesty, and truthfulness about who we are each day, keeping ourselves and our lives transparent keeps us honest, and keeps us accountable for our actions, it also lets us be vulnerable with those around us which brings us closer to them, and them us. So even when things are hard, we feel protected, safe and loved.
Life gets hard, that’s just life, but when you try to hide your truth, you only make it harder on yourself. You’re not doing it wrong, those hard times are there to teach us things, to draw us closer to people, and to prepare us for what’s coming next. Trust them, share them, share you, and SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think when things are hard that you’re doing it wrong? Do you feel like a victim, and that you are being punished? Why do you think that? You’re not SLAYER, life ebbs and flows, it can be easy and then hard, and then it gets easy again, it’s just the way life works, the hard times always pass. It’s important to share your truth doing those hard times. Do you have trouble sharing your truth when things aren’t good? Why? What are you afraid of? Does this come from an actual experience in your life, or something you’ve been told? Share SLAYER, share. Trust me, you’ll find many of yes by your side understanding where you are, and we are here to help you through it.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Why, Why, Why Can’t I Be Normal?
When I was struggling, and even when I started this journey of healthy living and addressing my mental health, when the road ahead seemed especially daunting, or the road beneath my feet seemed uneven, I would wish that I could just be normal. Now, that makes me laugh, because, what is normal anyway? I still don’t know. And, I’ve learned that all those difficult things, those are the different things that connect me to the most important people in my life. And really, I don’t know if anyone truly is normal, I think we all have our own struggles, whether we voice them or not, I think some of us are just better at hiding them, to appear normal, than others. I was especially good at it for a long time, but I knew I wasn’t. I knew something was wrong and instead of facing it head-on, I tried just wishing it away.
I wasted a lot of time wishing I was normal, thinking if maybe if I just pretended I could make it so, but while I did that my disease got worse and I kept sliding lower and lower into the pit of darkness I eventually called home. When I finally got help I was relieved to finally not be living a lie anymore, but I was also resentful that I had to work through my mental illness and that I was told it was something I would be doing for life. For life!? Ugh! Why can’t I just be normal? I would slide back to that. The fact of the matter was, and is, I’m not normal, and I do have to practice self-care each day to make sure I am able to live the life I want to life and to keep myself in the light. Is that an impossible task? Absolutely not. Are some days harder than others? Of course. And on those difficult days I can still wish to be normal, even 12 ½ years into this journey, but, what I know is that I am on this path for a reason. I am here to be of service, to encourage other, non-normal, people to embrace who they are and to take care of themselves, I can walk with them on their journey, and they me, and together we make one heck of a non-normal SUPER SLAYER army of people all doing what they can to be their best selves. I’ll take that over normal any day.
What we have may challenge us, but it also makes us special, because you can’t not be special to walk this path, what may seem like a shortcoming or weakness is really what makes us strong, and what makes us persevere and rise to the top. I am a firm believer that we are given the challenges we are because we can handle them, because they will lead us to where and to whom we’re supposed to go and be with, because they will sharpen our tools so we can rise above and be our best selves, and, show others it can bed done. The way I look at it, we are not normal, we are exceptional, and we have the scars to prove it. We are phoenix’s rising from the ash, we are warriors. We could never be any of those things without our struggles, we were never meant to be normal.
So, instead of wishing for something that just isn’t meant to be, focus on what makes you outstanding, what makes you useful to those who are still struggling, what makes you one badass superstar who can shine bright for all the others, just like you, to see. I see you. I embrace you. I am just like you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you wish you can be normal? What does normal mean to you? What makes you not normal? What makes you exceptional? What have you overcome in your life to live the life you have today? What do you still want to overcome? What parts of you connect with those around you who are like you? Are those the not normal parts? Are you grateful those parts have connected you to others? When you look at those parts as assets, as good, because of what they do for you, they become much less of a burden, you start to look at them differently, and even though there are days when they may seem overwhelming, they are making you stronger, better and sharpening your SLAYER tools. Stop wishing to be something you aren’t, because what you are is exceptional.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
