courage

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Find the courage to tell your truth, every bit of it.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dangerous Lies (1)

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You have the power to say, this is not how my story is going to end. Your story isn’t over yet ;

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ends The Chances

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Suicide doesn’t take the pain away, it passes it to someone else.

If you need someone to talk about Your pain, please reach out to someone. Suicide Prevention Resources

State Of Slay Yellow Care

Suicide Prevention- No Shame

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. A day that is particularly important to me. As a survivor it is a reminder of the place I came from, and the importance of ending the stigma that mental health issues are something to hide and be ashamed of. My shame of my disease kept me silent, and that silence nearly cost me my life. Approximately 1 and 5 adults experience mental illness in any given year in the United States. 1 in 5. Think about that. Anywhere you go, when you look around, 1 and 5 of those people you see are experiencing or have experienced some form of mental illness. So, why are we so afraid to talk about it? Why is there shame around something that so many us all share?

I know for myself I was afraid of being labeled “crazy,” of possibly being in an institution, whether a real threat or imagined, I was afraid of people looking at me differently, of possibly being medicated, something that frightened me as I had seen the side-effects of certain medications in my life having a negative effect, and, I was afraid of being seen as broken, or damaged. Those were the fears that kept me from reaching out and getting the help I needed. I was ashamed at how I was living my life, and my ego and pride stopped me for many years from finding the humility and courage to ask for help. It was someone who shared his story with me, who recognized what I was struggling with, and opened his heart to me about his journey that opened the door for my recovery. I appreciated his courage to share himself with me in that way, and his courage to seek treatment. I could see how his life was today and how he had changed, but I wasn’t quite ready in that moment to identify myself as having the same mental illness. Lucky for me, that story planted a seed, and a few months later, that seed had started to grow, and I realized that I did recognized myself in his story from what it had been like for him. It was the first time I felt like it was safe to tell someone the truth about the place I found myself in, the daily struggle just to get through each day and my constant hope that I would just die in my sleep and make the pain go away. But, in reality, I didn’t want to die, I just, on my own, didn’t know how to make the pain stop, but by asking for help I later found many people who did.

The key to my recovery, and my life today, was my ability to be honest with myself, and those who could help me. I found, that when I did reach out for help that there was an abundance of it, and a community of people who understood what I was going through who rallied around me in support. I learned that what I thought was something to be ashamed of was something that connected me to that community, and to many people who were already in my life who understood my struggle, and that connection meant I wasn’t alone. No one in my life turned away from me. There were certainly those who understood more than others, but those who did not asked questions and attempted to understand. Today, having nearly double digit recovery from my attempt, I am grateful to be here, to have the life I have today, and to be able to share my journey with others who may need to hear that there is hope, there is hope.

The more we talk about something the more it loses it’s power over us, the more that shame we may carry disappears and the more it give others permission to be honest about themselves. Everyone needs help sometime, and there is nothing wrong with reaching out your hand and asking for help. The day I tried to end my pain, I remember regretting what I had done, and when I talk with other survivors, I typically hear the same from them, I was lucky that I was given a second chance, but many do not get that chance, and I wonder how many regretted what they had done after they had done it, probably many.

I am here today to share my story, share my hope, share my light for the person that may be sitting in the dark, there is help all around you, there truly is, sometimes it may not be where you think it is, or where you think it should be, but it’s there. Share you truth and open your heart to finding the help you need, never be ashamed of the place you are right now, because where you are right now may just be where you need to be to get to the place you are meant to be, a place where you can be proud of who are you and who you are, and a place where your courage may just inspire someone else to find theirs. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your truth with those around you, or those you trust, or keep your feelings inside? If you don’t share your truth, why don’t you? Do you try? What stops you? Have you shared your truth in the past? What was the result? If it wasn’t a good result, is it possible you may have shared your truth with the wrong person or persons? Who can you share your truth with? There is no shame in needing help.

If you are not sure who or how to reach out, here are a list a resources you can trust. Suicide Help Resources

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Powerful Mind

I was speaking with someone the other day and sharing that I had strained my neck. I was feeling a lot of discomfort and stiffness which brought up feelings from a past car accident I had two years ago yesterday. We have talked, in the past, about not retelling the story of the accident, as it doesn’t serve me to do so, and it causes my mind and body to relive the events of that day and the weeks and months following it. I explained to her how I strained it and she stopped me, and told me to focus on my neck feeling good, not how badly I was actually feeling in the moment. I often talk about focusing on the positive, and I do do that, but sometimes I forget just how powerful our minds really are, and that we do have the capability to heal much of what bothers us when we choose to believe it has already happened and we can visualize ourselves in that place. Now, obviously there are cases where a medical attention or mental health experts are needed, but we have much more power in our minds than we realize.

I took what she said to heart, as she is actually an expert in her field, and I began to do what I know to do physically for my neck, but also consciously thinking and envisioning it feeling great and moving the way it should. I started Friday afternoon and by Monday I was pretty much back to normal, which seems somewhat surprising seeing as I was in tremendous pain last week and had lost mobility in my neck and shoulders. Now, getting treatment Friday put me on the right path physically, but I truly believe that much of my recovery has been centered in my mind. Now, whether my positive thoughts did help me recover faster or not, I’ve been reminded about my own power as I navigate through life and plan on continuing to make a conscious effort to use my own power to not only think positive thoughts, but to tell my body how it feels at any given moment instead of succumbing to what I think it’s telling me. If I feel tired, I will concentrate and tell myself I am rested, ready to tackle the day, and have the energy to do what needs to be done. If I am afraid, I will tell myself I have courage and am confident I can achieve what I am setting out to do. When I think of my future, the great unknown, I will tell myself I have a bright and promising future and that many great things are waiting for me. Even just typing those last few sentences I already feel a boost of positivity and energy.

Coming from a place, years ago, of negative thinking and negative self-talk, I know the power our words have on ourselves, so why not use that power for good? For me, I am making a commitment to ramp up my positive thoughts and put them into action, not just think them, to make real changes in my life. Like anything else, the more we practice a technique or way of life, the better and easier it becomes, so I am careful not to judge myself if my old thinking, or even a current state of being comes through that doesn’t fit into that encouraging positive mold, I can just acknowledge it and get back to work!

It’s time to tell our mind, body and spirit we’re great, and to keep ourselves in a productive positive place to best serve us and those around us. Many of us do have obstacles to overcome, but we can, or perhaps just lessen them, by getting our powerful minds to work for us instead of against us. In my mind, you’ve already done it, and you’re doing it beautifully. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you realize the power of your own thoughts? How has being positive, and thinking positive turned into positive results for you? How have negative thoughts affected you? Do you consciously work thinking in a positive way, envisioning positive outcomes for yourself? If not, why not? If yes, how have you seen the results in your life? Center yourself, focus on the power of your mind, and send a message to it and your body that you are more than OK and ready to win!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you don’t ask for you help the answer will always be no. Ask for what you need.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Bravest Move

It’s Got To Me To Set It Free

I was with a group of ladies yesterday who I regularly see and the topic of resentments came up. Always a crowd pleaser. We had talked about things that may have happened to us as children. As an adult I’ve learned to always look for my part when I am disturbed, angry or have a resentment, and as tough as it may be to swallow at times, my part is always in there. But as a child, you typically don’t have a part, things just happen to you. And what we talked about is that, even though there may be things that happened to us as children, where we had no part, many of us, myself included, then carried out behaviors into our adult life as a result of what happened to us, to either punish that person, punish others in our lives, or even ourselves. That is where we have a part.

I remember when that was pointed out to me as I was early in my journey of recovery, it was like a cold slap in the face. That, the initial act itself was not my self, but what I did following that certainly was. It was in that moment that all of those many years I thought of myself as a victim of certain events I had then used that pain to hurt, manipulate and control others. So, now, not only was a holding a resentment against the person from the original act, I was acting out that same behavior and now had a resentment for myself.

I was told that the center of all my resentments was myself. I had to see me in them to set them free, or, to set myself free. I’ve talked about resentments before, and about taking responsibility for our parts, and that that was the key for releasing that resentment, but this goes further back, and to set of resentments I remember thinking I could legitimately feel and had played no part in. At the end of the day, we’re always responsible for our part, even if we truly were a victim of someone else’s act or behavior, but it’s what we do after that act where our part kicks in, and it’s within that part where we can continually relive, rehash and renew that hurt and anger by perpetuating it ourselves. That is our part. And, the only way to set it free is to recognize what we’re doing, or have done, and find forgiveness for it, for ourselves and for the person who initially was the one who mistreated you.

We all have our own sickness, or struggles, and once I was able to identify and find forgiveness in myself for mine, it was easier to find some compassion for those who have wronged me in the past. I was able to see myself, my own struggles, in theirs, and though it might not make what they had done right, neither was my behavior following that initial event. How could I judge someone else when my side of the street was littered with similar garbage?

As they say, “the truth will set you free.” Find the courage to be open and honest with yourself about how you may have contributed to your own pain and suffering, pinpoint what you have done, and trace it back to see where it all began, and why, it’s within that investigation, that fact-finding and hopefully forgiveness, that you may find yourself free from the resentments of your past, and, may just find yourself on a path of compassion and understanding. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to hold grudges and keep resentments? Of those resentments, do any of them stem from your childhood? What are they? How have you over the years used, or taken, what was done to you and used to manipulate, hurt or harm others, either intentionally or not? How have you done this? Can you see your part in this, and how your part has kept your resentment alive, possibly, years after the initial event? What can you do today to let it go? What can you do today to admit what and where your part is and was? What can you do today to find forgiveness for yourself and your actions? It’s starts with you, set yourself free by owning your part, and taking back your power today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you don’t ask for what you need the answer will always be no.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Be Strong

The Shame And Guilt Quilt

When I was deep in my illness, I walked around constantly wrapped in the shame and guilt quilt. I had draped it over myself so long it became familiar—almost “safe.” But it wasn’t protecting me. It was hiding me.

I carried guilt, shame, regret—and I let them keep me distant from the people I loved, from solutions that could have helped, and ultimately, from myself. I believed I didn’t deserve better. I believed the quilt was my identity.

When Shame Becomes an Identity

We’ve all done things we regret. We’ve made choices we’re not proud of, acted out of fear or desperation, or compromised who we were for what we thought we needed. That part is human.

What turns normal regret into something destructive is when we let shame and guilt become our identity.
We wear them like badges. We drag them into new relationships, new jobs, new eras. We whisper:

“I’m a shame-person.”
“I’m a guilty person.”

When you think that way, nothing positive can penetrate your armor. The quilt blocks the light. It keeps out healing, connection, authenticity.

—

Why We Keep the Quilt On

There are many reasons we cling to the shame and guilt quilt:

  • Comfort in the familiar. Even if the quilt stifles you, at least you know it.

  • Belief in punishment. “I deserve this.”

  • Fear of change. Letting go means vulnerability.

  • Protection from hope. If you believe you’re unworthy, hope can feel dangerous.

For me, the quilt felt safer than the unknown. Better the pain I knew than having to trust someone else—or myself—to be different.

The Price of Carrying the Quilt

Pulling the quilt around your shoulders is exhausting. It weighs you down in unseen ways.

  • You avoid connection because you think you’re “too much” or “not enough.”

  • You hide portions of your life and truth, self-isolating in the name of “keeping up appearances.”

  • You stop believing you deserve healing, comfort, or unconditional love.

And still—you keep it on. Because the cost of letting it go seems higher than the cost of carrying it.

But here’s what I discovered: the cost of carrying it was far greater than the cost of releasing it.

Choosing to Shed the Quilt

The turning point for me was nearly my last. When I realized I had to step out from under that quilt—or I would lose everything that mattered.

It took:

  • Courage to acknowledge: “I’ve been hiding.”

  • Humility to ask for help.

  • Willingness to unwrap the quilt piece by piece, admitting mistakes, offering amends, offering self‐forgiveness.

One of the biggest revelations was this:

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened—it’s about releasing what happened.

Once I forgave myself, the quilt began to fall. And with each piece I left behind, more light found me. More connection. More freedom.

What Happens When the Quilt Comes Off

When you let go of that old wrapping, a few things start to shift:

  • Your identity changes. You stop seeing yourself as the sum of your mistakes.

  • Your relationships open up. Others don’t have to tiptoe around your walls. You don’t have to hide.

  • Your decisions become driven by growth, not by fear of being found out.

  • Your mental & emotional energy frees up. You’re no longer spending 80 % of your day hiding what you’re trying to heal.

The quilt may have kept you “safe” from being seen—but spending life unseen is a cost you never wanted to pay.

How to Begin Removing Your Quilt

  1. Acknowledge what you’ve carried. Sit with one piece of the quilt—guilt, shame, regret—and name it.

  2. Write it out. Get the shame on paper. Speak out loud what you’ve been hiding.

  3. Ask for help. You don’t have to do this alone. Connection replaces isolation.

  4. Offer yourself forgiveness. “I saw, I felt, I made choices—and now I choose something different.”

  5. Choose differently today. One small boundary, one honest conversation, one act of self-respect. The quilt loosens.

  6. Celebrate unwrapping moments. Each time you live without the weight of a secret, light finds you.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Do you feel like you’re still wrapped in a shame and guilt quilt?

  2. How does carrying it help you—and how does it hurt you?

  3. What would letting it go allow you to feel or do?

  4. How would your day change if you didn’t have to hide parts of yourself?

  5. What is one small step you can take today to un-wrap something you’ve been carrying?

S – See the quilt you’ve been wearing
L – Let the light of truth and forgiveness in
A – Align with your worth beyond your mistakes
Y – Yield to freedom—un-wrap, un-hide, unleash the real you

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What part of your shame and guilt quilt are you ready to set down—and what might you gain when you do?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s walk out of the shadows—together.

And if you know someone who’s still carrying that quilt, send this to them. Sometimes, someone else saying: “You don’t have to keep carrying it,” is enough to help the process begin.

#SlayOn

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Love yourself so much you fill in all the cracks.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Love Mirror