courage

Name Your Fear

I spent years in the dark, without realizing that fear was driving nearly every decision I made.
I was afraid of not getting what I wanted.
Afraid of losing what I had.
Afraid of not being good enough.
Afraid of what others thought of me.
Afraid you already knew what a horrible person I was.

Fear whispered lies and distortions at every turn, clouding my judgment and leading me down a spiral of bad decisions. And once those decisions were made, fear crept in again—this time afraid I’d be found out for them.
I lived in constant irritability and discontent.

The Fog of Fear

Fear doesn’t always show up loud and obvious.
It disguises itself.
It justifies itself.
For me, it was like a low-lying fog—ever-present, making it hard to see the next steps.

When I committed to getting honest with myself, I began to confront my fears. At first, I wouldn’t have said I was afraid of much—except the trajectory of my disease. I knew if I didn’t face my fears, they’d consume me.
But naming them? That took time, and guidance from others.

I had to learn to trust—both the people supporting me and myself. When you live in fear, trust evaporates. You’re stuck in fight-or-flight, always waiting for the next trauma.
Learning to live with honesty and peace was a new concept.

Step by Step

I slowed down.
I started asking myself: What’s the next right thing?
And when I didn’t know, I asked for help.
I had to push through the fear of asking.

As I peeled back the layers of myself, the fears began to reveal themselves—each one an opportunity to heal. Slowly, those fears fell away, replaced by better decisions and a clearer sense of the life I wanted to create.

Letting go of fear also allowed me to share my true self without being paralyzed by the thought of being judged or “not enough.”
The same vulnerabilities that once kept me isolated became the bridges that connected me with others—and helped others still stuck in fear.

What Are You Really Afraid Of?

Right now, many of us live with fear—understandably so, given the world’s circumstances.
But how many of those fears are real?
How many are imagined?
How many can we actually name?

You can’t let go of fear you won’t name.

Find it.
Flush it out.
Let it go.

Because you deserve a life built on freedom, not fear.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Would you say you are someone who lives in fear?
What are you afraid of?
Do you know what you are afraid of?
Which fears are real, and which are imagined?
Where do those fears come from?
What steps can you take to let go of imagined fears?
How can you approach real fears in your life with clarity and strength?
How does holding onto fear help or hurt you?

Remember:
Some fear is healthy. It keeps us safe.
But most fear just holds us back.
Look at your fears today, Slayer.
Figure out why you’re holding on.
Don’t let fear rob you of your best life.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one fear you’re ready to name—and take a step toward letting go of today?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s support each other’s journeys.

And if you know someone who might be feeling stuck in fear, send this to them.
Sometimes, naming a fear is the first step to reclaiming your power.

It’s OK Not To Be OK

After a challenging week, I realized I needed a mental health break. And maybe you do too. So, here’s something I want to share with you again: It’s OK not to be OK.

Living Behind a Mask

For most of my life, I was an expert at pretending everything was fine. I stuffed down my feelings and convinced myself that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. Even when I was falling apart inside, I smiled and put on a brave face. I believed that if I pretended everything was OK, no one would ask questions. And I was right—until I couldn’t pretend anymore.

I surrounded myself with people who were emotionally unavailable, people who wouldn’t ask too many questions. If someone did get too close, I’d quietly phase them out. I believed that admitting I wasn’t OK would push people away. What I didn’t realize was that hiding my truth was isolating me—and killing me from the inside out.

The Moment of Truth

Everything changed the day I finally reached out for help. In a place of desperation, I said the words that had been trapped inside me for so long: “I’m not OK, and I don’t know what to do about it.” To my surprise, the world didn’t fall apart. Instead, it opened up. People I expected to retreat actually drew closer. They offered support, love, and understanding. My honesty became a bridge—connecting me to others who were also struggling, or who had found their way to the other side.

That moment wasn’t just about seeking help. It was about reclaiming my power. Speaking my truth loosened the shame that had gripped me for so long. Instead of feeling weak, I felt strong. Instead of feeling alone, I felt connected. And for the first time in a long time, I felt hope.

The Strength in Vulnerability

No one is OK all the time. No one. Yet we hold ourselves to impossible standards, expecting to be strong, unshaken, and fine—even when we’re anything but. When we keep our struggles hidden, they grow heavier. They fester. They become harder to carry.

Sharing your truth doesn’t make you weak. It makes you brave. It doesn’t push people away—it invites them in. And it creates space for healing, connection, and community. I know because I’ve lived it.

A New Kind of Courage

I’m not saying it’s easy. The first time I admitted I wasn’t OK, it was terrifying. But with each honest conversation, it got easier. Over time, I discovered that vulnerability was not my enemy—it was my greatest ally. It connected me to a SLAYER army of people who understood, who had been there, and who were ready to stand beside me as I fought my way back to the light.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re reading this and feeling like you’re the only one struggling—hear me now: You’re not alone. We all have days when we’re not OK. And when those days come, it’s not a failure. It’s a sign to reach out, to lean on others, and to remember that you don’t have to carry it all by yourself.

Speak your truth. Share your struggle. And know that in doing so, you’re taking the first step toward healing.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

When you’re not OK, do you share that with others?
If you don’t, why not? What are you afraid of?
Are these fears based on facts, or imagined outcomes?
Who in your life do you trust to share your truth with?
Think of a time when you shared your truth. How did it feel?
If you’ve never shared, I challenge you to start today.
Remember: It’s OK not to be OK, and just saying so gets you on the road to recovery. Take that step, SLAYER.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What has helped you feel more comfortable sharing when you’re not OK?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who needs this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, knowing they’re not alone makes all the difference.

Nothing Fear-Based Is Real

Fear is a liar—but it’s a convincing one. I didn’t always know I was living in fear. In fact, for most of my life, I thought I was just being careful. But when I finally got honest with myself, I realized every decision I made was rooted in fear—fear of not being enough, fear of losing what I had, fear of being judged, fear of being alone.

And none of it was real.

Fear Doesn’t Live in the Present

Fear loves to play in the shadows of the past and the “what ifs” of the future. But when we ground ourselves in this moment, we realize that most of the things we’re afraid of? Aren’t actually happening.

When I finally started to live in the present, my fears—those loud, relentless voices—quieted down. They didn’t vanish overnight, but they lost their grip. Fear thrives on secrecy and silence. When I finally opened up about my truth, I wasn’t met with rejection. I was met with compassion. That was the moment I learned that fear’s power depended entirely on my willingness to believe it.

When You Speak the Truth, Fear Loses Its Voice

Fear told me that if I shared what I was going through, people would walk away. That I’d be labeled “crazy.” That no one would understand. And for a long time, I believed it.

But the moment I found the courage to speak up, something miraculous happened: no one ran. Instead, they leaned in. They listened. They helped. And in that moment, I realized: my fear had been lying to me all along.

Fear is cunning. It will dress up as protection. It will whisper old stories from the past and pretend they still apply. But when we act in contrary motion—when we move forward anyway—we take our power back.

Feel the Fear, Then Do It Anyway

Fear still shows up in my life, but now I know to ask:

Is this fear true right now?
Is this fear based on fact or just feeling?
Am I responding to reality or a recycled lie?

I’ve learned to breathe, to pause, and to stay present. And when fear tries to get loud again, I remind myself: “Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

That’s not just a quote—it’s a truth I’ve lived.

The Power to Break Free Has Always Been Yours

There’s a difference between the fear that keeps us safe and the fear that keeps us small. The latter is what robs us of opportunity, connection, and joy. And here’s the truth: you are not powerless against it.

The more you speak your truth, the weaker fear becomes. And the more you move in spite of fear, the stronger you become. So today, choose truth over fear. Choose growth over comfort. Choose you.

Fear may knock, but it doesn’t get to live here anymore.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection

Do you let fear control your life or stop you from going after what you want?
What past situations did fear prevent you from experiencing fully?
Can you identify a recent moment where fear held you back? How could you respond differently next time?
When have you done something despite fear? How did that make you feel?
If fear wasn’t in the driver’s seat, what would you pursue today?

S-L-A-Y:

See fear for what it is—a story, not a sentence.
Let yourself feel it, but don’t let it lead.
Act in spite of it.
You get to reclaim the pen and write a new ending.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one fear you’re ready to stop believing in today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s letting fear write their story, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Looking Through Your Own Tinted Glasses

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we see life through our own lens. How easy it is to adjust the tint to suit the story we want to tell—or the one we’re trying to avoid.

Because the truth is, when we keep those glasses on, we keep ourselves from seeing what’s real.

The Comfortable Distortion

When I was living in the dark, I wore every shade of tinted glasses you can imagine. I’d change the lens to match my mood, my fears, or the lies I was telling myself.

Reality? I didn’t want to face it. It was too painful. Too overwhelming. Too raw.

So I hid. I convinced myself that my version of the story—my distorted, safer version—was enough. I ignored the cracks in my life, the hurt I was causing myself and others, and I justified it all with the filters I chose to wear.

But eventually, the truth caught up with me. And when it did, I realized how small and dark my world had become.

Taking Off the Glasses

It wasn’t easy. Seeing life without those filters meant facing the choices I’d made, the damage I’d done, and the lies I’d told. It meant admitting that I was the one holding myself back.

But in that hard truth, I found something I hadn’t expected: hope.

I discovered that even when the view was painful, it was honest. It was real. And it gave me a path forward.

As I began my journey of recovery, I learned to live in reality. To lean on others who were also learning to live in their truth. To reach out for help when my reality felt overwhelming.

And over time, I realized that reality—messy, uncomfortable, imperfect—is where life really happens.

Seeing Life Clearly

These days, I still feel the temptation to slip those tinted glasses back on when life gets hard. But I remind myself that hiding doesn’t solve anything. It just keeps me stuck.

Reality can be painful. But it’s also where growth lives. It’s where connections deepen, where healing begins, and where we finally get to see ourselves—truly see ourselves.

And the more I practice living in the clear, the more I realize how much beauty there is in truth.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you tend to hide behind tinted glasses to avoid facing your truth?
What fears or stories are you using those lenses to cover up?
What might your life look like if you took them off today?
How can you begin practicing honesty with yourself and those around you?
What’s one small step you can take today to start living in the clear?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one truth you’re ready to face today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to see reality, send this to them.
Sometimes, a small nudge is all it takes to lift the veil.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! The more you deny your feelings, the more power they have over you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worth the trip.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

You’re Worth It

Fourteen years ago today I surrendered. After years of suffering, I finally admitted defeat. And although that may sound like I failed in some way, I really won that day. I finally found the humility and courage to ask for help, and I had just enough hope to stand up and fight for myself. That hope was really dim, but it was there, and I held onto that little light inside of myself as I set foot on a new path, my hands may have been shaking, but my heart gave me just enough strength to keep stepping forward, even if those steps, to start, where small.

I learned, early on, that my secrets, those things I fought to hide, those things I thought would show you I was weak, unlovable and ugly, those things were the things that there going to connect me to those who would understand me, lift me up, and love me before I could love myself. What I thought was the ugliest part of me became my ally and admitting my faults was the key to finding self-forgiveness and strength. I would also learn that admitting my faults would not push those away who were true friends and family who wanted the best for me, but it would bring us closer together, it would bond us, open the door to understanding and create a support system for me that I still hold close today. It would also surround me with people like myself who were working to do the best they could with what they had, and had also made the choice to fight for their life. And, that’s truly what I was doing every day, and every day since then, chosen to fight for my life. That fight has become less strenuous over the years but still can be on certain days, but I know today that I never fight it alone, I have a whole army of warriors around me, and I need to, I know, from when I was living in the dark, that I can’t fight alone, and am not meant to, we have far more strength together, and when we are weak, tired or feel we can’t go on, we pick up those who are struggling until they are able to get up and continue their fight alongside us.

My gratitude for the last 14 years is immeasurable, as is my love for those who have walked this journey with me. Today, I walk in the light, because I choose to, and I let that light shine for others to see who may need that spark of hope like I did years ago. When we shine our light and fight to be our best selves, we give others permission to do so also, or perhaps offer a spark that sets them off on their own journey of recovery. That, I believe is why I am still here, to share a message of hope, of compassion and to connect with all of you from a place of vulnerability, transparency and healing, we all want the same thing, to be loved, to feel love, to feel we matter and are appreciated and heard, and I want to you to know, you are, I love you, and even if you don’t love yourself today, I still love you, perhaps even more, as I know that sometimes what we need to get started is someone else seeing us for who we are and loving us anyway. I hope one day you may find that you have always been worthy of love, especially those parts you think are unlovable. You are worth it, whatever it takes, find what works for you and fight, I am right there with you SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel you’re worth fighting for? If not, why not? Is this something you think alone, or have you been told this? By whom? Why do you think they have said that? Why do you think it’s true? What if you didn’t believe them and fought for yourself anyway? What do you think would happen? What would you like to happen? It can. You hold the power to change, to seek help, to find those like yourself to support you, to share your journey with you. You have much more power than you think, but you have to believe you do, or at least have enough to get you started. That’s all it took for me, just enough strength to pick up the phone and share my truth, and that phone call started me on this path I walk today, and that path has given me a life beyond what I ever could have imagined. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Comfort can be found in the quiet.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving you shame.

SLAY on!

Living In Grace, Not Mercy

My life before was one based in fear. I was in fear of what was to come, I was in fear of what I had done and I was constantly asking for forgiveness and mercy when I had no intention of changing or following through on what I had promised. I walked with my head down, and felt that everyone I passed knew what I really was. I was ashamed and didn’t think I even deserved the mercy I was seeking. The burden and consequences of the choices I had made weighed me down like I had lead sewn into the lining of all my clothes. Until one night I was offered some grace.

That grace came as a result of me doing something I had never done, I surrendered. I admitted defeat and asked for help. It was in that moment that I was given grace. I wasn’t sure I wholeheartedly deserved it, or could accept it, but I did the best I could to take it, hold it close to my heart and step into the unknown. I worked to let go of the thinking of my past, believing that I only deserved bad things, that I was a bad person and that my only way out was asking for mercy. None of that was true, and the truth was, I always had a way out, I just have to find the courage to leave. Once I did I had some work to do to believe I deserved the grace I was given. I had to let go of the notion that I could control everything, I was never really able to, no one is, but I would attempt it every day to the brink of exhaustion and insanity. I had to learn how to forgive, starting with myself, but those who I had blamed for all my misfortune, I had to take responsibility for my part and I had to find compassion for those, who like me, where sick in some way, who’s actions may not have been right, but were limited by their own illnesses and self. To allow myself to dwell on my negative thoughts and emotions was a sure-fire way to fall back into the darkness I was working so hard to climb out of. I was not able to change the past, but I was, and am, able to create the future. That is what I had to focus on. I had to learn to have faith and to trust that what was in front of me was there to help me, to teach me and to guide me to where I was meant to be. I had to let go of what I thought things should look like and accept them as they were, and are. I had to learn to be thankful and grateful, even on days when I didn’t feel so. It was important for me to keep my thoughts positive and even if I could only think of one thing, I kept that one thing in my heart until I could think of more. And in doing so I was able to start expecting the best, looking for the good instead of the dark doom and gloom of my past. When I looked for the good, I found the good, even if it was the smallest good, it was there, and from there it kept growing the more I looked and nurtured it.

Today I aim to live in grace, and know I deserve to. I allow myself to be seen just as I am, flaws and all, and am able to share my journey from mercy to grace with others so that they may start their own, or, may be encouraged on their path. I have nothing to fear from my past, and nothing to be ashamed of, all of those moments, those choices, that darkness brought me to that moment of grace, and it probably couldn’t have happened any other way, it took that amount of darkness to see the light.

You have a choice of where you live your life, but I highly recommend living in grace, sure, it will probably take some work, it took quite a lot for me, but it was worth each step, each moment, each struggle I was able to overcome so I can stand tall in the light and appreciate all of the beauty in my life, and am able to recognize that it had always been there, even when I couldn’t see it. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you live in grace or mercy? If you live in mercy, describe how. If you live in grace, describe how. Have there been times in your life that you switched one for the other? Describe that time and what happened? What can you do today to live in grace? What do you struggle with? What keeps you from living in grace? We are all worthy of grace, but we have to believe we are, and, it may take some work to get there, and sometimes just by letting go of who you used to be is enough to open the door to your own place of grace.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

State Of Slay™

Where Self-Love, Mental Health & Real Life Meet

courage