Inspiration

Fighting Your Own Battle

Most of us have heard the phrase: Be kind, for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. It’s a gentle reminder to extend grace to others. But here’s the truth that hits a little deeper: Sometimes we do know what battle someone is facing—and we’re still trying to fight our own.

It’s hard enough to stay present in our own struggle. Add in someone else’s chaos, triggers, or unresolved pain, and suddenly your progress feels shaky, your peace interrupted, your healing…unraveled.

I Had to Learn to Fight for Myself First

For years, I didn’t know how to fight my own battle. I carried old wounds, outdated beliefs, and habits that didn’t serve me—but they were familiar. They felt like truth.

Over time, I found my stride. I learned to live with my battle in a way that felt healthy, loving, and sustainable. But the journey wasn’t smooth. I assumed that because I was working so hard to grow, change, and heal…everyone else was too.

Spoiler alert: They weren’t.

That assumption pulled me down more than once. I had to stop seeing people for their potential and start meeting them exactly where they were. It wasn’t my job to rescue anyone or walk their path for them.

I had to protect my own peace—not because I was better, but because I was responsible for keeping myself well. And that meant accepting that not everyone is ready to do their work. Not everyone wants to. Not everyone knows how. And that’s not my battle to fight.

Other People’s Battles Are Not Yours to Lose

There will be people in your life who trigger things you thought you’d healed. It might not even make sense in the moment. But their words, tone, or behavior can hit a nerve connected to a wound from long ago.

Or maybe they remind you of yourself—an older version of you, or a part of you you’re still trying to change. And instead of compassion, you find yourself feeling judgmental or impatient.

When that happens, pause. Ask yourself:

Is this really about them—or is it about something unhealed in me?

We can’t control how others show up. But we can decide how much power we give them. If you’re agitated, it’s your responsibility to ask why.

That doesn’t mean blaming yourself. It means getting curious about your own reactions.

If someone’s behavior is affecting your peace and you can’t fix the issue—walk away. Let it go. Preserve your space. Protect your peace.

Focus on Your Fight

Your path is yours. So is your pace.

You’re allowed to heal slowly. You’re allowed to outgrow what you’ve outlived. You’re allowed to say, “I love you, but I’m focusing on me right now.”

And you’re also allowed to ask:

Why does this bother me? What is this trying to teach me?

You can’t fight someone else’s battle. They can’t fight yours. And trying to do so only distracts you from your own healing.

You’ve worked too hard to let someone else’s war pull you back into old patterns.

So stay the course. Fight clean. Protect your energy. Stay on your path.

You’re not just fighting—you’re winning. One healthy boundary at a time.

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

Are you letting someone else’s energy throw you off track?
Do you take on other people’s battles to avoid your own?
What triggers you—and what does that trigger reveal about your healing?
Can you separate what’s yours from what’s not yours to carry?
What boundary can you set today to protect your peace?

S – L – A – Y

S: See what’s truly yours to carry.
L: Listen to what your agitation is telling you.
A: Act by protecting your peace, even if it means walking away.
Y: Yield to your own path—it’s where your healing lives.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever found yourself fighting someone else’s battle instead of your own?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to stay in their own lane, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you let go you make space for something better.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The more you try to control something the more it controls you.

SLAY on!

Are You Playing Director And Trying To Run The Show?

Before walking this path I thought I knew better. About everything. I thought I knew how things should be run for myself, for you, and everyone else out there. As far as I was concerned, you were all doing it wrong, and if you would just listen to me, life would have been going smoother for all of us. Now, many of you thought as I did, that you knew better, and you may have, but I was determined to run the show, so I spent a lot of energy trying to control, manipulate and force things into being my way. All that really got me was a trip to my own personal bottom and a lot of frustration and heartache along the way. We, as human beings, do not have ultimate control over people, places and things, and if you think you do, you may find you are also heading toward a personal bottom. There is so much that is out of our control each day, in fact, most things, but, what we can control, and what we are in charge of, is our actions and reactions to those things around us, that is it. Anyone else’s business is, well, their business, and unless they’ve asked for help, or your opinion, then it’s typically not welcome. So, when I was living in the dark, I had to first check my ego at the door and admit that I didn’t know everything, and when I honestly looked at where my thinking had got me, I had to admit I didn’t, because I never would have chosen to have gone to the place I did, but, I am so very grateful it did.

You see, for me, it took me hitting a personal bottom to realize I didn’t know everything, and that maybe, my thinking had gotten me there. As much as I wanted to blame circumstances or other people, no one had forced me to live my life the way I had been, no one had forced me to take the actions I did, and no one had forced me to live in ego and not take the suggestions of those who may have known better, or who had made them out of care and concern. I did all of it, by myself. Now, yes, I was living with untreated mental illness, but even knowing I wasn’t doing well, feeling well and that I was getting worse, I still chose to muscle through trying to force things into happening instead of looking at things as they were. I did live my life as if I was the director, of life, and you were all just there for me to direct, and when you weren’t taking that direction I would get angry, and, many times retaliate. I was the one who caused myself the most stress, pain and anger, I suffered the most at my own hand, so to finally get help and be told that I had to vacate that director’s chair and stop trying to control people, places and things felt scary. Control had always been something I would cling onto when I felt scared, or uncertain, and I had never been as scared or uncertain as I was when I walked into recovery. But, like most things, it takes time to get used to a new way of life, taking little steps in the right direction, and as I did, it became less scary, and that need to try to control started to slip away. Now, that’s not to say that it can creep up again, and it does, usually when I am feeling unsure about something, which is now an indicator that I need to look at why I’m feeling unsure, not jump down the rabbit hole of control and start to hang on for dear life.

We are not the director’s of life. We only know our part, and our part is big enough to focus on, of being our best selves and finding ways to contribute to society, not try to make it what we want it to be. Let go of the reigns you may be holding, trying to run the show, and learn to accept life on life’s terms, making improvements to yourself and the community around you if it benefits the whole, not just the way we want it to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to control people, places and things around you? Why do you think you do this? Do you realize that you do this? Have you been told you do this? By whom? Do you agree with what they’ve said? Do you try to fix other people and situations as a way to keep the focus off yourself? Do you realize that may be why you’re doing that? What if you focused on being your best self and not trying to fix those around you, allowing them to walk their own journey as you walk yours. What if you let go and focused on what scares you, and why, and let that guide you to some work on your own recovery and healing, stop trying to direct the show and focus on your part, once you do, your role may become clearer and how your role may fit in to the bigger picture.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you make peace with your past you prevent your future from being a constant battle.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

Break The Loyalties Of Inaccurate Information About Yourself

Before stepping into the light I was very loyal to who I thought I was, who I had been told I was, and who I thought my life had produced and locked me into being. As we grow up what we learn about ourselves comes from those around us, what we learn becomes what we think our worth is, and we carry that with us into, and sometimes through, our adult life, but far too often we are given inaccurate information about ourselves because of certain circumstances or someone else’s prejudice or agenda to have us believe a narrative that may not be true. And there are times when we find ourselves in situations with those are may be sick, and may not know that they are projecting their own sickness onto us when we are in a vulnerable place or during our formidable years. We, most of the time, aren’t even aware of the damage being done as it seeps into our subconscious and into the fabric of our being. We become loyal to the information we’ve been given or have picked up along the way, even though it may be far from the truth of who we are. We may recognize the inaccuracies in the information but still may cling to it because it’s what we know and have convinced ourselves is true even when we know the truth. We participate in self-sabotage to keep the narrative alive making it more difficult for ourselves to let go of the person we never really were.

That was my struggle for a long time. I had developed several coping mechanisms to keep myself within the confines of that inaccurate information about myself, coping mechanisms that kept me down and fed the negative self-talk that continued to tell me things that were not true. Those untruths, that I chose to believe, nearly cost me my life. But even at my darkest point, even when I believed that inaccurate information had become who I was, the true me was still in there trying to get out, trying to get my attention and tell me the truth. The truth was I was never those things I believed I was, sure, there had been times I played the part and participated in behavior or activities to support that inaccurate information, but that was never who I truly was, and I always, deep down, knew that. I had to let go of the unconscious loyalties I had to that inaccurate information and start to develop and nourish the accurate details of who I was and who I could work to be. That started by being accountable to myself and my recovery, by participating in esteemable acts, by giving back to those around me, and by building a community around me of like-minded people who were all working towards the same goal.

We are not a product of who raised us, or what happened to us, or who we’ve been told we are. What facts are true about you, what do you know to be true and what information can you use to build a new foundation. It’s time to break the loyalties you’ve carried around that are false and start to focus on who you truly are and have always been. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What do you believe about yourself? Why do you believe this? Were you told this, or did you discover it on your own? Is it true and based in facts? If it is not something you like, how can you make changes to move away from this? How do you demonstrate who you truly are? Are there more or better ways you can do this? How? What do you remember you were told about yourself? By whom? Why do you think you were told this? Is it true? If it was, back then, is it still true today? If it is and you don’t like it, what changes can you make to change this? How does your behavior today support what you’ve been told? How does your behavior support who you truly are? Focus on the last question SLAYER, focus on showing yourself and those around you who you truly are, not the inaccuracies you have been told, even by yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be willing to do, willing to create a positive result.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

Willing To Be Willing

When I stepped on this path there were a lot of changes I wanted to make, and, a lot of things I wished to be removed that I knew were standing in my way of becoming the person I wanted to be, but, some of those things, even though I knew they were standing in my way, I was still holding onto, stubbornly clinging to them for dear life. It seemed like a lot to shed everything at once, even though those things I was needing to let go of hadn’t worked for me, in fact, had brought me to my knees in pain, agony and desperation, some things were still difficult to part with at the beginning of my journey.

I started with the things I knew I could let go first, changes I knew I could take, there were obvious ones that had to go immediately if I was going to make any progress, it felt good to let those go, still a bit scary because they were what I knew, but they had brought me to a place that was even scarier, so those were easier to drop. In their place I had to replace new habits, new thinking and a new way of life that was going to get me on a better path, but there were still those habits or character traits I would cling onto like a lifeboat out in this new ocean of uncharted waters, things I knew I had to let go, or change, but had, I thought, served me well, up until that point. The truth was, I had to do a major overhaul, and pretty much scrap everything if I was to to get better, but some of those things were easier to scrap than others. When we experience trauma, we typically get into “survival mode” or a fight or flight mentality, and that becomes our new normal, we live in that place because no one has told us we can turn it off, we think we have to stay there to protect ourselves when in fact it starts to get in the way of us growing, learning, forging new relationships, or even nurturing the ones we have, it actually fences us off from the world around us and our world becomes very small. It takes time to tear down those walls and fences and start to come out from, what we think, is the safety of them, and sometimes that starts with just the being willing to be willing, we may not be ready to do it, but if we are willing to be willing to do it, that will get us moving in the right direction. Willingness was the key to my freedom, I’ve written about that before, willingness was like a flashlight in the darkness, if I followed it’s beam it was going to bring me into the light. And it did.

Sometimes we may feel we are ready to change, to do the work to get us from where we are to where you want to be, or know we can be, but there may be obstacles we put in our own way. We don’t have to clean house all in one day, but at least be willing to be willing to get rid of those obstacles when we feel we can, that already loosens them from around us so that one day we may become willing to let them go, or cut the chains that tie us to them. We do what we can each day, not judging ourselves or comparing ourselves to others, we may be on the same path as others, but we all walk at our own pace. Find it in your heart today for the willingness to be willing to let go what no longer serves you so that you can focus on becoming and being who you truly are and are meant to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hang onto things that you know get in your way of what you want and who you want to be? Why do you do this? Do you think it helps you to hang on? Do you realize it harms you? How does it harm you? What can you do to let go of something that is standing in your way of your own happiness? If it was removed from your path, what would it help you to do for yourself? Imagine it already has SLAYER, find some time to sit quietly and envision letting go of what stands in your way and you already being free of it, see how that will improve your life, feel it, and remember what that looks and feels like as you find the willingness to let go of what’s blocking you from being your best you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You owe yourself the same love you so freely give to others.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every day is another chance.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay™

Where Self-Love, Mental Health & Real Life Meet

Inspiration