Author: Carrie Genzel

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Protect your peace by eliminating what disturbs it.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peaceful Mind

If It Costs You Your Peace It’s Too Expensive

I used to let my stubbornness steal my peace.
If there was something I wanted, I was hellbent on making it happen—no matter the cost. I believed that pushing, forcing, and controlling the outcome was how you “won.” But all I really won was anxiety, burnout, and a whole lot of frustration.

Peace?
I didn’t even know what that looked like. And in my mind, if I had to sacrifice it to get what I wanted, so be it.

I also let relationships rob me of my peace. I gave them too much power, placed too much value on maintaining certain connections—whether or not they were good for me.
My life was one big internal tug-of-war between what I wanted and what was actually happening.

I was never at peace. And I didn’t realize just how much that was costing me.

Peace Is the New Priority

When I started this path, I was told something that stuck with me:
Your peace is more important than anything you’re chasing.

At first, I wasn’t sure how to take that. I thought it meant giving up. But it didn’t. It meant shifting my priorities—choosing myself.

It didn’t mean stop going after what I want. It meant not letting the pursuit of it wreck me in the process.

If what I’m chasing is costing me my peace?
It’s too expensive.

That became my new measuring stick.

When the Price Is Too High

When I feel anxiety start to build, when I feel myself getting defiant, angry, or obsessive—I know.
Whatever I’m chasing has tipped the scale.
It’s no longer about the goal—it’s about control.
And that’s when I have to step back.

This way of thinking was completely foreign to me at first.
I used to believe that pushing through the pain, sacrificing myself for the win, was what strength looked like.
I thought that was self-care—doing whatever it took to succeed.

But it wasn’t self-care. It was self-abandonment.
And I didn’t know the difference until I got honest about what peace actually meant.

Real Peace Is Rooted in Self-Love

Today, I know better.

True self-care doesn’t bulldoze you to the finish line.
It doesn’t demand you give up your mental, emotional, or spiritual well-being in the name of achievement or connection.

Real peace is quiet.
Gentle.
Steady.
And the more I protect it, the more clarity I have.

I no longer force things into being.
I no longer chase what isn’t meant for me.
I no longer need to prove I’m right or make something “work” when every sign tells me it’s not aligned.

That doesn’t mean I don’t work hard. I do.
It just means I work in a way that doesn’t betray myself in the process.

Peace Over Proving

Now when something feels “off,” I pause. I check in with myself.
Is this discomfort a sign I’m stepping out of my comfort zone—or is it warning me that my peace is at risk?

There’s a difference.

One is growth. The other is self-sacrifice.

Today, I choose peace. I protect it. I guard it like the sacred thing it is—because I’ve learned that nothing I want is worth losing it.

So when something feels forced or frantic, I ask myself:
Is it costing me my peace?
If the answer is yes, then it’s not worth it.

SLAY Reflection: Is It Worth Your Peace?

  1. What things or people are you allowing to steal your peace right now?
    What’s the result of that?
  2. Why do you continue to chase things at the cost of your well-being?
    Is it a habit, fear, or need for control?
  3. What does peace actually feel like for you?
    And when was the last time you truly felt it?
  4. What boundaries could you set to protect your peace more consistently?
    What might change if you did?
  5. What can you do today—right now—to honor your peace above all else?
    Because it is not replaceable.

    Call to Action: Join the Conversation

    I’d love to hear from you.
    What’s one thing you’ve had to walk away from in order to protect your peace?
    Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

    And if you know someone who’s struggling to choose peace over pressure, send this to them.
    Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The only person you are required to change for is yourself, a powerful act of self-love.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stopped Explaining

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The most dangerous thinking is, I’ve always done it this way.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Become Remain

If You’re Not Changing You’re Choosing

I would not have liked that statement at all when I was living in the dark. I always pegged myself as a victim of life and circumstances, I never took responsibility for my own decisions or part in where I found myself. I did want change, but I never took action to make it happen, or if I did, I would start, experience a set back and then give up saying there was no hope. I lived life like life owed me, but it was me, who owed it to myself to make the changes to have the life I wanted to live. Living in the headspace I was, I didn’t even know if what I wanted was realistic, I just knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was, and that time was running out.

In the end, I did make a choice, I had to make a choice out of self-preservation, but a choice was made to get well. I realized as I traveled the path to my recovery that I had made the same choices for years and years, expecting different results each time, instead of changing my behavior, and by doing so I had made the choice to stay sick, to not get help, to keep living in the dark even though it kept getting darker. My head told me I had no choice, this was it, and it was only going to get worse instead of better, but that was a lie. It took me almost making a choice I could not take back to realize I had other choices. Choices that could bring to the places I wanted to go, choices that were healthy and would bring about the changes I thought were out of reach.

We all have much more power than we may realize on any given day. Even though we can’t control people, places and things, we can control, or be in charge, of our reactions to them. We should be constantly changing and growing, that’s what this journey is about, to learn, discover, to challenge ourselves, so if we’re not changing we’re choosing to stay where we are, and even, right now, if that is a place you feel comfortable, you’re still not meant to stay there forever. I always say, if I’m too comfortable somewhere I’m probably meant to move on, or look for how I can challenge myself to fine-tune or do better in an area that I may just be getting by. It’s not necessarily about leaving everything, and everyone behind, but finding those areas to improve upon. I, now, get a little rush of excitement when I challenge myself, and I feel that uncomfortableness underfoot because I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, it’s then that I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.

We are not victims of life, if we are not changing, adapting, growing, we are choosing to stay where we are, just as we are. The good news is, if we don’t like something, we can change it, and we may not get to the exact place we imagine, or would like, but just the act of making the change will bring us to where we are supposed to be, or where we are supposed to be next. Take the action or choose to stay stuck, it’s your choice. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you get too comfortable where you are and don’t make changes to grow, learn or move on? What keeps you where you are? Are you where you’d like to be? If not, how can you take action to start moving in the right direction? Do you feel like you have no choice? You do SLAYER, if even it’s just making small steps to start, that movement and action will lead you to where you are supposed to be headed, just take the next indicated right action, or the one you think is right. Allow yourself to make mistakes, those are part of the process, and trust the path you are on. Don’t let life tell you you don’t have choices, you do, you always do, they may not always be exactly what you want, but they may get you there. Do what’s right for you and keep looking for your chances to change.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you don’t ask for you help the answer will always be no. Ask for what you need.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Bravest Move

Hand In Hand Is The Only Way To Land

Before walking this path I would freely tell people, I wasn’t a “group” person. I had always had a few close friends, but rarely did I even go out with them more than one or two at a time. I kept things small. Intimate. And, back then I couldn’t tell you why, but I knew that I felt uncomfortable in groups, in fact, many times I felt more alone in a group than I did when I was actually alone. I kept to myself back then, I would share some things with friends or family, but the dark stuff, the big stuff, I carried alone. I felt like I didn’t want to burden anyone else, but I also felt like, even though they might be friends, that I might be judged or thought of as weak if I let the truth out about who I was and what I was going through. As a result, I suffered a lot at my own hand, and I suffered a lot alone.

When I made a commitment to get better, it was suggested I join a group. I shivered. Panic shot through me at the thought of not only walking into a room of strangers but that I would be asked to share myself at a time that was my darkest, something I hadn’t even been doing with those I considered close. I was told that I didn’t have to take this journey alone, that there were many others who had walked this road before me, and who, like me, where also starting their journey. I was encouraged to reach out and get to know those who I identified with. As scary as that was at first, as I had a fear that people were collecting information about me and my private life, as crazy as that sounds now, I had some major trust issues to work through, but as I reached out my hand and said hello, that fear started to leave me. What happened was, when I opened up and shared my true self with those around me, they tended to do the same, whether it was new friends or old, that honesty closed the gap I had always felt between me and everyone around me. And, I started to become a “group” person, in fact, today, over 13 years later, I love those groups, and even if I don’t know anyone in it, I know we all sit there for a common purpose and we all share our truths because it helps us to get better and it helps those who may be just starting their journey and need to hear themselves in our stories, and, that it gets better.

Life will always do it’s thing, we have no control over what comes our way, but we can arm ourselves with a team of people who love and support us, so when things do hit the fan you’ve got as many helping hands as you may need. And the trick is to use them! For the support to work you have to reach out for those hands, and, take them. It doesn’t magically happen just by thinking about it. We are not mind-readers, ask for what you want and need. But also remember, that doesn’t mean that everyone is always able to be what you want and need exactly when you need it, so that’s why it’s important to build up that group, that network or extended family, so when you do fall, you’ve got those extra set of hands to help you back up.

It took me falling down as far as I did to realize that I didn’t have to fall that far, I could have reached out for the hands that were already around me, and even though they might not have understood exactly what I was going through, they would have understood I needed that hand, and I could have saved myself a lot of pain and misery.

No one walks their road alone, unless you choose to, but we’re not meant to, our lives, and the people in them come to us for a reason, and together we are stronger and capable of anything. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to keep to yourself or do you share what’s really going on for you? If you don’t share, what stops you? Have you shared in the past? What was the result? If it was good, why have you stopped? If it wasn’t good, why do you think that was? Did you reach out for help from the wrong person? Did you not share your total truth? Did you expect too much? What can you do differently next time for a better result? SLAYER, I could not have the life I have today without the support of others. And not only do they help me when I need a hand, but I get to do the same for them, which again helps me, it’s just how it works.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Tell the person you were before that you love them.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Forgive Yourself 1

It’s Got To Me To Set It Free

I was with a group of ladies yesterday who I regularly see and the topic of resentments came up. Always a crowd pleaser. We had talked about things that may have happened to us as children. As an adult I’ve learned to always look for my part when I am disturbed, angry or have a resentment, and as tough as it may be to swallow at times, my part is always in there. But as a child, you typically don’t have a part, things just happen to you. And what we talked about is that, even though there may be things that happened to us as children, where we had no part, many of us, myself included, then carried out behaviors into our adult life as a result of what happened to us, to either punish that person, punish others in our lives, or even ourselves. That is where we have a part.

I remember when that was pointed out to me as I was early in my journey of recovery, it was like a cold slap in the face. That, the initial act itself was not my self, but what I did following that certainly was. It was in that moment that all of those many years I thought of myself as a victim of certain events I had then used that pain to hurt, manipulate and control others. So, now, not only was a holding a resentment against the person from the original act, I was acting out that same behavior and now had a resentment for myself.

I was told that the center of all my resentments was myself. I had to see me in them to set them free, or, to set myself free. I’ve talked about resentments before, and about taking responsibility for our parts, and that that was the key for releasing that resentment, but this goes further back, and to set of resentments I remember thinking I could legitimately feel and had played no part in. At the end of the day, we’re always responsible for our part, even if we truly were a victim of someone else’s act or behavior, but it’s what we do after that act where our part kicks in, and it’s within that part where we can continually relive, rehash and renew that hurt and anger by perpetuating it ourselves. That is our part. And, the only way to set it free is to recognize what we’re doing, or have done, and find forgiveness for it, for ourselves and for the person who initially was the one who mistreated you.

We all have our own sickness, or struggles, and once I was able to identify and find forgiveness in myself for mine, it was easier to find some compassion for those who have wronged me in the past. I was able to see myself, my own struggles, in theirs, and though it might not make what they had done right, neither was my behavior following that initial event. How could I judge someone else when my side of the street was littered with similar garbage?

As they say, “the truth will set you free.” Find the courage to be open and honest with yourself about how you may have contributed to your own pain and suffering, pinpoint what you have done, and trace it back to see where it all began, and why, it’s within that investigation, that fact-finding and hopefully forgiveness, that you may find yourself free from the resentments of your past, and, may just find yourself on a path of compassion and understanding. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to hold grudges and keep resentments? Of those resentments, do any of them stem from your childhood? What are they? How have you over the years used, or taken, what was done to you and used to manipulate, hurt or harm others, either intentionally or not? How have you done this? Can you see your part in this, and how your part has kept your resentment alive, possibly, years after the initial event? What can you do today to let it go? What can you do today to admit what and where your part is and was? What can you do today to find forgiveness for yourself and your actions? It’s starts with you, set yourself free by owning your part, and taking back your power today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Believe in your ability to create change.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Change Look