Author: Carrie Genzel

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your life is your story. Write well. Edit often.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Same Story (1)

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! At any point in your story, you can reimagine the narrative you are living.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Changes Our Experience

Is It Time To Update Your Narrative?

I’ve written before how we are the authors of our own story, but many times, even though we have the power to change our story, or write a new chapter, we keep telling the same story over and over. The story we tell may not even be true, it may just be something we were told, and believing it to be true we continue to tell it without asking ourselves if it is, or ever was, or maybe it’s an old story that no longer represents who we are today . And sometimes we tell the story we want to tell, not the one that we should be telling. Our narrative changes over the course of our lives, for most of us, mine certainly has, and it’s important to check in and make sure that ours is up to date.

When I was struggling in my disease my narrative was outdated and one of being a victim. I held onto the past and let it hold me back there. My head told me my narrative was never going to change, so I stayed in the cycle of telling the same story over and over, and reliving time and time again. In the end, each day was just a repeat of the day before, even if I intended to change it, I found myself trapped in the same day. What I didn’t realize back then was that to change my story I needed to make changes. Like take action and actually do things differently, not just think about it, or wish it, without action I would continue to live the same day over and ultimately my narrative would have ended tragically, and it almost did. It’s important to ask ourselves if we’re happy where we are and if not, what can we change to make our lives more in line with what we want, or who we are. It’s easy to keep doing the same things that we always have, but are they making us happy? Are we moving us forward? Is our narrative reflective of who we are today and the goals we’ve set for ourselves? And, have we made changes but still think of ourselves in our old narrative? Is it time for an update?

We have ability to change our narrative whenever it suits us, as long as it is our truth. There’s no limit to who we can be, what we can accomplish or how we live our lives, except the limitations we put on ourselves. We may experience things in our lives that may limit what we used to be able to do, or changes what we can do, but even within those things that are out of our control we still get to decide what narrative we want to tell from that new place. What opportunity lays ahead for us when change happens beyond our control? It’s endless.

Take control of the narrative you tell, make sure it’s up to date and reflective of who you are today, and make sure you share the updated you with those in your life, even those who want to keep us back to who we used to be, share the real you today, and let the narrative of the past go, you have new stories to tell and a new life to live. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to get stuck in your old narrative or stories from your past? Do those stories still represent who you are today? If not, why do you continue to tell outdated stories about yourself? What is different today? Was the narrative of your past one that was truly yours, or one that was given to you by others? How did it differ from your truth? How does it differ from you today? Do you update your narrative to make sure you are telling and sharing the most updated version of yourself? If not, why not? Have you thought about the narrative you are telling? Make sure, SLAYER, that you update your narrative, that you are still in line with the story you tell, and that it represents who you are today and where you want to go. We are the authors of our own story, no one else gets to dictate who we are, and, what comes next.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t let a bad situation change your inner goodness.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Look Back

Someone Doesn’t Need To Feel Sorry For You To Love You

How often, when we meet someone new, do we sit them down and share all of the terrible events of our past, how we were wronged, times we were a victim and just how difficult live has been for us thus far? Those stories or events from our past have become our narrative and what defines us and we share it with anyone who will listen to demonstrate how damaged we are and that we just want to be loved. Well, we can still be loved without dumping all of our baggage out for everyone to see, in fact, by not dumping it out we are showing ourselves love first before we are expecting it or wanting it from someone else. We all have stories from our past, and those events may have played a major role in who we are today, but, we are not our past, and getting to know someone new is a great opportunity to share who we are today and what we are looking for in the future. It’s not necessary to look for sympathy to find love.

In my past I often kept, what I perceived, as anything bad to myself, but I would use those stories from my past strategically at times to gain sympathy or to manipulate a situation in my favor. I held on to them like bonus cards, and when I thought it could be helpful to me, in any form, I would then take one out to get the desired result. When I think of that behavior now it seems gross to me, and very dishonest, it wasn’t until I stepped onto this path and started to learn a new way of living that I realized what I had been doing. Walking into a support group and talking with others who had many of the same stories I had I realized I could no longer use those stories the same way, it wouldn’t work in this crowd, and, there was always someone with an even tougher story than mine, but most importantly, I shouldn’t be using them for any purpose but one of connection, understanding and compassion for someone else, and in doing so, I had to forgive those who had been involved in those stories, including myself. Even though I had been using them in the past to get what I want, it still hurt me each time I told them, and it put me in the frame of mind of a victim, when I took responsibility of my part in those stories, or forgiving those who hurt me, I was able to shed the role as a victim and take my power back regarding my past, even in those instances in the past where I truly was a victim.

You are, just as you are, worthy of love, there’s no need to try to whip up sympathy or bring yourself down to find love. Stand tall in who you are today, sharing the stories of our past only if we feel it can help someone or help us to connect or relate with someone who may be struggling, it is up to us to let go of the past, to find peace with it so we can move on and allow someone to love us for who we are today and not what happened to us in the past. We, as SLAYERS, stand tall in who we are, there is no need to ever try to dull our shine or diminish who we are by dragging our past into our present day. Look for people in your life who love and appreciate you for you, and who encourage you to always be your best you. Lay to rest who used to be, for the you of today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you use the stories of your past to gain sympathy? Do you try to manipulate people with those stories? When you meet someone new do you feel obligated to tell that person all of the stories of your past? Why? What are you hoping to gain? What if you didn’t tell those stories? Have you made peace with those stores yourself? If not, why not? What steps can you take to do so? How does it hurt you to hang onto them? How can it help you to let go? We are lovable just as we are, we don’t need to guilt anyone to love us or feel bad for us, we all have had things happen to us in our past that were hurtful, harmful or destructive, but we have the power to not let ourselves be defined by those things, we, today, live in the light, and share that light with others who are still looking for theirs.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There’s no such thing as an unimportant day.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate It All

Celebrate Life, Especially In Death

It was one year ago today that my Uncle lost his battle with cancer, and two days ago I learned of the sudden passing of a dear friend. In both cases, these men exuded light and love. They were always helping those in need, or those they felt could use some of their light. They laughed, they made others laugh, and they shared themselves, they’re true selves, with those around them. It’s always sad to say goodbye, and, so often, it takes time to even accept that such a bright soul is no longer here, although they are never far. Kevin, who passed a few days ago, has been ever present in my last few days, I’ve seen signs of him in many moments and when I do it always makes me smile and warms my heart. And, it’s a reminder that we never truly lose those we love, they stay with us, popping in and out when we may need a reminder they’re there, or, to keep us smiling. It also reminds me that even in death, we need to celebrate life. Both men did so much for others, there is much to celebrate, and in knowing both men, that is what they would have wanted, not for us to be sad and for our hearts to ache, but to laugh and remember all the good things we shared, the funny moments, the warm thoughts and times of understanding. It is in times like these that things always seem to come into the right perspective.

But, why do we often wait for a big event, or loss, to celebrate life? We should be celebrating every day, with ourselves, and those we love. In fact, we should be actively looking for each moment to celebrate who we are, who we love and how far we’ve come. Now, I don’t mean we should looking to celebrate so much that we stop doing what we need to do, but even just recognizing something, acknowledging something or honoring something, or someone, is enough to keep the celebration going. We can be so hard on ourselves and can get in a cycle of seeking out those things we’ve done wrong, or could have done better, and many times it can be difficult to look for what we’ve done right, or better, and yes, it is great to always strive to do better, but it’s just as important to acknowledge how well we’ve done, or are doing. And, remembering to celebrate those people in our lives who help us, and remind, us to celebrate ourselves, and in turn, celebrate them.

As I remember those I have lost, and all the reasons to celebrate them, it also celebrates who I am and how fortunate I have been to have had these two beautiful souls in my life. Both made my heart bigger, and I can still feel it expand when I think of them, so instead of filling my heart with sorrow, I will fill it with love and gratitude that both of these men showed me how to live life with grace and love and both showed me a version of myself I love and can celebrate today, and each and every day. Celebrate your best self today, and even your lesser self, because when we celebrate all of who we are we get better, and we learn to grow from that place, we learn to love all of our parts and that love may show others how to love theirs. Celebrate life, and the life of those who have left us, it is through our continued celebrating that their light keeps shining in our lives and allows our light to shine brighter. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate yourself, even in the difficult times? If yes, how do you celebrate? If not, why not? When you’ve lost a loved one, are you able to celebrate them and who they were? Are you able to see who you were to them? Are you able to celebrate that, and see yourself through their eyes? How do you show appreciation for who you are and what you’ve been through? Can you do more? What? Do you celebrate the people in your life? How? Can you do more? We often think people know how we feel, and they may, but it never gets old to hear that appreciation, and you never know when you may not get the opportunity to share it again. Celebrate yourself, and those around you, each day, and watch the light within, and around you, get brighter.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There is power in the pause.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Freedom To Pauseuntil then… SLAY on!

 

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Breathe.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Press Pause

Not Making A Decision Is Making A Decision

All to often we feel pressured to make a decision, whether that pressure is coming from someone else, or we’re putting it on ourselves. I’ve mentioned before that life is not a game show, we don’t get bonus points for the fastest reactions or decisions, and yet, many, times we quickly make a decision and then wish he hadn’t later on.

It took me some time to loosen my decision making trigger finger. I had always prided myself on my fast reaction times and my ability to take action quickly, but my reactions in the moment at times were clouded by the feeling of urgency I had to act fast, and also by not giving myself enough time to learn all the facts before jumping in with both feet. I had to learn to pause, and I had to realize that making that decision to wait, and to not make a quick decision, was a decision. I used to think that anyone who didn’t move quickly was lazy, or indecisive, and, there may have been some that there, but as I learned to practice to pause I realized how much better a decision that was than to rush into something. Now, there are those who can use that to stall or procrastinate, so it does take being honest with yourself to know what the true nature of your pause is, but when done right it can drastically change the situations you find ourselves in.

When I rushed into things I often found myself in situations I really didn’t want to be in, or like, because I hadn’t taken the time to investigate exactly what I was deciding to do and what the result would, or could be. I also, many, times hadn’t asked myself, what I wanted out of making that decision, often I made decisions based on what they looked like to the outside world, or what I wanted out of it, but I never really thought about who I was or what I wanted in the long-run, usually, I just wanted to win, or, whatever my perceived idea of winning was. It wasn’t until I developed a relationship with myself, asking myself who I truly was, what I wanted, and what principles I was willing to live by that my decisions, and their reply time, started to change. I realized that, many times, I did need to do some further investigation before saying yes, or agreeing to be a part of something, and, there was nothing wrong with that. I started to care if a decision was ultimately going to make me feel bad, or derail me from this path I was working so hard to stay on, a path of well-being, of empowerment and self-love and care. All of my decisions had to reflect the person I was learning to be, the person I was proud to be, and the person I would like to be moving forward. That, was enough to slow me down. And, as I did, I started to trust myself more, after a lifetime of some bad decisions, making some new good ones allowed me to trust my judgment and myself to do the right thing for myself in that moment. And, that was another thing I had to learn, to not put so much weight on making the wrong decision because I was trying to second guess what someone else may do, or try to guess what the future may bring, I had to learn to take the information I had in front of me, right in the moment, check my ego at the door and ask others I trusted for input if I still felt unsure, and then make the best decision I could at that time. Whatever may come after that I would deal with then. That’s all any of us can really do.

When we feel pressured or rushed to make a decision often we make the wrong one. If you’re someone who often makes quick decisions in the moment, perhaps the best decision you can make is not making one in that moment, and take the time to give it some thought and look for direction. There’s no shame in saying you need some time, in fact, that may be the best decision of all. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often weigh your options before making a decision, or quickly jump to take action? How had this helped you? How has this hurt you? Write down an example of a time when you made a decision too quickly and then regretted it later? If you had taken more time, how would that affected your decision? Why do you think you are quick to make decisions? What can you do to slow yourself down? No one can tell you what’s right for you except you, take the time you need to make decisions that will align with who you are and where you want to go.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you