solution

Non-Interference

Each individual soul is destined to complete a certain mission on their journey. Each of us should be allowed to pursue that destiny without being interfered with, but, that is not always the case. Many times we encountered people who feel they know better and try to instruct us or egoistically assume it is their job to direct our path and try to force us in a direction that they see fit. That is not their job, and it is ours to not let them.

Our pursuits and the path we choose to walk are necessary for our growth, and even though someone trying to take over and run our lives may also be necessary for our growth, as we learn to stand up for ourselves and learn the value of our self-worth, it is no one’s job, but our own to do the work that is meant for us. I’ve been encountering this for several months now with someone who had come forward to allegedly help with a situation. Their kind generosity was welcomed and a course of action set to move things forward. But as we found, what seemed like the solution we had all talked about, the interference began, and suddenly, that generosity came with conditions that were not shared initially. As an adult who has overcome a lot in my life, to arrive at a place of self-love, self-worth and self-care, things finally came to a head yesterday and plug was pulled, and probably should have been many months prior, but wanting to believe that this person had truly good intentions at heart, and wanting to find compassion for things that may be going on in their life and may be affecting their judgment, the interference went on far longer than it should have.

It amazes me the lengths people will go to hide their own indiscretions, the lengths they’ll go to justify their bad behavior and the lengths they’ll go to try to control something out of their own fear and mistakes of their past when it’s not their place to step in. Part of our journey is to stop that behavior in our lives, to not let anyone interfere with our intended journey and reason for being here. We each have our own path to walk and we need to protect what is most important, not our possessions, but our mind and spirit.

Today I start with a clean slate and wash away the events of past few months, and I am reminded, once again, to believe people when they show me who they are, I can’t assume that because I have changed, or may bring a different or positive energy into a certain dynamic that others will follow suit, I need to stay the course, stay on my intended journey and learn as I go, and that is no ones’ job but mine alone. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow others to interfere in your life? Are there people in your life who bully their way in and try to take control? What do you do to combat this? Or do you feel helpless? You are not. How has someone else’s interference taken you off course in your life? How have you gotten back on track? Have you gotten back on track? Do you realize you’ve possibly been pushed off the path you’re meant to be on? What can you do to protect yourself from inference in the future? Each of us has the ability and right to walk the path we choose to and are destined to walk, that is not for anyone to dictate or control.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others, let people be inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

state-of-slay Never Be Ashamed

When We Find The Courage To Change We Give Others Hope They Can Also

If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s this:
Courage doesn’t just change our lives — it creates space for others to change theirs.

But courage rarely announces itself with clarity. It usually arrives quietly, disguised as exhaustion, fear, or the realization that we simply can’t keep living the way we’ve been living.

For a long time, I didn’t recognize that the smallest spark of hope could become the bravest decision I ever made. I didn’t understand that my willingness to change wouldn’t just save me — it would ripple outward in ways I never expected.

But it did.
And it all started with someone else’s courage.

The Moment Someone Else’s Courage Became My Lifeline

More than a decade ago, I was drowning.

Not metaphorically — truly drowning in despair, in silence, in thoughts that terrified me. I had learned to function on the outside while falling apart on the inside. I didn’t see a future. I didn’t see a way out. I didn’t see myself as someone worth saving.

And then someone shared their story with me.

They weren’t preaching. They weren’t trying to fix me. They simply let me see their truth — the messy, painful, unpolished parts of their journey.
And for the first time in a very long time, I felt something stir inside me:

Hope.

It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t dramatic.
But it was real.

That tiny spark became the courage I didn’t know I was capable of. It gave me just enough strength to reach out and say, “I need help.”

And that single moment changed everything.

When Our Lives Start Unraveling, the Truth Reveals Itself

Before that breakthrough, I worked hard to pretend I was fine. I justified. I minimized. I avoided. I told myself I just needed to push through.

But deep down, I knew my life was unraveling.

I knew the weight I was carrying was too heavy. I knew the numbness was getting darker. I knew I was losing myself.

That’s the thing about internal truth — even when we hide it, it never stops whispering. And the longer we run, the louder it becomes.

When I finally faced what was happening, it wasn’t graceful. It wasn’t heroic. It was raw, terrifying, and humbling.

But it was honest.

And honesty is where healing begins.

Asking for Help Was the Bravest Thing I Ever Did

When I reached out for help, I didn’t do it because I believed I was worth saving.
I did it because I was desperate.

But here’s the beautiful part: desperation can be a doorway.
Sometimes the darkest moments are what make courage possible.

I admitted the truth — not just to others, but to myself.
I acknowledged how bad things had gotten.
I asked for support.
I allowed someone to walk with me through the darkness.

That choice didn’t just change my trajectory — it gave me my life back.

And once I began healing, something unexpected happened:
I wanted others to feel the relief, the hope, the clarity I was finding. I wanted to share what had helped me, the way someone had shared with me.

But I learned a life-changing lesson:

You Can’t Make Someone Change — but You Can Show Them It’s Possible

In my eagerness, I tried to help people who weren’t ready.
I offered advice they didn’t ask for.
I pushed when I should have simply stood beside them.

Because change can’t be forced.
Not for me.
Not for you.
Not for anyone.

People move when they are ready — not when we decide they should be.

But even when someone isn’t ready, they’re watching our courage.
They’re watching the way we transform.
They’re watching the way we choose to show up differently.

And sometimes, without realizing it, our healing becomes their hope.

Your Growth Gives Someone Else Permission to Grow

We never fully know who’s inspired by our courage.

Your decision to get help.
Your willingness to change.
Your honesty about your past.
Your commitment to healing.
Your refusal to stay stuck.

These things matter.

They matter more than you think.

Just by living your truth — not perfectly, not publicly, just truthfully — you become a mirror for possibility.
You become a reminder that change is possible.
You become evidence that pain isn’t the end of the story.

And someone, somewhere, may take their first brave step because you took yours.

Courage Isn’t Loud — It’s Contagious

Courage doesn’t have to roar.
Sometimes it whispers.
Sometimes it shakes.
Sometimes it shows up as a trembling hand reaching out for help.

But every act of courage sends a message:

If I can do this, maybe you can too.

That’s the quiet magic of growth.
It doesn’t just elevate your life — it lights the way for others.

You don’t have to preach.
You don’t have to convince.
You don’t have to prove anything.

All you have to do is live your truth.

The rest happens on its own.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Where in your life have you felt the first spark of courage to change?
L: Who inspired you by sharing their story, and how did their courage impact yours?
A: What is one step — even a small one — that you feel called to take toward healing or growth?
Y: How might your journey give hope to someone else who’s struggling?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When has someone else’s courage inspired you to change — or where do you feel called to be brave today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to find their courage, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t hate what you don’t understand.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Below You

Why Do We Hate?

We hate out of fear. We hate out of ignorance. We hate out of intolerance. We hate because we hate ourselves.

When I was living in the darkness I hated myself. Because I hated myself I hated a lot of other things. It’s hard to find love in your heart for other things when you’ve stamped it out for yourself. I also lived in a place of ego, ego and self-hatred, that was the insanity of my reality, I thought I was the biggest piece of crap out there, but I still thought I knew more than you did. I was really unforgiving of others because I was unforgiving of myself. I judged everyone and had an opinion about everything. I didn’t like someone who was different because I felt different, and that made me feel uncomfortable. But all of that really came from that deep-seated hate for myself, once I found self-love hate became something I no longer thought about. I know that for some of us self-love seems like a daunting task, but know others who were able to find self-love by loving others, or letting others love them, looking at themselves through someone else’s eyes and seeing the love they see. There is not just one route to finding self-love and the love that is shared between us, but those who hate will tell you different.

We see so much hate in the world today. And hate seems to have a louder voice than love. And maybe that’s because we who love and are spreading love do it in a more one-on-one, softer and gentler way than those spreading hate, they seem to spread it in a rapid fire spraying motion trying to cause the most collateral damage as possible. Love is not spread that way. For me it’s spread because of the love I feel within, I want to share that with those around me and so that they may possibly feel the way I do. The thought of hate doesn’t even really cross my mind. There are certainly things, and even a few people, I dislike, but hate to me feels evil, dark and sinister, and a gateway to the place I used to live. I have also learned to have much more of an open mind than used to, although, I can still be a bit stubborn at times… I’ve been told. Okay, yes, I can be. But when I lived in hate I would never budge, I thought I knew the truth, I thought, I knew the best way and that was that, even though the best way I came up with nearly cost me my life. Which brings me to another topic I’ve discussed before, humility. There is no humility in hate, it cannot co-exist, humility opened the door for me to recovery, to find a solution because the solution I had come up with was not working. I had to admit that I was wrong and I had to surrender. Both things I used to think would make me weak, but after doing it was able to see the strength in it.

When we live in a place of self-love, when we are open to new things, when we can find compassion for our neighbors, we no longer have a place for hate in your lives. We seek to learn, to understand, to honor those around us, and ourselves, so now when I see someone spreading hate I feel badly for them because I know that that hate likely extends to themselves, as mine once did, and I know the only antidote for hate is love. Perhaps today, we can all send some love out in the world to try to neutralize the hate, maybe if we all did it we could extinguish it, even just in our own lives. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hate? What do you hate? Why do you hate? What does that word mean to you? How do you feel about yourself? Describe yourself? How many of those things are positive? How many of them come from love? How many from hate? Do you think of yourself as better than those around you? Do you consider yourself worse? What can you do to even level that field? Do you love yourself? If yes, why? If not, why? Finding love for yourself is the most important work you can do, and the most rewarding. It is the base of everything you do, and it allows you to share that love with others and possibly show them love that they might see themselves. Love is contagious, so why not spread instead of hate?

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Trust the future for your answers.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Better Yes

Live Your Way Into The Answers

I’ve written before about pausing when the answers aren’t there, about focusing on something else and not trying to force a solution or answer when it doesn’t seem to be there in the moment. Many times we want things to happen on our timeline, and it seems, most of the time, they do not, so trying to force something into being when it’s not ready or not meant to be only creates frustration, anger and resentment on our part when there is an easier softer way. It can be challenging to walk away when the answers aren’t there. As someone a former, self-described, control freak, I know how difficult it can be to come up empty when you just want to move on. But what I’ve learned on my journey is that many times I am not meant to know or come up with a solution at that time, and, I can live myself into the answer.

I know this to be true in my life, when I look for the answers, when I ask for help and direction, it comes. It may not come in that exact moment, but it will when it’s meant to, and, when I’m truly ready for it. Our lives are a connected series of events, lessons, experiences and challenges that lead us to where we are meant to be and where we are most useful, to ourselves, and others. We don’t always follow the queues, and we always have freedom of choice to do as we wish, but the road map is there if we look for it and follow what is set in front of us. And, life can, and does, take it’s twists and turns, but each of those are there for a reason as well, even if they feel very painful in the moment. We don’t always know why the pain is necessary, sometimes we do after the fact, but pain typically propels us in the direction we are meant to go, unless we allow ourselves to get consumed by it and get stuck in it, even so, staying stuck may be what we need to eventually find the courage to get up and get back on track. Each journey is unique to us, and no two are exactly alike, although we may find others who have similar ones we can relate to, and jointly use as our strength and guidance. But what it really comes down to is letting go; letting go of what we think things should look like and when, accepting the place we are and trusting it looks the way it does for a reason, and, it doesn’t always have to look this way. Our life, if we live it with an open mind and an open heart is always subject to change, and just by living our lives to the best of our ability and continuously looking for and asking for direction we may just find ourselves in places we never dreamed of, I can certainly say that has been the case in my life. And I can also say that when I haven’t tried to force things into being, have paused or walked away when the solution isn’t there, the solution does present itself at the right time when I am able to, or are meant to, execute that plan of action. It also falls into the notion of acting ‘as if.’ As I started this journey I was full of fear and doubt, and I was told to act ‘as if’ it had already gotten better, ‘as if’ I already loved myself, already was leading the life I wanted and was working towards, and on challenging days, it helped, it helped to pull me through if I was able to envision where I wanted to go.

When you are not sure how you are going to get to where you want to go, or don’t seem to be coming up with the answers, take a step back, focus on something else or act ‘as if’ until the answers come. Sometimes we are meant to stay where we are, or use our faith that we will find a way instead of muscling through and forcing a conclusion. If we are forcing something into being it is probably not for us, or where we are meant to be, so let it go and continue to live your life knowing the answers will come at the right time. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you aren’t able to come up with the answers, do you try to force your way into a solution? What is the result? How has this hurt you in the past? Have you found that letting go will sometimes present a solution even when you are not actively looking for it? Give an example. Have there been moments in your life, not having the answers, or solution, you’ve moved forward with what you know and could and found a solution later? Give an example. Our lives, our story or journey, are meant to unfold in a certain way, when we try to force a solution or conclusion we throw off that timeline and the natural flow of things and we can possibly delay where we should be as we work through the place we got ourselves into, so, trust the process, and trust that if the answer isn’t there, it will be, continue on living your life with the answers you have.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Humility Coming From Pain

I know for me, it took a lot of pain before I found any humility, it actually took me getting knocked down to me knees, time and time again, until I finally surrendered. Up until that point, I thought I knew better, knew what was best for me, and usually, what was best for you too. My ego kept me sick, and it kept me from having meaningful honest relationships in my life. I was never going to find or see a solution when my ego was running the show, and it was my ego that nearly cost me my life. Humility is where we’re teachable, it’s where the light comes in and the healing can start. It’s that place where we give ourselves permission to ask for help, and where we find the willingness to do the work to find peace. Why do we put ourselves through so much pain until we are able to find humility?

I used to think that humility meant weakness. That it meant I couldn’t fail or make excuses for myself, that I had to have it all figured out, and be successful in everything I did. Now that is one tall order I was never going to live up to, no one could. And, not at all what humility actually is. I also used to confuse humility with self-deprecation. I would tell myself I was being humble but really just putting myself down or not taking credit for a compliment or appreciation of a job well done. That was as close to humility as I ever got, self-abuse to beat my ego down for a moment before it inflated back up to it’s super-sized proportion.

When set out on a path of recovery, I was told I needed to stay right-sized. That struggle inside of me of thinking I knew everything but that I was also a piece if crap didn’t know what to do with that. What size was right? I needed to find some humility and figure it out.

The first step of humility for me was asking for help. A phone call that opened the door, and it was from that step that I was able to find some humility from there, but it took some work to get my ego “right-sized” and admit that not only did I not know everything, I probably knew very little. In fact, considering where I found myself, I probably didn’t know much of anything in that moment. That was scary, but also exciting, to know that, if I let myself, I was about to embark on a new way of life that was going to teach me how to live in a healthier happier way. I had to push that ego aside over and over, as being teachable was the most important thing I needed to get better, and still is today. I needed to look at my part of things, and my part was all over the misery and heartache I had felt in my past, and learn to forgive myself and not blame others for my mistakes and choices that had gotten me to that place. I had to learn what true humility was, and I had to learn that when I let my ego run the show again that the only result was pain, pain that would eventually bring me back to humility.

We don’t have to wait for pain to push us to humility, but for many of us that’s what it takes. Sometimes a lot of pain. I am grateful that I was able to endure the pain I was to find my humility, and that I have learned over the years what true humility is and how to use it properly in my life. I know today that we are all important, and what we say, feel and do has the same level of importance and worth, we are all here to contribute and to share who we are and what we are, the best of what we have to offer, but none of us are better than any other, we are all here to learn, to grow, and, to remain teachable, because if we lose that teachability we probably setting ourselves up for more pain. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Has pain lead you to humility in your life? How so? What pain of you caused yourself with your lack of humility? Do you consider humility a bad thing? Why is that? How have you seen humility be a positive attribute in your life or the life of others? What can you do to find more humility in your life? No human being knows everything, and what we do know is limited to our perspective and experience, it is important to always remain open to new ideas and concepts, as well as the knowledge that there the world is much bigger than what we see everyday. We all have a great contribution to make, to share our best selves, but no one’s contribution is better than anyone else’s if it comes from your true self and shared from our heart.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

SLAY on!

state of slay help 2

H.O.P.E. – Help Other People Everyday

I have a special anniversary coming up in a few days, a day I think of as my actual “birthday.” It is the day, 13 days ago, that I decided to let go of the way I had been living my life and the day I asked for help. This day was a long time coming, and truthfully could have, and probably should have come earlier in my life, but it came when it was supposed to, and when I was ready, 100%, to do the work and find a solution a problem that was dead set on taking my life. A big part of how I became ready to make this big change came in part from a story a friend shared with me about his struggle with the same disease. The night he told me his story, it seemed like just that, an incredible true story of someone who had fought his way out of the darkness to now live in the light. A remarkable journey, and one I was quite in awe of, and it remained just an incredible story for months after that. But for whatever reason, those months later, on a dark dark night, a night I became very scared I may harm myself to stop my pain, I remembered that story, and for the first time I recognized myself in the beginning of that story, the part where there was pain and suffering, it resonated with my life then, and I realized that there may just be hope for someone like me, that maybe, just maybe, I too, like my friend, might have a fighting chance against my own head that wanted me dead.

I have never forgotten that story, and that gift that friend gave to me so many years ago, and I make it a point to give back that gift whenever I can, this blog is a huge part of that, but being of service, or helping others can come in many forms, it can be as simple as a smile or saying hello, or, perhaps just showing up. When we simply show up we show others that they matter, they’re worth it, and depending on where you’ve shown up to, you may also show someone who is there that there is hope, and they matter. You see, it was a little light of hope that kept me going, kept me moving to the light back then, it wasn’t very bright at first, but it was there, and it was enough to get me to keep putting one step in front of the other, even when my head told me I couldn’t, hope told me I could and to just do it and trust where that step would lead me.

Hope is something magical. You can’t see it on it’s own, but you can in others. You can see it in people’s eyes, in their actions, in their words, and when hope is there anything can happen. We can offer our hope to others by showing them we care, we see them, we hear them, by doing nice things, or by simply being there. In my early days, when things were still dark, sometimes just seeing someone else struggling with the same issues I was gave me hope, to know I wasn’t alone, and when someone with those same struggles had any kind of success, we all felt like we succeeded because even if it wasn’t our personal victory, we saw that it was possible, and we all kept going.

We all have the ability to help other people everyday, whether small or large. We can offer our heart, our truth, or kindness, and compassion, and you just never know how that could impact that person’s life, they may even be writing about it 13 years later from the other side of that pain and that struggle, grateful for the hope you shared with them on one important day. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you have something to offer others? Do you see that your struggles may give someone else comfort or hope? Have you received comfort or hope from someone else’s struggles? How? When we do something to help another individual it takes us outside of ourselves, even on our worst day, in fact, especially on our worst day, that time we spend to help another person becomes about them, and it takes focus off of ourselves, and many times, just by reaching out, even with a smile and a hello, that darkness we may be feeling lifts and our day becomes brighter. Every one of us has something to offer, we all have experiences that may be just what someone else needs to hear about, whether you’ve overcome them or not, it’s the commonality that helps us through a tough time, and sometimes, even with the intention of helping someone else, it helps us most of all.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you