Good morning SLAYER! When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in, but that’s the point of the storm.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
slayer
If You Only Knew What The Other Side Looked Like
I know things can be tough. Dark. Hopeless. And full of pain. I know because I’ve been there. I lived there for many years. I lived there thinking there was no way out. Well, I only thought there was one way, to end my suffering. I’m glad that the way I thought of wasn’t the way, that the universe had plans to show me the right way, and guide me to the light.
I was speaking to someone today who had been where I was, who had attempted to take her own life, and now she stood before me, three years removed from that experience, happy, healthy and celebrating the day. We talked about the way it was, for both of us, and those who are still out there struggling, sitting in the dark, and we both said, if they only knew what the other side looked like.
I do know, I’m typing this from the other side right now. And let me tell you, it’s great over here. Now that’s not to say that everything is just rainbows and unicorns, there are some of both though, life still happens, but I have changed, and because of that I continue to be blessed with people and things in my life, and beautiful experiences I never would have had had I not fought my way out of the darkness.
When I was living in the darkness that is all I saw. There were beautiful things and beautiful people in my life, but I couldn’t see their beauty, not like I do today, my mind would put a cloak of darkness over everyone and everything so it could keep telling me the story it wanted to, that there was no way out, that no one really cared about me, and that the world would be better off without me in it. I believed those lies, I believed them for as long as I could stand it, and when it became too unbearable I was brought to me knees, and in that moment I reached out for help, to whomever or whatever may be listening, I had nothing to lose by asking, so asked for help and I surrendered my willpower and let go. What happened is nothing short of a miracle, but I couldn’t just rest on that miracle to get me better, I then had to roll up my sleeves and get to work. I was given a look at what was on the other side, through people who had gotten there, and with their direction, and others, I was able to get there myself, I wasn’t sure I could, but I fought like hell to get there, and I made it.
I now speak to you from that place, and I want you to know if you haven’t made it yet that we’re here waiting for you. It is possible. There are many of us here who were once like you, I was like you, and if I can do it so can you. First, you have to believe, believe it’s possible, find the little bit of light within you and hold onto as you step forward out of the dark, trust me, you won’t fall, and even if you stumble, we’ll be there to pick you up until you learn to walk on your own. Fight to find the light, fight to find your way to the other side, it’s there, and it’s even more beautiful than you can imagine. Come join us here, we’re waiting for you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel stuck in the dark? Why do you feel stuck? What can you do to find the light where you are? Are there others in your life who have the light? Stay close to them SLAYER. Ask them to walk with you, to help you out of the dark. Do you believe you deserve to stay in the dark? Why? Are these old stories from your past or a belief here in the present? Why do you believe it? What if it’s not true? What if you made it not true? What if you fought to find our way into the light? What do you think that looks like? How can you get there? You can. You can SLAYER. Find those people in your life, or seek out new people, who live in the light, ask them how they got there, let go of old ideas that keep you in the dark, and be open to new ideas that will bring in the light. Dig deep, find the humility and allow yourself to be teachable to new things and new ways of living life. It does get better, it can better, if you work for it. The good news is, you hold the key to your happiness, no one else, you have the power to set yourself free.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Your body hears what your mind says.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Don’t Let Your Mind Bully Your Body
No matter who we are, what we look like, or how much we take care of ourselves, there are always things about our bodies we don’t like. And for some, things we hate. Even typing the word hate when talking about body image makes my whole body recoil. I used to hate my body. It never looked the way I thought it should. I realize now, those expectations I had were unrealistic, and those women who I compared myself to, on TV or in magazines, likely didn’t look that either, I know because I work in a profession where there are many paid professionals to make us look our best, and better than we look in life. But I can still fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. What is it about our brains that tell us our bodies aren’t good enough?
This goes back to my favorite topic self-love, something that I know may make a lot of you take a step back, and it also goes to acceptance. We’ve all been made in different shapes and sizes. And all of those shapes and sizes are beautiful, and all have traits and features that others don’t have. We tend to always be drawn to what we don’t have. But what if we focused on what we do have? And how we can make the most of what we have and showcase our assets in the best way?
I used to place the utmost importance on being thin, no matter what the cost. That obsession manifested itself in an eating disorder, and even at my lowest weight, it still wasn’t good enough. For me, now, it’s about being healthy and happy. I do eat well, I watch what I eat, I exercise, but I’ll also allow myself a piece of chocolate cake, it’s not something I eat every day, but every now and again, when I come across one particularly enticing, I indulge, and enjoy that. It no longer makes me feel guilty if I eat that cake, and I no longer punish myself for it like I used to. It’s about moderation today and enjoying life.
I used to use food as a reward or a way to punish myself. I would reward myself for something I had done with food I loved, but maybe deprived myself of, and I would also use it to punish myself when I wanted to feel bad about myself and I would eat things that would make me feel sick, or overeat for the same result. Neither of these actions are healthy eating, or way of finding a healthy body image. We should love the body we’re in, it allows us to do a lot of things, maybe not all the things we would like, but it gets us around, it brings us to the ones we love, it protects us from harm, so why don’t we protect and love it for doing all that it does for us? Why can’t we accept it for what it is?
No matter what your body looks like there is always something beautiful about it. Whether you’re athletic, or curvy, tall or short, there is something to celebrate, something that you can make your own, and own it! Find those parts of your body, or things your body enables you to do, and be grateful for all that your body does, and find things about your body to love. There is nothing more beautiful than self-confidence, so be proud SLAYER of the body you’re in and show it some love as you continue to use it to walk this journey and this path. You are beautiful, just as you are. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you like your body? If yes, what do you love? If not, why not? What don’t you like? Why? Are those things something you can change or work on? Have you worked on them? If not, why not? Are there things you’ve always struggled with in terms of body image? What specifically? Why do you think that is? Are these current reasons or stories from your past? SLAYER, you’re body may not always look exactly how you would like, but if you are taking care of yourself and loving yourself you can feel confident in how you look. We’re not all meant to look the same. We are meant to be healthy and happy, and when that priority is put before body image, you may be surprised how beautiful you find your body, and how grateful you are to have the body you’re in.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Truth never fails in proverbs, but in judgments. Be true to who you are, and accountable to your truth.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Talk Live Video
Hey SLAYERS! Couldn’t join us for SLAY TALK LIVE tonight? Here’s what you missed!
SLAY on!
If You Spot It You’ve Got It
Typically those things we find irritating others, those things we judge, or dislike, are things we also have, or dislike about ourselves. We may not always recognize that, we may be in denial that we too exhibit the same behavior, quirk or flaw, but there’s a reason we’re zeroing in on someone else and picking out those things in them, we recognize ourselves there.
Before stepping on this path, and before doing the work to acknowledge my own issues, I often judged other people. I judged them for exhibiting the same behaviors as I was, even though I would never admit that I was behaving that way, or had the issues “they” had. I always had an opinion about what they should be doing, or how they could do it better. And when they failed, I thought, they’re not strong like I am. But what I wasn’t willing to see is that all of that judgment I placed on other people was to deflect my own behavior and actions. If I could put the focus on everyone else, shine a spotlight on their character defects or bad decisions, I could keep doing what I was doing in the dark without anyone noticing, or so I thought. I was noticing. Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously, there was no hiding from myself. And once I made the commitment to get honest, and get better, I realized what I had been doing most of my life, pointing out other people’s flaws and mistakes, I was guilty of doing all of the same things. That was a tough pill to swallow at first because I had stood with my head held high like I was better, smarter and healthier than those I judged, and in the end I was just as bad, maybe even worse, and that was a big piece of humble pie.
Today when I start to judge someone, and it happens, I pause, and I take a look at why I am feeling the need to tear someone else down, and what may be missing or needing work on my end? What do I need to look at, and am avoiding, that’s causing me to want to shine the spotlight on someone else, instead of looking at myself? It’s a good indicator that I have work to do. And, I can now use my acknowledgment of someone else’s stuff as a form of compassion, or understanding, because I likely share in that same behavior. I have been able to turn my judgment of others into something positive, for me, and as a way to connect to those around me.
What we find disturbing or irritating in others is typically what we find disturbing or irritating in ourselves. And that, is our problem. We are all responsible for ourselves and our own behavior, what someone else is doing is none of your business. It is not up to us to judge them or school them on how they should be living their lives, but we can certainly look at how we’re living ours when we find our focus shifts to someone else. Our focus on someone else’s behavior is the best indicator that we need to shift our focus back on us. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to judge others for how they’re living their lives? Why do you think you do this? Do you try to give that person advice? How is that usually received? What behavior or character traits usually catch your eye as something that should be fixed? Do you see those same things in yourself? What can you do to place the focus back on yourself and away from judging someone else? What are some of the things that you pick out in others that you also have yourself? When you look at that list, how do you feel? What don’t you like about what’s written on that list? What can you do to fix that? We all have moments when we judge others. It’s what we do when we notice we’re doing that sets us apart. Use those moments to take a look at your own behavior and actions, use those urges to fix someone to fix yourself. Find away to let that stuff go.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You can’t hang around negative people and expect to have a positive life.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Hang Around People Who Like You
Now this one seems like a no brainer, but how many of us hang out, or choose to spend time, with people who don’t really like us? When we are not feeling good about ourselves, when we are not proud of ourselves or we are feeling less than, we look for people who we can spend time with who may be lower companions, people we feel are far worse off than we are, or at least, just as bad, because we think they won’t, or can’t, judge us. We may also look for people who will continue to tell the narrative we’ve been telling ourselves, one that we may have been telling since our childhood, so we look for those people who will help us to continue to tell that story, one that may keep us sick and dull, dimming our light. It seems crazy that we would do that, purposely look for people who will keep us in a place that is not our authentic selves, but we do it, and many times we do it without even realizing that’s what we’re doing.
We have to believe we deserve good people in our lives, and we have to believe we are also one of those good people. For me that took some work. I hated myself, and thought if you could see the real me, you’d hate me too. So I looked for people who wouldn’t ask a lot of questions, or would believe the person who I pretended to be so they would like me, or at least like me around. I also looked for people who were confrontational, or who I could rise out of, so when I wanted to fan the flames of the story I would tell myself, that I was a bad person, that person would oblige, reinforcing that story. When I made the commitment to get well I had to really look at the relationships in my life. I had to ask myself why I had chosen each person, and if, within this new lifestyle, they could stay. Most did stay, but some had to go. The people I did keep in my life did like me, even when I was living in my sickness, or struggling, they liked me even more, and even loved me during my toughest times. And where I used to not trust someone if they had liked me, I now was able to start liking myself by allowing myself to see what they saw. I was able to back into my own self-love, or like, through theirs.
When we have people around us who like us, support us and cheer us on, we can do anything, but we have to allow those people into our lives, we have to seek them out, and if we’ve chosen the wrong people as we move forward into a positive place, we have to let them go. Each person we choose to have in our lives is a reflection of us and who we are, and if we’re truly being honest with ourselves we have to look at the group of people we’ve surrounded ourselves with and ask ourselves what is being reflected back at us by those people. Find your group of people who like you, who love you, who support you and want the best for you. Surround yourself with them, keep them close and allow them to lift you up when you need to be reminded how amazing you are. Look for those people who like you, who understand you, who want the best for you, and like you just as you are and who you are working to be. Let those who you let into your life represent who you are and the journey you are choosing to take. Make sure they like you, and most importantly, make sure you like yourself. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you choose the right people to spend time with and be in your life? What types of people do you look for? How do the people in your life inspire you? How do you hurt you or tear you down? Why do you let them? Are you wanting them to tear you down? Why? What if you choose people who lift you up? What if you only allowed people in your life who liked you, encouraged you, loved you? What do you think would happen? Do it SLAYER, focus on those people, or find them, they’re out there, look for the people who are walking the same path as you are, look for the people who you can relate to, who you feel comfortable listening to, and who will cheer you on as you work to be your best you. Stay in the middle of these people, and when things get tough, find some strength within their strength, and let them propel you to the next level. Stay in the middle of the good.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
An Ending Brings A New Beginning
We tend to hold onto things. We hold on to them, many times, far longer than we should. We cause ourselves unnecessary pain and heartache, when we should really just let go. We sometimes live in denial that something has ended, we try to live in the past, to conjure up memories or feelings and try to hold on to them when they can’t live in the present. We drag our heels and drag our hearts through the dirt as we try to live in a place that no longer exists. Let go. And not just let go, look at it as an opportunity for something new. A new beginning.
Now I realize that that may have just sent a shutter down your spine. But really, honestly, it’s a good thing. The act of letting go. And the realization that you should let go is a huge act of self-love. To not cause yourself pain by trying to keep yourself somewhere you no longer have no business being. By being responsible for your own pain for not letting go and moving on. Walking away when it’s time takes a long of love and a lot of courage, to know that, if you move on, that is actually a positive act, an act that demonstrates self-respect and one that shows you know your worth. And when it’s time to go and you take that action, it allows something else to come in, something, perhaps, better suited to who you are today, or what you’ve been looking for. When we stay where we are no longer meant to be, we block anything new from coming in because we are spending all of our energy trying to make it right in the wrong place. We make excuses, concessions to stay, and while we’re doing that we’re not seeing that perhaps what we’ve wished for, or wanted,all along, is right within our reach. Putting an end to something takes some faith, faith in yourself that you’re doing the right thing, and faith that whatever inner voice guides you, or outer voice, that there is a plan for you, that you are being guided to whom, or where, you are meant to be. And once you start to take that direction, all roads start to open up to help you get there. So many times we’re heard saying, “why is this so difficult?” Well, it may be difficult because we’re not mean to be there at all. So the question should be, “if this is so difficult, is there somewhere else I should be?” There may be a reason you’re finding things so difficult, the universe may be trying to tell you something.
An ending is really a chance for a new beginning. And perhaps a place that lets you be you, that lets you shine bright. We have to go through the things that aren’t right for us to find out what is. It’s all just part of our journey, our learning of who we are and what we want, so don’t look at it as a bad thing, look at it as information, and a way to lead you to where you should be, and where you are mean to be. Life is already full of obstacles, why put some extra ones in your own way by hanging on when you should go? Why not look at the end of something as a chance to try something new, you never know, that ending may have been set up just to lead you to the beginning of the life of your dreams…but you won’t know if you stay stuck right where you are. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to hang on to situations or relationships even when you know you should move on? If so, why do you do that? Write down a time when you held on when you should have let go. How did that make you feel? Write down a time when you did let go. How did that make you feel? Which felt better? Within your life now, are there people, places and things that you should be letting go of or ending? What are they? Why are you hanging on? What do you think will happen if you let go? Are these feelings or concerns valid, or just fears? What are you afraid of? Are these fears based in fact, or are they tied to old stories and old ideas from your past? Look at your life SLAYER, and look at those things that you should end, end them, and don’t be afraid, when we let go of what we no longer want or need, we let the universe know we’re ready for what we do want and need, and we’re ready to turn an ending into a new beginning.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
