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Loved Into Loving

When I first stepped on this path I hated myself. I didn’t even know if I was worth saving, or that I could change the way I felt about myself. I had lived so long as a liar and had done so many things to harm myself, I was so ashamed of the place I had taken my life that I wasn’t sure there was a way back from that. I was lucky enough to have had a friend who had come back from a very similar place and he found his way back, and not even back really, he found a new place, and he found self-love. He was the one I reached out to at my lowest low, when my head was telling me that the only way out was to die, I was blessed with enough fight in me to pick up the phone, instead of something else, and ask for help. Walking on this new path was scary, I felt exposed and fragile, and I was. It was the first time in my life that I was truly being honest, with myself, and those around me, that was scary, especially for someone who hated herself. The thought of having to let out my deepest darkest secrets and somehow find love for myself in the process seemed like an impossible task, but I was blessed with an incredible group of people around me who supported me, and, loved me into loving.

I didn’t really understand what they meant when someone would say to me that they would love me until I could love myself. At first, it just seemed like a line someone would say to make themselves look and sound better. I mean, I hated myself, and I have the most to gain by finding self-love, so how could someone else love me when I didn’t? Then I also thought, well, if you do love me it’s because you don’t know me yet, once I tell you who I really am, that will change, and that love will go away. But it didn’t. In fact it got stronger. The more open and honest I was able to be with these incredible people, and myself, the more they loved me, so much so that I could feel it each time I let my guard down a little more, and little by little, through their love, I began to love myself. It was easier to see love through their eyes, to see how much they cheered for every one of my victories, to see how they were there on those difficult days, and to encourage me to keep going and discover my true self. I certainly had doubt along the way, but it helped on those days to have their support and love to remind me that I was worth fighting for.

Before starting this journey I didn’t tell people I loved them openly, it was very rare. It’s not that I didn’t love the people in my life, I did, but because I didn’t feel it for myself I was hesitant to say it to others because I felt like it was mostly just words. When you tell someone you love them it comes from that place of love in yourself, like your love is shared with them, or your love recognizes the love in them and acknowledges it, so when I only felt hate towards myself it felt false to say that I loved someone else. As I began to feel love for myself through the love of others, and through doing the work I need to do to forgive, accept myself and let go of the past, that love I was now feeling for myself spilled out to the people in my life, and it certainly spilled out to the people who loved me into loving.

Love is the most powerful vibration in the universe. When we tap into it, whether ourselves, or through others, miracles happen. I’ve often said to SLAYERS who are having a bad day of self-doubt and self-hatred, that I love them, and if they respond in a way that tells me they don’t, I tell them again that I love them anyway, and I’m happy to love them for them until they can find the love for themselves. You have to let the love in to let it grow inside of you. We are all worthy of love, and we all have the ability to love ourselves, if we just let that love in. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you love yourself? If yes, why? If not, why not? What stops you from loving yourself? Why do you think you’re unlovable? Are these reasons valid today or stories from your past, or someone else’s opinion who may be struggling with love? What are three ways you can show yourself love today? How can you share that love with others? When someone tells you they love you, do you believe them? If not, why not? Do you tell people you love them? If you do, are you lying? You’re not SLAYER. Find your way into self-love, whether through the love of others, or by showing someone you care about the love you have to share. Sending out or receiving love gets you into loving, yourself, and those around you. I love you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Shapeshifter

When I was very ill, it was obvious what needed to change in my life for me to get better, and once I removed that from my life my disease started to reach for other things that I could use to try to fill the void I felt inside, to soothe me or to try to quiet my mind. It was so seamless at times I didn’t even realize I was doing it, and it sometimes worked it’s way in as things that wouldn’t necessarily raise a red flag at first, sugar, caffeine, shopping, overeating, not eating enough, exercise, even gum chewing, the behaviors or habits would start and because I was so focused on the removal of something else that brought me to my knees, I wasn’t looking at these others things. Mental illness is very cunning, it will disguise itself as anything it needs to to survive. It watches and listens as you get better, and tries to find the work-around, and, if we let our guards down, it succeeds. I’ve seen it at work in my own life, and it has almost succeeded, and, I’ve seen it succeed in others’ lives, and take lives. It shows no mercy. It doesn’t care who you are, where you’ve come from, that you may be a loving talented person, it wants what it wants, and mine wants me dead.

The trick for me is stay on top of things. To not let old habits slide, and to stay accountable for my actions. I have an incredible network of people in my life who I stay honest with, and when I notice something flare up or that I may be falling back I call myself out, that way I now have to take action, and there is going to be a person, or people, there to check in on me.

Before stepping on this path I kept anything I thought was bad to myself. I never shared anything with anyone except the good stuff, and even then I was a little hesitant because I was concerned I would jinx it, or that the person I was sharing it with wouldn’t like me anymore. This was the insanity of my head. So when I made the commitment to get well I had to out myself on everything. No more secrets. And damn it felt so good. After a lifetime of putting on an act or showing you only what I thought you wanted to see, it felt so good to just be myself, the good, the bad and the ugly, especially the ugly, to just let it all out. The reaction I got was incredible, so much support, but that’s not why I did it, I did it because it was imperative for my survival, and my recovery, but the support and love helped quiet down my disease that used to tell me that no one cared, they did care, and always had, but I hadn’t let them.

Being open and honest about who we are and what we struggle with sheds light on our disease, or illness. When we are open and honest we let the light in and those damaging habits or behaviors can’t hide in the shadows like they once could. We have to stay vigilant about our own recovery and health, mind, body and spirit, because when we’re looking the other way what we think we’re battling can shapeshift into something else that we think is harmless, and that’s when it can do the most harm. When you notice something coming up more frequently in your life, take notice of it, it could be a sign that something is running amok in your life while you’re attention is elsewhere. As much as we think we can outsmart it, it knows what we know and the moment we let our guard down, or have a moment of doubt, it takes that opportunity to slide in and lay some roots. The key to our best selves, and healthy selves, is to be open and honest about who we are and where we are, to remove those things from our lives that take us down an undesirable path, and that harm our spirit. Watch out for the shapeshifter in your life, and identify it for what it really is, that is the only way to reduce it’s power and to take yours back. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you notice your disease, mental illness, or struggles shapeshift in your life? How so? How have you caught it? How have you quashed it? How has it gotten the best of you at times? How can you stay on top of things and keep it from shapeshifting? Typically when things shapeshift in our lives it’s because we’re taking something bigger on and our disease feels threatened, or we’re not being honest about who we are and what we’re struggling with, truth will stop it in it’s tracks, it has nowhere to hide in our truth, so let your light shine in all the shadow places it likes to hide and share your truth with those around you, once you get to the source of your struggles you have the ultimate weapon at your disposal, and no amount of shapeshifting can survive that.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Our greatest good is what we can do for others.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Change The World

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let no one discourage you. You don’t need a fan club to achieve your goals. Be your own motivation.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ships

Slay Talk Live Video

Hello SLAYER! For those of you that couldn’t join us tonight, here’s what you missed…Daphne is exhausted from her first livestream. SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes people just need someone to listen and acknowledge what they’ve said. No advice. No words. Just an ear.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay listen

Honor Each Other’s Experience

I was with a group of people recently, and someone was sharing about a very dark time in their life and how she turned things around to the life she has today. Shortly after her sharing her story someone else chimed in to share a time when things were dark in their life, and make a comment like her story was a walk in the park compared to his. My heart sank a little in that moment for the person who had first spoken up, because by doing what he did it seemed like he was saying that her story wasn’t nearly as bad as his and so not as valid. We all have things we experience, good and bad, and it’s important that we honor those experiences in each other and not try to diminish them or one-up each other to come up with the worst, or best, story, it’s about listening and giving that person their moment.

Before stepping on this path I was guilty of doing just that, many times, trying to take someone’s moment by coming up with some bigger, better, or badder, story to share. I realize now that I was doing that to make myself feel better, because I felt less than, and by taking away someone else’s experience as being valid it would inflate my ego and steal the spotlight from them. That behavior sounds disgusting as I see it in print so many years removed from it, but I did it regularly for most of my life.

We all have our own journey and path ahead of us, all of our experiences are valid and ours to own and share with others, they are what have made us who we are, have taught us what we’ve needed to learn, or have given us hope when we’ve needed it. No one has the right to take any of those away from us, and really, no one can unless we let them. The woman who had first shared her story took that moment in stride, she smiled, understanding what was going on, and knew that her story was an integral part of her journey, and perhaps by the man sharing his even darker story right after, may have also shown her that things could get worse if she chose to return to the life that had gotten her to that dark place years ago. Really, it’s all about perception, and how we choose to receive the information we’re being given. As much as I was annoyed by the man who tried to steal her moment, I realized that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps that woman needed to hear how bad things had gotten for him to put things in perspective for herself, or to find some gratitude that she didn’t have to do down that far to realize she needed to find a way out.

Most times, all anyone really wants is to be heard. No matter what the situation, we all want our story, thoughts, and ideas to be heard, and it’s important to give those moments to those we come into contact with. As I learned to walk on this path I had to learn to listen, without interrupting, and honor each person’s story, concern, or idea before chiming in with my two cents, and, learning that I should only be offering my 2 cents if asked for it, that person may not want it and may just need someone to listen without interruption or a rebuttal.

Each time we find ourselves in a situation where someone is sharing themselves it’s important to give them their moment, and if there is an appropriate time and it seems right to share our experience in relation to that then by all means chime in, as long as you’re adding something positive or constructive to the conversation without taking away from someone else’s experience. We all have a right to have our own experiences, and no one’s is more important than the ones we’re having ourselves, those moments help us grow, guide us, and give us strength, and no one can take that away from us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you have to one-up someone when they are sharing a story or telling about an experience they’ve had? Why do you think you feel you need to do that? What does that say about you? How do you feel when someone does that to you? Have you told someone in the moment how that makes you feel? If not, why not? Do you see how each of us have the right to the experiences and stories we’ve had and have the right to share those experiences with others? All of our experiences are important, they make up the fabric of our lives, don’t let anyone try to take those away from you, and, don’t try to take someone else’s away to try to make yours seem more important. We all get to share our stories.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help someone else up.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay light (1)

H.O.P.E. – Help Other People Everyday

There was a time in my life when I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep living.

I kept everything bottled inside — my fear, my pain, my confusion, and the constant battle in my head that told me I wasn’t enough. I carried that darkness quietly, pretending I could handle it alone, that asking for help was weakness.

But eventually I hit a moment I couldn’t escape:
I was scared of what I might do to myself just to quiet the pain.

It was in that darkest moment that something shifted.

A story came back to me — a story a friend had shared about his own struggle. At the time I heard it, it was just a story. A powerful one, sure, but still just something I listened to and admired from a distance.

Months later, on that frightening night, I recognized myself in the beginning of his story — the part where suffering feels endless and hopeless.

And that recognition changed everything.

Hope Isn’t Just a Feeling — It’s Something We Receive and Give

I often wonder how many times we underestimate the power of connection.

That story my friend shared didn’t cure me. It didn’t fix everything. But it showed up in the exact moment I needed it — and that was enough to keep me moving forward.

Not because the pain was gone…
But because I finally saw that I wasn’t alone.

That recognition — that someone else had walked through darkness and found light — gave me a reason to keep going. That was the beginning of my own journey back to life.

And because someone shared their truth, I found hope.

Showing Up Is the Smallest — Yet Most Powerful — Act of Service

Hope doesn’t always arrive in grand gestures.

Sometimes it shows up in the simplest things:

A smile.
A hello.
A listening ear.
A message that says, I see you.

When we simply show up, we affirm someone’s worth — even when they can’t feel it themselves.

You never know who’s watching quietly from the sidelines, waiting for proof that they matter. You never know whose heart is in the dark, searching for a light.

That’s why helping others — even in small ways — matters more than we can imagine.

What We Give May Be the Hope Someone Needs to Survive

One of the most humbling things I learned is that stories matter.

Not because they are polished or perfect —
but because they are real.

When I finally shared my own journey — not just the finished version but the messy, painful beginnings — something clicked. Other people saw themselves in it. They recognized their struggle in the cracks of my story. It reminded them that they, too, could keep going.

That’s the power of truth.

It connects us.
It heals us.
It saves lives.

And sometimes the hope we give to others becomes a source of strength for ourselves.

You Don’t Have to Fix Someone to Help Them

Helping others doesn’t always mean solving their problems.

Sometimes it means:

Showing up
Listening without judgment
Sharing your story
Being present
Being consistent
Offering compassion
Willingness to care even when it’s hard

Helping others is how we remind them —
and ourselves — that we matter.

Hope Isn’t About Perfection

Hope isn’t a destination.
It’s a presence.

It doesn’t mean everything is okay.
It doesn’t erase pain.
It doesn’t suddenly make life easy.

But it reminds us that we don’t have to walk through pain alone.

And that it’s okay to ask for help.
Not just once — many times.
Not just when it’s convenient — but when it’s hardest.

Because in asking for help, we make space for others to help us — and through that exchange, something powerful unfolds.

You Never Know Who Is Watching

There’s a truth we overlook:

When you help someone — even with the tiniest kindness — you never know how far that ripple goes.

Your story might be the reason someone keeps going.
Your presence might be the reason someone feels seen.
Your kindness might be the moment that lights someone’s path.

And sometimes — years later — that person you helped could tell someone else about it.

Hope multiplies.
It doesn’t stay in one heart.
It spreads.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Who in your life gave you hope when you needed it most?
L: How has someone else’s journey inspired your own healing?
A: What simple action can you take today to offer hope to another person?
Y: How might your vulnerability be a gift to someone else who feels alone?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When has someone’s presence or story given you hope — and how did it change your journey?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might be struggling today, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that hope exists.

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Couldn’t join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, no problem, I got you covered, here’s what you missed!