recovery

I Heal Out Loud Because I Nearly Died in Silence

Silence almost killed me.

For years, I bottled everything inside—pain, fear, shame, grief, anger—because I thought speaking it out loud would make me weak, unworthy, or too much. I believed that my feelings were a burden, that no one wanted to hear the truth, and that the safest way to exist was behind a mask.

But here’s the thing about silence: it doesn’t protect you—it suffocates you.

When we swallow our pain instead of releasing it, it eats away at us. The secrets, the shame, the unspoken words—they pile up until they feel unbearable. And for me, they almost were.

That’s why today, I heal out loud. Because staying silent nearly cost me everything.

The Danger of Silent Suffering

We live in a culture that often rewards keeping it together. Smile when you’re breaking inside. Say you’re fine when you’re anything but. Push through no matter how heavy the weight.

I wore that mask for years. I said yes when I wanted to say no. I smiled when I wanted to scream. I denied myself the very human right to feel, because I thought silence kept me safe.

But silence didn’t keep me safe—it made me sick. It fed my depression, deepened my shame, and convinced me that I was alone. And when you believe you’re alone, hopelessness creeps in. That’s a dangerous place to live.

Unspoken pain doesn’t disappear—it festers. And the more we bury it, the more it convinces us we don’t deserve light.

Why Healing Out Loud Matters

Healing out loud doesn’t mean sharing every detail of your life with the world. It doesn’t mean turning your pain into a performance.

It means refusing to carry it alone anymore. It means telling the truth—to yourself, to someone you trust, to a community that understands.

For me, healing out loud started with small steps: admitting to a friend that I wasn’t okay, reaching out for help, speaking the words I had locked away for so long. Each time I spoke, the silence lost some of its power.

When you voice your truth, you cut shame off at the knees. Shame can’t survive in the light.

And as I began to heal out loud, something unexpected happened: people leaned in. They said, “Me too.” They shared their own stories. They told me I wasn’t alone.

The Power of Vulnerability

We think silence makes us strong, but real strength comes from vulnerability.

It takes courage to say: I’m hurting. I’m scared. I need help.

And yet, that’s where transformation begins. Vulnerability is not weakness—it’s the bridge to connection, compassion, and healing.

I learned that my silence kept people out, but my vulnerability drew them close. It built trust. It created bonds rooted in honesty instead of performance. And it allowed me to step into the fullness of who I am—messy, imperfect, human, but alive.

Healing out loud is how we reclaim our power from the very things that tried to silence us.

From Surviving to Thriving

The shift from silent suffering to speaking my truth didn’t happen overnight. It was clumsy, scary, and uncomfortable. But every time I let the words out, I felt a little lighter.

And slowly, my healing turned into living.

I stopped existing just to survive the day. I started building a life rooted in truth, love, and connection. I surrounded myself with people who could hold space for my story without judgment. And I realized that sharing my voice not only saved me—it helped others too.

Because when you heal out loud, you give others permission to do the same. You become a mirror that reflects back courage, honesty, and hope.

Practical Ways to Heal Out Loud

If you’ve been living in silence, here are a few ways to begin:

  • Name it. Write down what hurts, what scares you, what you’ve been carrying. Naming it is the first step to releasing it.
  • Speak it to someone safe. Choose a trusted friend, mentor, therapist, or support group. Let your truth be heard by someone who can hold it with care.
  • Create a ritual of release. Journaling, prayer, meditation, or even saying your truth out loud in private can help shift it from inside to outside.
  • Set boundaries with silence. You don’t owe your story to everyone. Healing out loud means choosing where and when to share, with intention.
  • Celebrate your courage. Every time you speak instead of stuffing it down, acknowledge your strength. Healing is a practice, not a performance.

A New Way to Live

I heal out loud now, not because it’s easy, but because I know what silence nearly cost me. I know the danger of secrets. I know the weight of carrying pain alone.

Healing out loud doesn’t erase the scars. It transforms them into reminders of resilience, proof that you can walk through the fire and come out stronger.

Your voice matters. Your truth matters. You matter.

So, if you’ve been silenced by shame, fear, or judgment—let today be the day you begin to speak. Whisper if you have to. Write it if you can’t yet say it. Share it with one safe person.

Because silence takes life, but truth gives it back.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Where in your life have you been silencing your truth?
  2. How has that silence affected your health, relationships, or self-worth?
  3. Who is one safe person you could begin sharing your truth with?
  4. What fears come up when you imagine speaking out loud?
  5. What freedom might you find if you allowed yourself to heal out loud?

S – Speak your truth instead of burying it
L – Let others in who can hold space for your story
A – Acknowledge the courage it takes to be vulnerable
Y – Yield to healing by bringing light to your silence

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever found freedom in sharing what you once kept silent?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling in silence, send this to them.
Sometimes, hearing “me too” is what saves us.

Suicide Prevention Week

Hey SLAYERS, September 5 – 11th is Suicide Prevention Week and I am always honored to work with Attitudes In Reverse® in spreading a message of good mental health and suicide prevention. I was recently asked while Zooming into an AIR event what I do to combat my fear. Please find my response below:

You Have To Be At Your Strongest When You Are At Your Weakest

It may sound impossible at times, but in those moments when we feel our weakest, we must dig deep and find our strength.

There have been countless times in my life where I’ve had to rely on an inner strength I didn’t even realize I had. Somehow, just enough rose to the surface to help me push through.

We are all stronger than we think.
And when I take a moment to reflect on everything I’ve overcome, I’m reminded of the strength and courage that carried me.
It helps me in the present.
It prepares me for the future.
Because true strength often reveals itself when everything feels like it’s falling apart.

The Sword May Feel Heavy—But It’s Still There

Looking back on my lowest points, I can admit—I didn’t always use my strength.

There were times I believed I was weak.
Times I gave in to the idea that I was broken or not worth saving.
I had flickers of power, brief moments of energy and clarity, but they’d fade. And that negative voice in my head? It would rush in, louder than ever.

That inner strength—the warrior in me—it was there.
But some days, that sword felt too heavy to lift.

There was one day in particular when I came dangerously close to surrendering.
I was at my lowest. But even then, there was a whisper of strength left inside me.
It wasn’t loud.
It wasn’t flashy.
But it was just strong enough to reach out, to ask for help, to cry for help.
And that moment changed everything.

That quiet strength was enough to rally.
Enough to begin my fight back.

What Strength Really Looks Like

For me, strength isn’t about pushing through everything without feeling.
It’s about showing up—even when it’s hard.

My strength lives in the inner warrior that walks beside me.
It’s the part of me that shields the most vulnerable parts inside.

My strength is spiritual.
It’s rooted in a connection to something greater than myself—a belief that I’m held, even when I’m hurting.

It’s also built from experience:

  • Everything I’ve survived
  • Every fight I’ve fought
  • Every story I’ve shared and heard from others walking similar paths

I also surround myself with people who reflect that strength back to me.
People who remind me who I am when I forget.
And I do the same for them.

Sometimes we need to borrow someone else’s light until we remember our own.

Strength Is a Practice

I’ve learned that strength isn’t something you “find” once and then never lose.
It’s a practice. A choice. A mindset.

I know now that:

  • When I feel weak, I need to seek strength—not hide from it
  • I can’t afford to tell myself I’m powerless, even when I feel that way
  • My strength grows the more I use it, trust it, and share it

And there’s always a small spark inside me—a flame that never goes out, no matter how dark it gets.

That’s what carries me.
That’s what keeps me standing.
And that’s what I want to help you find too.

You Are Stronger Than You Think

We all have strength.
Even if it feels buried. Even if it’s been challenged.
Even if it’s quiet.

If this past year has shown us anything, it’s that we’re still here.
We’ve survived more than we thought we could.
We’ve made it through dark seasons, tough days, and hard truths.
And we’re still standing.

That is strength.

Now is the time to pick up your sword.
To fight for someone who matters—you.
Me. Us.

Dig deep.
Find your strength.
And use it to keep moving forward.

SLAY Reflection: Where Does Your Strength Live?

  1. Can you find your strength even when you feel weak?
    What helps you tap into it?
  2. Have you ever doubted your ability to push through?
    What got you through anyway?
  3. What are some moments in your life when your strength surprised you?
    How did they change you?
  4. Do you remember your past victories when facing something hard?
    How can those reminders serve you now?
  5. Who in your life needs a reminder of their strength?
    Can you share yours with them today?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one moment when you found strength you didn’t know you had?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel strong right now, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The greatest waste of time is the time not getting started. 

SLAY on!

Do You Like Yourself?

I used to say yes. To your face, I’d smile and say, “Of course I do!” But inside, the truth was always no.

From as far back as I can remember, I felt I wasn’t good enough. I thought I was weird, different, and if you knew who I really was, you wouldn’t like me. I set impossible standards for myself, and every time I couldn’t meet them, I’d beat myself up. Over the years, those unrealistic expectations grew bigger—and so did my self-hatred.

I had a constant, negative narrative running in my head, berating myself for not measuring up. My lack of self-love dragged me to darker places, until I stopped caring about my well-being. I took dangerous chances with my life, not because I wanted to die, but because I didn’t care if I lived.

It was only through a friend that I found the courage to reach out for help. That was the beginning of a new path—and the road from self-hatred to self-love was bumpy, messy, and full of stumbles. But it was worth every single one.

Starting with Forgiveness

When I began this journey, I couldn’t even look in the mirror and say, “I love you.” Just thinking about it makes me sad now. But I knew if I was ever going to like myself, I had to start by forgiving myself. And that wasn’t something I could do alone. I worked with a mental health professional and found support in groups of people walking the same path. Their guidance helped me move forward and start believing that I was worth forgiveness.

Gratitude and Giving Back

Gratitude was a key step. In the beginning, it felt nearly impossible, but I was encouraged to start with just one thing each day—one thing I was grateful for, and one thing I liked about myself. Some days I struggled to find even one, but I’d write it down and carry it in my pocket. Whenever I felt discouraged or fearful, I’d take it out and remind myself.

And then there was giving back. Early in my journey, I was shown that we always have something to give, even if we don’t think we do. Simply sharing our truth, asking someone how their day is, or offering a kind word can lift not just them, but also us. No matter how far down we may feel, someone else may feel even lower, and reaching out creates a connection.

Reflection in a Time of Pause

During this time of social distancing and isolation, when the world feels paused, we have an opportunity to ask ourselves: do I like who I am? If not, why? This is the perfect time to explore those feelings and make positive changes. And if we struggle to find things we like about ourselves, it’s okay to ask a trusted friend or family member what they see in us. Sometimes, seeing ourselves through their eyes helps us find the light.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Would you say you like yourself? If not, why not?

  • If you do, what do you like about yourself?

  • Have you always liked yourself? If not, what changed?

  • If you don’t like yourself, was there a time when you did? What changed?

  • What can you do today to find something you like about yourself?

  • What are you grateful for today?

Focus on those things, SLAYER. Challenge yourself to discover more in the days to come. Ask others for their insights. Make sure the reasons you tell yourself don’t keep you stuck in negativity. And if they do, ask why you’re holding onto them. Learn to let them go, or forgive yourself for them. Self-love—or even just self-like—is waiting. Take that first step today.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you like about yourself today?
Share it in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who needs this message, send it to them.
Sometimes, a little reminder is all it takes to start a journey.

Perseverance

I used to think perseverance was only for certain things—like career goals or material achievements. But when it came to my mental health, I was quick to throw in the towel. The moment a setback occurred, my inner critic would scream, “Why bother? You’ll fail anyway.” And too often, I listened.

But I learned something: true perseverance—the kind that transforms you—isn’t about pushing through only when it’s easy or convenient. It’s about showing up for yourself, even when the path is rocky, the finish line invisible, and the negative voices loud.

There were times I clung to perseverance for external wins but abandoned it for the internal work—the work that mattered most. I believed the lie that I didn’t deserve good things. But when I finally committed to my recovery, I discovered that same perseverance, channeled into my healing, could produce powerful results.

The Power of Persistence

When you ask most successful people their secret, they’ll likely tell you: perseverance. They didn’t give up. It seems like common sense, but how often do we stop just shy of the finish line? Or give up before the miracle happens?

There’s no published timeline for how long we have to keep going without seeing results. That’s where many falter. But if you can’t stop thinking about it—if giving up feels like losing a part of yourself—then keep going. That’s your sign.

Sometimes, perseverance isn’t about bull-headedness. It’s about flexibility, too. If a particular path isn’t working, the lesson might be to pivot. But often, it’s about staying the course—especially when it comes to your own well-being.

Lessons Learned

Before recovery, I used perseverance to chase things that didn’t nourish me. Now, I channel it into what matters: my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. It’s not easy. There are still days when the voices of doubt and fear creep in. But I’ve learned to keep going, to fight for the life I want, and to trust that even the smallest steps count.

The finish line may be hidden, but it’s there. The only way to see it is to keep moving forward. Don’t let the setbacks define you. Let your perseverance become your strength.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Would you say you have perseverance?

  • Write out some examples of when you’ve shown perseverance. What was the result?

  • Do you consistently have perseverance, or only in certain areas?

  • What stops you from persevering?

  • When have you failed to persevere? Why?

  • What can you do to cultivate perseverance in those areas?

  • What challenges do you face in maintaining perseverance?

  • How can you channel it into things that nurture your growth and healing?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing in your life you’re determined to keep going for, no matter what?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s lift each other up.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to stay the course, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that perseverance is worth it.

Suicide By Installment

When I look back at how I used to live, I can clearly see how my behaviors and choices led me to the edge of my emotional, spiritual, and physical bottom. I didn’t wake up every day actively wanting to die, but it felt like I was slowly choosing to end my suffering through the choices I was making—death by installment.

At the time, I couldn’t see another solution to the pain I was in. I wasn’t sharing my struggles with anyone, so the only voice I heard was the negative one in my head, and it told me I was right. I wouldn’t have said I was on a path of self-destruction, but now, standing nearly 14 years beyond my worst, I can see it clearly.

Recognizing the Patterns

It’s always easier to see patterns in hindsight—the choices, the behaviors, the downward slide. When you’re in it, it’s much harder to see just how far you’ve fallen. Often, the people around us can see it, but while we’re caught in the spiral, we’re rarely willing to hear it.

In my life, there were countless signs that my actions were compromising my safety, health, and spirit. There were moments that should have been wake-up calls. But instead of asking for help, I brushed them off and kept going.

At first, I lived in denial. When things went wrong, I’d tell myself it wasn’t that bad. But denial eventually gave way to shame, guilt, and finally, apathy. I stopped caring. And when you stop caring about your own well-being, you’re playing a dangerous game—one that could end in disaster.

I’m incredibly fortunate that someone came into my life who recognized what was happening. They shared their story of recovery with me, and for the first time, I saw hope. They showed me that a different life was possible—if I was willing to work for it. Thankfully, I was.

The Power of Choice

Many of us engage in self-harming behaviors—whether it’s neglecting our physical health, ignoring our mental and spiritual wellness, or taking risks that put us in danger. Sometimes it’s subtle, and sometimes it’s glaring. But no matter how it shows up, it’s a slow march toward destruction.

The truth is, we hold the key to our own well-being. It takes rigorous honesty and humility to look at the choices we’re making and ask ourselves: Are these choices serving me? Or am I slowly writing a story of decline, one installment at a time?

A Turning Point

For me, the turning point came when I was willing to face the truth—that I was living in a way that was harming me, that I was denying myself the life I deserved. I had to be honest, with myself and with others, and I had to surrender.

That surrender wasn’t weakness. It was strength. It was reclaiming my power and choosing to live.

Where Are You Today?

We all make choices every day. Some lead us closer to the light, and some drag us deeper into the shadows. The question is: Are you making choices that honor your life and your worth?

If you’re on a path that’s slowly breaking you down, it’s time to stop. It’s time to ask for help, to speak your truth, to make a different choice. You deserve more. But first, you have to believe that.

SLAY OF THE DAY:

  • Looking back at your life, do you feel you’ve made choices that serve you? If not, why not?

  • Have you changed the way you live to reflect more positive, life-affirming choices?

  • Are you still making choices that harm you or lead you down a destructive path?

  • What can you do today to stop this cycle?

  • Do you believe you deserve to live a healthy, fulfilling life? If not, why not?

You matter, SLAYER. I believe that. Now it’s time for you to believe it, too. Take that first step—share your truth with someone you trust, and open yourself to finding a new way forward. SLAY on.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one change you can make today to choose a healthier, more fulfilling path?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might need this message, send it to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others, let people be inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

state-of-slay Never Be Ashamed

When We Find The Courage To Change We Give Others Hope They Can Also

If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s this:
Courage doesn’t just change our lives — it creates space for others to change theirs.

But courage rarely announces itself with clarity. It usually arrives quietly, disguised as exhaustion, fear, or the realization that we simply can’t keep living the way we’ve been living.

For a long time, I didn’t recognize that the smallest spark of hope could become the bravest decision I ever made. I didn’t understand that my willingness to change wouldn’t just save me — it would ripple outward in ways I never expected.

But it did.
And it all started with someone else’s courage.

The Moment Someone Else’s Courage Became My Lifeline

More than a decade ago, I was drowning.

Not metaphorically — truly drowning in despair, in silence, in thoughts that terrified me. I had learned to function on the outside while falling apart on the inside. I didn’t see a future. I didn’t see a way out. I didn’t see myself as someone worth saving.

And then someone shared their story with me.

They weren’t preaching. They weren’t trying to fix me. They simply let me see their truth — the messy, painful, unpolished parts of their journey.
And for the first time in a very long time, I felt something stir inside me:

Hope.

It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t dramatic.
But it was real.

That tiny spark became the courage I didn’t know I was capable of. It gave me just enough strength to reach out and say, “I need help.”

And that single moment changed everything.

When Our Lives Start Unraveling, the Truth Reveals Itself

Before that breakthrough, I worked hard to pretend I was fine. I justified. I minimized. I avoided. I told myself I just needed to push through.

But deep down, I knew my life was unraveling.

I knew the weight I was carrying was too heavy. I knew the numbness was getting darker. I knew I was losing myself.

That’s the thing about internal truth — even when we hide it, it never stops whispering. And the longer we run, the louder it becomes.

When I finally faced what was happening, it wasn’t graceful. It wasn’t heroic. It was raw, terrifying, and humbling.

But it was honest.

And honesty is where healing begins.

Asking for Help Was the Bravest Thing I Ever Did

When I reached out for help, I didn’t do it because I believed I was worth saving.
I did it because I was desperate.

But here’s the beautiful part: desperation can be a doorway.
Sometimes the darkest moments are what make courage possible.

I admitted the truth — not just to others, but to myself.
I acknowledged how bad things had gotten.
I asked for support.
I allowed someone to walk with me through the darkness.

That choice didn’t just change my trajectory — it gave me my life back.

And once I began healing, something unexpected happened:
I wanted others to feel the relief, the hope, the clarity I was finding. I wanted to share what had helped me, the way someone had shared with me.

But I learned a life-changing lesson:

You Can’t Make Someone Change — but You Can Show Them It’s Possible

In my eagerness, I tried to help people who weren’t ready.
I offered advice they didn’t ask for.
I pushed when I should have simply stood beside them.

Because change can’t be forced.
Not for me.
Not for you.
Not for anyone.

People move when they are ready — not when we decide they should be.

But even when someone isn’t ready, they’re watching our courage.
They’re watching the way we transform.
They’re watching the way we choose to show up differently.

And sometimes, without realizing it, our healing becomes their hope.

Your Growth Gives Someone Else Permission to Grow

We never fully know who’s inspired by our courage.

Your decision to get help.
Your willingness to change.
Your honesty about your past.
Your commitment to healing.
Your refusal to stay stuck.

These things matter.

They matter more than you think.

Just by living your truth — not perfectly, not publicly, just truthfully — you become a mirror for possibility.
You become a reminder that change is possible.
You become evidence that pain isn’t the end of the story.

And someone, somewhere, may take their first brave step because you took yours.

Courage Isn’t Loud — It’s Contagious

Courage doesn’t have to roar.
Sometimes it whispers.
Sometimes it shakes.
Sometimes it shows up as a trembling hand reaching out for help.

But every act of courage sends a message:

If I can do this, maybe you can too.

That’s the quiet magic of growth.
It doesn’t just elevate your life — it lights the way for others.

You don’t have to preach.
You don’t have to convince.
You don’t have to prove anything.

All you have to do is live your truth.

The rest happens on its own.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Where in your life have you felt the first spark of courage to change?
L: Who inspired you by sharing their story, and how did their courage impact yours?
A: What is one step — even a small one — that you feel called to take toward healing or growth?
Y: How might your journey give hope to someone else who’s struggling?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When has someone else’s courage inspired you to change — or where do you feel called to be brave today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to find their courage, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The way you think creates your reality.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

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