good

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There is no good or bad in the universe, only action and consequence.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Consequences Today

Are You Happy With The Consequences You’re Getting?

As we start the new year it’s a great time to do a check on where we’re at in our lives. To look at what we like, what we don’t, and to ask ourselves if we are happy with the consequences we are getting? As I have said many times at State Of Slay, our lives are what we make of them, they are the result of choices we are making and if we don’t like the results we have the power to change a lot of that if we make different choices. Now, there are always things that are out of our control, but even within those circumstances we do have a choices on how we react to those things. So, if we’re not liking the consequences you’re getting in your life, then you have the power to take different action, or, choosing a different reaction.

As I’ve said in previous blogs, before stepping on this path I believed that life was just something that happened to me. I didn’t think I had much say in how things went, and when things went badly, I always blamed someone else for the result. I also was making choices that could only result in bad consequences which allowed me to continue telling the narrative that I was a bad person who didn’t deserve good things. It wasn’t until I committed to working on self-love and living in the light that it was pointed out to me that I had more power than I thought in all of those things, in fact, I, in many situations, caused the negative outcome myself. It was tough to accept that at first, as it was much easier to point fingers and blame others for my misfortune, but once I was able to wrap my head around that, and, find forgiveness in myself for all those consequences, I realized that I had much more power than I ever thought. That, was something positive I could focus on. If I was able to cause so much chaos in my life, could I not use that same energy and power to now bring good into life? I found that I could, and I still do everyday.

We have the power to change much of what we don’t like in our lives, even if it’s just our attitude or perspective of what we don’t like, but many times it is our choices and actions that may be bringing us unfavorable results, and instead of wallowing in our unhappiness or feeling sorry for ourselves, we can choose to make better choices moving forward to produce different results. That’s pretty powerful. Life is not something that just happens to us, we carry much more power than we realize, and when we live our lives in the light, take positive action, give back when we can, and focus on the good, those are the things that come back to us. If we find ourselves in a negative place, we can look for one thing that is good, one positive thing, or one thing we can find gratitude for, that is a start, that is enough to set us in the right direction, and once we find that one thing, we can keep building from there, keep training ourselves to look for the good, the light, and we will find hope, and if you find yourself not able to find the hope in your life, use mine, use me as a light, and use my hope to show you that you too can come out of the darkness and take your power back, I did, and I know you can too. Shine on. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you don’t have any power in your life? If not, why not? Why do you feel so powerless? Think about a situation you feel powerless against, what can you do, even small, to take positive action within that situation? Even if it’s just changing how you look at it, or realizing you do have some power, that is a positive step in the right direction, a step that could lead to bigger steps and eventually a better way of life. Write down an example when you have taken positive, or different, actions than you have and saw a more favorable result. Use that example to fuel your actions moving forward, and make a commitment to make positive choices and to use your power to create positivity in your life and create the life you see and want for yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Failure Isn’t Fatal, It’s Feedback

I used to fear failure. I thought it validated me being not good enough, less than. Every time I failed it stung like it was proof I didn’t deserve to have what I wanted, or I wasn’t good enough to get it. But what it was really there to do was give me feedback. To show me what wasn’t working so I could learn from it and try again, or try something different, or maybe just a different approach. But I would let it defeat me every time. Back then, I think that I equally wanted to fail as I wanted to win, because when I failed it let me continue to tell the narrative my head liked to tell, that I didn’t deserve good things, and I was never going to get them. I know now then that thinking wasn’t true. Those were just the lies my disease would tell me to keep me sick, and keep me isolated, it was working.

When things don’t go my way now I try to look for the lesson in it. I look at how I approached it and ask myself if there was something I could have done better, or differently, that may have resulted in a better outcome. I’ve learned a lot from doing that, and I’ve also learned, that sometimes it was out of hands, and that goal or thing I was working for wasn’t meant to be mine, and it may not have because I was meant to be somewhere else or with someone else. You see, failure isn’t fatal, unless you let it be fatal, all it really is just information, or feedback. It’s the universe trying to show you where you are meant to be, and how to get there. We are programmed, by society, to look at failure as just that, proof we failed, or as failures, but that’s not what it’s mean to tell us at all. It’s direction. A nudge to head somewhere else, or try something different. Many of the world’s greatest inventions or successes have come from failure, and perhaps yours can too.

I look back at my life and at a very dark time I would have labeled a failure. A time when I didn’t even want to live. I looked at myself, and my life, at that time, and thought, wow, what a waste, all this potential and you messed it up, this is where your best thinking and best efforts brought you, but the reality is that getting myself to a place of total defeat brought me to a place of surrender, of complete humility, and willing to be teachable is the greatest victory of my life, and the start of the most incredible journey of my life, the journey I’m still on, and plan to stay on for the rest of my life. What I thought was complete failure, got me to a place that I was able to reach out and receive the greatest gift I could ever receive, the gift of desperation to finally look to and grab onto the light. And because I was willing, so many other gifts came my way that have helped me on this journey, and continue to, and when I attempt something new, or try something I haven’t before, and I don’t get the desired result, I know to keep going, and, to keep an open mind and an open heart, because that failure may just bring another incredible gift, in fact, it already has, and it can for you too, if you just allow it to. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: How do you handle failure? Do you let it defeat you? What do you say to yourself when you fail? Are those things true? If not, why do you say them? How those things help you? How do they hurt you? What if you stopped saying them? What if you started looking at them as just feedback? What if you let them guide you to where you are meant or supposed to be? What if you looked at them as just that, a guide? Can you write down some examples of good things that have come out of seemingly failures in your life? Can you write down examples of times you felt you failed, but can now look at those situations and perhaps find some feedback or guidance in those failures? Those times we “fail” we may be right on course to where we’re supposed to be headed, we may have never been destined to achieve what we set out to in the first place, because there is something else waiting for us that is better, or far more well-suited than what we think we should have, or be. Trust the process and don’t listen to your head that tells you your next failure is fatal, because your greatest victory may just be around the corner.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you believe you deserve the good, you will find the good, work your way to the good and no longer the feel the bad is a place of comfort.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Better

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let the feeling of good fuel your fire to keeping working for more good.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dont Stop

Everything Good Takes Maintenance

Not to rain on your parade, but with all the good we put into our lives, the work involved in making positive changes, the work doesn’t stop there. Good things take maintenance. We live in a world full of distractions, negativity, and busyness, and the good we put into our lives gets chipped away by these things, so if we don’t continue to maintain them, they will eventually become so depleted they will waste away. It takes work to get the good, and it takes work to keep it. It’s also keeping up with the evolution of who we are. As we continue to work on ourselves and grow, the good we once needed may change or evolve along with us, so we may need to do some tune-ups or upgrade, to it as we upgrade ourselves. It may seem daunting to think the work is never done, but once we get in the habit of looking for and working for the good and doing what’s best for us, that work just becomes acts of loving yourself and not so much work most of the time.

Like anything, we have to always check-in with ourselves. It’s easy to rest on our laurels and coast. Especially when things feel good. Even if things feel good it’s important to still make sure they are good, because we can convince ourselves that just because things feel calm, and in reality may have become stagnant, that we’re OK where we are, even if that place isn’t challenging us, or making us happy. Just because there might not be any drama, or negativity, doesn’t mean we can sit back and stop doing the work. Especially for those of us that have come from such places of darkness, and may have had to fight so hard to get out, into the light, we can stop working when we’ve overcome the resistance of our past, and stay somewhere longer than we are meant to.

I like to think of the maintenance as a gift to myself. Work that will give back to me, and those around me, ten-fold, because when I am in a place that lets my true self shine I am able to be at my best and possibly inspire or help others to do so as well. So I look at it as selfish if I am not doing the work, because I am not only cheating myself out of being my best self, but possibly others as well because I am not able to shine my light as bright on the path ahead. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m always excited about doing the work, there are days when I may stomp my feet and wish the work would do itself, but I know when I do get to it, it’ll be worth it, and that work will take me to the next place I am supposed to be. Everything we do and everyone we meet is meant to take us to where we are meant to be next, or prepare us for what’s ahead, so when we keep doing the work, we’re always ready for what may come our way, good, or bad, we’ve got the tools for that particular job.

Our lives are in perpetual motion, life is always happening around us, and hopefully within us, so it’s important to keep up with it and not stall or stop our growth and enjoyment of it. Open your heart and follow it’s direction, feed it with what makes it sing, and make sure you’re giving it enough fuel to give you the gas you need to keep your positive tank, your good tank, full to take you to your next destination. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you shy away from doing the work you know you should be doing to be your best self? Why do you do that? Is it a way to punish yourself? Do you think you’re not worthy of good? Are you hoping it’ll fix itself? It won’t SLAYER. When you do something good for yourself, do you feel good? How exactly do you feel? Write it down. When you don’t want to do good things for you look at what you just wrote, remember the feeling and let that inspire you to get to work. When we do more good for ourselves we attract more good. That good starts a fire inside of us and the heat and flames grow higher as we keep putting more good into it, and when it’s burning we can share those flames with someone else who may be sitting in the dark. Ignite that spark in you, and keep feeding that fire.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Use your strength of good.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Repeat

Hey! I’m Talking To You

I think it’s time for a pep talk and let go of all the preconceived about who you are and who you should be. YOU SHOULD BE YOU!

It’s easy to get lost in the social media black hole, or the messages put out by advertisers, about who we’re supposed to be, what we’re supposed to look like, and what we’re supposed to watch and listen to. Those things are very persuasive, and so can the people in our lives. If we’re not putting pressure on ourselves, others can put pressure on us to be what is expected of us. Many of us feel like failures when we don’t measure up to these ideas and parameters. But, if that’s not who you are, and not what you want to do, don’t do it. We are not here to please others, we are here to learn who we are and what our own unique purpose is, and we’re not going to find that living a life for someone else, or, by trying to fit into an unattainable mold we see presented to us as the norm. Who the heck wants to be the norm anyways? Be you.

When I speak to young adults it’s hard to listen to them tell me that they don’t feel good enough, or to hear them beat themselves up because they are not like the other kids. I say good! Don’t be like the other kids. But, it’s easy for me to say that now after 12 ½ years of work on myself, and learning to love myself for who I am and what I stand for. When I was a young adult I hated myself, even as an adult I hated myself, and the last thing I wanted to do was to stand out because I worried that you might ask me a lot of questions, questions I didn’t want to answer because I thought if you knew the answers, you wouldn’t like me. So, I understand. But, what I continue to share with anyone who will listen is, what sets you apart makes you special. Unique. Whole. Beautiful. Bold. Strong. And one badass. Love who you are. Embrace who you are. Celebrate who you are. And, if there is something that you don’t like, something that you think is getting in the way of being your best self, then take action to change it. But only do it for you.

It’s about finding acceptance, even in the dark places, of our true selves. In fact, especially loving the dark places because that is where we are most vulnerable. Those are also the place from where we should share ourselves, it’s those places that connect us to others like ourselves and give us strength as we use those places for good, and we take those places back and make them our own. Never be ashamed of who you are and where you’ve come from. It is what has made you into who you are today. And who you are today is awesome. And if you’re not feeling your awesomeness go out and take some action to find it. But I want you to know, that I already see it. It’s in you, let it shine.

Never let anything get in the way of being your best self. Know that what you have to offer is special, and no one else’s. You may come in a different kind of package, but the gifts inside are pure magic. Share those gifts with those out there who may appreciate them, who may need them, or just to show yourself how magical you are. Only you can say what’s right for you, so own who you are and go out and show us all. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find you get stuck thinking you should be or look a certain way? Why? Where are you getting these messages? Do you think they’re healthy? Do you think you’re setting yourself up to fail by setting unreal expectations for yourself? Why do you think you do this? What is a more loving way to encourage yourself to change? What don’t you want to change? List 5 things you like about yourself. Of those 5 things, what can you use to share with others who can use those things? Share them SLAYER, share you, and never doubt that what makes you makes you special. Love who you are, all of you, and live out loud, expressing your true self for all to see. Shine bright SLAYER.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Good habits are formed the same way as bad habits are, through practice. Choose to practice for your good.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Rewarding

Say Thank You, Even If You Don’t Like It

I know what you’re thinking, why would I say thank you for something I don’t like? We should always say thank you, because we are grateful or appreciative for the good, and because we are grateful and appreciative for the not so good because we will learn from it.

We label things as good or bad. We assign value to things. But really nothing has more or less value unless we give it that value. So the idea of saying thank you to something you don’t like is a way to level the playing field. To make everything a positive experience. Some things, because they favor us, or are what we want, most definitely fall into a positive experience, and others take a different perspective to look for the positive. But, it’s always there.

When I look at things, or situations, that did not go my way, I can choose to think of those as negative, but really they weren’t. I always learned something from them. I learned about myself and I learned about the other people involved. I might learn that I needed to prepare more, or ask more questions, or maybe I needed to make my expectations known, perhaps I set my expectations so high no one could have met them, or maybe my lesson is to learn to be graceful and humble when things don’t go my way. No matter what, I look at what I could have done better and what I could learn for the next time. That’s the positive way to look at a negative situation. It’s also about living in a place of gratitude.

It’s easy to be angry or bitter that when we don’t get our way, and it’s easy to get into a negative pattern of thinking that tells us we never get in our way, which likely isn’t true, we just might not be getting our own way as much as we’d like, so, the question is, how can we change that? And, is our own way really the best way for us? There might be a reason we’re not getting our own way. It may not be what’s best for us after all. And, when we’re open to not just labeling something as bad, we can be open to seeing what we can take away from those situations. Being grateful for whatever comes is living in a state of grace, and living in a STATE OF SLAY. Trusting that what comes your way is what is best for you and, even if someone reacts to you in a negative way, be grateful for what that might teach you, and, how you may have handled it. What you might learn from that. What you can take away. Look for the lesson, or, just be grateful, regardless. I know that might seem foreign, but trust me, once you practice it, it really is a happier place to live. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know no one can do this all the time, we’re not perfect, but if we land here most of the time that is enough to make a seismic shift, propelling us from a place of poor me to fortunate me. I always say, look for the good and you will find the good, and this is a perfect example.

Say thank you whether you like it or not. Be grateful. Learn. Grow from the experiences that are put in front of you, find the good, create the good, be the good.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let seemingly bad situations get your down? Do you blame yourself? Do you blame others? Do you carry that around and let it ruin your day, week, month, year? How does that help you? How does it hurt you? How does being grateful for things you don’t like feel to you? If it’s negative, why do you feel negatively about it? What do you get out of holding on to the bad? SLAYER, try saying thank you, even just in your own head, no matter what the outcome, and find a way to be grateful for all experiences, sometimes it’s the ones we label as bad that we learn from the most, so find some gratitude in that.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you