Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Accountability turns pain into peace.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dignity Reward

Too Content With Your Misery

When I was living in the dark I didn’t want to be there but it was what I had known for many years and I found comfort in the familiarity of it. It felt safe, because it was what I knew, but it was anything but. I knew I would eventually die there but it felt too scary to try to leave. I wrapped that darkness around me like like a cloak, and told myself it protected me, but it only protected me from getting well.

It took a lot for me to reach out for help and to take the action I needed to actually get well. There had been many times I had wished to get well, or hoped for it, and even looked into it, but it would always stop there, short of actually taking the action needed. Just wanting something wasn’t enough to make it so, and, truthfully, I wasn’t ready to let go of my misery for happiness, joy and freedom. That, today, sounds crazy to me, but at the time it made perfect sense. Why put myself out there, launch myself into the unknown, where I don’t know what’s going to happen, or how people are going to react, when I can stay here in my misery and know exactly how things will go and how I’m perceived. I had to reach a point where I was no longer content to sit in my misery, and I was fortunate to sit in it long enough to get uncomfortable there.

My discomfort in my misery felt like a betrayal, after all, I had devoted most of my life to that place, and then to find myself uncomfortable and in fear of staying there, I felt like my best friend had turned on me. That fear of staying there, and the realization that it would ultimately be my demise was far great than the fear of stepping out of my misery for something different, and, possibly something better. And so I did. It was extremely uncomfortable at first, and I had to throw out everything I had known from my past to forge a new beginning and a new life. I had to let go of all the romanticizing I had done about my misery and that dark place, I had to stop justifying it, and thinking of it as safe, it wasn’t, and I had to trust where I was being guided and the guidance I was being given and learn to walk one step at a time in this new light. I learned that my misery was not just unique to me, that many others shared in it and my misery became an outlet for me to heal and connect with others who were doing the same. Sharing our misery made us feel less lonely and part of a group of people doing what was best for us, it gave us strength and power to keep going and through each other and the work we were each doing, I began to find myself content there, in the light, the misery seemed like a cold place I didn’t want to return to, my concept of content was changing.

Today I live in the light. The darkness still creeps in from time to time, but it doesn’t feel good when it does, and, it’s a sign to me that I’m not doing what I have learned to do to keep it at bay, I’ve left a door open somewhere and it’s up to me to close it. I have no desire to return to my misery, even though I know it’s out there waiting for me, trying to convince me to come back, but I know better, there’s nothing for me there, nothing but, well, misery. I live in the light today and my life is more than I ever could have imagined sitting alone in the dark, it took that leap of faith, courage and humility to step out from the darkness and seek the light, and it was worth every moment, every amount of work and uncomfortableness I felt to get me to where I am today.

Today I am someone I am proud of, I am someone who is honest, and caring, strong, courageous and compassionate, and I’ve learned that to be any of those things, and all of those things, I have to be them myself before I can see them in others, or encourage them in others, I need to identify them in me, and believe in them for myself so I can identify them in all of you. What it all comes down to is not where you are comfortable, but where you can thrive, be your best self, and share your light with others, and sometimes that means getting out from that place you feel content for a new place that challenges you but you are drawn to because you know it is where you are meant to be and deserve to be. Let go of your misery and let in the possibility of your own happiness. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you too content in your misery? Why do you think that is? Is it the only place you’ve ever known? Have you ever stepped out of your misery? How did that feel? Why did, or do, you go back? What does it look like outside of that place? Why don’t you stay there? What’s keeping you in your misery? What do you have to lose by giving it up? Do it SLAYER! Let go of your misery for what else you may find out there, for what you can be, and what you can have in your life that you deny yourself by staying in your misery. Take that leap of faith like I did, there are many of us that have, and we’re all cheering you on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Maybe it’s not about fixing something that is broken, maybe it’s about creating something better.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Set A Prisoner Free

When People Only See Who We Used To Be

I have changed a lot over the past 13 plus years. That core person I am is still there, and always was, although she was buried under a lot of junk I piled on top of her, but the essence of who I am has walked with me, that is person I fight for every day, but a lot has changed, I have changed, and not every person from my past has changed along with me, or, has been accepting of those changes. Just because we make a commitment to change ourselves for the better doesn’t mean everyone else has, or wants to, or, wants to see us do it. By us changing we put the spotlight on us, our behavior and choices, but by changing those things to better align with a healthier and happier us others may question their own decisions, or, not be comfortable with us not being who we used to be. That, is not our problem, or responsibility. Our responsibility is being our best selves, to learn from our past and to make decisions that are right for us today. That is what we are responsible for. People may want to keep us where we were, but only we can keep ourselves, or put ourselves, back there.

It can be difficult to accept that those we love and know may not want to see us grow or flourish. That they might want to keep us back to make themselves feel better, or to continue living their lives in a particular way, or because they might have to look at themselves and their own behavior if they accept this new us. Once again, none of this is our problem, or, something we can control. What we can control is the choices we make today, how we act or react to the world around us, and what goals we put in front of ourselves to get to where we would like to go. It can be heartbreaking that others in our life are not there to cheer us on as we would them, and try to sabotage us, or hold us back, even by just verbally telling us what we “deserve” or share their opinion of where they think we should be, and just as they probably wouldn’t like us telling them what we think they deserve, their opinion should be kept to themselves, but often isn’t. We can’t control that. But, we can control how much time we give them and their opinion, and, we have to decide that how much time we give them, my experience has taught me, very little to none. If I had listened to certain people who had told me I would never be more than I was, or would fail, or, was reaching too high, I would be dead. No doubt. Instead I followed my heart and spirit, I listened to those who had gone before me and were in the trenches with me who knew this journey and path, and I dug in my heels determined to win, for myself, and I have. If people were or are not able to see my progress and how the changes I’ve made have enhanced my life and those around me, then that’s unfortunate for them. Today I don’t give my time to jealousy, to ignorance or to someone stuck in the past, I can find compassion for them and look to find understanding for their way of thinking, but I will not let it affect my day or the work I’ve done. I have worked very hard to get to the place I have and I won’t let anyone rob me of what I’ve earned.

We all walk our own path. Our journey may look similar, but no two are exactly the same. It is no one’s business what yours looks like as long as your path is filled with honesty, hope and the steps you need to be and become your best self. Own who you are, who you’ve been, and who you are becoming, and never let anyone pull you back or make you believe you are anyone than who you are right now, and who you are is a survivor, a warrior, and a freedom fighter, a fighter for your own freedom. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let the opinions of others dictate who you think you are what you think you deserve? Why do you do that? Do you have people in your life who only see how you used to be? Who are they? Why do you think they only see the past? Have you shown them you are not your past? How? Do you spend too much time trying to show them instead of letting who you are today be your example? SLAYER, you are a living breathing example of change, and if someone is not comfortable with that change, or does not want to see it in you, for whatever reason, that is not your responsibility, stand tall in who you are, who you’ve become and what you are becoming, and never let anyone tell you who are allowed to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

The Negative Space

I was in a conversation someone who works in design the other day and she was talking about the beauty of negative space. It made me think, that yes, there is beauty in not having to fit everything in, in order or right in line with the next. There is something very beautiful with space between things, not only aesthetically but in life as well.

Before walking this path I was constantly trying to control everything. What I didn’t realize until I was in recovery was that my need for control was a result of me feeling out of control of my life and the world around me, so, I would dig in and hold tight trying to do the impossible, control the uncontrollable. Negative space, any space or gaps, made me nervous, I always wanted everything to line up and to be perfect. Well, I don’t know about your life, but mine, no matter how much I tried to force it, never quite lined up that way, not for long anyway, and when it didn’t, I thought I had failed. The insanity for me was continuing time and time again, day in and day out, to line everything up, and each day finding it didn’t. I never left room for any negative space, or anything I couldn’t see or label. Learning to leave that negative space caused me anxiety at first. Things felt unfinished, or undone, two things I never let happen while I was living in the dark, I always had to see everything to it’s conclusion and have it neatly tied up at the end, even if it was harmful to me. I had to change my thinking and my perspective to focus on my own self-care, and that had to take precedent over trying to finish something or lining everything up neatly so it looked pretty but may have damaged my heart and soul. I challenged myself to leave some space, or not finish something if it didn’t feel right or wasn’t in line with my new way of life. It was difficult to walk away at first, but I found my power in it, if I had made that choice there was a good reason, and that reason was me. I had to put myself at the top of any list and make sure whatever it was I was engaging in was feeding me with positivity, or teaching me something I needed to know or experience. I began to look at that negative space as self-love, of giving myself space to breathe, to let go and to allow for the possibility of the unknown, and as I did, my anxiety started to dissipate and retreat. I know today that the only control I have in my life is my reaction to what is around me and my intentions, that is all, and when I feel the need to try to control I can change that need to being of service to others, to finding a way, or ways, to make someone else’s day brighter or let them know they are loved and appreciated, when I focus on that intention, my need to control goes away, and I am no longer stuck in my head trying to run the show. Today I can find peace in the negative space because it’s where I can exhale and find some room to move, to investigate and to be open to new things. I have made that space a positive space.

We all have the ability to give ourselves some space, to leave some room in between those people, places and things we deem important or essential in our lives, and when we do, we open the door for new thoughts, new experiences and new ways of life, letting go of the patterns we may have been in that no longer suit us, or perhaps, never did. Learning to enjoy the negative space in our lives allows us to be gentler to ourselves, it always us room to learn and make mistakes, it gives us permission to be human and flawed, and it allows us to laugh where we may have beat ourselves up in the past. Find the negative space in your life, and look for some that you can expand and give yourself more room to grow. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow for any negative space in your life or do you keep things tight and lined up? If you don’t allow for any negative space, why is that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? Does it frighten you? Why is that? What if you tried SLAYER, to ease off the control of our life and let there be some room for some negative space in your life, some room to let go and breathe. The answers you seek may just be in that space you so desperately try to avoid.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others, let people be inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

state-of-slay Never Be Ashamed

When We Find The Courage To Change We Give Others Hope They Can Also

If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s this:
Courage doesn’t just change our lives — it creates space for others to change theirs.

But courage rarely announces itself with clarity. It usually arrives quietly, disguised as exhaustion, fear, or the realization that we simply can’t keep living the way we’ve been living.

For a long time, I didn’t recognize that the smallest spark of hope could become the bravest decision I ever made. I didn’t understand that my willingness to change wouldn’t just save me — it would ripple outward in ways I never expected.

But it did.
And it all started with someone else’s courage.


The Moment Someone Else’s Courage Became My Lifeline

More than a decade ago, I was drowning.

Not metaphorically — truly drowning in despair, in silence, in thoughts that terrified me. I had learned to function on the outside while falling apart on the inside. I didn’t see a future. I didn’t see a way out. I didn’t see myself as someone worth saving.

And then someone shared their story with me.

They weren’t preaching. They weren’t trying to fix me. They simply let me see their truth — the messy, painful, unpolished parts of their journey.
And for the first time in a very long time, I felt something stir inside me:

Hope.

It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t dramatic.
But it was real.

That tiny spark became the courage I didn’t know I was capable of. It gave me just enough strength to reach out and say, “I need help.”

And that single moment changed everything.


When Our Lives Start Unraveling, the Truth Reveals Itself

Before that breakthrough, I worked hard to pretend I was fine. I justified. I minimized. I avoided. I told myself I just needed to push through.

But deep down, I knew my life was unraveling.

I knew the weight I was carrying was too heavy. I knew the numbness was getting darker. I knew I was losing myself.

That’s the thing about internal truth — even when we hide it, it never stops whispering. And the longer we run, the louder it becomes.

When I finally faced what was happening, it wasn’t graceful. It wasn’t heroic. It was raw, terrifying, and humbling.

But it was honest.

And honesty is where healing begins.


Asking for Help Was the Bravest Thing I Ever Did

When I reached out for help, I didn’t do it because I believed I was worth saving.
I did it because I was desperate.

But here’s the beautiful part: desperation can be a doorway.
Sometimes the darkest moments are what make courage possible.

I admitted the truth — not just to others, but to myself.
I acknowledged how bad things had gotten.
I asked for support.
I allowed someone to walk with me through the darkness.

That choice didn’t just change my trajectory — it gave me my life back.

And once I began healing, something unexpected happened:
I wanted others to feel the relief, the hope, the clarity I was finding. I wanted to share what had helped me, the way someone had shared with me.

But I learned a life-changing lesson:


You Can’t Make Someone Change — but You Can Show Them It’s Possible

In my eagerness, I tried to help people who weren’t ready.
I offered advice they didn’t ask for.
I pushed when I should have simply stood beside them.

Because change can’t be forced.
Not for me.
Not for you.
Not for anyone.

People move when they are ready — not when we decide they should be.

But even when someone isn’t ready, they’re watching our courage.
They’re watching the way we transform.
They’re watching the way we choose to show up differently.

And sometimes, without realizing it, our healing becomes their hope.


Your Growth Gives Someone Else Permission to Grow

We never fully know who’s inspired by our courage.

Your decision to get help.
Your willingness to change.
Your honesty about your past.
Your commitment to healing.
Your refusal to stay stuck.

These things matter.

They matter more than you think.

Just by living your truth — not perfectly, not publicly, just truthfully — you become a mirror for possibility.
You become a reminder that change is possible.
You become evidence that pain isn’t the end of the story.

And someone, somewhere, may take their first brave step because you took yours.


Courage Isn’t Loud — It’s Contagious

Courage doesn’t have to roar.
Sometimes it whispers.
Sometimes it shakes.
Sometimes it shows up as a trembling hand reaching out for help.

But every act of courage sends a message:

If I can do this, maybe you can too.

That’s the quiet magic of growth.
It doesn’t just elevate your life — it lights the way for others.

You don’t have to preach.
You don’t have to convince.
You don’t have to prove anything.

All you have to do is live your truth.

The rest happens on its own.


SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Where in your life have you felt the first spark of courage to change?
L: Who inspired you by sharing their story, and how did their courage impact yours?
A: What is one step — even a small one — that you feel called to take toward healing or growth?
Y: How might your journey give hope to someone else who’s struggling?


Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When has someone else’s courage inspired you to change — or where do you feel called to be brave today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to find their courage, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Hate is heavy, let it go.

SLAY on!
State Of Slay Ill Mind

 

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Words are singularly the most powerful force we have, and we have the choice to use that force constructively or destructively.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Words Add Value

The Power Of Words

I was having a conversation the other day about the power of words. The words we say aloud, and most importantly, the words we say internally to ourselves. Our words have more power than we think. Our words power what we think. Our words can change how we feel and can change how others feel. They can uplift us and can tear us down. But we get to choose what words have power over us, and what words have what meaning to us and our lives. And, we get to choose how we use our words.

When I was struggling to find the light in my life my inner dialogue was powerful, I gave it the power to keep me there, to only see the darkness, and I let my words speak a narrative that wasn’t authentic to who I was, but would tell the narrative I wanted to tell. The more I said them, them the more I believed them. My words kept me sick, and were making me sicker. I sought out people or situations where I would find the same words, so I was never hearing anything different. I didn’t realize that my words had the power they did, or that I even had power over them, it just seemed like a running dialogue of negativity that I couldn’t escape from.

It wasn’t until I made the choice to find a solution that I started to realize the power of my words, and, how I could get power over them. If I was going to get better and start loving myself, I had to start using my words for good, my good, and stop letting them tear me down. At first I struggled to find the words that were going to start a positive change in my life, but I was encouraged to look for what I was grateful for, what I saw in my life that was positive, and start saying those things out loud. To start, it wasn’t easy, but even if I could think of one thing, I would write it down, put it in my pocket, and when the negative words started to flow, I would take that piece of paper out and say those positive words out loud. The key for me was to say them out loud, to hear myself say them, and as I practiced this I began to find more positive words to say and more things I was grateful for. Those words started the change, and I started to realize that my words could make change, in myself, and those around me. I realized that I had the power to do that, and set out to lay down the foundation of positivity in what I was saying. I also began to realize that my words could move me forward in a direction I wanted to go, that they could propel me to a place that I had only dreamed of, and because I was saying it, and because I was doing the work, that place was now within my reach.

Today I work to choose my words carefully. I use them to shoot forward, like an arrow, of where I want to go, I use them to stamp out my fear, to congratulate myself when I overcome something in my life that I have been challenged by in the past, I use them to encourage myself, and those around me, and I have learned to listen and seek out others who speak the words I speak or want to speak. When we learn to use our words to guide ourselves in the direction we want to, we take power over our words and where we’re going, our words are more powerful than we think. Use your words carefully because you are listening. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you understand the power of your words? What do you use your words for mostly? To lift you up, or tear yourself down? If you use them to tear yourself down, why do you make that choice? How does it hold you back? What words do you use around others? Do you speak more kindly towards others than yourself? Why is that? What if you chose to speak kinder words to yourself? What do you think the result would be? Feel the power of your words, the power they have within yourself and out in the world, and you decide what energy you want to put behind them, that choice is yours.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you