change

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Hate is heavy, let it go.

SLAY on!
State Of Slay Ill Mind

 

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Words are singularly the most powerful force we have, and we have the choice to use that force constructively or destructively.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Words Add Value

The Power Of Words

I was having a conversation the other day about the power of words. The words we say aloud, and most importantly, the words we say internally to ourselves. Our words have more power than we think. Our words power what we think. Our words can change how we feel and can change how others feel. They can uplift us and can tear us down. But we get to choose what words have power over us, and what words have what meaning to us and our lives. And, we get to choose how we use our words.

When I was struggling to find the light in my life my inner dialogue was powerful, I gave it the power to keep me there, to only see the darkness, and I let my words speak a narrative that wasn’t authentic to who I was, but would tell the narrative I wanted to tell. The more I said them, them the more I believed them. My words kept me sick, and were making me sicker. I sought out people or situations where I would find the same words, so I was never hearing anything different. I didn’t realize that my words had the power they did, or that I even had power over them, it just seemed like a running dialogue of negativity that I couldn’t escape from.

It wasn’t until I made the choice to find a solution that I started to realize the power of my words, and, how I could get power over them. If I was going to get better and start loving myself, I had to start using my words for good, my good, and stop letting them tear me down. At first I struggled to find the words that were going to start a positive change in my life, but I was encouraged to look for what I was grateful for, what I saw in my life that was positive, and start saying those things out loud. To start, it wasn’t easy, but even if I could think of one thing, I would write it down, put it in my pocket, and when the negative words started to flow, I would take that piece of paper out and say those positive words out loud. The key for me was to say them out loud, to hear myself say them, and as I practiced this I began to find more positive words to say and more things I was grateful for. Those words started the change, and I started to realize that my words could make change, in myself, and those around me. I realized that I had the power to do that, and set out to lay down the foundation of positivity in what I was saying. I also began to realize that my words could move me forward in a direction I wanted to go, that they could propel me to a place that I had only dreamed of, and because I was saying it, and because I was doing the work, that place was now within my reach.

Today I work to choose my words carefully. I use them to shoot forward, like an arrow, of where I want to go, I use them to stamp out my fear, to congratulate myself when I overcome something in my life that I have been challenged by in the past, I use them to encourage myself, and those around me, and I have learned to listen and seek out others who speak the words I speak or want to speak. When we learn to use our words to guide ourselves in the direction we want to, we take power over our words and where we’re going, our words are more powerful than we think. Use your words carefully because you are listening. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you understand the power of your words? What do you use your words for mostly? To lift you up, or tear yourself down? If you use them to tear yourself down, why do you make that choice? How does it hold you back? What words do you use around others? Do you speak more kindly towards others than yourself? Why is that? What if you chose to speak kinder words to yourself? What do you think the result would be? Feel the power of your words, the power they have within yourself and out in the world, and you decide what energy you want to put behind them, that choice is yours.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The way you think creates your reality.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Share Your Story (1)

Using Heartache To Heal Hearts

As yesterday was World Mental Health Day it got me thinking about my own journey over the past 13 ½ years, and learning that by sharing some of the toughest and darkest days of my life with others can bring hope to someone who is also suffering. I often think back moments before I am writing a blog, speaking or sharing with someone one on one, of what it used to what it used to be like, and how, back then, I could have never have imagined myself talking publicly, or at all, about things that I, or society, may deem as negative or weak. I, before seeking help, felt shame about my mental health and how I was living my life, I was worried about being labeled crazy, but as I started to get better and took steps to make the changes necessary to have the life I live today I realized the power of my words, and all of our words, have the power to heal, and those days when we felt our hearts might break, or couldn’t take anymore, may, later, fill someone’s heart with the hope they need to move forward.

It’s always easier to look back at life and see the purpose of events or people who have been in our lives. Not everyone and everything may become clear to us, but those big events, those things that may changed our course, changed our view or position, may have needed to happen to get us where we needed to go, or, where we are right now. I survived a suicide attempt that I shouldn’t have, I struggled with the guilt of why I was still here, even though, after I had done it, I had regretted it thinking at that moment that there was no turning back, so when I survived, I asked myself, why was I still here? And, in my experience, when I ask the questions the answers come, they may not come on my timeline, but they will when I am meant to know them. For me, the answer was, I am here to be of service, to share my story with those who may be struggling or thinking that suicide is the only way to stop their pain, it is not. And I also know from my experience, that no one’s message gets through like someone who has been through what you have or are going through. There is power in my story and experience, and I have taken my power back from the most difficult day of my life and turned it into a message of hope, and I am not unique, you all have the ability to do the same, to take something you may have thought was negative, and perhaps was, and turn it into a beacon of hope for someone else. None of us get a free ride and walk through life without challenges, and many walk in silence because they are afraid to speak their truth, but by sharing yourself with someone you give them permission to do the same, and that permission may be the first step on their journey to recovery, it was for me when someone shared their story with me 14 years ago.

What we’ve walked through has value, not only to us, but those around us. We are all more alike than not alike, and when we open a dialogue about who we are and where we’ve come from we realize just how linked we all are and how many common experiences we have, which in turn, makes us feel less alone and more connected to those around us. I am a big proponent of looking for seemingly negative moments, struggles or aspects of my life, and turning them into positives, something that can help heal or connect with someone like myself. We all have the power to turn what may have been heartache into something that heals hearts, including your own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you keep or hide aspects of your life that you think are negative or shameful? Why do you think you need to do that? Have you been told to do that? By whom? When you do share one of those things how do you feel after? Have you been able to connect with others who may have had the same or similar experiences? How does that feel? What is your darkest secret? Why do you think you can’t tell anyone? How do you think you would feel if you did? Is there someone in your life you could tell? Tell them SLAYER, be honest about who you are and your journey so far, we are all works in progress, and each challenge is meant to teach us something and guide us to the next part of the path, by keeping it to yourself you are stalling your progress on that road. Find the courage to share your truth, you never know how that may open the door to road you never knew was there.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your life is your story. Write well. Edit often.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Same Story (1)

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! At any point in your story, you can reimagine the narrative you are living.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Changes Our Experience

Is It Time To Update Your Narrative?

I’ve written before how we are the authors of our own story, but many times, even though we have the power to change our story, or write a new chapter, we keep telling the same story over and over. The story we tell may not even be true, it may just be something we were told, and believing it to be true we continue to tell it without asking ourselves if it is, or ever was, or maybe it’s an old story that no longer represents who we are today . And sometimes we tell the story we want to tell, not the one that we should be telling. Our narrative changes over the course of our lives, for most of us, mine certainly has, and it’s important to check in and make sure that ours is up to date.

When I was struggling in my disease my narrative was outdated and one of being a victim. I held onto the past and let it hold me back there. My head told me my narrative was never going to change, so I stayed in the cycle of telling the same story over and over, and reliving time and time again. In the end, each day was just a repeat of the day before, even if I intended to change it, I found myself trapped in the same day. What I didn’t realize back then was that to change my story I needed to make changes. Like take action and actually do things differently, not just think about it, or wish it, without action I would continue to live the same day over and ultimately my narrative would have ended tragically, and it almost did. It’s important to ask ourselves if we’re happy where we are and if not, what can we change to make our lives more in line with what we want, or who we are. It’s easy to keep doing the same things that we always have, but are they making us happy? Are we moving us forward? Is our narrative reflective of who we are today and the goals we’ve set for ourselves? And, have we made changes but still think of ourselves in our old narrative? Is it time for an update?

We have ability to change our narrative whenever it suits us, as long as it is our truth. There’s no limit to who we can be, what we can accomplish or how we live our lives, except the limitations we put on ourselves. We may experience things in our lives that may limit what we used to be able to do, or changes what we can do, but even within those things that are out of our control we still get to decide what narrative we want to tell from that new place. What opportunity lays ahead for us when change happens beyond our control? It’s endless.

Take control of the narrative you tell, make sure it’s up to date and reflective of who you are today, and make sure you share the updated you with those in your life, even those who want to keep us back to who we used to be, share the real you today, and let the narrative of the past go, you have new stories to tell and a new life to live. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to get stuck in your old narrative or stories from your past? Do those stories still represent who you are today? If not, why do you continue to tell outdated stories about yourself? What is different today? Was the narrative of your past one that was truly yours, or one that was given to you by others? How did it differ from your truth? How does it differ from you today? Do you update your narrative to make sure you are telling and sharing the most updated version of yourself? If not, why not? Have you thought about the narrative you are telling? Make sure, SLAYER, that you update your narrative, that you are still in line with the story you tell, and that it represents who you are today and where you want to go. We are the authors of our own story, no one else gets to dictate who we are, and, what comes next.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t let a bad situation change your inner goodness.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Look Back

Someone Doesn’t Need To Feel Sorry For You To Love You

How often, when we meet someone new, do we sit them down and share all of the terrible events of our past, how we were wronged, times we were a victim and just how difficult live has been for us thus far? Those stories or events from our past have become our narrative and what defines us and we share it with anyone who will listen to demonstrate how damaged we are and that we just want to be loved. Well, we can still be loved without dumping all of our baggage out for everyone to see, in fact, by not dumping it out we are showing ourselves love first before we are expecting it or wanting it from someone else. We all have stories from our past, and those events may have played a major role in who we are today, but, we are not our past, and getting to know someone new is a great opportunity to share who we are today and what we are looking for in the future. It’s not necessary to look for sympathy to find love.

In my past I often kept, what I perceived, as anything bad to myself, but I would use those stories from my past strategically at times to gain sympathy or to manipulate a situation in my favor. I held on to them like bonus cards, and when I thought it could be helpful to me, in any form, I would then take one out to get the desired result. When I think of that behavior now it seems gross to me, and very dishonest, it wasn’t until I stepped onto this path and started to learn a new way of living that I realized what I had been doing. Walking into a support group and talking with others who had many of the same stories I had I realized I could no longer use those stories the same way, it wouldn’t work in this crowd, and, there was always someone with an even tougher story than mine, but most importantly, I shouldn’t be using them for any purpose but one of connection, understanding and compassion for someone else, and in doing so, I had to forgive those who had been involved in those stories, including myself. Even though I had been using them in the past to get what I want, it still hurt me each time I told them, and it put me in the frame of mind of a victim, when I took responsibility of my part in those stories, or forgiving those who hurt me, I was able to shed the role as a victim and take my power back regarding my past, even in those instances in the past where I truly was a victim.

You are, just as you are, worthy of love, there’s no need to try to whip up sympathy or bring yourself down to find love. Stand tall in who you are today, sharing the stories of our past only if we feel it can help someone or help us to connect or relate with someone who may be struggling, it is up to us to let go of the past, to find peace with it so we can move on and allow someone to love us for who we are today and not what happened to us in the past. We, as SLAYERS, stand tall in who we are, there is no need to ever try to dull our shine or diminish who we are by dragging our past into our present day. Look for people in your life who love and appreciate you for you, and who encourage you to always be your best you. Lay to rest who used to be, for the you of today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you use the stories of your past to gain sympathy? Do you try to manipulate people with those stories? When you meet someone new do you feel obligated to tell that person all of the stories of your past? Why? What are you hoping to gain? What if you didn’t tell those stories? Have you made peace with those stores yourself? If not, why not? What steps can you take to do so? How does it hurt you to hang onto them? How can it help you to let go? We are lovable just as we are, we don’t need to guilt anyone to love us or feel bad for us, we all have had things happen to us in our past that were hurtful, harmful or destructive, but we have the power to not let ourselves be defined by those things, we, today, live in the light, and share that light with others who are still looking for theirs.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you