bully

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Look Bad

You Don’t Have To Be A Bully To Win

Choosing Strength Without Losing Yourself

There’s a moment many of us can point to — where we made ourselves smaller so someone else could feel bigger. Where we let a louder voice drown out our quieter truth. Where we convinced ourselves that the only way to keep peace, keep harmony, keep connection… was to let someone else take the spotlight or the power.

I’ve been there more times than I can count.

And for a long stretch of my life, I believed a dangerous lie:
That the only way to win was to push, dominate, or overpower.
That the world rewarded sharp edges, not steady hearts.
That kindness was weakness, and compassion was a liability.

Except… every time I tried to step into that version of “strength,” I felt like I was abandoning myself. Winning didn’t feel like winning if I had to step out of integrity to get there. It felt hollow. It felt false. It felt like I was playing a role someone else demanded of me.

It took years to understand what I know now:

The loudest person in the room isn’t the strongest — just the loudest.
Real power doesn’t need to humiliate anyone to stand tall.
And you never have to be a bully to win.

The Myth of “Hardness” as Power

So many of us grew up observing people who led with fear, not respect. Maybe it was in our home, our school, our workplace, or even our friendships. People who believed intimidation equaled leadership. People who measured their worth through dominance. People who confused cruelty with competence.

Maybe those were the people who seemed to get rewarded. They got attention. They got results. They got their way.

And somewhere along the line, we internalized the belief that:

  • If we wanted to succeed, we had to be more like them.

  • If we stayed soft, we’d get run over.

  • If we stayed compassionate, we’d get crushed.

But here’s the truth we weren’t taught:

Strength without empathy is insecurity.
Confidence without humility is ego.
Power without kindness is fear dressed as control.

None of that is leadership.
None of that is winning.
None of that is sustainable.

Power built on intimidation crumbles the moment someone refuses to be intimidated.

Kindness Is Not Weakness — It’s Precision

People often misunderstand compassion. They confuse it with people-pleasing. They mistake boundaries for cruelty and softness for passivity.

But kindness is not a lack of backbone.
Kindness is not the absence of truth.
Kindness is not silence in the face of harm.

Kindness is precision.
It’s the ability to see clearly when others act from fear.
It’s the ability to hold your shape instead of collapsing into theirs.
It’s the bravery to choose integrity even when someone else chooses force.

Kindness is strength with the volume turned down — and the clarity turned up.

Winning with kindness means:

  • You don’t betray yourself.

  • You don’t hurt others to lift yourself higher.

  • You don’t weaponize your voice or your power.

  • You don’t step outside your values to gain validation.

It means you succeed as yourself, not as a costume someone else taught you to wear.

Standing Strong Without Striking Back

There is a quiet moment — the moment between hurt and response — where we decide who we want to be.

When someone else raises their voice, throws their weight around, or tries to provoke a reaction, you get to choose:

Do you match their energy?
Or do you rise above it?

Do you let their behavior define the moment?
Or do you let your integrity define you?

Choosing not to bully back is not weakness.
Choosing not to belittle is not submission.
Choosing not to retaliate is not letting them win.

It’s choosing peace over chaos.
It’s choosing self-respect over reactivity.
It’s choosing your future over a moment of validation.

Strength isn’t proven through force — it’s proven through discipline.

Winning By Staying in Integrity

Here’s what no one tells you:

When you stop engaging in someone else’s game, they lose control of the scoreboard.

Winning without bullying looks like:

  • Setting a boundary and sticking to it.

  • Walking away from disrespect instead of debating it.

  • Saying “No” without explanation or apology.

  • Refusing to match someone else’s cruelty.

  • Choosing peace even when chaos tempts you.

  • Being confident enough not to dominate.

  • Leading by example, not intimidation.

When you choose integrity, you reclaim the power they hoped you’d abandon.

When you choose grounding, you interrupt the cycle.

When you choose compassion — for yourself and others — you create a new standard of strength.

And when you stop trying to outperform someone’s ego, you start outperforming your own past.

You Win Every Time You Don’t Become What Hurt You

What if winning isn’t about beating someone else?

What if winning is:

  • Becoming who you needed when you were younger

  • Responding instead of reacting

  • Growing instead of repeating patterns

  • Standing tall without stepping on anyone

  • Being the person who breaks generational cycles

  • Choosing softness in a world that worships hardness

What if the real victory is becoming someone you’re proud of?

Because every time you refuse to become what tried to break you, you win.

Every time you choose compassion over ego, you win.

Every time you stay rooted instead of rattled, you win.

Every time you lead with integrity, you win.

You don’t have to be a bully to win.
You just have to be brave enough to stay yourself.

SLAY Reflection

Take a moment and check in with yourself. Let these questions guide what comes next:

S — Sit With Your Truth

Where in your life have you believed you had to act harder, sharper, or louder just to be heard?

L — Look at the Pattern

Who taught you that compassion was weakness? And were they actually strong — or simply scared?

A — Align With Your Values

How can you choose strength with kindness in the next conflict or challenge?

Y — Yield to Growth

What becomes possible when you stop fighting battles that require you to betray yourself?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When have you chosen integrity over intimidation, and how did it change the outcome?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to find their power without losing their kindness, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! There’s no weight limit on beauty.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Blue Fat

Don’t Let Your Mind Bully Your Body

It was in my teens that I remember starting to hate my body. I felt betrayed by it. I had been a thin athletic kid and then things started to change. I felt like things were happening in my body that I didn’t like, and what was happening was bringing unwanted attention. It was during that time that I started hating my body. I had already had built up an uncomfortability with who I was, that I hid, and to then have my body change only added to my discomfort and eventual hate for myself and how I looked. It was during that time of change that I also became hyper-aware of others around me, comparing myself to them and never feeling like I could measure up. Nothing, in my eyes, when it came to my mind or body, was ever good enough, and the downward spiral began of my mind bullying my body.

Looking back at myself back then there wasn’t anything to be ashamed about, or beat myself up about, and having been on this road of recovery for quite some time I can see that what I was mainly upset about was feeling that I wasn’t in control. There were many things back then I felt I had no control over, and my body changing felt like the final betrayal, and I set out to stop it and take back the control I felt I had lost. That path led to an eating disorder I was lucky to recover from, and it took me many years to totally overcome, and even so, there are days today, that I keep myself in check and accountable regarding my food intake. But when I think back to those days and how much hate I had for myself and my body it makes me sad. There wasn’t anything wrong with it. And, now, in later years, I appreciate my body and what it does for me, what it allows me to do, and my overall health, but back then, it was all about looking a certain way and trying to manipulate myself to be something I wasn’t. I just wanted to blend in so that no one would ask me any questions, and the more I hated myself  the louder the negative self-talk got in my head. It was a scare that got me on the road healthier eating and self-care, but it was a slow and arduous road. And, as grateful as I am today to have a better relationship with food and my body, I still struggle with my own body image on certain days, I even caught myself today thinking negative thoughts.

Most of us seem to have things about ourselves and our bodies we dislike, or, would like to change. And, if there is a change that is better for your overall health and well-being it’s great to set goals and make those changes, but when we continuously beat ourselves up for not looking like someone we’re not, we are walking down a dangerous path. We are not meant to all look the same. We are meant to be all different shapes, colors, and textures, and you know what, each of them is beautiful! Like other topics I’ve covered it’s about changing our thinking, looking at the positive instead of focusing on the seemingly negative. We all were given the body we have for a reason, why not make the most of it, why not cherish it, love it, and appreciate all that it does for us, even if it doesn’t do all we would like, we can train ourselves to not let our mind bully our body. SLAY on!

(The picture above was from a time I hated myself and my body, proof to myself now how my self-image contorted the truth.)

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you love your body? Do you like your body? If yes, to either why? If no to either why? Have you always love or hated your body? If there was a change, what changed? What can you do today to have a more positive healthier body image? Have you tried this in the past? Has it worked? If yes, why did you stop? If it hasn’t, why hasn’t it worked? Is there something you are hanging onto that is stopping you from loving your body? Is there something you can do to change that? We all have our own unique beauty and it’s up to each of us to find that beauty, and, hopefully celebrate it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your body hears what your mind says.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state-of-slay Problem

Don’t Let Your Mind Bully Your Body

No matter who we are, what we look like, or how much we take care of ourselves, there are always things about our bodies we don’t like. And for some, things we hate. Even typing the word hate when talking about body image makes my whole body recoil. I used to hate my body. It never looked the way I thought it should. I realize now, those expectations I had were unrealistic, and those women who I compared myself to, on TV or in magazines, likely didn’t look that either, I know because I work in a profession where there are many paid professionals to make us look our best, and better than we look in life. But I can still fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. What is it about our brains that tell us our bodies aren’t good enough?

This goes back to my favorite topic self-love, something that I know may make a lot of you take a step back, and it also goes to acceptance. We’ve all been made in different shapes and sizes. And all of those shapes and sizes are beautiful, and all have traits and features that others don’t have. We tend to always be drawn to what we don’t have. But what if we focused on what we do have? And how we can make the most of what we have and showcase our assets in the best way?

I used to place the utmost importance on being thin, no matter what the cost. That obsession manifested itself in an eating disorder, and even at my lowest weight, it still wasn’t good enough. For me, now, it’s about being healthy and happy. I do eat well, I watch what I eat, I exercise, but I’ll also allow myself a piece of chocolate cake, it’s not something I eat every day, but every now and again, when I come across one particularly enticing, I indulge, and enjoy that. It no longer makes me feel guilty if I eat that cake, and I no longer punish myself for it like I used to. It’s about moderation today and enjoying life.

I used to use food as a reward or a way to punish myself. I would reward myself for something I had done with food I loved, but maybe deprived myself of, and I would also use it to punish myself when I wanted to feel bad about myself and I would eat things that would make me feel sick, or overeat for the same result. Neither of these actions are healthy eating, or way of finding a healthy body image. We should love the body we’re in, it allows us to do a lot of things, maybe not all the things we would like, but it gets us around, it brings us to the ones we love, it protects us from harm, so why don’t we protect and love it for doing all that it does for us? Why can’t we accept it for what it is?

No matter what your body looks like there is always something beautiful about it. Whether you’re athletic, or curvy, tall or short, there is something to celebrate, something that you can make your own, and own it! Find those parts of your body, or things your body enables you to do, and be grateful for all that your body does, and find things about your body to love. There is nothing more beautiful than self-confidence, so be proud SLAYER of the body you’re in and show it some love as you continue to use it to walk this journey and this path. You are beautiful, just as you are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you like your body? If yes, what do you love? If not, why not? What don’t you like? Why? Are those things something you can change or work on? Have you worked on them? If not, why not? Are there things you’ve always struggled with in terms of body image? What specifically? Why do you think that is? Are these current reasons or stories from your past? SLAYER, you’re body may not always look exactly how you would like, but if you are taking care of yourself and loving yourself you can feel confident in how you look. We’re not all meant to look the same. We are meant to be healthy and happy, and when that priority is put before body image, you may be surprised how beautiful you find your body, and how grateful you are to have the body you’re in.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you