Inspiration

Write A Letter Of Forgiveness To Your Younger Self

I was new on this path, grappling with the weight of my past—the realization of where I had ended up, the choices I had made, and the harm I had done to myself. It felt almost too much to bear.

Then someone suggested something I’ll never forget:

Write a letter of forgiveness to your younger self.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

Facing the Hurt

That suggestion stopped me in my tracks. The thought of facing the harm I had done to that innocent, hopeful little girl inside me made my heart sink.

I could see her—vulnerable, full of dreams—and I had failed her. Time and time again, I had ignored her needs, tried to extinguish her light.

But I wasn’t at a point to resist anything that might help me heal. So, I picked up a pen.

I didn’t plan or overthink. I just started writing. I pictured her face and humbly asked for her forgiveness. I poured out all the ways I had let her down, all the times I ignored her worth.

The tears came, but the apology flowed.

I was told to leave nothing out—whatever I held back might keep me sick. So, I wrote it all. And then I read it aloud.

Hearing it, facing it, was hard. But that letter didn’t just end in apology. It ended in a promise: a vow to love her better, to make choices that nurtured her and honored her existence.

That letter became my compass.

Keeping the Promise

When the days were hard, when the negative self-talk got loud, it was easy to throw myself under the bus. But it was harder to throw that little girl under there with me after making her a promise.

Seeing her face in my mind pushed me to keep going. As I healed, I pictured her smiling, cheering me on.

Every milestone became a love letter back to her.

Later, I wrote another letter—to the version of me who didn’t know better, who lacked the tools or courage to navigate life in a healthy way. I apologized to her too. And in that apology, I made a commitment: to learn, to grow, to make amends by living in the light.

A Path to Freedom

These letters were powerful steps in my journey of forgiveness. They opened the door to forgiving not just myself, but others too.

But it all started with me.

We’ve all let our younger selves down. We’ve all made choices we regret, or harbored resentment for things we didn’t know or couldn’t handle at the time. Writing these letters, making those promises—they can set us free.

So get your pen, SLAYER. You may have a letter to write today.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you harbor resentment toward yourself for your past?
  • What do you resent?
  • Do you believe you knew better or should have done better? How?
  • Do you look back and feel like you failed your younger self? In what ways?
  • What can you do today to make amends for that?
  • How can you find forgiveness for yourself?
  • How can you protect and honor your younger self today?

Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know. Aim to do better today. And when the days get hard, fiercely protect that younger version of yourself—you deserve it.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What would you say in a letter to your younger self today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other’s healing journey.

And if you know someone who’s been hard on themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all it takes is knowing we’re not alone.

When People Only See Who We Used To Be

I have changed a lot over the past 13 plus years. That core person I am is still there, and always was, although she was buried under a lot of junk I piled on top of her, but the essence of who I am has walked with me, that is person I fight for every day, but a lot has changed, I have changed, and not every person from my past has changed along with me, or, has been accepting of those changes. Just because we make a commitment to change ourselves for the better doesn’t mean everyone else has, or wants to, or, wants to see us do it. By us changing we put the spotlight on us, our behavior and choices, but by changing those things to better align with a healthier and happier us others may question their own decisions, or, not be comfortable with us not being who we used to be. That, is not our problem, or responsibility. Our responsibility is being our best selves, to learn from our past and to make decisions that are right for us today. That is what we are responsible for. People may want to keep us where we were, but only we can keep ourselves, or put ourselves, back there.

It can be difficult to accept that those we love and know may not want to see us grow or flourish. That they might want to keep us back to make themselves feel better, or to continue living their lives in a particular way, or because they might have to look at themselves and their own behavior if they accept this new us. Once again, none of this is our problem, or, something we can control. What we can control is the choices we make today, how we act or react to the world around us, and what goals we put in front of ourselves to get to where we would like to go. It can be heartbreaking that others in our life are not there to cheer us on as we would them, and try to sabotage us, or hold us back, even by just verbally telling us what we “deserve” or share their opinion of where they think we should be, and just as they probably wouldn’t like us telling them what we think they deserve, their opinion should be kept to themselves, but often isn’t. We can’t control that. But, we can control how much time we give them and their opinion, and, we have to decide that how much time we give them, my experience has taught me, very little to none. If I had listened to certain people who had told me I would never be more than I was, or would fail, or, was reaching too high, I would be dead. No doubt. Instead I followed my heart and spirit, I listened to those who had gone before me and were in the trenches with me who knew this journey and path, and I dug in my heels determined to win, for myself, and I have. If people were or are not able to see my progress and how the changes I’ve made have enhanced my life and those around me, then that’s unfortunate for them. Today I don’t give my time to jealousy, to ignorance or to someone stuck in the past, I can find compassion for them and look to find understanding for their way of thinking, but I will not let it affect my day or the work I’ve done. I have worked very hard to get to the place I have and I won’t let anyone rob me of what I’ve earned.

We all walk our own path. Our journey may look similar, but no two are exactly the same. It is no one’s business what yours looks like as long as your path is filled with honesty, hope and the steps you need to be and become your best self. Own who you are, who you’ve been, and who you are becoming, and never let anyone pull you back or make you believe you are anyone than who you are right now, and who you are is a survivor, a warrior, and a freedom fighter, a fighter for your own freedom. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let the opinions of others dictate who you think you are what you think you deserve? Why do you do that? Do you have people in your life who only see how you used to be? Who are they? Why do you think they only see the past? Have you shown them you are not your past? How? Do you spend too much time trying to show them instead of letting who you are today be your example? SLAYER, you are a living breathing example of change, and if someone is not comfortable with that change, or does not want to see it in you, for whatever reason, that is not your responsibility, stand tall in who you are, who you’ve become and what you are becoming, and never let anyone tell you who are allowed to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Believe in yourself and know that you are worth more than any obstacle.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Reaching For Happy

The Good Version Of Yourself

For most of my life I was not living as the good version of myself. She was down there, somewhere, but I had thrown years and years worth of garbage on top of her so that all I could see was the garbage, and, I believed that all you could see was the garbage as well. Deep down I believed that the good version of myself was still in there, but I didn’t know if I could dig down deep enough to find that good version, and that garbage I kept piling on was slowly eating away at the person I had become. Even so, sometimes she would come out, but she couldn’t stand the weight of all of that garbage and would retreat back down in the darkness she had become accustomed to living.

When I stepped on this path, I made a commitment to dig down and get that good version of me out. This was a rescue mission, to save the good version of me, and to save my life. I wasn’t sure what I was going to find when I started digging, or how far I was going to have to dig to get her out, but I started to do the work to find her, and, to hopefully save her. I surrounded myself with those, like myself, who had already done the work, and those who, like me, where just getting started or on their own path of rescue. Each one of them saw themselves in me, as I did them, and they were able to see the good version of me, even though I wasn’t able to see her on my own most of the time, but, they could see her, and I started to see her through their eyes and with their support, and through them, I was able to start reconnecting with her. I was now more determined than ever, doing what was suggested, to sift through the rubble to get her out. Along the way, after years and years of stuffing her down, I wasn’t sure what I was really going to find when I found her. I had been stuffing her down and stuffing things on top of the good version of me for so long that I had lost who she really was, who I really was, I had stopped caring for that good version of me and had lost touch with who she really was. When I found her I had to get to know her again, or, in all honesty, likely, get to know her for the first time. I did find her, and make a commitment to her every day to do what’s right for her, and to never stuff her down or pile garbage on top of her ever again. Her light and spirit shines through me, she is the good version of me, and I am that good version, and now the good version of me found the good version of someone else, and together they are very happy, and are even better together.

We all have a good version of ourselves, and it’s up to us to let that good version out, to care and nurture that good version and to let that good version shine. If we’re not careful we can lose that good version, or push that good version aside, when we do our heart knows and our light dims, so it’s up to us to light that flame again, or perhaps, see our light through someone else’s eyes. There is good in you, the good in me sees it, and encourages the good version of you to come out and be everything it is meant to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe you are the good version of you? If not why not? If you don’t, where is the good version of you? Do you believe that good version is inside you, waiting to get out? What stops it? Are you stopping it? Why? Has the good version of you gotten buried under the stuff you pile on top of it? How can you get that good version of yourself out? It’s in there SLAYER, focus on the good and see the good in you through the people in your life who only see that good, they will help you find it again, or, for the first time. There is good in you, and that good is you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you own your own story you can write a brave new ending.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

state-of-slay Write It

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The one thing you’ve got that no one else has is you. Your voice. Your Mind.  Your story.

SLAY on!

state-of-slay Living Breathing Novel

Changing The Ending

As I kid I always enjoyed the choose your own adventure books. I loved that I could read the same story many times and never have the same adventure twice. But somewhere along the way I forgot about those books and that I had a choice in life. I believed certain things about myself and thought I was locked into that story until the end. I stayed loyal to that story to a fault, and my story nearly came to an end long before it should have. I’ve written before how we are the authors of our own story and we can decide where we go and who and what will be a part of our journey. But today I am thinking about the ending that I never thought was attainable for me, or that I was deserving it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe I’m anywhere near the end of my story today, but my story has taken a big turn for the better in the last year and a half, and it hasn’t come with some bumps in the road, but it’s brought me to a place full of love. Something, years ago I wouldn’t have trusted or believed could last.

On my path to this place my journey required me to get honest, to look at the mistakes I had made, and not dwell on them, but learn from them, to use them as a learning tool to improve myself and my life. As difficult as that was at times to face the truth about the harm I had done to myself, it gave me the power to know that I no longer had to make those same choices, why they were not the right choices for me, and, that I know could change my story and break the cycles of my past. I’ve shared before that my days before felt like I was living the same day over and over, and that no matter how much I wanted it to change it never did, until I did. I needed to take action for there to be change, and until I did I was going to continue to live that same day into the gates of insanity. Learning from the past gave me a map of where I didn’t want to go and the tools to walk forward on a new path. This new path didn’t come without it’s own set of challenges, but they weren’t the challenges I used to have, these challenges challenged me to be true to myself, to walk with an open mind and heart, and to trust that I was deserving of love, from myself, and those around me. I, on this new path, had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide from and nothing to be dishonest about because I was living as my best self everyday. Some days brought out more of the best of me than others, but even on those days when I stumbled, it was still better than the I had been living in the past, and, that was part of my journey, not judging myself and needing to be perfect, admitting my faults and making a commitment to do better without beating myself up along the way. It also meant changing those patterns with people in my life and applying those changes with those who were new, if I wanted to be treated with the love and respect I deserved, I had to set those boundaries with those who didn’t yet know or those who were used to interacting with me the old way. That, at times, was scary, but when I began to practice it I felt a flood of emotion, to know that, at that moment, I had altered my story and ultimately was changing the ending.

We all have a past, some of which we may look back at fondly, and other parts we might try to hide from or mask with false bravado or distractions in the hopes that people won’t notice the truth about who we think we are. When we live in the light, when we live in a place of honesty and truth, we never have a reason to hide, we can admit our mistakes, learn from them, and continue moving forward to whatever ending it is that we desire. That ending, we so longingly wish for, is within reach, I know because I’m heading there right now. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think that you are stuck in the story of your past without the ability to move on? Why do you think this? What proves to you that this is true? Why do you think this is true? How can you change that thinking? How do you think your story would change if you no longer believed you were stuck in your current story? What story would you like to be in? How can you start living that story? What ending would you like to see for yourself? How can you get yourself there? Think about it SLAYER, think about it and do the work to get yourself there, it is there, within reach, but it starts with you, right where you are.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Life can be bumpy, but it’s leading somewhere.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Something Wonderful

Maybe It’ll Turn Out Better Than Expected

Before walking this past I was a pessimist  in optimist clothing. I would hope for the best, and talk about it, and even want it, but never believed it would happen, or that I even deserved it. I never expected the best, I would walk into situations or new projects with flimsy hope it would be but never really expecting it actually work out that way. Much of that was not believing I was worthy of good, but also not doing all the footwork to set up a good or better outcome. In a way, it was as self-fulfilling prophecy, I wouldn’t put in the work and then when things didn’t go well it was proof to me that I wasn’t deserving of better.

When I began my journey in recovery, I was told, even if I didn’t believe something, to do the work and then act ‘as if.’ I felt like I had been doing that, but I had been missing the ‘doing the work’ part, I was just wanting things and acting ‘as if’ they were going to magically happen. My negative mind told me that this new approach wasn’t going to work, but my negative mind also wanted me to stay sick, so, off I went, doing the work that was suggested to start my life on a positive path. When I set out on something new and my mind wanted to tell me the result would be negative, I did the work anyway and acted ‘as if.’ It took a while to trust that I really didn’t have anything to lose by trying this new method, but I did it anyway because it seemed better than the alternative, which was what I already knew and had experienced every day. And, as I trusted and kept putting one foot in front of the other, many steps I made in fear, or in a state of utter uncomfortableness, I was surprised to find more and more that things would turn out better than I had expected. I appreciated each and every time they did, and always felt a sense of gratitude. Many times, when I was stuck in a negative space, I would suit up and show up anyway and would set out to act ‘as if,’ as I begrudgingly stepped forward I would ask the universe to surprise me, and many times I was surprised. I realized that I could change my negative thinking and expectations and that by doing so, many times, things did turn out better than I expected, and each time it did, I would focus on making that place my base and foundation to operate from as I moved forward, and as I did that I began to anticipate good things as I moved forward from there.

There are still times when my thoughts will fall back to negative thinking, and I have to remind myself to leave room for the possibility that things will turn out better than expected, also leaving a space open for hope and to be surprised, something that lends itself to positive thinking and with remaining teachable. I don’t know everything, and even though experience may lend it itself to one response, perhaps my growth and the timing of this particular moment can open new doors. This is a much better place to live my life than always expecting the worst, because in my experience, what we expect is often what we get.

Give yourself permission to allow things to turn out better than expected, to know you deserve good things and when you do the work and put out positive energy you leave room to be surprised by the result, or what is found in the process. Always leave some room for some magic. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you expect good things or focus on the negative? If you focus on the negative, do you find that you get a negative result? Do you think you deserve a negative result? Why is that? Have you ever been surprised with a result you weren’t expecting? What was that? How was that different than what you typically expect? How can you open yourself up to expecting a better result? What if you practiced ‘as if’ and tried to act as if you were open to a better result? We have more power than we think, but what we think gives our thoughts and energy power, why not ignite that power with positivity and watch that positive power power light up your life!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! No one ever hurt their eyes looking at the bright side.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Laugh To Heal