As I kid I always enjoyed the choose your own adventure books. I loved that I could read the same story many times and never have the same adventure twice. But somewhere along the way I forgot about those books and that I had a choice in life. I believed certain things about myself and thought I was locked into that story until the end. I stayed loyal to that story to a fault, and my story nearly came to an end long before it should have. I’ve written before how we are the authors of our own story and we can decide where we go and who and what will be a part of our journey. But today I am thinking about the ending that I never thought was attainable for me, or that I was deserving it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe I’m anywhere near the end of my story today, but my story has taken a big turn for the better in the last year and a half, and it hasn’t come with some bumps in the road, but it’s brought me to a place full of love. Something, years ago I wouldn’t have trusted or believed could last.
On my path to this place my journey required me to get honest, to look at the mistakes I had made, and not dwell on them, but learn from them, to use them as a learning tool to improve myself and my life. As difficult as that was at times to face the truth about the harm I had done to myself, it gave me the power to know that I no longer had to make those same choices, why they were not the right choices for me, and, that I know could change my story and break the cycles of my past. I’ve shared before that my days before felt like I was living the same day over and over, and that no matter how much I wanted it to change it never did, until I did. I needed to take action for there to be change, and until I did I was going to continue to live that same day into the gates of insanity. Learning from the past gave me a map of where I didn’t want to go and the tools to walk forward on a new path. This new path didn’t come without it’s own set of challenges, but they weren’t the challenges I used to have, these challenges challenged me to be true to myself, to walk with an open mind and heart, and to trust that I was deserving of love, from myself, and those around me. I, on this new path, had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide from and nothing to be dishonest about because I was living as my best self everyday. Some days brought out more of the best of me than others, but even on those days when I stumbled, it was still better than the I had been living in the past, and, that was part of my journey, not judging myself and needing to be perfect, admitting my faults and making a commitment to do better without beating myself up along the way. It also meant changing those patterns with people in my life and applying those changes with those who were new, if I wanted to be treated with the love and respect I deserved, I had to set those boundaries with those who didn’t yet know or those who were used to interacting with me the old way. That, at times, was scary, but when I began to practice it I felt a flood of emotion, to know that, at that moment, I had altered my story and ultimately was changing the ending.
We all have a past, some of which we may look back at fondly, and other parts we might try to hide from or mask with false bravado or distractions in the hopes that people won’t notice the truth about who we think we are. When we live in the light, when we live in a place of honesty and truth, we never have a reason to hide, we can admit our mistakes, learn from them, and continue moving forward to whatever ending it is that we desire. That ending, we so longingly wish for, is within reach, I know because I’m heading there right now. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think that you are stuck in the story of your past without the ability to move on? Why do you think this? What proves to you that this is true? Why do you think this is true? How can you change that thinking? How do you think your story would change if you no longer believed you were stuck in your current story? What story would you like to be in? How can you start living that story? What ending would you like to see for yourself? How can you get yourself there? Think about it SLAYER, think about it and do the work to get yourself there, it is there, within reach, but it starts with you, right where you are.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you