Inspiration

From Victim To Victor

Before walking this path I thought of myself as of victim. I felt I was a victim of those around and me and a victim of life. I truly believed that everything and everyone was conspiring to get me. And, my disease told me that I deserved it. I used the victim label like a get out of jail card, I used it to excuse myself from bad behavior or for not taking action where I should and could have. There was a lot I could have done over the years to help myself, but not as long as I could only see myself as a victim. Even when I made the choice to get better I still believed I was a victim, but my path of healing was about to reveal to me that I had been a victim, most of all, to myself.

Stepping into a new way of life and interacting with new people who were battling the same issues as I was, I noticed that these people were not victims, they were fighters, survivors, warriors and victors. It was inspiring, but I still had to be willing to let go of the victimhood that I had used to shield myself from the responsibilities of my own actions. If I was going to find victory in this new way of life I had to let go of being a victim. Shedding that label was scary, as letting it go and not identifying myself as victim meant that I had to take responsibility for my part in the activities and events that lead me to my personal bottom. That was a lot to face up to. When I was able to be rigorously honest with myself, there was very little that I had been a victim to, most everything I had labeled as something I had no part in was absolutely false, my part was all over those things I wanted to make others responsible for. With the exception of our childhood, when we’re young and do not have the ability to make choices, we play some role in most of everything that happens in our lives. There are those instances we do fall victim to a crime or unwittingly get involved in something, but for the most part, even if it’s just engaging with someone or something I shouldn’t have, I played a part in it, or, at the very least, I still had a choice of how I react to what was happening around me. I was no victim, I contributed to much of my heartache and even, at times, purposely led myself down a path to get hurt or betrayal because I thought I deserved it. That victim cloak I draped over myself was mostly made up of excuses to not take ownership of my actions and to a life that I was ashamed of. I certainly had mental health issues working against me, but had I been honest and had the courage to share my truth those issues, as I’ve learned on the path I walk now, are not insurmountable. When I finally took responsibility for my part in all that led me to a place of incomprehensible demoralization, in that moment, I stopped being a victim and became a victor. It took much more work than that to really take ownership of it, but that was the first step, admitting where I had played a part in my own demise.

Today I know I am a victor, I have been victorious over many things, for many years. I will no longer allow myself to be a victim and I will take responsibility for my actions and my part in things. When we admit our part and see where we contributed to our own misery and wrongdoing we take our power back, or perhaps gain it for the first time, that power gives us the fuel to take part in our own recovery, in the ownership of our actions, and reactions, and allows us to find and learn a better way of life. For those of us who have made the move to victor we know the strength we have found in that, and we encourage those who have not yet crossed over to join us as we walk in victory together on this new path and the road beyond. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think of yourself as a victim? Why is that? Have you played any part in what causes you to think of yourself as a victim? Even if it’s just your reaction to it? How have you played the victim in your own past? Have you used that to gain sympathy or to manipulate in the past? Do you still do that? Why? How does that hurt you? Have others tried to place a victim label on you? Why do you think that is? Are you willing to look at your part in the events that lead you to believe you are a victim? How can you take your power back? We are strong men and women who cannot be defeated unless we allow it, we can overcome anything we put our minds to, and we can use the strength of those around us to help us when we feel weak, or unsure what the next step may be. Find your strength, hold on to us as you make that step from victim to victor and soar.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Understanding Suicide

This time of year can be difficult for many of us, particularly those with mental health issues. I am honored to have been included, along with STATE OF SLAY™, in this informative book about suicide from Community Partners Group.

If you yourself or someone you love needs help, call 1-800-273-TALK or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org

To read or share the book to go to: Understanding Suicide

Understanding Suicide is brought to you by Community Partners Group. CPG is a family company that works hand in hand with law enforcement by supplying them, free of charge, books for their community policing. CPG’s goal is to help educate young people to our treasured seniors on topics such as: bullying, Internet safety, making good choices, car safety, drugs, suicide, active threat awareness, to frauds and scams.

If you would like any further information you can email Jill at: jmcwhirter@commgrps.com

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! An apology can be the super glue of life, it can repair just about anything.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

Your Apology Should Be As Loud As Your Offence

Apologizing isn’t always easy. Admitting we were wrong, or that we said or did something to hurt someone, is a humbling experience. But there comes a time when each of us must face this truth, and when we do, we should make our apology just as loud as our offense.

Too often, apologies are mumbled or whispered, offered in hushed tones or hidden behind a wall of shame. But a true apology calls for courage and clarity. It should be voiced with the same strength and presence as the offense itself.

Before the Apology

Before I started walking this path, I almost never apologized. I always found a way to justify my behavior—no matter how wrong it was. My thinking back then convinced me that not only did I not owe anyone an apology, but maybe they owed me one. But deep down, I knew better. That unspoken guilt festered and fed into the narrative that I wasn’t a good person.

Living that way kept me sick and stuck in the darkness. When I committed to getting well and living with rigorous honesty, the weight of my past came into focus. I saw the damage I had caused and realized how many apologies I owed. And not just whispered apologies—real ones, offered with the strength of my voice and the fullness of my heart.

Learning to Apologize

I learned that an apology couldn’t be self-serving. It wasn’t about making myself feel better or easing my guilt. It wasn’t about forcing the other person to forgive me. It was about owning my part—completely and honestly.

I also learned that timing and sincerity matter. Apologies should be made when we are truly ready to take full responsibility, with no excuses or attempts to share the blame. I had to keep my side of the street clean, and that included owning my part, no matter how small it seemed.

Standing up and apologizing with the same intensity as the offense wasn’t easy. But it was healing. Over time, those sincere apologies helped mend relationships and build self-respect. They also taught me to think twice before slipping back into old behaviors.

A Path to Growth

Admitting where we were wrong might feel uncomfortable, but living with the guilt and damage of unacknowledged actions is far worse. An apology should come from a sincere heart and be delivered with clarity and conviction.

When we take responsibility and apologize with strength, we show respect for the person we wronged and for ourselves. And when we can’t directly make amends, we commit to changing the behaviors that led us there.

As SLAYERS, we don’t shy away from our mistakes. We stand tall, admit when we’re wrong, and use each apology as an opportunity to grow stronger and more self-aware.

SLAY OF THE DAY:

Do you find it hard to apologize when you’re wrong?
Do you acknowledge your part, or do you place the blame on others?
How many times have you had to apologize for the same behavior?
Who do you owe an apology to today? What’s stopping you?
When was the last time you apologized, and how did that feel?
How did the other person respond? How did that change your relationship?
When was the last time someone apologized to you? How did that make you feel?

Use each apology as a stepping stone to becoming stronger, more self-aware, and more connected with others. SLAY on.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one apology you’ve been holding back?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s lift each other up.

And if you know someone who needs to hear this, send it to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Slay

Good morning SLAYER! Celebrate how far you’ve come today.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every day of your life is a special occasion and a reason to celebrate.

SLAY on!

Celebrate Instead Of Isolate

The holiday season is here and it’s a time that may not be all that jolly for everyone. I know for myself, before I started my journey on my current path, I dreaded all holidays. It was a time that made me feel like hiding or escaping and I felt pressured to have a good time and live up to not only my expectations but those around me. I just wanted to isolate, stick my head in the sand and wait for them to be over. Even in writing how I used to feel, I can feel my anxiety rising. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way today.

Before walking this path I was constantly hiding, even in plain sight. I could isolate anywhere, in a room of ten people or a stadium of people, it didn’t matter, if I felt uncomfortable, which was most of the time, I would find a way to distance myself from those around me. I thought it kept me safe, but all it did was keep me feeling lonely. What I didn’t know back then is that my disease, that negative self-talk that ran constantly in my head, wanted me to isolate so it could have it’s way with me, because if the voices in my head were the only voices I was hearing, I was going to believe what they were saying, and I did. Going into the holiday season felt like I was running a gauntlet of high pressured uncomfortable gatherings. The only way I could get through them back then was to numb myself, with whatever I could, even if it was dessert table and a tray of cupcakes, whatever it took to get outside of myself to get by. But that only worked while I was there, in the moment, then the sadness would kick in, that bullshit committee in my head would start up and I would beat myself up for not being “normal” and able to join in and have a good time. But, is everyone really having a good time? Probably not. And that brings me to the next hurdle I had to overcome, perception. Again, my head wants to tell me that everyone loves the holidays and all of the events of the season and everyone has a great time and finds it easy to socialize and engage with those around them. Now, I know today that isn’t true, and I’m sure you’re out there shaking your head too, but back when I was specializing in isolation my head told me the latter, and I believed it. There goes that anxiety spike again. The truth is that most people get anxious at gatherings and events and everyone is doing their best to look and sound like their not, and once I allowed myself to see that and believe that, my anxiousness became acceptable to me and I began to look for those people like myself, who seemed a bit awkward, and made a commitment to talk to them. Just like outside those gatherings, it’s all about finding your tribe and support group, and when you take off the “weirdo” glasses you think you’re wearing and look through your own eyes and the truth, you see that there are others, like yourself, who may be struggling out there. That’s when things started to change. I also used a back up system. I had my support team, those group of people who understood me and my challenges, and I would let them know I was venturing out for some holiday cheer, I would be accountable, and when I felt overwhelmed I would excuse myself and call and text someone on my team, then I didn’t feel like I was walking in alone, unarmed. When I let my team know I was nervous I would get messages back checking in or encouraging me to jump in there and participate, that made a huge difference to start, to know I had support. That support and my willingness to break out of my isolation was the key to learning to connect with people and actually starting to enjoy the holiday season by being in the moment rather than trying to live up to what I thought, or someone else thought, it should be. And for those gatherings that may not be healthiest place, having that support team in your pocket not only makes attending those functions easier, but also gives you some great conversation and connecting with that support on the ride home.

The holidays come ever year, whether we like it or not, so why not like it, maybe not all of it, but find the parts you like, or a willing to be open to liking, gather your support team and don’t head out there alone. Also, find a way to give back on those days that are most challenging. I have always found when I give back I find relief in my own anxiety or depression as the act of giving gets me out of my own head and allows me to see the good through others. So, if you find that you are finding this season particularly challenging, think about what you can do to make someone else’s day brighter, even if it’s just by picking up the phone. We all have the power to change our perception of the month ahead, why not find a magic in it that makes us want to celebrate instead of isolate. Change always starts with willingness. Be willing to find something to celebrate this holiday season. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find the holiday season difficult? Why is that? Do you tend to isolate over the holidays? How does that make you feel? Does that help with your feelings about the holidays? Does it make it worse? What can you do to isolate less? How can you find some joy and magic in the holidays? Is there any part of the holidays you do enjoy? Can you add something of yourself or something you love to the holidays? What is that? Many people have trouble getting through the holidays, you are not alone, find and hook in with your support team, stay connected with them as you navigate through the holidays season, and, look for those little things you might enjoy, even just for yourself, those little things may just blossom into a personal appreciation and holiday spirit.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding it in yourself.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

Find Your Good And Do It

For a lot of my life I had no idea what my good was. In fact, I, before walking this path, probably would have said I didn’t have any. And, early on, even as I was walking this path I walk today I wasn’t always sure, I just knew I had to keep walking forward, and trusting I was where I was supposed to be. I survived a night I medically shouldn’t have, and I struggled with that for a while, the why, why did I survive, what was I doing that made me worth saving? I had been giving back in my own community up until that point, and I could see the good in that, and I could see how that good I gave to others also helped me in my recovery, but I still wasn’t confident in what my good was. So I wrote about it, meditated about it and continued to ask myself what was my good. The answer finally came when I let go and started to look for the signs I was being given and the direction that was coming.

My good is being of service. It’s sharing my story and offering hope to those who may need it. I never would have thought, years ago, that that would be my good. The shy self-hating fear-based girl who was so afraid that you would hate her she would only let you see what she thought you wanted to see would have never let you see her flaws, or mistakes or anything that she thought was weakness, but, that girl of the past was wrong, she mistook all of those things as negative when they were really her strengths, but to see that, it took an emotional and spiritual bottom to see my light. My good came from all of those dark times, from my mistakes, my misconceptions, my disease, it was all of those things that formed my good once I realized the power it all had, and I had, to share my journey from there to where I am today. Every time I get the chance to offer some hope to someone I think back to that girl, and how she never would have believed I could live without fear and share my truth, I never take that for granted, it is an honor to have survived all that I have and to have the opportunities I do to share my story with those who are open to receive it, and it feels pretty amazing that my story and experience has connected me to so many others who recognize themselves in my journey, and me in theirs, when I used to feel so isolated and alone before finding my voice. My good not only helps those around me but it gives me good back, it reminds me to stay teachable, it reminds me to keep an open-minded and it reminds me that we are all connected and have a commonality. My good helps me in my own recovery, and I suspect that most people’s good helps them in theirs, or in contributing to their greater good.

We all have good to share and do, sometimes it takes what may look like a tragedy to find it, but as I’ve said here many times before, the only tragedy is giving up, everything else happens to lead us to where we are meant to be, and for some of us, myself included, it may take something pretty earth shattering to get us to do the right thing. Your good is specific to you and it is valuable, as are you. If you haven’t already, find your good and share it with the world, we all have good to share and while we do you’ll meet others on your path doing just as you are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see your own good? If yes, what is it? If not, why not? What stops you from seeing your good? Name one good quality, talent or attribute you have. Now using that, what can you do to share it with others who may appreciate it? Has someone shared their good with you? Who? How have they made a difference in your life? Have you been inspired by their good? Has their good helped you to see the good in you? What is that good? Allow your good to live through you, share it and let it give back to you, when you send it out to the world good comes back and it may reveal even more good in you, and your life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t be afraid of asking the questions, be afraid of not asking them.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay™

Where Self-Love, Mental Health & Real Life Meet

Inspiration

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