Good morning SLAYER! You know all those things you’ve ever wanted to do, you should go do them?
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
State Of Slay
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life.
SLAY on!
Contempt Prior To Investigation
I used to think I knew better. I thought I knew better than all of you, and I thought I knew if I was going to like something, even if I had never done it before. And because I lived in a negative space, I often said no to things without ever trying them. Before someone could even finish asking me to join in or participate in something I had already made up my mind I didn’t want to do it. Some of that came from fear, fear of never having done it and now knowing what the result will be, or, maybe looking stupid because I didn’t know what I was doing. My first reaction to any invite or suggestion was no. As a result, I missed out on a lot of things, a lot of opportunities, because I had already condemned something before it happened.
When I stepped on this path, I was encouraged to say yes. Yes was a word that made my anxiety shoot up immediately. What if I didn’t like what I agreed to do? What if I didn’t like the people? What if they didn’t like me? What if? What if? But I knew if multiple people kept encouraging me to say yes, I had to try, I had to say yes to saying yes, no matter how nervous that made me. I had to watch myself, in the beginning, I had to watch that I didn’t jump in each time with a quick no, I would breathe, make myself listen and then tell myself, regardless of what it was, I had to say yes, just to try. If I didn’t like it I didn’t have to do it again. I made a commitment to myself, that in that first year I had to say yes, so the year of yes began.
The first few times it was tough, saying yes, but as I kept doing it it got easier. And, I was discovering some new things about myself. When you say no all the time you don’t give yourself an opportunity to grow, to learn, to test yourself. As we move through life, our wants and needs change, as we do, but when we’re not testing the waters to see what works best for us today, we stay stuck and keep doing the same things, or nothing, and not growing to our potential. Saying yes does take courage, and faith, that you’re being asked to say yes for a reason. Nothing happens randomly, typically things come to us when we need them, or should take part in them, so we can take away what we should to move forward, or possibly, change the direction we’re going in completely. So when we keep saying no, we’re not only stuck, we’re not were we’re supposed to be.
Now after almost 13 years of saying yes, I can say that the yes’s have been very good to me. Yes has gotten me to a pretty incredible place today, and one I wouldn’t have had to courage to say yes to if I hadn’t had years of practice of saying yes, because this yes, is life-changing, and has taken a big leap of faith that what was given to me was exactly where I am meant to be, and I know that with every fiber of my soul. When we say yes, the universe says yes back. We open the road of possibilities and allow the flow of new ideas and new challenges that are meant to prepare us for the next yes, and possibly, prepare us for the biggest yes yet. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Is your immediate reaction when being asked to do something a no? Why? What happened the last time you said yes? Why don’t you say yes more often? What do you think will happen? When you think about the times you may have said yes, how do you feel about those choices? How do you feel when you see other people saying yes and getting remarkable results while you’re still saying no? You can be one of those yes people SLAYER. Challenge yourself this week to say yes, at least twice. Ignore the negative voices that tell you to say no and just say yes, say it without even thinking about, just blurt out yes! You may just discover some new things about yourself, and may even meet some new people who are also saying yes. Surround yourself with people who say yes, try new things, challenge yourself to move forward, to uncharted waters, and say yes to exploring who you are and where you are meant to be. One yes may just change your whole life.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in, but that’s the point of the storm.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
If You Only Knew What The Other Side Looked Like
I know things can be tough. Dark. Hopeless. And full of pain. I know because I’ve been there. I lived there for many years. I lived there thinking there was no way out. Well, I only thought there was one way, to end my suffering. I’m glad that the way I thought of wasn’t the way, that the universe had plans to show me the right way, and guide me to the light.
I was speaking to someone today who had been where I was, who had attempted to take her own life, and now she stood before me, three years removed from that experience, happy, healthy and celebrating the day. We talked about the way it was, for both of us, and those who are still out there struggling, sitting in the dark, and we both said, if they only knew what the other side looked like.
I do know, I’m typing this from the other side right now. And let me tell you, it’s great over here. Now that’s not to say that everything is just rainbows and unicorns, there are some of both though, life still happens, but I have changed, and because of that I continue to be blessed with people and things in my life, and beautiful experiences I never would have had had I not fought my way out of the darkness.
When I was living in the darkness that is all I saw. There were beautiful things and beautiful people in my life, but I couldn’t see their beauty, not like I do today, my mind would put a cloak of darkness over everyone and everything so it could keep telling me the story it wanted to, that there was no way out, that no one really cared about me, and that the world would be better off without me in it. I believed those lies, I believed them for as long as I could stand it, and when it became too unbearable I was brought to me knees, and in that moment I reached out for help, to whomever or whatever may be listening, I had nothing to lose by asking, so asked for help and I surrendered my willpower and let go. What happened is nothing short of a miracle, but I couldn’t just rest on that miracle to get me better, I then had to roll up my sleeves and get to work. I was given a look at what was on the other side, through people who had gotten there, and with their direction, and others, I was able to get there myself, I wasn’t sure I could, but I fought like hell to get there, and I made it.
I now speak to you from that place, and I want you to know if you haven’t made it yet that we’re here waiting for you. It is possible. There are many of us here who were once like you, I was like you, and if I can do it so can you. First, you have to believe, believe it’s possible, find the little bit of light within you and hold onto as you step forward out of the dark, trust me, you won’t fall, and even if you stumble, we’ll be there to pick you up until you learn to walk on your own. Fight to find the light, fight to find your way to the other side, it’s there, and it’s even more beautiful than you can imagine. Come join us here, we’re waiting for you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel stuck in the dark? Why do you feel stuck? What can you do to find the light where you are? Are there others in your life who have the light? Stay close to them SLAYER. Ask them to walk with you, to help you out of the dark. Do you believe you deserve to stay in the dark? Why? Are these old stories from your past or a belief here in the present? Why do you believe it? What if it’s not true? What if you made it not true? What if you fought to find our way into the light? What do you think that looks like? How can you get there? You can. You can SLAYER. Find those people in your life, or seek out new people, who live in the light, ask them how they got there, let go of old ideas that keep you in the dark, and be open to new ideas that will bring in the light. Dig deep, find the humility and allow yourself to be teachable to new things and new ways of living life. It does get better, it can better, if you work for it. The good news is, you hold the key to your happiness, no one else, you have the power to set yourself free.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Your body hears what your mind says.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Don’t Let Your Mind Bully Your Body
No matter who we are, what we look like, or how much we take care of ourselves, there are always things about our bodies we don’t like. And for some, things we hate. Even typing the word hate when talking about body image makes my whole body recoil. I used to hate my body. It never looked the way I thought it should. I realize now, those expectations I had were unrealistic, and those women who I compared myself to, on TV or in magazines, likely didn’t look that either, I know because I work in a profession where there are many paid professionals to make us look our best, and better than we look in life. But I can still fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. What is it about our brains that tell us our bodies aren’t good enough?
This goes back to my favorite topic self-love, something that I know may make a lot of you take a step back, and it also goes to acceptance. We’ve all been made in different shapes and sizes. And all of those shapes and sizes are beautiful, and all have traits and features that others don’t have. We tend to always be drawn to what we don’t have. But what if we focused on what we do have? And how we can make the most of what we have and showcase our assets in the best way?
I used to place the utmost importance on being thin, no matter what the cost. That obsession manifested itself in an eating disorder, and even at my lowest weight, it still wasn’t good enough. For me, now, it’s about being healthy and happy. I do eat well, I watch what I eat, I exercise, but I’ll also allow myself a piece of chocolate cake, it’s not something I eat every day, but every now and again, when I come across one particularly enticing, I indulge, and enjoy that. It no longer makes me feel guilty if I eat that cake, and I no longer punish myself for it like I used to. It’s about moderation today and enjoying life.
I used to use food as a reward or a way to punish myself. I would reward myself for something I had done with food I loved, but maybe deprived myself of, and I would also use it to punish myself when I wanted to feel bad about myself and I would eat things that would make me feel sick, or overeat for the same result. Neither of these actions are healthy eating, or way of finding a healthy body image. We should love the body we’re in, it allows us to do a lot of things, maybe not all the things we would like, but it gets us around, it brings us to the ones we love, it protects us from harm, so why don’t we protect and love it for doing all that it does for us? Why can’t we accept it for what it is?
No matter what your body looks like there is always something beautiful about it. Whether you’re athletic, or curvy, tall or short, there is something to celebrate, something that you can make your own, and own it! Find those parts of your body, or things your body enables you to do, and be grateful for all that your body does, and find things about your body to love. There is nothing more beautiful than self-confidence, so be proud SLAYER of the body you’re in and show it some love as you continue to use it to walk this journey and this path. You are beautiful, just as you are. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you like your body? If yes, what do you love? If not, why not? What don’t you like? Why? Are those things something you can change or work on? Have you worked on them? If not, why not? Are there things you’ve always struggled with in terms of body image? What specifically? Why do you think that is? Are these current reasons or stories from your past? SLAYER, you’re body may not always look exactly how you would like, but if you are taking care of yourself and loving yourself you can feel confident in how you look. We’re not all meant to look the same. We are meant to be healthy and happy, and when that priority is put before body image, you may be surprised how beautiful you find your body, and how grateful you are to have the body you’re in.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Truth never fails in proverbs, but in judgments. Be true to who you are, and accountable to your truth.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Talk Live Video
Hey SLAYERS! Couldn’t join us for SLAY TALK LIVE tonight? Here’s what you missed!
SLAY on!
If You Spot It You’ve Got It
Typically those things we find irritating others, those things we judge, or dislike, are things we also have, or dislike about ourselves. We may not always recognize that, we may be in denial that we too exhibit the same behavior, quirk or flaw, but there’s a reason we’re zeroing in on someone else and picking out those things in them, we recognize ourselves there.
Before stepping on this path, and before doing the work to acknowledge my own issues, I often judged other people. I judged them for exhibiting the same behaviors as I was, even though I would never admit that I was behaving that way, or had the issues “they” had. I always had an opinion about what they should be doing, or how they could do it better. And when they failed, I thought, they’re not strong like I am. But what I wasn’t willing to see is that all of that judgment I placed on other people was to deflect my own behavior and actions. If I could put the focus on everyone else, shine a spotlight on their character defects or bad decisions, I could keep doing what I was doing in the dark without anyone noticing, or so I thought. I was noticing. Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously, there was no hiding from myself. And once I made the commitment to get honest, and get better, I realized what I had been doing most of my life, pointing out other people’s flaws and mistakes, I was guilty of doing all of the same things. That was a tough pill to swallow at first because I had stood with my head held high like I was better, smarter and healthier than those I judged, and in the end I was just as bad, maybe even worse, and that was a big piece of humble pie.
Today when I start to judge someone, and it happens, I pause, and I take a look at why I am feeling the need to tear someone else down, and what may be missing or needing work on my end? What do I need to look at, and am avoiding, that’s causing me to want to shine the spotlight on someone else, instead of looking at myself? It’s a good indicator that I have work to do. And, I can now use my acknowledgment of someone else’s stuff as a form of compassion, or understanding, because I likely share in that same behavior. I have been able to turn my judgment of others into something positive, for me, and as a way to connect to those around me.
What we find disturbing or irritating in others is typically what we find disturbing or irritating in ourselves. And that, is our problem. We are all responsible for ourselves and our own behavior, what someone else is doing is none of your business. It is not up to us to judge them or school them on how they should be living their lives, but we can certainly look at how we’re living ours when we find our focus shifts to someone else. Our focus on someone else’s behavior is the best indicator that we need to shift our focus back on us. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to judge others for how they’re living their lives? Why do you think you do this? Do you try to give that person advice? How is that usually received? What behavior or character traits usually catch your eye as something that should be fixed? Do you see those same things in yourself? What can you do to place the focus back on yourself and away from judging someone else? What are some of the things that you pick out in others that you also have yourself? When you look at that list, how do you feel? What don’t you like about what’s written on that list? What can you do to fix that? We all have moments when we judge others. It’s what we do when we notice we’re doing that sets us apart. Use those moments to take a look at your own behavior and actions, use those urges to fix someone to fix yourself. Find away to let that stuff go.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
