slayer

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be a spark in the dark.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dont Forget

Searching For Love

I’ve been spending time with family this week, my fiance’s family, a family I’m enjoying getting to know more and more, and we’ve been talking a lot about love and life. As I plan for my wedding, a big milestone, and a celebration of love, it brings up a lot of emotions, for us, as a couple, and for family and friends who are on this journey with us. We’ve had some spontaneous beautiful moments that all center around love. Our conversations have often gone to memories of new beginnings, of birth, of heartfelt moments, and endings, but through it all, the through line to all of those moments and memories is love. We look for love, are attracted to love and, hopefully, give love. There’s a reason why so my songs have been written about it, and according to The Beatles, “Love Is All You Need.” We probably need more than just love, but love is the center of most things we do, it is something that motivates us, challenges us, and for some of us, something we are constantly searching for.

I had a friend share with me a near death experience she had, she described it in detail, but what has always stayed with me is her describing how she felt in the place her soul went, she said to me, the only way to describe how I felt where was was love, but that doesn’t even come close to the feeling, she said, what I felt doesn’t exist here on earth, and I think we are always searching for it, and the closest thing we have here is love. I think we do always look for love, or gravitate toward it, and why not, for the most part, it feels great, to give it and receive it, but the love I’ve found for myself is the love that allows me to fully enjoy the love around me.

For most of my life I hated myself, there was no love, I was full of anxiety and self-hatred for who I thought I was and that dominated my thoughts and actions. That self-hatred stood in the way of most true love that I had in my life because I didn’t believe I deserved it. I loved to the best of my ability, but I only let it get so far out of fear I wasn’t good enough or it would be taken away. When I made the commitment to get well I was faced with that self-hatred and told I had to learn to love myself, the voices in my head screamed, YOU CAN’T! But anything is possible when we are willing, and with a determination to get well I set out to find the love within myself. It was difficult at the start, I was at a place where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, never mind find things within myself to love, but was challenged, each day, to find those things, or on many days, just one thing, to start. And like anything, the most difficult task is always to start, but as I started to shift my focus from the bad to the good, I slowly started finding more things to love about myself, and it was slow, but it happened. I had to be mindful, and still do, each day to keep my heart in a place of gratitude, because that was, and is, where my love comes from, and grows.

As human beings we seem to be on the search for love most often, we instinctively gravitate toward it, when we are able to find it in ourselves or except it from others. And perhaps there is something to my friend’s story, I’ve heard similar stories from others, that we, deep in our souls, search for it because it brings us closer to what we know, to God, or a spiritual connection, or to a place we feel safe.

Open yourself to love, and find the love within yourself, appreciate that love and who you are, and share that love with others. Love really can heal, it can perform miracles, and it can bring joy to even those who just witness it. Spread your love today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you able to find the love within yourself? If not, why not? If yes, how do you find it and what does it feel like for you? Have you always had this love or have you had to go seeking it within? How did you do that? If you haven’t found love within yourself, how can you, today, begin looking for it? How do you feel when you receive it? Or, give it? Focus on that feeling SLAYER, and look for that love inside yourself, it may just start with you imagining how it feels with others and imagining that within. It starts with a spark and if you continue to feed it, that spark becomes a burning flame.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Everything you don’t know is something you can learn.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

state-of-slay Master Peace

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What picture are you painting today?

SLAY on!

state-of-slay Paint

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let your intention be known, do the footwork, and trust where you are being lead.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fall Into Place

When Things Seem To Be Falling Apart, They May Be Falling Together

I was reminded yesterday, thanks to Facebook memories, which aren’t always a good thing, but yesterday was a good one, that one year ago yesterday my life changed, a change for the better, and a change that has brought me to this place I am today, gratefully so. Personally, a year go, I was not in a good place, a place that did not serve me, make me happy, or, was good for my spirit, I knew I needed to make a change, and had known for a while, but wasn’t sure what the next step was. An opportunity came, out of the blue, and I jumped at it, not knowing what was waiting for me on the other side. The reasons I thought the opportunity was going to be a good one turned out not to be what I received from it at all, what I received was something better, and unexpected. But it got me thinking today about this topic, when things seem like they’re falling apart, they may be falling together. We only know what we know, which, in the big picture, is very little, but we work with the knowledge we have each day to make the best choices we can. That’s all we can do. Many times we get caught up trying to future surf, trying to imagine or wish for what we would like happen when we should be focusing on what we can change in our present lives to possibly get to that place, or a better place for us. When things don’t go as we would like, or had expected, we can fall into depression, anxiety or fear and let the disappointment of what we had thought our lives, relationship or situation was going to be consume us allowing the negative self-talk to creep in telling us we’re stuck, alone or don’t deserve better, but what we should really be doing is accepting what is not meant to be and being open to what is next.

In my experience, life, very often, doesn’t go as planned, but, it always goes as it is meant to. The highs and especially the lows have all been designed for a reason, and each experience has gotten me right here where I am today. Many times those things I thought I needed or wanted, when I look back, likely saved me from heartache or a situation that may have ultimately lead me down some dark roads. But, I’ve found, when I’ve opened my heart, and asked for direction, told the universe that I am ready for change, ready for new things and ready to take action, it appears. Now, that’s not to say the sky is going to open up revealing the secrets to life, but, when we are open, the signs, the people, the opportunities do come, but we have to make sure that we don’t grab for the same ones we have before and take a chance on something new, something different if we want to see change in our lives. A wise friend used to say to me, “the universe will give us the same present over and over, but in different wrappings, just to see if we’ve learned our lesson or, really mean we’re ready for change,” and that was true for me, probably for you too. How many times have we found ourselves in a place and said, “how did I get here again,” the wrapping may have fooled us and we got the same present we had already unwrapped many times. I try to look for those signs, things that I recognize from past situations that didn’t work or got to me a place I didn’t like, but sometimes we get fooled and tricked into believing that something, or someone, are different. So, when things start to fall apart, start to look at things as they are, not how we think they may be, or want them to be, for what the facts are, and see if there may be a reason for them falling apart.

When I look back over the past year, I had no idea what this weekend was going to mean to me a year later, I just took the opportunity that was in front of me and trusted I was being directed to where I needed to be, and I trusted that it was a place where I could let my heart be open and that it was safe, as a result, something beautiful happened that weekend, something unexpected and my life shifted.

When things don’t seem to be going your way, when relationships are ending or when you just don’t seem to be getting anywhere in your pursuit of things, instead of focusing on what may not be working, ask yourself why it may not working and what it may be showing you, what you perceive as the biggest disaster may just bring you to your greatest achievement, if you let go of what you think things should be and trust where you are being lead. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When things appear to be falling apart do you fall into despair or trust that you are being led to something new? Have there been examples in your life when things looked to be falling apart but were actually falling together? What’s an example. When you look back on your life do see examples of this happening that you may not have thought were examples of this? Do you look for new opportunities when something ends or falls apart, or do you tend to follow the same patterns and find yourself in the same places over and over? What patterns do you see in your life that you could break for a different or better result? Look for those places SLAYER, to make changes, trust that you are being given what you need to make those changes, and also look for places that may look different, but may be places you’ve already been that didn’t work. Life is a journey, we are here to learn, but ultimately we are given the direction to get to where we are meant to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it, keep fighting, always.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Wounds And Wisdom

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you let go you make space for something better.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pink Starting Today

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The more you try to control something the more it controls you.

SLAY on!

state-of-slay Control Enjoy Nothing

Are You Playing Director And Trying To Run The Show?

Before walking this path I thought I knew better. About everything. I thought I knew how things should be run for myself, for you, and everyone else out there. As far as I was concerned, you were all doing it wrong, and if you would just listen to me, life would have been going smoother for all of us. Now, many of you thought as I did, that you knew better, and you may have, but I was determined to run the show, so I spent a lot of energy trying to control, manipulate and force things into being my way. All that really got me was a trip to my own personal bottom and a lot of frustration and heartache along the way. We, as human beings, do not have ultimate control over people, places and things, and if you think you do, you may find you are also heading toward a personal bottom. There is so much that is out of our control each day, in fact, most things, but, what we can control, and what we are in charge of, is our actions and reactions to those things around us, that is it. Anyone else’s business is, well, their business, and unless they’ve asked for help, or your opinion, then it’s typically not welcome. So, when I was living in the dark, I had to first check my ego at the door and admit that I didn’t know everything, and when I honestly looked at where my thinking had got me, I had to admit I didn’t, because I never would have chosen to have gone to the place I did, but, I am so very grateful it did.

You see, for me, it took me hitting a personal bottom to realize I didn’t know everything, and that maybe, my thinking had gotten me there. As much as I wanted to blame circumstances or other people, no one had forced me to live my life the way I had been, no one had forced me to take the actions I did, and no one had forced me to live in ego and not take the suggestions of those who may have known better, or who had made them out of care and concern. I did all of it, by myself. Now, yes, I was living with untreated mental illness, but even knowing I wasn’t doing well, feeling well and that I was getting worse, I still chose to muscle through trying to force things into happening instead of looking at things as they were. I did live my life as if I was the director, of life, and you were all just there for me to direct, and when you weren’t taking that direction I would get angry, and, many times retaliate. I was the one who caused myself the most stress, pain and anger, I suffered the most at my own hand, so to finally get help and be told that I had to vacate that director’s chair and stop trying to control people, places and things felt scary. Control had always been something I would cling onto when I felt scared, or uncertain, and I had never been as scared or uncertain as I was when I walked into recovery. But, like most things, it takes time to get used to a new way of life, taking little steps in the right direction, and as I did, it became less scary, and that need to try to control started to slip away. Now, that’s not to say that it can creep up again, and it does, usually when I am feeling unsure about something, which is now an indicator that I need to look at why I’m feeling unsure, not jump down the rabbit hole of control and start to hang on for dear life.

We are not the director’s of life. We only know our part, and our part is big enough to focus on, of being our best selves and finding ways to contribute to society, not try to make it what we want it to be. Let go of the reigns you may be holding, trying to run the show, and learn to accept life on life’s terms, making improvements to yourself and the community around you if it benefits the whole, not just the way we want it to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to control people, places and things around you? Why do you think you do this? Do you realize that you do this? Have you been told you do this? By whom? Do you agree with what they’ve said? Do you try to fix other people and situations as a way to keep the focus off yourself? Do you realize that may be why you’re doing that? What if you focused on being your best self and not trying to fix those around you, allowing them to walk their own journey as you walk yours. What if you let go and focused on what scares you, and why, and let that guide you to some work on your own recovery and healing, stop trying to direct the show and focus on your part, once you do, your role may become clearer and how your role may fit in to the bigger picture.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you