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Understanding Suicide

This time of year can be difficult for many of us, particularly those with mental health issues. I am honored to have been included, along with STATE OF SLAY™, in this informative book about suicide from Community Partners Group.

If you yourself or someone you love needs help, call 1-800-273-TALK or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org

To read or share the book to go to: Understanding Suicide

Suicide Book SOS Page

Understanding Suicide is brought to you by Community Partners Group.  CPG is a family company that works hand in hand with law enforcement by supplying them, free of charge, books for their community policing. CPG’s goal is to help educate young people to our treasured seniors on topics such as: bullying, Internet safety, making good choices, car safety, drugs, suicide, active threat awareness, to frauds and scams.

If you would like any further information you can email Jill at: jmcwhirter@commgrps.com

Find Your Good And Do It

For a lot of my life I had no idea what my good was. In fact, I, before walking this path, probably would have said I didn’t have any. And, early on, even as I was walking this path I walk today I wasn’t always sure, I just knew I had to keep walking forward, and trusting I was where I was supposed to be. I survived a night I medically shouldn’t have, and I struggled with that for a while, the why, why did I survive, what was I doing that made me worth saving? I had been giving back in my own community up until that point, and I could see the good in that, and I could see how that good I gave to others also helped me in my recovery, but I still wasn’t confident in what my good was. So I wrote about it, meditated about it and continued to ask myself what was my good. The answer finally came when I let go and started to look for the signs I was being given and the direction that was coming.

My good is being of service. It’s sharing my story and offering hope to those who may need it. I never would have thought, years ago, that that would be my good. The shy self-hating fear-based girl who was so afraid that you would hate her she would only let you see what she thought you wanted to see would have never let you see her flaws, or mistakes or anything that she thought was weakness, but, that girl of the past was wrong, she mistook all of those things as negative when they were really her strengths, but to see that, it took an emotional and spiritual bottom to see my light. My good came from all of those dark times, from my mistakes, my misconceptions, my disease, it was all of those things that formed my good once I realized the power it all had, and I had, to share my journey from there to where I am today. Every time I get the chance to offer some hope to someone I think back to that girl, and how she never would have believed I could live without fear and share my truth, I never take that for granted, it is an honor to have survived all that I have and to have the opportunities I do to share my story with those who are open to receive it, and it feels pretty amazing that my story and experience has connected me to so many others who recognize themselves in my journey, and me in theirs, when I used to feel so isolated and alone before finding my voice. My good not only helps those around me but it gives me good back, it reminds me to stay teachable, it reminds me to keep an open-minded and it reminds me that we are all connected and have a commonality. My good helps me in my own recovery, and I suspect that most people’s good helps them in theirs, or in contributing to their greater good.

We all have good to share and do, sometimes it takes what may look like a tragedy to find it, but as I’ve said here many times before, the only tragedy is giving up, everything else happens to lead us to where we are meant to be, and for some of us, myself included, it may take something pretty earth shattering to get us to do the right thing. Your good is specific to you and it is valuable, as are you. If you haven’t already, find your good and share it with the world, we all have good to share and while we do you’ll meet others on your path doing just as you are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see your own good? If yes, what is it? If not, why not? What stops you from seeing your good? Name one good quality, talent or attribute you have. Now using that, what can you do to share it with others who may appreciate it? Has someone shared their good with you? Who? How have they made a difference in your life? Have you been inspired by their good? Has their good helped you to see the good in you? What is that good? Allow your good to live through you, share it and let it give back to you, when you send it out to the world good comes back and it may reveal even more good in you, and your life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We are what we say and do, not what we intend to do.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Walk Away

Humor Helps Us Heal

When I first stepped on this path I didn’t feel I had anything to laugh about. I was at an emotional and spiritual low that I didn’t know if I could come back from. Every day was just like the next and the darkness was closing in on me. Thankfully, before it took completely over I sought help and when I did I was surprised to hear so much laughter.

It was suggested I join a support group, something I felt hesitant to do, but knew I had to try everything that was suggested if I wanted to live, or at least, have a chance at life. When I sat down for the first time I was relieved to relate to most of what was being said, by others in the room, I suddenly didn’t feel alone, and I had most of my life. I was also surprised to hear so much laughter, even while some rather embarrassing stories or horrible events were being shared due to bad decisions prior to getting well. I, at first, was taken aback, that the people in the room were seemingly laughing at such sad or horrible stories from people’s pasts. But then I noticed that the each person sharing, was also laughing, or at least letting out a chuckle, at the foolishness of their past escapades. As I watched the room erupt in laughter I found myself laughing along with them, even though most of what was being shared I had also done or thought myself. But seeing, and hearing, the laughter made me feel better about my own stories and the events that had brought me to that place. I had asked someone after about the laughter, and it was explained to me that they laugh because that’s not who they are anymore, and because they live today in the light, they can find humor in the past and in what used to be their best laid plans that continually got them into trouble or lead them down a darker path. I realized the power that laughter has to heal and to find acceptance around things we may feel bad about, but are working to no longer continue doing. As I began to feel better and started to make positive changes in my own life, I started to find the humor in some of my own stories, and as I started to share them with others, they became a way to relate to others like myself and them to me, those shared laughs formed into friendships and helped me in my recovery.

My Mother has always said, “if I’ve lost my sense of humor, I’ve lost everything,” and that is so true. When we are able to look at past mistakes or decisions that were our “best ideas” at the time and see the humor in what we have done because we are no longer making those same mistakes, that is a win. It shows us how far we’ve come and it allows us to not take who we used to be so seriously, even in the most dire of situations. Humor does help us heal, but only when it is used to recognize the foolishness of our past because we are now making better decisions, not, when it is used to deflect and hide behind without making any changes.

No one is perfect, we all make mistakes or misjudge things, but it is when we’ve learned from our past and have moved on, or are making efforts to do so, that we can use that humor to let go of the shame of what we may have done to laugh us into healing from those events from our past. Sometimes laughter truly is the best medicine. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you able to laugh at past mistakes? If not, why not? Do you hide from your humor or use it as a way to deflect how you truly feel or to prevent yourself from facing the truth? How has humor helped you in the past? How does it help you heal? Are you able to find the humor in your past through humor in hearing other people’s pasts? Does it help you connect with others? How does that make you feel? Let go of mistakes made in the past and find the humor in what you have done, look back and know that today you are making better choices and your laughter reminds you of your journey to get where you are right now.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The way you think creates your reality.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Share Your Story (1)

Using Heartache To Heal Hearts

As yesterday was World Mental Health Day it got me thinking about my own journey over the past 13 ½ years, and learning that by sharing some of the toughest and darkest days of my life with others can bring hope to someone who is also suffering. I often think back moments before I am writing a blog, speaking or sharing with someone one on one, of what it used to what it used to be like, and how, back then, I could have never have imagined myself talking publicly, or at all, about things that I, or society, may deem as negative or weak. I, before seeking help, felt shame about my mental health and how I was living my life, I was worried about being labeled crazy, but as I started to get better and took steps to make the changes necessary to have the life I live today I realized the power of my words, and all of our words, have the power to heal, and those days when we felt our hearts might break, or couldn’t take anymore, may, later, fill someone’s heart with the hope they need to move forward.

It’s always easier to look back at life and see the purpose of events or people who have been in our lives. Not everyone and everything may become clear to us, but those big events, those things that may changed our course, changed our view or position, may have needed to happen to get us where we needed to go, or, where we are right now. I survived a suicide attempt that I shouldn’t have, I struggled with the guilt of why I was still here, even though, after I had done it, I had regretted it thinking at that moment that there was no turning back, so when I survived, I asked myself, why was I still here? And, in my experience, when I ask the questions the answers come, they may not come on my timeline, but they will when I am meant to know them. For me, the answer was, I am here to be of service, to share my story with those who may be struggling or thinking that suicide is the only way to stop their pain, it is not. And I also know from my experience, that no one’s message gets through like someone who has been through what you have or are going through. There is power in my story and experience, and I have taken my power back from the most difficult day of my life and turned it into a message of hope, and I am not unique, you all have the ability to do the same, to take something you may have thought was negative, and perhaps was, and turn it into a beacon of hope for someone else. None of us get a free ride and walk through life without challenges, and many walk in silence because they are afraid to speak their truth, but by sharing yourself with someone you give them permission to do the same, and that permission may be the first step on their journey to recovery, it was for me when someone shared their story with me 14 years ago.

What we’ve walked through has value, not only to us, but those around us. We are all more alike than not alike, and when we open a dialogue about who we are and where we’ve come from we realize just how linked we all are and how many common experiences we have, which in turn, makes us feel less alone and more connected to those around us. I am a big proponent of looking for seemingly negative moments, struggles or aspects of my life, and turning them into positives, something that can help heal or connect with someone like myself. We all have the power to turn what may have been heartache into something that heals hearts, including your own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you keep or hide aspects of your life that you think are negative or shameful? Why do you think you need to do that? Have you been told to do that? By whom? When you do share one of those things how do you feel after? Have you been able to connect with others who may have had the same or similar experiences? How does that feel? What is your darkest secret? Why do you think you can’t tell anyone? How do you think you would feel if you did? Is there someone in your life you could tell? Tell them SLAYER, be honest about who you are and your journey so far, we are all works in progress, and each challenge is meant to teach us something and guide us to the next part of the path, by keeping it to yourself you are stalling your progress on that road. Find the courage to share your truth, you never know how that may open the door to road you never knew was there.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! No one else can fix all your problems, but they can offer that you don’t walk alone.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Together So Much

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Anything is possible when you have the right people supporting you.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Candles

Find Your Saviors

I always had friends. I typically had a small group of friends growing up, one or two girls, large groups made me feel uncomfortable, shy and nervous. As I grew up that continued, my circle of friends got bigger but I usually spent time with one at a time, it was rare that I went out in groups. I also enjoyed spending time alone, and fancied myself as a lone wolf who reached out to her friends when she felt like leaving the den. When my life was in a downward spiral I hid it from my friends, and many of them, although they had seen glimpse of troubling behavior or changes, did not know the extent of what was going on, I kept most of it to myself. Some of those people in my life were my saviors in different ways, in moments when I would let them in enough or they would shine their light in my direction giving me a moment or two of rest from the internal battle I fought every day. But when I made the decision to seek help, that is when they, and many others stood by my side as I fought for my life.

As I stepped on this path of recovery I was terrified. I knew that my life had to change or I would lose my battle. Standing at this crossroads with the gift of fear and desperation, I confessed my secrets and opened up to those in my life about the darkness I had been living in. They rallied around me in support, but I was told to seek out others, like myself, who were fighting the same fight and who I could walk next to on my journey to a better life, I was encouraged to join a support group. My first reaction was, I’m not a group person, I’m not going to like this, but, knowing doing it alone didn’t work, I took the suggestions and nervously sought out these groups. I was terrified, but found that what I had actually discovered was a new home. A place with like-minded people who understood what was in front of me, or were, just like me, starting this new way of life. Those people welcomed me, supported me and loved me long before I loved myself. They, all, became my saviors. And that’s not to say that those friends and family who had stood by me all those years weren’t, but there is nothing like someone standing by your side who understands what you’re going through, someone who’s been there, and said and done the things you have, those people, who walked before me, and showed me that there was, and is, hope, saved my life.

Our saviors can take many forms. As mentioned, they can be family, friends, co-workers, those like yourself who you meet through clubs or support groups, they can be clergy or members of religious or spiritual groups, or even fan clubs or conventions, anyone who lifts up your spirits and encourages you to be your best self and to move forward. And we may find that our saviors change as we do, we may look for different things, attributes or inspiration in those around us, that is OK, it means we’re learning and growing on our path and we’re looking to the next chapter of where we want to go, or what we want to work on next. Trust that you are being drawn to the people you are for a reason, and look at what you can learn from those people.

We are not meant to walk our journey alone, as someone who believed I could only trust myself, I had to learn that there are many trustworthy strong individuals out there who I could learn from, and, that trust, started with me. Having walked this path for over 13 ½ years I have had and have many saviors in my life, whether they are in my everyday life or I see them sporadically, or maybe not even at all anymore, they all have lifted me up, inspired me and encouraged me to move forward, and every one of them has played an integral role in me getting to where I am right now.

Find your saviors, hang on to them, listen to them, learn from them, and know they have been sent to you for a reason. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have what you would consider saviors in your life? Who are they? How did you find them? How have they saved you or helped you? How have you done the same for them? If you don’t know, ask them. What do you look to your saviors to help you with? How has what you look for changed? How have your saviors changed? We walk our paths with many others who are walking theirs, and together we help each other walk the sometimes challenging road as we navigate through life. Thank your saviors today for all they do for you, or have done, to get you where you are today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you love what you have, you have everything you need.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Thankful I Have A Cup