Self Love

Bringing Love To Your Wounds

Often times we are the ones who hurt ourselves the most. And even in times when someone else may be hurting us, we allow them to do it, whether directly or indirectly, by engaging with that person or putting ourselves in the situation to begin with. But, most times we are the ones who do the most damage to ourselves, we suffer the most by our own hand. Sometimes we do it by not giving ourselves credit for something we’ve achieved, by punishing ourselves for doing something wrong or not knowing better, for missing an opportunity, missing a deadline, or not speaking up for ourselves. We continue to bully ourselves for these things and keep picking away at a wound that is already there. We get ourselves into a viscous cycle of self-attack, self-defense, self-imposed guilt, and self-imposed blame. But it’s important to seek out the right within the wrong, or even question whether the act was “wrong” in the first place and not merely just a chance to learn or do it better next time. This journey, this path, we are on is about learning and growing, if we all knew everything and did everything perfectly every time, none of us would know how great it feels to find success after a previous failure. It’s those “failures” that build our strength and show us who we are, if we’re able to use them as tools to build a better us.

Before setting out on a path of recovery, I only focused on what I thought was bad about myself, or inadequate. I had a constant loop in my head telling myself what and who I was not. When someone would compliment me I would quickly point out why I didn’t deserve the compliment and shoot it down. I would beat myself up for having a lack of clarity and or for indecisiveness, which many times came from fear of doing what I really wanted, that I labeled it as a sign of weakness. I could tell you all the things I was not, but I couldn’t tell you why, and the reason I couldn’t was because in reality it wasn’t true, it was a narrative I would tell myself to keep myself sick, to keep myself isolated from those around me and to prevent myself from achieving what I was too afraid to believe I deserved.

It wasn’t until I found the courage to see the right beneath the wrong that things started to change. I had to change my thinking and I had to learn to trust myself. That shift happened by learning to take a compliment, and if I truly didn’t believe I deserved it, to just say thank you, not talk back and try to take it away. I was taught that when I argued and said I didn’t deserve it, that I was actually telling that person they were wrong, or a liar, and that wasn’t something I wanted to do, so a simple thank you helped me through that to start. I learned to trust myself by doing trustworthy things, to be accountable for my actions and words, and be open to the belief that I deserved good things, so when they came my way I could humbly smile and say OK. All of these baby steps took time, along with others, that slowly helped me let go of my self-imprisonment and learn to let myself live, mistakes and all. I had to learn to bring love to my wounds, and it was that love that would eventually let them heal.

We often focus on all the things we think are wrong with us, what we lack, but what if, just for today, you offered yourself some love and acceptance so you can move beyond what you may not have been to what you can do. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you focus on what you think your shortcomings are? Is that all you see? Why? When was the last time you let yourself take credit for something? Do you take compliments from others easily? If not, why not? Do you give compliments to others? How does that make you feel? How do you feel if someone doesn’t accept your compliment? Do you see how when you don’t accept a compliment yourself that the other person may feel that same way? What if today you focused on all the things you are instead of what you’re not, and see how that focus may change your day, you never know SLAYER, you may just try it again the next day just to make sure you were right.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Monsters don’t sleep under your bed, they scream in your head, if you don’t let them out.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Shame

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes it takes an incredible breakdown to have an incredible breakthrough.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Humility

Humility Coming From Pain

I know for me, it took a lot of pain before I found any humility, it actually took me getting knocked down to me knees, time and time again, until I finally surrendered. Up until that point, I thought I knew better, knew what was best for me, and usually, what was best for you too. My ego kept me sick, and it kept me from having meaningful honest relationships in my life. I was never going to find or see a solution when my ego was running the show, and it was my ego that nearly cost me my life. Humility is where we’re teachable, it’s where the light comes in and the healing can start. It’s that place where we give ourselves permission to ask for help, and where we find the willingness to do the work to find peace. Why do we put ourselves through so much pain until we are able to find humility?

I used to think that humility meant weakness. That it meant I couldn’t fail or make excuses for myself, that I had to have it all figured out, and be successful in everything I did. Now that is one tall order I was never going to live up to, no one could. And, not at all what humility actually is. I also used to confuse humility with self-deprecation. I would tell myself I was being humble but really just putting myself down or not taking credit for a compliment or appreciation of a job well done. That was as close to humility as I ever got, self-abuse to beat my ego down for a moment before it inflated back up to it’s super-sized proportion.

When set out on a path of recovery, I was told I needed to stay right-sized. That struggle inside of me of thinking I knew everything but that I was also a piece if crap didn’t know what to do with that. What size was right? I needed to find some humility and figure it out.

The first step of humility for me was asking for help. A phone call that opened the door, and it was from that step that I was able to find some humility from there, but it took some work to get my ego “right-sized” and admit that not only did I not know everything, I probably knew very little. In fact, considering where I found myself, I probably didn’t know much of anything in that moment. That was scary, but also exciting, to know that, if I let myself, I was about to embark on a new way of life that was going to teach me how to live in a healthier happier way. I had to push that ego aside over and over, as being teachable was the most important thing I needed to get better, and still is today. I needed to look at my part of things, and my part was all over the misery and heartache I had felt in my past, and learn to forgive myself and not blame others for my mistakes and choices that had gotten me to that place. I had to learn what true humility was, and I had to learn that when I let my ego run the show again that the only result was pain, pain that would eventually bring me back to humility.

We don’t have to wait for pain to push us to humility, but for many of us that’s what it takes. Sometimes a lot of pain. I am grateful that I was able to endure the pain I was to find my humility, and that I have learned over the years what true humility is and how to use it properly in my life. I know today that we are all important, and what we say, feel and do has the same level of importance and worth, we are all here to contribute and to share who we are and what we are, the best of what we have to offer, but none of us are better than any other, we are all here to learn, to grow, and, to remain teachable, because if we lose that teachability we probably setting ourselves up for more pain. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Has pain lead you to humility in your life? How so? What pain of you caused yourself with your lack of humility? Do you consider humility a bad thing? Why is that? How have you seen humility be a positive attribute in your life or the life of others? What can you do to find more humility in your life? No human being knows everything, and what we do know is limited to our perspective and experience, it is important to always remain open to new ideas and concepts, as well as the knowledge that there the world is much bigger than what we see everyday. We all have a great contribution to make, to share our best selves, but no one’s contribution is better than anyone else’s if it comes from your true self and shared from our heart.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There’s nothing left for you in that space back there, so let go and move on.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay The More Anger

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is letting go of what you thought your life was supposed to look like and being open to a life beyond what you could have imagined.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Remaining Who We Are (1)

Losing Touch With Who You Used To Be

I’m often reminded of who I used to be. Gratefully, I get many chances to share my story of where I came from with people like myself, who are on this same path, or just beginning their journey, and it’s in sharing what I used to be like that I realize how far away I am from the woman I was. I am relieved, as she was in a lot of pain and suffered a lot at by her own hand, but she’s still a part of me and the reason I work each day to keep her in the past.

It’s important to remember where we’ve come from, how much we’ve changed, and the work it’s taken to get where we are right now, and the more we focus on the good, on this moment, the here and now, the more we let go our painful past and those parts of us we had to let go to get to this place. It feels good to feel so far away from who I used to be, but I’m also reminded that if I don’t take care of myself, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, that woman, from the past starts to creep back into the present. She’ll never go away, and there’s a part of me that knows it’s important that she doesn’t, so I don’t forget the woman I’ve worked so hard to leave behind. But the more I live as my true self, the me of today, the more I let go of her and lose touch with that me and focus on my life today, a life I can be proud of.

When I was in my disease, and who I used to be, I never imagined the me of today was possible, all I saw was darkness and those things I hated about myself. The negative bullshit committee in my head would tell me that my life was never going to get any better and neither was I. Life seemed so bleak, without any light, and I wasn’t so sure I even worthy of the light, and so I kept sliding back into the darkness. I thought, who I was kept me safe, but what it did was kept me isolated and away from a solution. I identified with who I was, I knew her and I suppose, I hid behind her when life felt too overwhelming or I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. It was hard to let her go, she was the me I had known most of my life, the me I had grown up with and the me I thought I’d always be, but there was a new me waiting on the other side of humility, courage and hope. Slowly, as I began to build who I am today, I let go of who I used to be, and she, over time, melted into the background.

We get to choose who we are, and if we don’t like who we’ve become, we can do the work to change. It may take some help, it certainly did for me, a lot of it, but with love and support from those who were walking the same walk I was on, and some professionals, I was able to let go and let the love surround me until I felt safe, and from that place of safety I was able to change, a little at a time. You can too. It is within our power to lose touch with who we were as we become or focus on who we are meant to be, to let go of old ideas and concepts that no longer serve us, or never did, to forge a new way of life that let’s our heart and soul shine. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you lost touch with who you used to be? How have you done that? What have you done to change? Why did you make those changes? How did those changes allow you to let go of the old you? What parts of the old you do you still cling to? Should you let them go? How can you work on letting them go? What are you most proud of today of who you’ve become? Focus on that SLAYER, those qualities that make you you and allow you to be your best self, and keep challenging yourself to find more of those qualities, the more we focus on our positive attributes, the more we find, until soon, we no longer feel the need to hang on to who we used to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Family isn’t always blood, it’s those people we choose to have in our lives who want us in theirs, who accept us for who we are, and would do anything to see us smile.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Friends and Family

Motherly Things

Today is Mother’s Day, and we honor our all of our Mom’s on their special day, but we also honor those women in our lives who do motherly things. Those women who go above and beyond to share themselves with us, who listen when we need an ear, and who step in when they see a motherly act is needed, or would be appreciated. None of these women needs to do this, they are not obligated to step in at times when our own Mothers may not be available, able to give us what we need, or, just see that we need a little extra motherly love. Sometimes too, we find a special bond with these women, that even though they may not be family, they become our chosen family, or they may be family, an Aunt or other relative, who we’ve connected with in a special way. These women don’t have a day dedicated to them, and most of them would tell you they don’t need one, but it’s on a day like today that we can also honor all that they do for us, and perhaps, what we also do for them.

Relationships aren’t a one way street, or they shouldn’t be, there should always be an exchange, and even when we feel we have nothing to give, we may be giving enough just by receiving what they have to offer. Acceptance is a great gift to give, and one we hope to all have. We hope to be accepted for who we are, but we also hope that what we give is accepted in the hopes that what we give may make someone else’s day better or brighter. Those things can be as simple as a smile, a wave, a hello, or remembering someone’s name next time you see them, it’s about letting someone in, even for a moment, and letting them know they are important. Those motherly women in our lives know this, and make us feel special time and again with their warmth and generous spirit. They make us laugh, they let us cry, they check in on us when we get quiet and they know when to give us our space. They can be the unsung heroes of our lives coming in to save the day or just adding something special when we need it most.

I have been lucky enough to have had these women in my life, I am also blessed to still have my Mother, but it’s always nice, no matter what city I am in, to have women in my life who stepped in and shown my motherly love. It took me a while to accept it, and trust it. When I started this journey I didn’t trust women, quite honestly, I didn’t trust myself, so I had to learn to open up and let women into my life, I always had a small group of female friends, but aside from my inner circle, learning to trust was something I had to work at, that meant first trusting the right women, and trusting myself to find them. It wasn’t just about what looked good on the outside, I had to look for the qualities I was working on finding or achieving myself, women I could look up to, women who understood where I had come from and where I wanted to go, women I had things in common with, and women I could share with no matter how bad I thought things were. And, those women were out there, I did find them, and still do today, and as a result, of walking along those incredible women I too have been thanked for my motherly advice or caring, something that never would have happened before, but it’s because of those motherly women who taught me to think outside of myself, to look for the next right thing and to stay present, that I am able to offer that to other women who may need that today.

As we celebrate our Moms, let’s not forget those motherly women who share themselves with us and enrich our lives. Salute them and let them know just how much what they do means to you and how they’ve impacted your life and maybe, as a result, you’ve impacted someone else’s because of the example they’ve given you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have women in your live who do motherly things? Who are they? What do they do? What do you they mean to you? How can you show your appreciation for what they do? How has their love changed or helped you? Have you been able to share that love, wisdom and knowledge with others? How? Do you look for opportunities to do motherly things for those who may need it or appreciate it? When we let love in there are many who step up to show us their love, and show us how to love, let’s show them how much we appreciate that love today but showing them love in return for all they do.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Give love because it’s what you feel, not what you want to receive.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pure Love