recovery

Every Little Thing Should Be Celebrated

We often save our celebrations for big events, or accomplishments, but what about those every day victories that get us to those big celebrations? Every day is worth celebrating, heck, most of us have made it through some pretty treacherous waters to get where we are right now, I know I have, and yet, sometimes we forget to celebrate how far we’ve come, how our day-to-day choices, decisions, or our overall mindset has changed for the better. We tend to focus on those big changes or life events instead of those little shifts each day. Many times we dismiss our hard work, or downplay what we have accomplished, never acknowledging ourselves for a job well done. It takes a lot to even recognize we need a change many times, let alone actually making them.

When I made the decision to change my life for the better most of what I had been doing to get by, and the way I had been living my life, had to be changed. That seemed really daunting, and scary. I, in the past, was someone who didn’t like change, and at times, when things were changing around me, beyond my control, I had turned to behaviors that ultimately harmed myself to cope with the feeling that my life was out of control. So, to set forth knowing I was embarking on an unknown path that was going to require me to change almost everything took some courage, but I had to trust I had been led to the path ahead for a reason and I had to trust that those I was walking with were going to help me and walk with me into this foreign land. I was encouraged to celebrate the little things, which, for me, back then, weren’t little, but even just the fact that I woke up, that I put a new routine in place that was in support of good mental health and a spiritual practice, and that I had stopped leaning on old habits that were harming me just to get by. Each day was a celebration because I had made it through, I had come from a place of wanting to die each day, so just waking up and looking forward to the day ahead was always something to celebrate, even if it was a difficult day, it was still better than where I had come from. But focusing on the victories, small or large, helped me to keep going, and it started to build my self-esteem. It also gave me a connection to others who were on a similar path, and I learned to celebrate their victories as well, sometimes even more than my own, because I knew how hard they were working and how tough the road could be. I learned compassion through taking an interest in others, and encouraging them to keep going as I celebrated along with them. Life started to look different, and instead of it being a series of horrible events, or punishment, it became full of celebrations, for me, and those around me.

We often set parameters in our lives for what we think is worthy of celebrating, and often we set those parameters higher for ourselves than those around us. What if we looked for all the ways we can celebrate ourselves today? What if we focused on our wins and not our losses? Why don’t we look at all the ways we deserve to be celebrated today, and share that joy with others as they celebrate themselves, or, perhaps, inspire them to celebrate their own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate the smaller moments in your life, acknowledging how far you’ve come or how hard you’ve worked? If yes, how do you do that? If no, why not? Do you set the bar high for what you deem important enough to celebrate? What is worthy of celebration in your life? When was the last time you celebrated you? How can you do that more? What can you celebrate in your life today? How can you do that? Each time we walk through something we struggle with, each time we make a positive change in our life, or a positive thought replaces a negative one, each time we step out of our comfort zone and reach for something new we should celebrate. Maybe there’s a celebration just for reading this today and considering it, it starts with one small step, but that step could change the rest of your life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

We Are All More Than The Worst Thing We’ve Ever Done

When I was living in the dark I was ashamed at the choices I was making and how I was living my life. My disease wanted to keep me sick, and eventually, wanted my life, and it would stop at nothing to keep in a place desperation to stop my pain, a desperation that would cause me to do things I wouldn’t normally do to try to find peace. As a result I was embarrassed by my actions, what I was saying and doing just to get by each day, I knew that’s not who I was, but I just wanted numb myself any way possible so I wouldn’t feel. When I made the commitment to seek treatment I knew I was going to have to face my past behavior and choices, I didn’t know how I was going to do that when I already had so much self-hatred, but I was told I didn’t have to do it alone.

I remember sitting with someone who was walking with me on my journey, it was suggested that I write down the things I was ashamed of, I was told that whatever I held back, whatever secrets I may hide, those things would keep me sick. I remember feeling nervous to share those things with someone I had grown to trust, and, had started to admire. I thought, truthfully, that after I told her everything she would never want to talk to me again, and I actually started the meeting by saying how much I had appreciated her help thus far but would understand if she never wanted to talk to me again after I say what I needed to say. She just smiled at me. The truth is, we’ve all done things we’re not proud of, each and every one of us, there isn’t anyone that at one time or another hasn’t maybe told a lie, cheated, or bent the rules, tried to manipulate a favorable outcome for ourselves, or not have been accountable for their actions. So when I shared my worst, she smiled, and either said, me too, or shared what she had done. I realized in that moment that all of those things I carried around, dragged behind me like a weighted ball and chain, were me just punishing myself, or, giving myself too much self-importance. There was nothing in what I disclosed that was shocking to this person, and nothing that caused her to not want to see or talk to me again, in fact, our relationship got stronger as we now had a commonality of where we had come from, and we connected in our strength of where we wanted to go.

Just because we may have done some bad things, doesn’t make us a bad person, we are more than the worst thing we’ve ever done. What is important is finding what we can take away from that act, find out why we felt that was our best option, and, look for better options moving forward. So much of the release of those bad decisions and actions was about admitting them, of taking ownership of them and then making a commitment to not repeat them, to find better options that honored who I was working to become, and, making amends or apologies if they were warranted. In the 13 plus years of this journey so far, I have seen many seemingly unforgivable things forgiven. Only we can hold ourselves back by believing we are the worst we’ve done, we’re not, as they say, the truth with set us free, and set us on a path of recovery and self-love. SLAY ON!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think of yourself as a bad person because of bad things you feel you’ve done? Does that get in the way of your relationships, career, and general way of life? How? Why do you think what you’ve done is unforgivable? What were the circumstances around what you did? Are you still that same person? Or, have you moved on, still harboring bad feelings around that incident? Have you ever told anyone about what you’ve done? If yes, what was the result? And if yes, why do you still carry the guilt of what was done? If you haven’t told anyone, why not? What holds you back? Only you can release yourself from the shackles of your past and the ideas that what you have done holds you back, let go of the past, find a release from those things that tie you to who you were, and focus on who you are and who are working to be. You are not your past, unless you choose to live there.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You owe yourself the same love you so freely give to others.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Name Yourself

Feeling Bad Doesn’t Mean You’re A Bad Person

Before walking this path I thought I was a bad person. Because I felt bad and was thinking bad thoughts I thought that made me a bad person. What I didn’t realize back then is that I had an untreated disease that was centered in my mind, a disease that constantly fed me bad thoughts and was working every day to keep me believing I was a bad person who only deserved bad things. Any time I did or said something that could be labeled bad my disease stood up and yelled SEE,”just in case I hadn’t yet got the point. It took a lot to let go of the belief that I was a bad person, and even more work to realize that if I do feel bad, that doesn’t mean that I’m bad.

Our thoughts and minds can be our worst enemies. Most of us would never tolerate what we think and say to ourselves from anyone else. And yet, we can tear ourselves down daily without questioning why or fighting back. For me, I let it beat me down until I almost didn’t have any fight left, or hope, but was fortunate to find just a flicker of it when I needed it most. On my journey of recovery I had to throw out my old ideas and learn new ones, ones that would build me up instead of tear me down, and I had to let go of the idea that feeling bad made me bad. Feelings aren’t facts. Just because we feel something doesn’t make it true. We sometimes feel fear when there is nothing to be afraid of, we can feel hurt when nothing was done to us, or we can feel sad for no reason whatsoever. Our feelings, at times, can deceive us, they’re not always what they appear to be, and can be rooted in something else entirely, or, have been received through our own perception and a filter of our choosing, perhaps not based in reality at all, but there to allow us to continue to tell the narrative we wish to tell. Feelings can trick us if we’re not in tune with our emotions and receiving them for what they are, so it’s important to not let them define us.

We all have days when our minds might bend to the side of negative, or we’re agitated, but those thoughts or feelings are not who you are, even if you go through a period of time feeling them, you get to decide who you are, you are in charge, and feeling something doesn’t mean you are pigeon-holed into only being that one thing. I was able to let go of my perception of being a bad person by thinking of my feelings like the clouds, they come and go, pass by, some are white and fluffy, some are pink, and, some are dark and menacing, but none of them stay in one place for long, and I would never define the sky as only having clouds that look one way. Our feelings too are like the clouds in the sky, they change, they come and go, but behind them is still the beauty that remains, the beauty that is always there, even when we can’t see it.

What you feel is not what you are. Allow yourself to have bad thoughts without labeling yourself a bad person. Find out where these feelings come from, why they come, and when, and you might just find your key to letting those bad feelings pass. Look up at the sky today SLAYER, and watch the clouds pass by to reveal the blue skies ahead. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you label yourself a bad person if you think or feel bad thoughts? Why do you think you do this? What do you think or feel? Why? Are these feelings based in fact? Where do they come from? How can you let them go? Does it serve you to hang onto them? Does it hurt you to hang onto them? Do you think you’re a bad person? Why? What, in your eyes, makes you a bad person? We’ve all done, said, and thought things that might be labeled bad, but it only makes us a bad person if we believe we are. You have the opportunity, at any given time, to shed that bad label you’ve given yourself and be who you truly are, and if you’re not sure who that is, why not start today on your journey to find out.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Powerful Mind

I was speaking with someone the other day and sharing that I had strained my neck. I was feeling a lot of discomfort and stiffness which brought up feelings from a past car accident I had two years ago yesterday. We have talked, in the past, about not retelling the story of the accident, as it doesn’t serve me to do so, and it causes my mind and body to relive the events of that day and the weeks and months following it. I explained to her how I strained it and she stopped me, and told me to focus on my neck feeling good, not how badly I was actually feeling in the moment. I often talk about focusing on the positive, and I do do that, but sometimes I forget just how powerful our minds really are, and that we do have the capability to heal much of what bothers us when we choose to believe it has already happened and we can visualize ourselves in that place. Now, obviously there are cases where a medical attention or mental health experts are needed, but we have much more power in our minds than we realize.

I took what she said to heart, as she is actually an expert in her field, and I began to do what I know to do physically for my neck, but also consciously thinking and envisioning it feeling great and moving the way it should. I started Friday afternoon and by Monday I was pretty much back to normal, which seems somewhat surprising seeing as I was in tremendous pain last week and had lost mobility in my neck and shoulders. Now, getting treatment Friday put me on the right path physically, but I truly believe that much of my recovery has been centered in my mind. Now, whether my positive thoughts did help me recover faster or not, I’ve been reminded about my own power as I navigate through life and plan on continuing to make a conscious effort to use my own power to not only think positive thoughts, but to tell my body how it feels at any given moment instead of succumbing to what I think it’s telling me. If I feel tired, I will concentrate and tell myself I am rested, ready to tackle the day, and have the energy to do what needs to be done. If I am afraid, I will tell myself I have courage and am confident I can achieve what I am setting out to do. When I think of my future, the great unknown, I will tell myself I have a bright and promising future and that many great things are waiting for me. Even just typing those last few sentences I already feel a boost of positivity and energy.

Coming from a place, years ago, of negative thinking and negative self-talk, I know the power our words have on ourselves, so why not use that power for good? For me, I am making a commitment to ramp up my positive thoughts and put them into action, not just think them, to make real changes in my life. Like anything else, the more we practice a technique or way of life, the better and easier it becomes, so I am careful not to judge myself if my old thinking, or even a current state of being comes through that doesn’t fit into that encouraging positive mold, I can just acknowledge it and get back to work!

It’s time to tell our mind, body and spirit we’re great, and to keep ourselves in a productive positive place to best serve us and those around us. Many of us do have obstacles to overcome, but we can, or perhaps just lessen them, by getting our powerful minds to work for us instead of against us. In my mind, you’ve already done it, and you’re doing it beautifully. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you realize the power of your own thoughts? How has being positive, and thinking positive turned into positive results for you? How have negative thoughts affected you? Do you consciously work thinking in a positive way, envisioning positive outcomes for yourself? If not, why not? If yes, how have you seen the results in your life? Center yourself, focus on the power of your mind, and send a message to it and your body that you are more than OK and ready to win!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is letting go of what you think life should look like, appreciating your life for what it is, and finding your happiness there.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pink Hunt For Happiness

Even Though You Might Not See It, Things Are Changing

I was speaking with a friend yesterday who has been going through a difficult time as she recovers from a trauma. She felt discouraged at her progress, and didn’t feel like she was moving forward fast enough. She had been feeling disconnected from her friends and family and had been afraid to leave her house. I was grateful that we had made a plan to meet up and she was able to join in on a group discussion with friends.

I related a lot to how she is feeling. When I started my journey in recovery I started out feeling great, like a weight had been lifted off of me, just admitting I had a problem and making a commitment to seek treatment for that problem set me off on a high I hadn’t ever felt. I rode that high for a while until one day I fell flat. I was told it was common for this to happen, and then there it was, happening to me. I felt let down, scared and confused. I was working so hard to better myself and get well, so why did I feel this way?

For me, one reason why is that I had taken away all of the crutches I had used in the past to get through the day. I couldn’t rely on any of things that I had and felt like I was standing out, exposed and alone with an empty tool box, not sure how to navigate through these new waters, but I knew I had to hang in there and learn new ways, healthier ways, to deal with this new life, and my fears and insecurities. And as time went on I did learn new ways, and I started to fill up my tool box with better tools. I started to live this new way of life and feeling good about it, and then, that’s when the anger set in. At first it confused me. Why was I feeling angry when I was doing so many things that were good for me, and was making progress in leaving my old destructive habits behind? Well, the truth was, and it took me a while back then to realize it, is that now that I had taken all the distractions away I was now left with the actual problems, not just the ways I used to hide or cope with them, those issues were much bigger than what I thought the problem was. It was during this time I had to dig deep into what I had already learned and lean into the support around me, things had gotten really real.

I remember feeling like my friend yesterday, feeling like the pain was insurmountable, that it was never going to go away and that it was taking too long to work through. There were many days I felt defeated, or that there may be no hope, but I was encouraged to keep going, that the change was happening, I just wasn’t seeing it yet.

You can’t put at timeline on change. Especially when it comes to those deep rooted traumas we may have suffered. It will take the time it does to get through it, and, it may be a lifelong journey to walk through it with grace. For me, the toughest parts have past, but there are days when it flairs back up again and slaps me in the face. Old wounds are like onions, they have many layers, and I now know to expect that there will be times, and typically unexpected ones, where another layer will peel away to reveal another piece of the trauma that I will need to deal with. But having the ability to look back at where I started, much has changed, and most of that anger and resentment has been long gone because of the work I did early in my recovery. We tend to see the change in ourselves last, everyone else has a clearer sense of where we are because we are living it, and are hoping and expecting it to dissipate at a speed of our choosing, but it will when we are ready and when the work has been done.

As I said to my friend yesterday, find some comfortableness in your uncomfortablenss, an impossible sounding task I know, but when I was able to find some comfort in that place my journey to the other side it became easier, less tortured, it was still difficult, but I found some acceptance there until I was able to reach the other side.

When you’re doing the work to better yourself and to get well, there are changes every day, some may be smaller than others, but they’re there, and even if they’re all small, when they’re added up, they make some pretty big changes. Trust the path you are on, and keep moving forward, even if it’s only an inch at a time, one day you’ll look back and see just how far you’ve come. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you going through a difficult time? How so? What are you working on or through? What have you been doing to work through it? Looking back at where you started, what has changed? What would you like to see change? How can you go about achieving that change? If you don’t know, who can you go to to assist you in this change? You are capable of anything, as long as you continue to move forward, to work as hard as you can and as honestly as you can each day, knowing that the days will ebb and flow, some days will be easier than others, but if you keep going, and trusting you are where you are for a reason, you will find some peace on the other side. I speak from experience, and I am here in that place waiting for you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Make sure you’re putting your energy in the right places.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…. SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pinky Time And Energy

Learning To Accept Rejection

Rejection used to devastate me. I would let it destroy my day, my relationships and my spirit. I gave rejection the power to validate me and value my place in this world. And I let it hurt me, and, at times, invited it to.  Sometimes, I sought it out to hurt myself, to continue telling the narrative that I was a bad person who didn’t deserve good things. It was a constant internal battle, of me striving to reach goals and maintain healthy relationships in my life and me, subconsciously, wanting to tear it all down. I had to learn to accept rejection, and, learn not to use it as a personal weapon of assault.

When I was living in the dark, I constantly fought to find some light. I would muster any kind of postivity and hope I could, but there was always an underlying layer of doubt that would block me from ever fully believing I could attain what it was I was looking or working for. I also believed back then that rejection was the universe telling me I wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve what it was I wanted, and I let that belief continue to push me down into depression and despair. As I began to take the road of recovery and started to get better, I realized that rejection is nothing more than a change in direction. Sometimes it is there to save us from heading somewhere we shouldn’t be, or from a situation that may be harmful to us. It’s not always easy for us to see what rejection may be saving us from, but there have been many times, when I’ve looked back, where I was able to see how it had, and so in times that I may feel hurt or angry over not getting what I had wanted, I can lean on the faith that I have that I am being directed in the right direction and that that rejection was just that, a redirection, it wasn’t there to tell me I wasn’t good enough to have succeeded or have gotten what I wanted, but that I may have been looking in the wrong place. That negative chatter in our heads will always try to convince us otherwise, but it has ulterior motives, to keep us down. When we make a conscious effort to change our thinking, we can learn to look at rejection as something that may actually be helping us, showing us the way, teaching us, or letting us know where we need to improve or work a little harder, none of that is bad, if we choose to look at it as a tool to help us. I previously wrote a blog called, The Universe Is On Your Side, where I talk about living life as if it’s rigged in your favor, now I realize it doesn’t always seem that way, but when we choose to look at life’s rejections as guidance, we may be able to see how things aren’t as stacked up against us we think, or have been lead to believe.

Look for opportunities to make the rejections in your life tools to help you and show you the way. Don’t listen to that negative self-talk that tells you you’re not good enough or don’t deserve what you’re wanting and working for, counter that talk with some constructive chatter that allows you to look for another opportunity or place where you can share the best of what you’ve got, also allowing those moments to teach you and encourage you to learn and continue to improve in areas that will help to get you to where you want to go. Rejection, in many cases, may be a blessing, as they may be saving you from an even worse situation, or a place you are not meant to be in. Trust that the rejection in your life is there for a reason, and use that opportunity to explore where you should be going next. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let rejection get you down? Do you expect rejection in your life? If yes, why? When has rejection, looking back, actually saved you from something? What was that? How has it helped you to grow or learn? Has it pushed you to work harder or improve areas in your life? How? Do you see how rejection may be there to show you where to go and not go? Do you see how it can be, in many cases, a positive thing? How has it been positive in your life? Allowing ourselves to get beaten down by rejection is just a form of self-harm, allowing those negative places within us to take over and pull us into the darkness, take your power back and refuse to believe that place within us that feeds off negativity, allow the light to come in and choose to let rejection be a positive influence in your life, guiding you to where you are meant to be and allowing you to work to be your best self.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

When Was The Last Time You Did Something For The First Time?

Good question. Today. The answer for me was today. But before stepping on this path, I probably had to think about it for a while, and if I was able to come up with an answer, it probably would have been a long time ago. I got stuck in a cycle of darkness and despair. I would wake up angry I woke up, having wished the night before that I would just die in my sleep, I would tell myself that the day ahead was going to be different, but it never was, and I went to bed angry that I had just repeated the same day over yet again. But, I wasn’t doing anything different, so how could I expect anything different than what I had been getting? My head wanted me to relive the same day over and over because it wanted to keep me sick. It wanted me to say right where I was until I couldn’t take it anymore. And I got to that point. The point of not being able to take it anymore, and then I was at a crossroads, do I do something different, something for the first time, or let the same things take me out? I chose to do something for the first time, and I reached out for help. That saved my life.

Now, doing something for the first time might not be as dire as that, but it might be. The decisions we make every day effect how we see ourselves, our lives, those around us, and the trajectory where we’re going and who we come into contact with. While I was on my road to recovery I was encouraged to say yes to things, to try new things and to break out of the routine I had been in. Saying yes to new things was a bit scary at first. As much I didn’t like the way things were, I knew what the result was going to be, there were no surprises, as sick as I was, there was comfort in that place I knew, trying new things felt scary, like falling from the sky without a parachute or net, but I had to jump if I wanted to learn to fly.

I tried to look at new things as something exciting, that perspective helped those three letters come out of my mouth, y-e-s. I said yes to pretty much everything, as long as it was moving me forward and helping me in my recovery. And you know what? The more I did it, the less scary it became, and, I learned a lot about myself in the process. I had never asked myself what I liked or wanted, outside of career, I just tried to blend in, and did what I thought you wanted me to do so you wouldn’t ask a lot of questions. This was now my time! My time to discovery who I really was, and what I really liked. I also met a lot of cool people along the way, people I never would have met if I had kept saying no and isolated in my apartment. Saying yes to me meant saying yes to life, and I was determined to live.

Today I still say yes to new things. In fact, I look for new things to say yes to. I continue to learn about myself because I continue to grow and explore, and saying yes to new things is a key ingredient to that. There is so much out there that I haven’t done, or even know about, saying no and only sticking with what I know is doing myself a huge disservice, I’ve come this far, why would I stop now? Are you getting in the way of your own growth or health by saying no to new things?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you open trying new things? If not, why not? When was the last time you said yes to something new? What was it? What was the result? Do you typically say yes to new things? What positive things has saying yes brought to your life? What has it taught you? How has it helped you grow? If you haven’t been saying yes, how do you think it may be hurting you? Are you currently happy where you are? Is there something you could say yes to that might move you forward, away from the place you currently find yourself? Where would you like to find yourself? How can you get there? Life presents us with many choices every day, if we don’t say yes to new things we stay stuck where we are, and, we may be missing out on where we should be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you