Forgiveness

You Can Forgive Someone Without Giving Them Access to You

Forgiveness is freedom, not a front-row pass

There’s a moment in healing that feels like a crossroads.
You’ve done the work.
You’ve cried the tears.
You’ve processed the pain.
And you finally arrive at forgiveness — not to excuse what was done, but to release what it did to you.

But then comes the question that catches so many of us off guard:

Does forgiving someone mean they get to come back?

For years, I thought the answer was yes.

I believed forgiveness meant reconciliation.
I believed healing meant returning to the way things were.
I believed I had to reopen the door simply because I had released the hurt.

But with time, experience, heartbreak, boundary-setting, and a few painfully earned lessons, I learned the truth:

You can forgive someone and still deny them access to you.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Access is a privilege they have to earn.

Those two things are not the same.

Forgiveness Isn’t a Free Pass

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Many people think it means:

  • “We’re good now.”
  • “It wasn’t that bad.”
  • “Let’s forget it happened.”
  • “The relationship should go back to normal.”

But forgiveness does not rewrite history. It does not minimize harm. It does not pretend you weren’t hurt.

Forgiveness simply means:
“I’m releasing the emotional hold this has on me.”

It’s internal.
It’s personal.
It’s sacred.

Forgiveness is about you finding peace — not about making someone else comfortable.

You can forgive someone and still say:

  • “I no longer trust you.”
  • “Your behavior hasn’t changed.”
  • “My boundaries matter.”
  • “This relationship is not safe for me.”
  • “I choose to love myself enough to step away.”

And every one of those statements can exist perfectly alongside forgiveness.

Access Requires Accountability

Here’s the part most people don’t understand:

Forgiveness is unconditional.
Access is not.

Access requires:

  • Changed behavior
  • Accountability
  • Consistency
  • Respect
  • Emotional safety
  • Mutual effort

If someone wants a place in your life, their actions should reflect it.
Their words should align with their behavior.
Their presence should feel safe, not draining.
Their energy should add, not take.

You don’t deny access out of spite.
You deny access because your peace is non-negotiable.

It is not punishment.
It is protection.

People who truly care about you will understand that.
People who don’t will call it “overreacting” or “holding a grudge,” simply because they no longer benefit from your openness.

Forgiveness Without Reconciliation Is Still Forgiveness

A lot of people grew up being taught that forgiveness meant you had to:

  • rebuild relationships
  • pretend nothing happened
  • stay connected
  • be endlessly available

But that version of forgiveness keeps you trapped.
It keeps you small.
It keeps you in cycles of harm.

Forgiveness without reconciliation is still forgiveness.
You can release resentment without reopening the door.
You can wish someone well from a distance.
You can send them love and keep them out of your life.

There is power in that duality:

“I forgive you.
And you still don’t get access to me.”

Both can be true.
Both can be healthy.
Both can be healing.

Protecting Your Peace Is an Act of Self-Respect

There comes a point where you stop asking:

“Do they deserve another chance?”

And start asking:

“Does this support my peace, my growth, and my well-being?”

Sometimes the answer is yes.
Sometimes it’s no.
Sometimes it’s “not right now.”

And sometimes it’s “never again.”

Choosing distance is not bitterness.
It’s clarity.
It’s self-respect.
It’s honoring the version of you who finally learned what they deserve.

There is nothing unkind about protecting your emotional, mental, or physical safety.
There is nothing cruel about refusing to reenter the same cycle.
There is nothing wrong with outgrowing people who continue to harm you — even if you love them.

Protecting your peace is not a betrayal of love —
it’s a commitment to yourself.

Rebuilding Is a Choice, Not an Obligation

Some people will change.
Some people will grow.
Some people will show up differently.

And if that happens — and if you want to rebuild — that choice is yours.

But rebuilding should never come from guilt.
Or pressure.
Or obligation.
Or fear of what other people will think.

A relationship can only be rebuilt on:

  • truth
  • accountability
  • honesty
  • change
  • mutual respect
  • time
  • consistency

Not empty promises or short-term effort.

You decide what access looks like.
You decide what level of connection you’re open to.
You decide whether the door is closed, cracked, or locked.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Your healing is not a group decision.

Forgiveness Sets You Free — Not Them

One of the most liberating things you’ll ever learn is this:

Forgiveness is not for them.
It’s for you.

It frees your mind.
It clears your heart.
It releases the emotional weight tethering you to the past.

But it does not require:

  • returning
  • reconciling
  • reconnecting
  • reopening
  • reengaging

Your healing does not depend on the relationship surviving.
Some chapters end so you can reclaim your peace.
Some endings are the closure you’ve been searching for.
Some boundaries are the doorway to your freedom.

Allowing someone access again is an entirely separate choice — one they must earn, not one automatically granted because you chose your own healing.

SLAY Reflection

S — Sit With Your Truth

What relationship in your life have you maintained out of obligation rather than genuine safety or connection?

L — Look at the Pattern

Have you confused forgiveness with permission in the past? What did that lead to?

A — Align With Your Values

What boundaries need to be honored for you to feel emotionally safe again?

Y — Yield to Growth

How can you release the hurt while still protecting your peace moving forward?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When have you forgiven someone but still chosen distance — and how did that decision support your healing?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on releasing hurt without reopening old wounds, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Revenge Through Radiance

There’s a kind of revenge that doesn’t come from words or payback — it comes from peace.

It’s the kind of revenge that doesn’t need to be seen or declared. It’s quiet. Intentional. Unbothered.

It’s choosing to heal instead of hurt. To rise instead of retaliate. To glow so brightly that the shadows of the past can’t touch you anymore.

That, SLAYER, is revenge through radiance.

The Temptation of Retaliation

When someone wrongs us, it’s natural to want them to feel what they made us feel. To prove they can’t get away with it. To even the score.

But here’s the truth: trying to hurt someone who hurt you only keeps you tethered to the pain they caused.

Retaliation feels powerful for a moment — but it drains you. It pulls you back into their energy, their story, their chaos.

And you’ve worked too hard to go back there.

True power isn’t in revenge. It’s in release.

Because when you stop fighting for closure and start choosing peace, you take your power back. You show them — and yourself — that their actions no longer define your energy.

The Glow-Up Is the Get-Back

Your healing, your joy, your success — that’s your revenge.

Not because you’re pretending it didn’t hurt, but because you refuse to let it keep you small.

When you choose to rise, to love again, to rebuild, to believe in yourself after someone tried to break you — that’s power. That’s grace. That’s radiance.

You’re no longer matching their energy. You’re elevating it.

So, go ahead — glow so hard they have to squint.

Because when you shine, you remind the world (and yourself) that light always wins.

Healing Is the Highest Form of Revenge

Healing doesn’t mean you excuse what happened. It means you refuse to let it continue controlling you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean they deserve peace — it means you do.

When you start to heal, you start to see things differently. The same people who once triggered you lose their power. The same memories that once haunted you start to fade.

You begin to understand that closure doesn’t come from an apology — it comes from acceptance.

You can’t rewrite the past. But you can write a new story for yourself, one filled with light, purpose, and peace.

That’s the kind of revenge that lasts — because it’s built on your freedom.

Becoming Untouchable

There’s a moment in healing when you stop trying to prove your worth to those who never saw it — and start living like you’ve always known it.

That’s when you become untouchable.

Your peace unnerves people who thrive on chaos. Your confidence exposes their insecurity. Your light blinds the ones still living in the dark.

That’s not arrogance — that’s alignment.

You’re no longer responding to the old version of you who needed validation. You’re responding as the healed, grounded, radiant version who doesn’t chase what dims her light.

Your glow becomes your boundary.

How to Practice Revenge Through Radiance

1. Focus on your healing, not their reaction.
They don’t need to see your progress for it to be real. You don’t owe them proof.

2. Invest in your peace.
Silence, self-care, and solitude are weapons of peace. They restore your power.

3. Choose grace over gossip.
You don’t need to talk about them. Let your peace do the talking.

4. Redirect your energy.
Pour into your goals, your passions, your purpose. That’s where your glow begins.

5. Remember who you are.
They didn’t break you. They revealed where your strength lives.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Who or what have you been giving your energy to that no longer deserves it?
  2. What would it look like to choose peace instead of payback?
  3. How can you redirect that energy toward your growth or healing?
  4. When was the last time you felt radiant from within — not because of something external, but because of who you’ve become?
  5. What’s one action you can take today to shine instead of react?
  • S – Stop giving energy to what hurts you
  • L – Let your peace speak louder than your pain
  • A – Align your focus with your healing
  • Y – Yield to your glow — it’s your greatest power

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What does revenge through radiance mean to you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone still fighting battles they could walk away from, send this to them.
Sometimes, the best revenge is peace — and a little extra glow.

Is There an Apology You Need to Make Today?

Sometimes, healing starts with two words: I’m sorry.

They don’t always come easily — not because we don’t mean them, but because they require vulnerability. They ask us to look at the parts of ourselves that we’d rather not see. To acknowledge the hurt we’ve caused — intentionally or not — and to face the discomfort that comes with accountability.

But here’s the truth: apologies aren’t about guilt. They’re about growth.

They aren’t about surrendering your power. They’re about reclaiming your integrity.

And when done sincerely, an apology can be one of the most powerful acts of healing — for both you and the person on the other side of it.

The Weight of What’s Left Unsaid

We all carry them — the moments that sit heavy on our hearts. The words we wish we could take back. The tone we wish we hadn’t used. The silence that lasted too long.

Maybe it’s a friend you drifted from after a misunderstanding.
Maybe it’s a parent or sibling you haven’t spoken to because pride got in the way.
Maybe it’s yourself — the hardest person of all to apologize to.

When we don’t address those moments, they don’t just disappear. They become emotional clutter — stored in our bodies, in our minds, in the quiet spaces between our thoughts.

Unmade apologies keep us stuck in old chapters, unable to fully turn the page. We replay the scenario, justify our side, or convince ourselves it’s too late to fix it. But what we’re really doing is protecting our ego instead of freeing our heart.

Sometimes the thing weighing you down isn’t what happened — it’s what’s unspoken.

What an Apology Really Means

A real apology isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about honoring the truth.

It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’re taking all the blame. It means you’re strong enough to face your part in what happened — and brave enough to want peace more than you want to be right.

A sincere apology has three key parts:

  1. Acknowledgment.
    You name what happened and take ownership of your actions. No “if” or “but.” Just truth.
  2. Empathy.
    You acknowledge how your behavior affected the other person — without minimizing it or making excuses.
  3. Amends.
    You express what you’re doing to make it right, even if it’s simply changing your behavior moving forward.

It’s not about perfection — it’s about presence.

When you apologize with sincerity, you’re not trying to control the outcome. You’re simply clearing the energy that’s been holding you hostage.

Why It’s So Hard to Say “I’m Sorry”

Apologizing can feel like peeling off armor — especially if you’ve built a life around strength and survival.

For many of us, admitting fault triggers old wounds: shame, rejection, fear of abandonment. Maybe you grew up in a home where being wrong meant being punished. Or where vulnerability was seen as weakness.

But in truth, an apology is not a loss of power. It’s the ultimate act of strength.

It takes courage to look someone in the eye and say, “I hurt you.”
It takes integrity to say, “I wish I had handled that differently.”
It takes grace to say, “You didn’t deserve that from me.”

Every time you take responsibility for your part — without blaming, defending, or diminishing — you’re rewriting the pattern. You’re choosing growth over guilt.

And that’s how healing begins.

When an Apology Isn’t Accepted

Here’s the part that hurts — sometimes, you’ll offer a heartfelt apology, and it won’t be received.

They may still be angry. They may not be ready. They may not believe you’ve changed.

And that’s okay.

Because an apology isn’t a transaction. It’s not a guarantee of forgiveness or reconciliation. It’s a declaration of who you choose to be — regardless of how it’s received.

You don’t apologize to erase the past. You apologize to make peace with it.
You do it to honor your growth. To clear your side of the street. To free yourself from the weight of avoidance.

Whether they forgive you or not, you’ve done your part.

And that’s enough.

Sometimes the Person You Owe an Apology to Is You

We spend so much time apologizing to others, yet so little time acknowledging where we’ve betrayed ourselves.

For staying too long in situations that broke our spirit.
For silencing our needs to keep the peace.
For accepting less than we deserved because we didn’t believe we could have more.

You owe yourself an apology, too.

You owe yourself forgiveness for all the times you didn’t know better, couldn’t do better, or didn’t have the strength yet to walk away.

You don’t need to carry that guilt anymore. You’ve learned from it. You’ve grown from it.

And every time you choose to forgive yourself, you strengthen the part of you that’s still healing.

The Ripple Effect of a Sincere Apology

Apologies are energy clearings. They ripple through families, friendships, and generations.

When you take responsibility, you model accountability. When you speak truth, you give others permission to do the same.

Healing is contagious — and it often starts with one brave person choosing to break the silence.

So if there’s an apology you’ve been avoiding, ask yourself why. What are you afraid of losing — your pride or your peace?

Because one of them has to go.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Is there someone you need to apologize to — including yourself?
  2. What’s been holding you back from saying what needs to be said?
  3. How would it feel to release the guilt you’ve been carrying?
  4. What part of your pride or fear is protecting you from peace?
  5. What can you do today to clear the air and heal what’s been left unsaid?
  • S – Speak your truth with sincerity
  • L – Let go of the need to be right
  • A – Acknowledge your impact, not your intention
  • Y – Yield to humility and let healing in

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Is there an apology you need to make today — to someone else or to yourself?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone carrying the weight of unspoken regret, send this to them.
Sometimes, the right words at the right time can set us free.

Nothing You Say or Do Is Too Bad to Tell Somebody

For most of my life, I believed there were things about me that were too dark, too shameful, too unforgivable to share. I told myself, no one could handle the truth about me.

So, I kept secrets. I smiled when I was breaking. I said, “I’m fine,” when I wasn’t. I built walls out of silence—strong, tall, and unshakeable.

But what I didn’t know back then was that silence doesn’t protect you. It poisons you.

The belief that “there’s nothing I say or do that is too bad to tell somebody” didn’t come to me easily. It came after years of hiding, years of shame, and years of trying to heal alone.

Shame Thrives in Silence

Shame wants to keep you quiet. It whispers that if anyone knew the truth, they’d leave. That you’d be judged. Rejected. Unlovable.

But here’s what I’ve learned: when you say the thing you’ve been afraid to say, you take away shame’s power.

I’ve watched people share their deepest secrets—addiction, abuse, betrayal, trauma—and instead of being met with disgust, they were met with compassion.

That’s the thing about truth—it connects us.

No matter how different our experiences are, the feelings underneath are universal. Fear. Regret. Guilt. Loneliness. And when we share those feelings, we remind each other we’re human.

The Lie of “Too Much”

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that vulnerability equals weakness. That we should keep it together, hold it in, and never show the messy parts.

We learned to say, “It’s no big deal,” when it was.
We learned to minimize our pain so others wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.
We learned to smile instead of speak.

But here’s the truth: you are not “too much.” You are not too broken, too complicated, or too far gone.

The things you’re afraid to say out loud are often the things that will set you free.

When you find someone safe—a therapist, a friend, a sponsor, a mentor—and tell them what you’ve been holding, it stops controlling you.

You break the cycle of secrecy.
You interrupt the story shame keeps replaying.
You step into healing.

The Power of Being Heard

When I finally opened up about the things I thought were “too bad to tell anybody,” I was terrified. My voice shook. My stomach twisted. I almost didn’t go through with it.

But I did.

And when I did, something incredible happened—I didn’t fall apart. I was held.

That moment taught me something I’ll never forget:

The human heart is built to hold not only our own pain, but the pain of others too.

We are meant to carry one another.

Healing happens in connection. It happens when someone looks at you and says, “Me too.”

That simple acknowledgment is enough to make the walls you’ve built start to crumble.

You Are Not Your Mistakes

You are not the things you’ve done. You are not the worst decision you’ve made. You are not the shame someone else handed you.

We all make mistakes. We all have moments we wish we could rewrite. But those moments don’t define you—they refine you.

When you find the courage to speak your truth, you stop living in fear of being found out. You realize that nothing you’ve done disqualifies you from love, belonging, or forgiveness.

And the more honest you become, the freer you get.

Honesty is the antidote to shame.

How to Begin Speaking Your Truth

If you’ve spent your life believing there are things too bad to share, here’s where to start:

  1. Find a safe person. This could be a trusted friend, a sponsor, or a counselor. Safety is key.
  2. Start small. You don’t have to unload everything at once. Begin with what feels manageable.
  3. Be honest with yourself first. Write it down, say it out loud to the mirror, or pray about it. Naming your truth gives it form.
  4. Expect discomfort. Vulnerability is brave, and bravery rarely feels comfortable.
  5. Stay open to compassion. People can surprise you. Let them.

The point isn’t to confess for pity—it’s to connect for healing.

Freedom Lives in the Light

Every time you tell the truth about your story, you let the light in.

You start to see that your worst moments were also your teachers. That the parts of you you’ve tried to bury have shaped your strength, empathy, and resilience.

And once you realize that, you can’t go back.

You can’t go back to pretending you’re fine.
You can’t go back to silencing yourself.
You can’t go back to believing you’re unworthy of love.

Because once you’ve been met with compassion where you expected judgment, you know the truth:

There is nothing you can say or do that is too bad to tell somebody.

Not because it wasn’t bad—but because you’re still worthy. Always have been. Always will be.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What’s one truth you’ve been afraid to speak?
  2. Who in your life feels safe enough to share it with?
  3. How has silence kept you stuck?
  4. What might freedom look like if you let someone in?
  5. How can you show that same compassion to someone else today?

S – Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes
L – Let go of the shame that keeps you small
A – Allow yourself to be seen and supported
Y – Yield to healing—connection over isolation

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What truth did you finally speak—and how did it change you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s carrying something they think is “too bad to tell anybody,” send this to them.
Sometimes, all it takes is one brave share to set someone free.

Forgive Yourself Every Night Before You Go to Sleep

Every night before your head hits the pillow, there’s one thing that can change the way you wake up tomorrow: forgiveness—not for others, but for yourself.

We talk a lot about self-care, gratitude, and mindfulness, but one of the most overlooked forms of healing is this quiet ritual of release. When you forgive yourself every night, you unclench the weight of the day, you clear the emotional noise, and you give your heart permission to rest.

Because here’s the truth: you can’t rest when you’re still at war with yourself.

The Weight We Carry Into the Night

How often do you crawl into bed replaying every word you said, every mistake you made, every little thing you should have done differently?

Your mind spins on an endless loop:
Why did I say that?
Why didn’t I do more?
Why can’t I just get it right?

Those thoughts are heavy. They pull you out of the present and anchor you in regret. And when you carry that energy into your dreams, it lingers into the next morning—starting the new day with yesterday’s shame.

That’s how cycles of guilt are built. Not because we did something terrible, but because we refused to put it down.

But the day is over. You did your best with what you knew, what you had, and who you were in that moment. You can’t go back, but you can choose peace before you go to sleep.

Forgiveness Is a Form of Self-Respect

Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior or ignoring accountability. It means acknowledging your humanity and allowing growth to take the place of punishment.

We often confuse self-forgiveness with self-indulgence. We think, If I let myself off the hook, I’ll never change. But that’s not true.

Guilt keeps you stuck. Forgiveness moves you forward.

Every night when you lie down, ask yourself:

  • Did I show up the best I could today?
  • What did I learn?
  • What do I want to do differently tomorrow?

Then, forgive yourself for the rest.

You’re not weak for forgiving yourself. You’re wise for not wasting time punishing someone who’s already trying to do better.

Release Before Rest

Sleep is meant to restore you, not punish you. It’s where your body repairs, your mind resets, and your spirit reconnects. But it can’t do that if you go to bed clenched in self-criticism.

Imagine physically setting down the baggage of the day at the edge of your bed.
The argument you had? Set it down.
The missed opportunity? Set it down.
The thing you said you wish you hadn’t? Set it down.

You can pick up the lessons tomorrow—but tonight, give yourself rest.

Peace is not found by overanalyzing the past. It’s found by releasing it.

How to Forgive Yourself Every Night

  1. Reflect, don’t ruminate.
    Take a few moments before bed to think through your day. Reflection asks, What did I learn? Rumination asks, What’s wrong with me? Choose the first.
  2. Speak gently to yourself.
    Replace self-criticism with compassion. Try saying:
    “I did my best today. Tomorrow, I’ll do better.”
  3. Write it out.
    Journaling before bed helps move thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Once they’re out, they lose their power.
  4. Breathe it out.
    Take a deep breath in for forgiveness. Exhale guilt. Repeat until your body starts to relax.
  5. End with gratitude.
    Thank yourself for showing up, for trying, for learning, for still being here. Gratitude and guilt can’t coexist—choose gratitude.

The Morning After Forgiveness

When you forgive yourself before you sleep, you wake lighter.
Your morning thoughts aren’t filled with shame; they’re filled with clarity.

You’re able to meet the new day without dragging the weight of the old one. You think more clearly, speak more kindly, and move more confidently.

Forgiving yourself isn’t just a nighttime ritual—it’s an act of emotional hygiene. You’re clearing out what no longer serves you so your soul can breathe again.

The Truth About Growth

You will make mistakes. You will say the wrong thing, choose the wrong person, take the wrong path. That’s part of being human.

But every day, you’re also learning, evolving, and becoming.

The goal isn’t to be flawless—it’s to be free.

Free from the grip of guilt.
Free from the noise of self-judgment.
Free from believing you’re not worthy of forgiveness.

Because you are. Always have been.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What do you still carry from your day that deserves to be released?
  2. How do you usually talk to yourself before bed—are you kind or critical?
  3. What would it feel like to go to sleep at peace with yourself?
  4. Can you name one thing you’re proud of today?
  5. How can you forgive yourself tonight for simply being human?

S – Stop punishing yourself for being imperfect
L – Let go of the day before you close your eyes
A – Accept your mistakes as part of your becoming
Y – Yield to peace instead of guilt before you rest

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What changes when you forgive yourself before you go to sleep?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who lies awake replaying their day, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that peace begins with forgiveness.

Do You Like Yourself?

I used to say yes. To your face, I’d smile and say, “Of course I do!” But inside, the truth was always no.

From as far back as I can remember, I felt I wasn’t good enough. I thought I was weird, different, and if you knew who I really was, you wouldn’t like me. I set impossible standards for myself, and every time I couldn’t meet them, I’d beat myself up. Over the years, those unrealistic expectations grew bigger—and so did my self-hatred.

I had a constant, negative narrative running in my head, berating myself for not measuring up. My lack of self-love dragged me to darker places, until I stopped caring about my well-being. I took dangerous chances with my life, not because I wanted to die, but because I didn’t care if I lived.

It was only through a friend that I found the courage to reach out for help. That was the beginning of a new path—and the road from self-hatred to self-love was bumpy, messy, and full of stumbles. But it was worth every single one.

Starting with Forgiveness

When I began this journey, I couldn’t even look in the mirror and say, “I love you.” Just thinking about it makes me sad now. But I knew if I was ever going to like myself, I had to start by forgiving myself. And that wasn’t something I could do alone. I worked with a mental health professional and found support in groups of people walking the same path. Their guidance helped me move forward and start believing that I was worth forgiveness.

Gratitude and Giving Back

Gratitude was a key step. In the beginning, it felt nearly impossible, but I was encouraged to start with just one thing each day—one thing I was grateful for, and one thing I liked about myself. Some days I struggled to find even one, but I’d write it down and carry it in my pocket. Whenever I felt discouraged or fearful, I’d take it out and remind myself.

And then there was giving back. Early in my journey, I was shown that we always have something to give, even if we don’t think we do. Simply sharing our truth, asking someone how their day is, or offering a kind word can lift not just them, but also us. No matter how far down we may feel, someone else may feel even lower, and reaching out creates a connection.

Reflection in a Time of Pause

During this time of social distancing and isolation, when the world feels paused, we have an opportunity to ask ourselves: do I like who I am? If not, why? This is the perfect time to explore those feelings and make positive changes. And if we struggle to find things we like about ourselves, it’s okay to ask a trusted friend or family member what they see in us. Sometimes, seeing ourselves through their eyes helps us find the light.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Would you say you like yourself? If not, why not?

  • If you do, what do you like about yourself?

  • Have you always liked yourself? If not, what changed?

  • If you don’t like yourself, was there a time when you did? What changed?

  • What can you do today to find something you like about yourself?

  • What are you grateful for today?

Focus on those things, SLAYER. Challenge yourself to discover more in the days to come. Ask others for their insights. Make sure the reasons you tell yourself don’t keep you stuck in negativity. And if they do, ask why you’re holding onto them. Learn to let them go, or forgive yourself for them. Self-love—or even just self-like—is waiting. Take that first step today.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you like about yourself today?
Share it in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who needs this message, send it to them.
Sometimes, a little reminder is all it takes to start a journey.

When Your Past Comes Back

I recently got a phone call from someone in the same industry as me—a person I’ve known for years. They called to say some kind things that truly meant a lot. But what triggered this call was a conversation they’d had with someone I used to consider a close friend.

This former friend had abruptly ended our friendship years ago when I confronted them about behavior I found troubling—putting ambition and personal gain above authentic relationships. Fast forward to now, and they were using my name to connect with people in the industry, as if we were still close. This wasn’t the first time I’d learned they were leveraging my name, but hearing it again stirred something deep inside me.

The Stirring of Old Wounds

At first, I was stunned. Then, the anger bubbled up. How dare they use my name after cutting me off? They had no right. But as my hands trembled and my mind raced with all the things I could say, I stopped.

I took a deep breath.

Here’s the truth: calling them out, lashing back—it wouldn’t change the past or make me feel better. In fact, it would likely pull me into a spiral of frustration and negativity. Instead, I simply told the caller the truth—that this person was no longer a part of my life. I kept it factual, free of venom. I trusted the person on the other end to connect the dots.

Choosing Light Over Darkness

Not long after, I was on a video call where this same person, my former friend, appeared. They made a point to say they were there because of me. I smiled tightly and said nothing. I realized then: the truth would reveal itself in time. It always does.

What I’ve learned on this path is to stay true to myself. It’s not about winning an argument or proving someone wrong. It’s about preserving my peace, keeping my side of the street clean, and focusing on what brings me light and joy.

Letting Go of the Scorecard

Life isn’t about keeping score. People will hurt us, sometimes deeply. But carrying those grievances around only weighs us down. Every time we dwell on them, we feed the darkness instead of the light.

I’ve learned that when someone tries to pull me back into old wounds, I can choose to let go. I can choose to focus on what fills me with light. I can refuse to be dragged down a path that dims my soul.

Moving Forward with Strength

We all face moments when our past rears its head. The question is: how do we respond? Do we pick up the bitterness, or do we lay it down and walk away?

I choose to walk forward, with grace, resilience, and an unwavering commitment to my own well-being.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Have you ever confronted someone about an old hurt? How did that feel?

  • If you felt relief at the moment, did it last? Or did it leave you feeling hollow?

  • Do you find it hard to let things go, or do you feel pulled to dive back in?

  • How do you feel after going back—empowered or depleted?

  • Can you shift your focus to the present and release the chains of the past?

The past is a weight we don’t need to carry. Set yourself free today.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve chosen light over darkness in your past?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to let go of an old hurt, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a gentle reminder: we have the power to move forward.

When We Love Ourselves Love Finds Us

This seemed like a good topic for Valentine’s Day, and one that may stir up some feelings about self-love. As someone who spent most of her life hating herself I know the power we have over what we attract into our lives. That’s not to say if we don’t love ourselves that we won’t, can’t, or don’t have love in our lives, because I know we can, I did, even when that self-love wasn’t there, but when we do find or have that love for ourselves it invites more love in, and, we tend to look for the love we already have and want to share our love with others.

Love is contagious, who doesn’t want to feel, receive and give love? It can heal almost anything, and what I may not be able to heal alone, it can certainly help with the process. Finding love for myself came with some work on my part, but I knew I had to find it to get better and to live the life I had dreamed of. To get to the place I am now I had to first find forgiveness in myself, for all the unloving things I did to myself and to those around me. I had to let go of the guilt and shame I carried around that held me back and blocked me from finding self-love. I had to take responsibility for my actions but I also had to accept that I was doing the best I could with the tools I had, and, with untreated mental illness, my best thinking often set me on a course of self-sabotage and self-destruction. I would never criticize someone with cancer, diabetes or Alzheimer’s so why would I criticize myself for the disease I had that had clouded my judgment and stole from me for most of my life. Finding that acceptance and using it as a tool to grow from where I was, to do better and to start living in a positive way was the place I started on my journey to self-love. I made a point, each day, to find gratitude in who I was, where I was and where I wanted to go, and some days that proved more challenging than others, but even just thinking of one thing was enough to change my outlook. I gave back where I could to others struggling like I was, which got me out of my own head and relieved me of the negative thinking that had plagued me my whole life. I made a lot of changes, took direction from others and professionals and I began to feel better. Slowly, by practicing loving acts towards myself and others I was able to say, out loud, that I loved myself, and when I did my life changed, and I began to look for love in each day. I also began to share the love I had with others, even by paying someone a compliment are congratulating them on a job well done. Walking this path with love in my heart ultimately brought me a love I didn’t know I could have and a man who I now share a love with that continues to grow each day.

Finding love for ourselves may seem like an impossible journey, but nothing is impossible if we try and make changes in our lives that support our efforts to find that love. It’s a journey that takes humility and a desire to search for those things that we feel make us lovable and what allows us to share our love with those around us. We all are worthy of love, even if we don’t feel we are, but when we open our heart to the idea of it, the magic of love may just open your heart enough to show you just how lovable you really are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe you are lovable? If not, why not? Have you always felt that way? If you haven’t, what changed? Are there moments in your life that have been able to find self-love? What were they? Why don’t they stay or why did they go away? What can you do today to show yourself love? How can you share that love with someone else? Today, since this is a day to celebrate love, look for all of the love you have in your life and all of the ways you can show yourself love in return, just being willing to look for it opens the door enough to come in.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Life has a way of evening things out, focus your energy on your own success.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Best Revenge

Don’t Ever Pray For Justice, You Might Just Get It

We’ve all been wronged, hurt, or misled, and it’s easy to sit in our hate or anger wanting revenge, or justice, but when we sit on that space and want negative things to happen to others, we invite the darkness in. We allow that darkness to take over and dominate our thoughts and soon it makes it’s way to our actions, or, by sitting in our hate we have brought on punishment to ourselves. It’s easy to judge someone else for what they’ve done, but we may be guilty of our own crimes, and forgetting our own actions we are just as guilty and shouldn’t be so quick to only look at the actions of others. We always have a choice of how to respond to what happens to us and when we invite revenge to come in we may just get a dose back we’re not expecting.

When I made a choice to walk this path I was eager to point the finger at all the people who I thought had wronged me, who I blamed for all of my bad behavior and bad decisions, but it was pointed out to me that in most cases, the exception was when I was child, I had a choice in who I allowed into my life, who I engaged with, who I chose to trust, and how I interacted with each of those people. It was easier to play the victim and blame everyone else for my problems and to sit and plot my revenge or wish bad things on those people who I thought had hurt me. The truth was, I hurt myself, time and time again, by the choices I was making, and by sitting in that misdirected hurt I became angrier and more depressed, praying for justice didn’t make me feel any better, it fueled my hate and if I was really being honest with myself, it concerned me that the same fate I wished upon others could be coming for me. Living in the light I have been encouraged to wish what I would want for myself for others, even when they have wronged me. Now, that can be a tough one, but I have done it, many times, and it does work to keep me out of negative thinking and keep me in the light. When you’ve been hurt instead of praying for justice, pray they receive everything you would want every day for 2 weeks, trust me, you will feel better, and that anger will pass. And by doing this you let the light in, you focus on the positive and from that place real change can happen, good change. It’s like the blinders come off and we can see clearly, the whole picture, and not just what we want to see because it suits the narrative we want to tell. We, as adults, always have a part, and perhaps what has happened is there to show us changes we need to make, or to teach us something, perhaps, just maybe, we should be thanking that person for that lesson rather than condemning them.

We should never be wishing or praying for something we would not want for ourselves, when we do we are working from a place of victim-hood and not taking responsibility for our part or the power we have. Even if we are a victim of a random crime or accident, we still have a choice how we respond to what happened, and when we choose revenge we are also choosing to live in the darkness which only invites more darkness in our lives. It’s important to practice contrary action and send out good energy, even to those who may have harmed us, and it’s important to send it back to ourselves as well, as we likely contributed to our own harm. Send out positive energy and positive is what you’ll get back and what you’ll see moving forward. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you pray for revenge when you’ve been wronged, hurt or harmed? How do you feel when you do that? Does it make the situation any better? Do you find that your thoughts stay in the negative and affect your daily life? How do they do that? Does that feel good? Are you able to see your part in those situations? Do you think you could wish good things for someone who may have wronged, hurt or harmed you? Do you think you could try? Trust me SLAYER, when we are able to send out love, even to those who have not shown us love, we win, and we allow ourselves to live in the light and look for the positive in our lives. Light attracts light, and when we choose to live in it we find more, and, we find more people who also live there instead of focusing on those who do not.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you