Self Help

Talk To Your Younger Self

I’ve brought this up before, especially for those struggling with self-care and negative self-talk, to talk to your younger self, or care for your younger self, because sometimes it’s easier to start there, you wouldn’t treat that little you as harshly as you would the you of today. I’ve often thought about what I would say to myself, and I guess, by doing the speaking I do, I do get to do that in a sense. I get to share what I know now with those like myself who are perhaps still struggling, or just starting on their path. Whenever I am called on to speak in front of group, I always ask to myself before I begin, what would I want to hear. But, I think that’s a good approach in learning to talk to ourselves in a healthier and more positive way. What would you want to hear?

For me, I think back to the scared and unsure girl, so full of hopes and dreams, and not sure she had what it takes to get them, just wanting to escape, to be somewhere else, to hide. I think back to her, see her in my mind, and think about what I would say to her today, how I would care for her, what I would make sure she knew. But I can do that, because she is in me, she’s there, and it’s that little girl who I fight for every day. Who I protect. Encourage. Cheer on. And comfort. She is who I SLAY for. She is worth everything in the world. She is my heart.

So now, when I get in my head, when the negative self-talk kicks in, and it still does from time to time, I think about her, and I think about those negative things I’m saying to myself being said to her and it breaks my heart. That stops it for me. The puts it to an end.

I also talk to my younger self when I have self-doubt. I think back to the fear I had as a child and I think about what I would say to her now, and then I say it. Because no matter what my age is, that girl is still there, she’s fighting each day along with me, she’s laughing with me, she’s winning with me, and she’s losing with me. She’s doing it all. But she is the source of my shine, she radiates light at my core, her excitement, her love of adventure, her big heart, she is the life force that keeps me going. To do something to hurt her would kill my core self, my heart, my soul.

It is important to acknowledge and talk to our younger selves. When we get knocked down, it’s those younger selves who need comforting, who need to be picked up again and told it’s going to be OK. It’s our younger selves who can teach us the importance of self-care and self-love, and when we may feel it’s selfish, our younger selves remind us it is not. It is our younger selves who remind us who we truly are, before life got in the way and stripped us of that goodness and innocence, but we can regain that, only now we have some amour to protect it, and them. Let your younger self shine, celebrate them and who they are, because they, are we and our most pure. Never say anything to yourself you wouldn’t say to your younger self, care for, nurture, stand by those young versions of us, they are the key to everything we want and work for. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you talk to you younger self? If yes, what do you say? If not, have you ever thought about it? How do you feel about talking to your younger self? If you could say something, what would you say today? How would you protect your younger self? What can you do today to protect your younger self? Is self-care and self-love easier to practice when you visualize you saying and doing what you are to your younger self? Do it SLAYER. I challenge you to think about your younger self over the next week. Talk to them, care for them, remember what makes them so special and why they shine so bright, and remind yourself that that younger you lives inside of you, it is the center of who you are, so let that little light shine from your younger self and let it turn into beacon of hope, love, and your best you. Let your light shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! The closer we get to being who we are meant to be… the brighter we shine.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stars

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The greatest gift is when you’re able to bless someone else while walking through your own storm.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Shine

Our Darkest Parts Can Bring The Most Light

Those parts of us, the darkest parts, those parts that we may think we should hide, the parts we had to fight the hardest to overcome, or are still fighting to overcome, the parts where we may have almost lost ourselves, those are the parts that can bring the most light. I used to be ashamed of those parts. I would hide them at all costs, never sharing my truth with those around me, even when asked. I thought they made me a bad person, weak, or not capable. It took a lot of pain and suffering, alone, to realize that maybe me hiding those parts wasn’t the best course of action, because hiding them was only leading me down one path, and that path had a dead end.

For me, I was fortunate to have gotten to myself to a place of such desperation that I finally had to let those dark parts out. Share them. And find others who were also working to overcome their dark parts. It took time, and practice, learning to let go of the fear of what I thought you would all think of me and just be honest about where I was coming from, what I was thinking, and what I had done to get myself there. What I discovered is that as I shared my dark parts they felt less dark, because I was able to bring some light to them and learn to make better choices to shift my path onto a better one. And as I continued to share, and continued to get better, I started to see that even though I still have a long way to go to get better, I was still able to shine the light I had on those who were just starting their journey. To them, I had made great strides from the darkness and was living positive healthy life that they had only dreamed of. A lesson that, no matter how far down we may think we are, there is always someone else who may be, or feel, lower, who can be helped by your experiences, courage and story so far. Even on our darkest days, we still have something to offer.

As I got better and many years passed, and, my light got brighter and brighter, I realized that talking about those dark parts was not only essential for my continued growth, to remind myself where I had come from, but also sharing them was like a beacon to those still sitting in the dark. I say this all the time, if someone who has never been through darkness the way we have gives us advice, or offers some suggestions, we are most likely not going to listen or take them, but when someone has come from the places we’ve come from, and offers up what they’ve done to get out, that is something we’ll connect with, and may inspire us enough to take action in our own lives. Never think that your past is something you should hide, or shouldn’t share. On the contrary, share your past, your story, your dark parts, because you never know who can be helped by it, and I guarantee, you will.

Today I make a point to share my dark parts. I share them to show others that there is hope, a solution, I celebrate those dark parts because they give me the opportunity to give back, to be stronger, to share with all of you. Those parts of us in the dark are the parts that connect us to others, and we give them permission to share their dark parts which may in turn shine some light into those dark places. It is the darkest parts of us that, when we share them, give off the most light. Share your truth. Let those dark parts shine bright.

SLAY OF THE DAY: How do you feel about your dark parts? Do you keep them hidden? Do you share them with others? If you don’t share them, why don’t you share them? What are you afraid of? Has someone shared their dark parts with you? How did that make you feel? Did it make you feel that you weren’t alone? That you had a connection to this person? You sharing your dark parts can do the same, not only for them, but for you as well. When we share those parts of ourselves that live in the dark, they get brighter, they loose their power over us, and can bring comfort to someone else. It’s important to share our truth, not only for ourselves to but show others that they are not alone. Let yourself shine bright, share the dark parts and allow yourself to be honest about your journey, that honesty will not only help you grow, but will give someone else hope they can as well. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Share 2

 

Communication Is The Key

Communication is something I had to learn on this path. It was not a skill I had growing up, I was too full of fear to speak up, to reach out, or to dare share my truth. There were so many times, looking back, when I was asked about my feelings, or what I thought, where I stood there, paralyzed, and couldn’t find the words to express how I felt. I would get embarrassed, but the words would just not come out. They would get all scrambled in my head, and just get stuck there. It was out of an act of desperation that I was able to communicate my need for help, and share with a trusted friend what was really going on in my life, and that I wanted it to stop. That same desperation was the catalyst for me learning how to communicate with others. I had kept my truth so bottled up for so long, that my life now depended on me speaking up.

Communication can be difficult. We may fear of being judged. We may not find the right words to rightly express how we’re feeling. Or we feel like we don’t want to be bother to someone by unleashing our problems on them. All of these self-made obstacles need to be overcome before we can cultivate healthy, long-lasting relationships, and truly find our way on our path.

For me the first obstacle was the fear. Fear that you all would judge me for not having it all together, for getting myself into the situation I had, fear I wouldn’t say the right things, just plain fear I couldn’t even identify. So, I surrounded myself with like-minded people. People who had been through what I was going through, or were going through it as well. That helped with the fear a bit. But it was by stepping out of my comfort zone to find others like me that I was able to get over the fear. I had to just jump in. It helped to have others around me who were sharing their truths with me and others, I saw that they weren’t being judged, in fact, the opposite was happening, they were being supported, encouraged and loved, so I stepped out of my comfort zone a little further and started to share, and, I received the same response. It became easier the more I did it, and now, I don’t even hesitate. The more we do something, the more it becomes our new normal, and, we start to make healthier and better choices for ourselves.

I learned that being honest was always the best route to go, now, I did have to learn how to fine tune that a little bit, learn to read the situation and the people involved, because just blurting out my truth could do more damage than not sharing it at all. I had to learn to be compassionate to those around me, to not withhold what I needed to say, or how I felt, but to make sure I wasn’t doing more damage by sharing my truth in maybe a blunt or sudden way. At the beginning, and sometimes I still do, I would think how I would want to be told the information I needed to share, to think about how that person might feel once I shared what I needed to. I had some misfires at the beginning, but that’s to be expected with anything new, it takes time to find the right tone, and to never let your needs rise above what someone else is able to listen to.

Communication really is the key to most of our problems. It’s about being honest, but also compassionate for others in our lives, about making sure you’re intentions are clear, your expectations are clear, and that your voice is heard, but, never the expense of anyone else. When we communicate we learn about others, we invite discussion, we are open to suggestions, to new solutions, and we are our authentic selves. Learning to communicate brings us closer to people, it strengthens our relationships and bonds, and, it strengthens our self-worth and self-respect. Communication is the clarifyer, it allows us to step out of who we once were and into the light of who we are meant to become. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble communicating with others? How so? Why do you think that is? What are some bad experiences you’ve had with communication? What are some good? Of those bad experiences, what could you have said or done in terms of your own communication that would have improved that situation? What stops you from doing that? I challenge you SLAYER, this week, to practice your communication skills. Look for opportunities to communicate better, clearer, and allowing more of you to come out and share with those around you. Find your voice, and share your true self, it’s within that practice that we begin to find our way on our own path to who we are meant to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Anger is the emotion we choose when we’re trying to avoid less comfortable feelings.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Anger

Anger Is A Response To Fear

Might have made you think about that for a moment. It’s been regarded for some time that fear is not a base feeling or emotion. It is something we use to cover up feeling disregarded, unimportant, accused, guilty, untrustworthy, devalued, rejected, powerless, and unlovable. None of those feelings are good, and we certainly don’t want to feel any of those feelings, so many of us, will go to great lengths to cover them up, and anger is one heck of a smokescreen.

Anger can scare people away, get them off the scent of what’s really going on, especially when it seems to come out of nowhere, people can get jolted by, fearful of it, or match that emotion and get angry themselves, it can be contagious, and when everyone is angry the true source of the anger gets lost.

When I think back to who I used to be I got angry a lot. And, when I’m really looking at the source to my anger many times it was to hide what was really going on, because, I figured, no one really wants to deal with an angry person, so people will just leave me alone or just give me what I want so I would go away. That sounds really sad when I see it in black and white. But it’s the truth. I hid behind anger as a shield so I wouldn’t have to look at what was really going on. And what was really going on is that I wasn’t able, or willing, to look at my part in all of the things I was using anger to hide. I wanted to blame everybody else, any thing else, rather than even consider I may be causing myself most of my pain by the decisions and choices I was making. So when I got caught in a place where I had made a bad decision and felt embarrassed by the outcome, I would get mad, angry, to hide my own shame.

It’s funny because now that I no longer allow myself to do that, I see it in others. When someone gets mad or angry I begin to think what might be the actual issue, rather than just jump in and match their anger, or, feel hurt by their actions. Now, I’m human, so there are times I do get hurt in the moment, but I try to peel that back and look into what really may have been going on. It allows me to find some compassion for the other person, and, if they’re willing to talk, find out what the real issue is. For me today, if I suddenly flare up and feel angry, it is my job to look at what is really going on. Now that I no longer live my life in fear, many times it’s base is from a choice I’ve made, that I probably knew was not the best choice, but I made it anyway and now I’m suffering the result of that choice, so, I’m angry. But the right response to those situations should be, lesson learned, I’ll make the right choice next time. Allow myself to feel the frustration of that result, but not let it take over and have power over me letting it escalate to anger.

When we take away anger as a base feeling, it already seems to lessen it’s power and strength over us. And when we feel anger creep in, that’s another time to get out our SLAYER detective hats on and find out what’s really going on. What our anger really is is an opportunity to do better next time, it’s giving us information we need to avoid feeling that way again from the same source, and, we may feel it again from that same source a few times over, I know for me, it usually takes more than once before I get the hint, but, the point is we look for it and we try.

Take away anger’s power, look at it for what it truly is. Change what you can, and accept what you can not. Those are truly the only two antidotes for anger. SLAY on my friends!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let anger get the best of you? Do you find yourself angry and don’t know why? Do you know why and are using anger to hide something? What do you typically use anger to hide? Why do you do that? Is there something you can do so you’re not making the same decisions that get you to anger? What can you change or do differently? When you feel angry, are you able to pinpoint the source of it? Think of the last time you were angry. What was the source of it? And, no, I don’t mean point fingers to someone or something else. What was your part? What can you change for the next time so you don’t find yourself in anger. Take responsibility for actions SLAYER, we all make mistakes, so admit them when you’ve made them, you’ll be surprised how many people will understand, and maybe even help you, when you are honest about who you are and what you’ve done. Anger doesn’t help anyone, and it keeps you in the same cycle you’ve always been in. Break the cycle, kick anger to the curb by changing your path, our actions, the choices you make, and take your power back from anger.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s normal to come down after a big event in our lives, prepare yourself for the dip after the high, and don’t forget to live your life for today, not the one you just had.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Today

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYER! Not able to join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE? No problem, here’s what you missed!