Self Help

Laughter: A Sign Of Good Health

When I first stepped onto my healing path, laughter felt impossible.

There was nothing funny about where I found myself. Emotionally, physically, spiritually I was exhausted. My life felt fragile. Every moment felt heavy. I was focused on survival, not joy.

So when I began seeking support from others who had walked similar roads, one thing surprised me.

They laughed.

Not in denial. Not in avoidance. Real laughter. Honest laughter. Healing laughter.

At first, I did not understand it. How could someone laugh about struggles, mistakes, pain, or dark seasons? But slowly I began to realize something powerful.

Laughter was not dismissing the pain.

It was proof they had moved through it.

And that realization gave me hope.

The Healing Power Of Humor

My mom has always said, “If I lose my sense of humor, I lose everything.”

She said it through illness, discomfort, uncertainty, and some very difficult seasons. Watching her hold onto humor even in pain showed me that laughter is not about circumstances. It is about resilience.

When I began my own recovery, I held onto that wisdom. The work ahead of me was serious. I had to face truths, take responsibility, and learn new ways of living. But I did not have to take myself so seriously all the time.

That distinction changed everything.

Humor did not erase the work. It helped me carry it.

And sometimes, laughter was the only light available in an otherwise heavy day.

When Laughter Becomes A Bridge

Something unexpected happened as my healing progressed.

I began laughing with others who had similar experiences.

We laughed about things that once felt devastating. Not because they were trivial, but because we had survived them. Laughter became a shared language of understanding. It created connection, compassion, and perspective.

There is something incredibly bonding about laughing with someone who truly understands your journey. It reminds you that you are not alone. It transforms isolation into community.

And that connection is powerful medicine.

Laughter does not isolate. It invites.

The Difference Between Healing Humor And Hiding Humor

I also had to learn an important distinction.

For years I had used humor as armor. I deflected serious conversations. I made jokes instead of admitting pain. I laughed things off rather than facing them.

That kind of humor keeps healing at a distance.

True healing laughter feels different. It comes from humility, acceptance, and growth. It does not belittle yourself or others. It does not minimize reality. It simply allows joy to exist alongside truth.

Once I understood that, laughter stopped being a shield and became a source of strength.

And that shift made all the difference.

Perspective Changes Everything

Looking back now, some of the choices I made during difficult periods honestly make me laugh.

At the time, I justified everything. I believed I was coping, surviving, protecting myself. But hindsight brings clarity. And sometimes, clarity brings humor.

Not mocking. Not shame.

Perspective.

Being able to laugh at past versions of myself means I have grown. It means I am no longer stuck there. It means healing happened.

And that is something worth smiling about.

Why Laughter Supports Mental And Emotional Health

There is actual science behind this too.

Laughter reduces stress hormones, increases endorphins, supports immune function, and improves emotional regulation. It relaxes the body, shifts perspective, and enhances connection with others.

But beyond biology, laughter signals something deeper.

Hope.

When you can laugh again, even gently, it often means healing has begun.

It means you are reconnecting with life.

And that is powerful.

Finding Light In Dark Seasons

There were days when finding humor felt impossible. Those days happen to everyone. Healing is not linear, and laughter does not mean everything is perfect.

Sometimes it just means you found one small moment of light.

One memory. One conversation. One silly observation. One unexpected smile.

And sometimes that small moment is enough to carry you forward.

Laughter does not deny hardship.

It coexists with it.

And often, it helps transform it.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: When was the last time you laughed freely, and how did it make you feel afterward?

L: Do you ever use humor to hide how you really feel instead of expressing it honestly?

A: What difficult moment from your past can you now look at with compassion or even gentle humor?

Y: How could inviting more lightness into your life support your healing and emotional health right now?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How has laughter helped you heal, cope, or find perspective during a difficult season?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who could use a reminder that joy can exist alongside struggle, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The only thing you can change is yourself, but that can change everything.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Attitude

Be The Attitude You Want To Be Around

We’ve all felt it—that lift you get from someone’s positive energy. The kind of vibe that makes a room feel warmer, lighter, better. We seek it out, gravitate toward it, and sometimes, we depend on it. But here’s a truth that changed everything for me:

Instead of waiting to be around the energy you want, be it.

Don’t get me wrong—we need good people in our lives. Community, support, and encouragement are vital. But real change happens when you stop outsourcing your attitude—and start showing up as the person you wish you could find.

I Wasn’t Always That Person

When I was deep in my darkness, I avoided positive people. They annoyed me. I didn’t trust their joy. I assumed it was fake. And, if I’m being honest, I didn’t want them to see the way I was living.

But beneath all that judgment was jealousy.

I admired them. I just didn’t believe I could ever be like them.

Recovery taught me otherwise.

It showed me that joy can be genuine. That light isn’t fake—it’s earned. And I could earn it, too.

So I made a promise to myself: I would become the person I wanted to be around.

Not overnight. But one day at a time.

Give What You Wish to Get

In the beginning, I didn’t feel like I had much to offer. I was still shaky, still figuring it out. But someone reminded me:

Even if you’re just a few steps in, you’ve got something to share.

Because someone else is just starting out. And to them, you might look like a mile ahead.

So I showed up. I told the truth. I dropped the act and chose transparency. And little by little, I built trust in myself by being accountable, being honest, and shifting from asking, “What can I get?” to “What can I give?”

And I found that even on my worst days, if I could help someone else, it helped me too.

Sometimes, two bad days colliding can spark one good one.

Attitude Is Energy

Gratitude was a big part of this shift. When I started focusing on what I had instead of what I lacked, everything changed.

Even the hard things didn’t feel impossible anymore—because I wasn’t tackling them alone. I learned to ask for help. That was huge for me.

Asking for help didn’t make me weak. It made me real.

And in asking, I often gave someone else the gift of showing up. We got closer. We built something.

Because we all need help sometimes.

Become the Energy You Admire

Think about the attitudes you’re drawn to. What do you admire in others? What kind of energy lifts you up?

Now ask yourself:

What if that’s already inside of me?

What if the very thing you’re craving is something you’re meant to cultivate and share?

Start there. Be that. You might just find your truest self waiting on the other side.

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

  • What attitude or energy am I most drawn to?
  • Do I embody that energy—or just chase it in others?
  • What’s stopping me from becoming that kind of person?
  • How can I use gratitude and service to shift my own energy?
  • What’s one small step I can take today to be the vibe I want to be around?

S – L – A – Y

S: See the energy you admire in others.
L: Listen to how your own attitude shows up.
A: Act in alignment with the energy you want to attract.
Y: Yield to your inner strength—it’s always been there.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s the attitude you want to be around—and how are you choosing to embody it in your own life?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on becoming their best self, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! A dangerous place to live is in a state of “I’ve always done it this way.” When going back doesn’t interest you anymore, you’re doing something right.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay New Beginning

Hear Your Own Complaints

I know for myself that no matter how bad I might complain about something, or feel that something is, it never warrants me going to back to the way I lived my life before. As I always remind myself, my worst days today are still better than my best days back then, but my mind can try to convince me when I’m angry, lonely or tired, that how I’m feeling in that moment will not change, I’m grateful to know that it will. Life ebbs and it flows, nothing lasts forever, things always passes, and I know, from talking to those who have slid back to their old way of life, that there is nothing good waiting for me there, and likely what is waiting is worse than where I left it, and it was really bad. I need to put things into perspective and use the experience I’ve had on this path to remind myself to stay right where I am and not go back, and  any thoughts of going back are my illness trying to lure me back to where I came from, they’re not truths. No burdens, disappointments, blows to my pride or ego, or loss is worth going back to my old way of life. And if I harbor those thoughts and not let them go I’m at risk of sliding back, so I know I have to learn to live life as it comes, to not get stuck in negative thinking and to let go of anything that could potentially pull me back, recognizing that my complaining could be the gateway to the way I used to be.

It is up to us to keep ourselves in check, to stay positive, live in the light, and to stay in gratitude, no matter what is going on. Ultimately, even when we’re going through things that challenge us, we still have many things to be grateful for, so when I find myself in one of those places I know I need to double-down on my gratitude and focus on the positive, from that place I know I won’t slide back, and from that place I can keep track of what’s really important in my life and not what my head tells me is. I also have to be aware of the patterns of my thinking, what triggers those negative thoughts and sets me off in the wrong direction, and listen for those same complaints, and that tone I’ve heard before, always remembering that as I’ve gotten better, my illness or disease has been learning what I have, so it’s using that information and trying to find the work-around while I’m working to stay well and continue to grow.

It’s important to listen to ourselves and our own complaints. To recognize the ones we’ve heard before, or even the tone of our complaining to identify what may be setting us off in that direction. We are typically so quick to judge others when they complain but we don’t call ourselves out in the same way and pin-point the true source of the problem, which may be, that there is no problem, sometimes we make problems when there aren’t any because we’re more used to having them than not, and it’s uncomfortable to live without them, but we must learn. We always need to be rigorously honest with ourselves, about ourselves, to make sure we stay on the path that allows us to be our best selves. When we listen, we learn, and when we have knowledge, we are can do anything. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you listen or take notice when you complain? When you find yourself in that place, where does it lead you? Does your mind take you back to a darker time? How can you prevent yourself from going there? What are the warning signs that you’re headed there? How can you keep yourself in the light and in a place of gratitude? Finding the gratitude in your life will keep you in the light, even when you may be going through a dark time, it’s that gratitude that will keep the light burning in your life and light your way back to your path.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you cannot do great things, do things in a great way.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Expectation

The Set-Up For The Let-Down

Before walking this path I very often would set myself up for a let-down. I would allow myself to have these grandiose thoughts or expectations, that life just couldn’t live up to, and certainly my efforts couldn’t produce, and then fall into a depression when my fairy-tale ideas of how things should be fell short. I would repeatedly do this, falling deeper and deeper into my darkness each time my expectations weren’t matched by my reality. But, there was an even darker force at work than just disappointment. Part my sickness was that if I failed, or if the result wasn’t what I had imagined, it allowed me to continue telling the narrative that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t deserve good things. As much as my ego would say I did deserve the best, my head would tell me, when I didn’t get it, that I didn’t get it because I don’t deserve the best. And that was only part of my insanity, and I constantly set myself up to be let-down.

A lot of where this thinking and behavior came from was self-centered fear. I was afraid of losing what I already had, or afraid of not getting what I wanted, or should say, demanded, because if it didn’t look and feel exactly the way I had envisioned it, it was never good enough. I was living daily with unsatisfied demands, which led to a place of continuous irritability and frustration. I didn’t know, consciously, what I was doing to myself, or even that I was being controlled by my disease, I just continued  in the loop of expecting too much and not getting enough.

This also bled into my friendships and relationships. My expectations of everyone in my life was perfection, unless I was in the need to feel superior, then it was OK if they fell short because I could swoop in and tell them how they were doing it wrong, or how I would have done it. I didn’t give anyone any leeway to make mistakes, work at their own pace, or discover things on their own…sometimes I can still fall back into these behaviors, but it’s not any of my business what anyone else is doing, and how they’re doing it, so why get myself all frustrated and irritated with someone else’s decisions? Again, it plays into setting myself up for a let-down. As long as I kept myself in that cycle I was never going to get any better, and I was never going to see what I was actually doing, and what was happening actually was my doing.

Part of my journey to get well was to look at things for what they are. To have goals, hopes and dreams, yes, but not blow them up to such inflated heights that no person or thing could ever match it. I had to live within realistic terms, and, even if those didn’t play out the way I had hoped, to accept that they played out the way they were supposed to if I had done everything I could to make it happen. Sometimes, I had to learn, I wasn’t mean to have whatever it was I wanted, because I meant to have something else, or be somewhere else. Acceptance was the key to this new way of life.

We set ourselves up to fail if we always set our expectations to impossible heights. Always reach for the top, but make sure the top you see is attainable for you in that moment, and if it’s not, see what is within reach, and maybe by reaching that top, there is an even higher top waiting for you from that place. Live in the now, and keep your expectations in check as you grow and excel from the place you are right now. Life is a journey, there are no short-cuts, what lies in front of us is where we must go to get where, ultimately, we are meant to be, so suit up, show up, and never give up, there’s reason for everything, trust that journey as you continue to reach for attainable goals for you today! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you set yourself up to fail? Why do you think you do this? Are your expectations so high that no one could ever reach them, even yourself? Why do you think you set them so high? How do you feel when you, or someone else, doesn’t reach your expectations? How do you think you can change this? Why do you think you should, or need, to change this? What realistic goal can you set for yourself and achieve this week? Take a look at your expectations SLAYER, and see if you are setting yourself up for disappointment when you can set yourself up for success by setting your sights on goals that are within your reach.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Trust the journey and know that a setback is merely a chance for a stronger comeback!

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Believe In Yourself

Never, Never Again

There were so many times in my life, before walking this path, that I would say never again. And yet, I would repeat those same behaviors over and over, even the ones I knew were self-destructive and were taking down an even darker road than I was already on. My attitude, always, was, well if I’ve already messed up this little bit I might as go whole hog and hit the “f*ck it button.” There was no middle ground, I was either doing great, or down in the dumps, I gave myself no room for anything in between. Living within those tight parameters I was setting myself up to fail, most of the time, and truthfully that’s where my head wanted me, to constantly be failing so I would increasingly get worse and think there was no way out. But there was.

When I finally fell to my knees and was able ask for help, I was told it takes time to break old habits and to begin a new way of life, and that even if I made mistakes, or failed in my opinion, that was part of the recovery process. That I had to wrap my head around. Failure was part of the process? Well, the truth was, it wasn’t really “failure,” it was all just part of the process, something I had to learn as I fell and got back up again. I also learned that those falls were where I learned the most, so they, for me, were an essential part of the process. I had to find comfortabililty in the gray areas between what I viewed as “right” or “wrong.” Being OK in the gray wasn’t easy at first because the minute I wasn’t perfect at this new way of life and slipped back into old behaviors or patterns, that negative bullshit committee in my head would pipe up and say, “see, you can’t do it!” In fact, they would scream it. And, I had to learn to say, “you’re lying, I can, watch me.”

Change takes time. It takes of trying, over and over again, until it becomes less effort. Until it becomes a part of who you are and not something you have to think about anymore. You are going to fail, or fall, or make mistakes, that’s part of making changes, but the important thing is to not give up, to keep going, to do better next time, or try again. Don’t put those parameters on yourself and say never again, you may do it again, you may do it many times before you stop doing it, and even when you stop doing it, you may do it another time. Allow yourself to have some wiggle room, to be in the gray space in between, where you’re trying your best, and that’s good enough, it is actually more than good enough. It was pointed out to me in my early journey that I had done things the old way much longer than I had the new way, so it wasn’t fair to beat myself for falling back to what I knew or once did, but I always had the chance to do it better the next time. And that’s what I did. It’s been over 13 years now and sometimes I can still fall back, but I know now that when I do it’s just a moment and it’s not who I am today, and maybe I fall back from time to time to remind myself where I don’t want to fall back to, and that’s OK, because today I know the right choices for me and what I need to do to live this life I’ve worked so hard for, a slip from time to time isn’t the end of the world, it’s just part of the process.

Allow yourself to make mistakes, and when you do, never say never again, say, I’ll do better next time, or I’ll try to, or, I did my best today. No one is perfect, and embracing those times we may fall back, and learning to look at them as learning opportunities rather than failures is the mindset that will get us to the place we’re working so hard for, I know, because I got there, and I know you can too. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you’ve failed if you fall back on old behaviors? Do you beat yourself up for it? Do you set strict parameters for yourself that you can’t possibly live within to grow and learn naturally? Why do you think you do this? How do you think you can ease those parameters to let yourself grow and make mistakes as part of your process and journey? What do you think will happen if you do? Let yourself live in the gray area sometimes, let go of the restrictions of right or wrong and let yourself find your way, always striving to do better the next time if you haven’t made the best choice in the moment, let yourself find the right way and not beat yourself up for the mistakes along the way, those mistakes might just be what’s guiding you to the right choice the next time.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you can carry love in your heart, you can heal any moment.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Choose Life