Good morning SLAYER! Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect, it means you decided to look beyond the imperfections to find your own brand of happy.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
worth
Accepting Happiness
We say we want to be happy, but how many of us are not accepting of it when it appears? Or, even know what happiness truly is?
When I was living in the darkness I would say I just wanted to be happy. But my idea of happiness back then, most of the time, was getting what I wanted when I wanted it, something that wasn’t going to happen most of the time, even on the best days. I also had never really asked myself what makes me happy, outside of material things or career goals, I placed all my happiness in those to areas, the first, which was fleeting because the happiness I first experienced from that material item quickly vanished, and the second, my career, which, for the most part, was out of my control a lot of the time. Those were two tough places to solely make responsible for my happiness, and ultimately, are rather empty.
I realized in my recovery that my happiness was actually contingent on me believing I was deserving of it. Up until that point, as much as I longed to be happy, I didn’t really believe I deserved to be, well, at least that’s what my disease told me, and I had believed it for far too long. It was time to find out what truly made me happy, and what happiness truly was! I set out to find out, and started with the things I was most grateful for, those things made me happy, and using those as a foundation I was able to look for more things, and as I trained my brain to work from a place of gratitude I started to find happiness, for, low and behold, it had always been within my reach, I had just directed it in the wrong places. Even when things were dark, I still had it within my power to find happiness, to let some light in to that dark place with acknowledging the good, even if it was only one good thing, I could let it in, plant it, and let it grow. Knowing that I had the power to accept, have and nurture happiness made me feel good, and I started to look for it everywhere in my life, even in the smallest of things, even just being there for a friend or someone in need. I learned that it was within those selfless acts that I found an unexpected happiness, to have thought or acted outside of myself to show kindness to someone else, and as I did that I became more accepting of happiness in myself, because I knew I deserved it, but I also learned that the more happiness I had, the more I had to share.
We all want to be happy, but what is happiness to you? And, do you believe you are deserving of it? You are, we all are. But if you don’t believe you are you may, like I did, look for it in the wrong places, or not accept it when it’s there. Ask yourself what truly makes you happy, start there, seek more of that, share your happiness with others and watch it grow, you never know, you may one day find yourself, you guessed it, happy! SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you consider yourself happy? What makes you happy? Do you have many things in your life that make you happy? If not, why not? What can you do to find more happiness in your life? Do you have trouble accepting happiness? Do you feel you deserve it? If not, why not? You do SLAYER, we all deserve to be happy, and our happiness is conditional on us believing we should be happy, finding happiness and sharing it. When you find happiness in your life, let it in, and know it’s there because it should be and, you should be happy.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Don’t let a bad situation change your inner goodness.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Someone Doesn’t Need To Feel Sorry For You To Love You
How often, when we meet someone new, do we sit them down and share all of the terrible events of our past, how we were wronged, times we were a victim and just how difficult live has been for us thus far? Those stories or events from our past have become our narrative and what defines us and we share it with anyone who will listen to demonstrate how damaged we are and that we just want to be loved. Well, we can still be loved without dumping all of our baggage out for everyone to see, in fact, by not dumping it out we are showing ourselves love first before we are expecting it or wanting it from someone else. We all have stories from our past, and those events may have played a major role in who we are today, but, we are not our past, and getting to know someone new is a great opportunity to share who we are today and what we are looking for in the future. It’s not necessary to look for sympathy to find love.
In my past I often kept, what I perceived, as anything bad to myself, but I would use those stories from my past strategically at times to gain sympathy or to manipulate a situation in my favor. I held on to them like bonus cards, and when I thought it could be helpful to me, in any form, I would then take one out to get the desired result. When I think of that behavior now it seems gross to me, and very dishonest, it wasn’t until I stepped onto this path and started to learn a new way of living that I realized what I had been doing. Walking into a support group and talking with others who had many of the same stories I had I realized I could no longer use those stories the same way, it wouldn’t work in this crowd, and, there was always someone with an even tougher story than mine, but most importantly, I shouldn’t be using them for any purpose but one of connection, understanding and compassion for someone else, and in doing so, I had to forgive those who had been involved in those stories, including myself. Even though I had been using them in the past to get what I want, it still hurt me each time I told them, and it put me in the frame of mind of a victim, when I took responsibility of my part in those stories, or forgiving those who hurt me, I was able to shed the role as a victim and take my power back regarding my past, even in those instances in the past where I truly was a victim.
You are, just as you are, worthy of love, there’s no need to try to whip up sympathy or bring yourself down to find love. Stand tall in who you are today, sharing the stories of our past only if we feel it can help someone or help us to connect or relate with someone who may be struggling, it is up to us to let go of the past, to find peace with it so we can move on and allow someone to love us for who we are today and not what happened to us in the past. We, as SLAYERS, stand tall in who we are, there is no need to ever try to dull our shine or diminish who we are by dragging our past into our present day. Look for people in your life who love and appreciate you for you, and who encourage you to always be your best you. Lay to rest who used to be, for the you of today. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you use the stories of your past to gain sympathy? Do you try to manipulate people with those stories? When you meet someone new do you feel obligated to tell that person all of the stories of your past? Why? What are you hoping to gain? What if you didn’t tell those stories? Have you made peace with those stores yourself? If not, why not? What steps can you take to do so? How does it hurt you to hang onto them? How can it help you to let go? We are lovable just as we are, we don’t need to guilt anyone to love us or feel bad for us, we all have had things happen to us in our past that were hurtful, harmful or destructive, but we have the power to not let ourselves be defined by those things, we, today, live in the light, and share that light with others who are still looking for theirs.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You did what you knew how to do at the time, when you know better, you do better.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Everything you don’t know is something you can learn.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Let your intention be known, do the footwork, and trust where you are being lead.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
When Things Seem To Be Falling Apart, They May Be Falling Together
I was reminded yesterday, thanks to Facebook memories, which aren’t always a good thing, but yesterday was a good one, that one year ago yesterday my life changed, a change for the better, and a change that has brought me to this place I am today, gratefully so. Personally, a year go, I was not in a good place, a place that did not serve me, make me happy, or, was good for my spirit, I knew I needed to make a change, and had known for a while, but wasn’t sure what the next step was. An opportunity came, out of the blue, and I jumped at it, not knowing what was waiting for me on the other side. The reasons I thought the opportunity was going to be a good one turned out not to be what I received from it at all, what I received was something better, and unexpected. But it got me thinking today about this topic, when things seem like they’re falling apart, they may be falling together. We only know what we know, which, in the big picture, is very little, but we work with the knowledge we have each day to make the best choices we can. That’s all we can do. Many times we get caught up trying to future surf, trying to imagine or wish for what we would like happen when we should be focusing on what we can change in our present lives to possibly get to that place, or a better place for us. When things don’t go as we would like, or had expected, we can fall into depression, anxiety or fear and let the disappointment of what we had thought our lives, relationship or situation was going to be consume us allowing the negative self-talk to creep in telling us we’re stuck, alone or don’t deserve better, but what we should really be doing is accepting what is not meant to be and being open to what is next.
In my experience, life, very often, doesn’t go as planned, but, it always goes as it is meant to. The highs and especially the lows have all been designed for a reason, and each experience has gotten me right here where I am today. Many times those things I thought I needed or wanted, when I look back, likely saved me from heartache or a situation that may have ultimately lead me down some dark roads. But, I’ve found, when I’ve opened my heart, and asked for direction, told the universe that I am ready for change, ready for new things and ready to take action, it appears. Now, that’s not to say the sky is going to open up revealing the secrets to life, but, when we are open, the signs, the people, the opportunities do come, but we have to make sure that we don’t grab for the same ones we have before and take a chance on something new, something different if we want to see change in our lives. A wise friend used to say to me, “the universe will give us the same present over and over, but in different wrappings, just to see if we’ve learned our lesson or, really mean we’re ready for change,” and that was true for me, probably for you too. How many times have we found ourselves in a place and said, “how did I get here again,” the wrapping may have fooled us and we got the same present we had already unwrapped many times. I try to look for those signs, things that I recognize from past situations that didn’t work or got to me a place I didn’t like, but sometimes we get fooled and tricked into believing that something, or someone, are different. So, when things start to fall apart, start to look at things as they are, not how we think they may be, or want them to be, for what the facts are, and see if there may be a reason for them falling apart.
When I look back over the past year, I had no idea what this weekend was going to mean to me a year later, I just took the opportunity that was in front of me and trusted I was being directed to where I needed to be, and I trusted that it was a place where I could let my heart be open and that it was safe, as a result, something beautiful happened that weekend, something unexpected and my life shifted.
When things don’t seem to be going your way, when relationships are ending or when you just don’t seem to be getting anywhere in your pursuit of things, instead of focusing on what may not be working, ask yourself why it may not working and what it may be showing you, what you perceive as the biggest disaster may just bring you to your greatest achievement, if you let go of what you think things should be and trust where you are being lead. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: When things appear to be falling apart do you fall into despair or trust that you are being led to something new? Have there been examples in your life when things looked to be falling apart but were actually falling together? What’s an example. When you look back on your life do see examples of this happening that you may not have thought were examples of this? Do you look for new opportunities when something ends or falls apart, or do you tend to follow the same patterns and find yourself in the same places over and over? What patterns do you see in your life that you could break for a different or better result? Look for those places SLAYER, to make changes, trust that you are being given what you need to make those changes, and also look for places that may look different, but may be places you’ve already been that didn’t work. Life is a journey, we are here to learn, but ultimately we are given the direction to get to where we are meant to be.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When you make peace with your past you prevent your future from being a constant battle.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Break The Loyalties Of Inaccurate Information About Yourself
Before stepping into the light I was very loyal to who I thought I was, who I had been told I was, and who I thought my life had produced and locked me into being. As we grow up what we learn about ourselves comes from those around us, what we learn becomes what we think our worth is, and we carry that with us into, and sometimes through, our adult life, but far too often we are given inaccurate information about ourselves because of certain circumstances or someone else’s prejudice or agenda to have us believe a narrative that may not be true. And there are times when we find ourselves in situations with those are may be sick, and may not know that they are projecting their own sickness onto us when we are in a vulnerable place or during our formidable years. We, most of the time, aren’t even aware of the damage being done as it seeps into our subconscious and into the fabric of our being. We become loyal to the information we’ve been given or have picked up along the way, even though it may be far from the truth of who we are. We may recognize the inaccuracies in the information but still may cling to it because it’s what we know and have convinced ourselves is true even when we know the truth. We participate in self-sabotage to keep the narrative alive making it more difficult for ourselves to let go of the person we never really were.
That was my struggle for a long time. I had developed several coping mechanisms to keep myself within the confines of that inaccurate information about myself, coping mechanisms that kept me down and fed the negative self-talk that continued to tell me things that were not true. Those untruths, that I chose to believe, nearly cost me my life. But even at my darkest point, even when I believed that inaccurate information had become who I was, the true me was still in there trying to get out, trying to get my attention and tell me the truth. The truth was I was never those things I believed I was, sure, there had been times I played the part and participated in behavior or activities to support that inaccurate information, but that was never who I truly was, and I always, deep down, knew that. I had to let go of the unconscious loyalties I had to that inaccurate information and start to develop and nourish the accurate details of who I was and who I could work to be. That started by being accountable to myself and my recovery, by participating in esteemable acts, by giving back to those around me, and by building a community around me of like-minded people who were all working towards the same goal.
We are not a product of who raised us, or what happened to us, or who we’ve been told we are. What facts are true about you, what do you know to be true and what information can you use to build a new foundation. It’s time to break the loyalties you’ve carried around that are false and start to focus on who you truly are and have always been. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: What do you believe about yourself? Why do you believe this? Were you told this, or did you discover it on your own? Is it true and based in facts? If it is not something you like, how can you make changes to move away from this? How do you demonstrate who you truly are? Are there more or better ways you can do this? How? What do you remember you were told about yourself? By whom? Why do you think you were told this? Is it true? If it was, back then, is it still true today? If it is and you don’t like it, what changes can you make to change this? How does your behavior today support what you’ve been told? How does your behavior support who you truly are? Focus on the last question SLAYER, focus on showing yourself and those around you who you truly are, not the inaccuracies you have been told, even by yourself.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
