Good morning SLAYERS! Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
understand
When People Only See Who We Used To Be
I have changed a lot over the past 13 plus years. That core person I am is still there, and always was, although she was buried under a lot of junk I piled on top of her, but the essence of who I am has walked with me, that is person I fight for every day, but a lot has changed, I have changed, and not every person from my past has changed along with me, or, has been accepting of those changes. Just because we make a commitment to change ourselves for the better doesn’t mean everyone else has, or wants to, or, wants to see us do it. By us changing we put the spotlight on us, our behavior and choices, but by changing those things to better align with a healthier and happier us others may question their own decisions, or, not be comfortable with us not being who we used to be. That, is not our problem, or responsibility. Our responsibility is being our best selves, to learn from our past and to make decisions that are right for us today. That is what we are responsible for. People may want to keep us where we were, but only we can keep ourselves, or put ourselves, back there.
It can be difficult to accept that those we love and know may not want to see us grow or flourish. That they might want to keep us back to make themselves feel better, or to continue living their lives in a particular way, or because they might have to look at themselves and their own behavior if they accept this new us. Once again, none of this is our problem, or, something we can control. What we can control is the choices we make today, how we act or react to the world around us, and what goals we put in front of ourselves to get to where we would like to go. It can be heartbreaking that others in our life are not there to cheer us on as we would them, and try to sabotage us, or hold us back, even by just verbally telling us what we “deserve” or share their opinion of where they think we should be, and just as they probably wouldn’t like us telling them what we think they deserve, their opinion should be kept to themselves, but often isn’t. We can’t control that. But, we can control how much time we give them and their opinion, and, we have to decide that how much time we give them, my experience has taught me, very little to none. If I had listened to certain people who had told me I would never be more than I was, or would fail, or, was reaching too high, I would be dead. No doubt. Instead I followed my heart and spirit, I listened to those who had gone before me and were in the trenches with me who knew this journey and path, and I dug in my heels determined to win, for myself, and I have. If people were or are not able to see my progress and how the changes I’ve made have enhanced my life and those around me, then that’s unfortunate for them. Today I don’t give my time to jealousy, to ignorance or to someone stuck in the past, I can find compassion for them and look to find understanding for their way of thinking, but I will not let it affect my day or the work I’ve done. I have worked very hard to get to the place I have and I won’t let anyone rob me of what I’ve earned.
We all walk our own path. Our journey may look similar, but no two are exactly the same. It is no one’s business what yours looks like as long as your path is filled with honesty, hope and the steps you need to be and become your best self. Own who you are, who you’ve been, and who you are becoming, and never let anyone pull you back or make you believe you are anyone than who you are right now, and who you are is a survivor, a warrior, and a freedom fighter, a fighter for your own freedom. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let the opinions of others dictate who you think you are what you think you deserve? Why do you do that? Do you have people in your life who only see how you used to be? Who are they? Why do you think they only see the past? Have you shown them you are not your past? How? Do you spend too much time trying to show them instead of letting who you are today be your example? SLAYER, you are a living breathing example of change, and if someone is not comfortable with that change, or does not want to see it in you, for whatever reason, that is not your responsibility, stand tall in who you are, who you’ve become and what you are becoming, and never let anyone tell you who are allowed to be.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Don’t hate what you don’t understand.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! No one else can fix all your problems, but they can offer that you don’t walk alone.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Anything is possible when you have the right people supporting you.
SLAY on!
Find Your Saviors
I always had friends. I typically had a small group of friends growing up, one or two girls, large groups made me feel uncomfortable, shy and nervous. As I grew up that continued, my circle of friends got bigger but I usually spent time with one at a time, it was rare that I went out in groups. I also enjoyed spending time alone, and fancied myself as a lone wolf who reached out to her friends when she felt like leaving the den. When my life was in a downward spiral I hid it from my friends, and many of them, although they had seen glimpse of troubling behavior or changes, did not know the extent of what was going on, I kept most of it to myself. Some of those people in my life were my saviors in different ways, in moments when I would let them in enough or they would shine their light in my direction giving me a moment or two of rest from the internal battle I fought every day. But when I made the decision to seek help, that is when they, and many others stood by my side as I fought for my life.
As I stepped on this path of recovery I was terrified. I knew that my life had to change or I would lose my battle. Standing at this crossroads with the gift of fear and desperation, I confessed my secrets and opened up to those in my life about the darkness I had been living in. They rallied around me in support, but I was told to seek out others, like myself, who were fighting the same fight and who I could walk next to on my journey to a better life, I was encouraged to join a support group. My first reaction was, I’m not a group person, I’m not going to like this, but, knowing doing it alone didn’t work, I took the suggestions and nervously sought out these groups. I was terrified, but found that what I had actually discovered was a new home. A place with like-minded people who understood what was in front of me, or were, just like me, starting this new way of life. Those people welcomed me, supported me and loved me long before I loved myself. They, all, became my saviors. And that’s not to say that those friends and family who had stood by me all those years weren’t, but there is nothing like someone standing by your side who understands what you’re going through, someone who’s been there, and said and done the things you have, those people, who walked before me, and showed me that there was, and is, hope, saved my life.
Our saviors can take many forms. As mentioned, they can be family, friends, co-workers, those like yourself who you meet through clubs or support groups, they can be clergy or members of religious or spiritual groups, or even fan clubs or conventions, anyone who lifts up your spirits and encourages you to be your best self and to move forward. And we may find that our saviors change as we do, we may look for different things, attributes or inspiration in those around us, that is OK, it means we’re learning and growing on our path and we’re looking to the next chapter of where we want to go, or what we want to work on next. Trust that you are being drawn to the people you are for a reason, and look at what you can learn from those people.
We are not meant to walk our journey alone, as someone who believed I could only trust myself, I had to learn that there are many trustworthy strong individuals out there who I could learn from, and, that trust, started with me. Having walked this path for over 13 ½ years I have had and have many saviors in my life, whether they are in my everyday life or I see them sporadically, or maybe not even at all anymore, they all have lifted me up, inspired me and encouraged me to move forward, and every one of them has played an integral role in me getting to where I am right now.
Find your saviors, hang on to them, listen to them, learn from them, and know they have been sent to you for a reason. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have what you would consider saviors in your life? Who are they? How did you find them? How have they saved you or helped you? How have you done the same for them? If you don’t know, ask them. What do you look to your saviors to help you with? How has what you look for changed? How have your saviors changed? We walk our paths with many others who are walking theirs, and together we help each other walk the sometimes challenging road as we navigate through life. Thank your saviors today for all they do for you, or have done, to get you where you are today.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Find it in your heart to accept what you may not understand, understanding that you may not know all that there is to know.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The only person you are required to change for is yourself, a powerful act of self-love.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes people around you won’t understand your journey, but they don’t need to, it’s not for them.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
People Aren’t Against You, They’re For Themselves
That may sound pretty harsh, but it’s not as harsh as it sounds. We all have busy lives, lives with many working components, we juggle many things each day and try to find our own sense of balance. And, just as we are doing that, so is everyone else. Each of us is doing the best we can with what we have. And, some days, we are feeling we’re short. If we need help we should ask for it, but that doesn’t mean the person we ask has to drop everything to run to our aid.
I used to pride myself on not asking for help, to fault, because I would get myself into situations, alone, that I wouldn’t have found myself had I just asked someone for a hand. But off I would go, stubborn, thinking I could do it without having to ask anyone to help me. When I started to walk on this path, and started practicing self-care and self-love, I was taught that it was OK to ask for help, I had to take a deep breath there, because that went against everything in me to do, but I set out to try to practice healthier behaviors and when I felt I should, I asked for help. Seeing as this was still new, and not quite having all the tools I have today, I had an expectation when I asked for help. I expected whomever I asked to jump to it and make themselves available right way when I asked, because, they should know it wasn’t easy for me to ask and to help me learn and grow they should show up and do their part. Wrong attitude. The second part of learning that new behavior was accepting what came back, and sometimes that was that they couldn’t help me right away, or, at all. The old me then would pipe up and say that that was why I never asked before, because no one was going to help anyway, but I had to get past that, ask if there was a good time for them to help, or if not, say it was OK and move to someone else, and when I say move on, meant it, and not linger in a resentment. All of that took time, and practicing doing it over and over. It mostly meant realizing that the people in my life where not there to serve or be at my beck and call, they also had lives and were just as busy I was, maybe even more so, and, they weren’t spending their days wondering what I was going to need or how they could help me. All fair.
We sometimes forget that, just like we’re busy, so are others, and even though something is very important to us it likely won’t have the same importance for someone else, just as what is important to them may not be important to us. But, as SLAYERS, we can show up where we can for others, and ask others to do the same when we need them, but also understand if they are not able to at that exact moment, they’re not out to sabotage you, they’re just taking care of their own needs and lives. It’s not an us vs. them situation, what it should be is us all living our lives and helping each other when we are able to, that way we are all growing and sharing when when we can and it’s coming from an organic loving place. When we are able to live that way we have less conflict and disappointment, and we are not only honoring who we are, but respecting those around us as they walk their journey and we walk ours. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble asking for help? What stops you? Have you had bad experiences in the past? Or were you taught, or told, you shouldn’t ask for help? Who told you that? Why did they tell you that? Was that based in fact or a story they told you, or maybe one you told yourself? What has been the result of asking for help in the past? Is there a way you can improve how you’re asking for help, or who you’re asking? List the ways how. Do you expect people to drop everything and help you immediately? Why do you think they should? Do you respect the people in your life and their time? If not, why not? You should SLAYER, each of us has their own lives to live, we are all busy, take into consideration someone else’s time, as you would expect them to take in consideration yours, and when someone isn’t available right away, ask them when they can be, or if they can at all, if they can’t, ask someone else, it’s not that they’re working against you, they’re just working for themselves at that time, and that doesn’t mean they won’t be there for you another time. One no isn’t the end of the world, it just means you are meant to ask someone else who is meant to help you in that time of need. So keep asking, you’ll find the right person.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
