truth

Don’t Borrow From Tomorrow

Before walking this path I was rarely present. There were a few reasons for that. One, I hated my present circumstances and hated who I was, so I would often think about tomorrow because that seemed less dim and dark because it hadn’t happened yet. Two, I wasn’t ready to take action to change the circumstances I was in, blaming others for my misfortune or believing I was a bad person who didn’t deserve better, so my head would live in the future with the hope that things would just magically get better on their own. They never did. When I set out to find a better way of life I was told to live in the present, to only look so far as what was in front of my hands, that, at first, frightened me, because it was hard to escape my situation when you could only look that far, but I realized that much of my anxiety came from fear of the unknown, fear of what might come next, and fear that I would also stay stuck right where I was. When I could focus on what was in front of my hands life became easier, because I only needed to focus on what was right in front of me each day, every day. My thoughts still wanted to jump ahead to tomorrow so I had to train it to stay with me right where I was, but the more I practiced it the more I found comfort in only focusing on each moment as it came, each task, each step I needed to take to get through the day. I realized why I had not been living that way as I started out on this new approach, there’s no hiding from the truth when all you have is the truth in each moment.

Jumping ahead was a way to escape, a way to fantasize and hope that things would get better. I would keep borrowing from tomorrow, and the tomorrows after those thinking somehow I could just wish things better, but as the years went on and the darkness got bigger and thicker, that hope was harder to find and I would reach farther and farther into the future while I was dying in the present. It was like a smokescreen, so I wouldn’t notice how bad things had gotten, and how bad they still could get, my thinking would propel me forward hoping a magical solution would present itself somewhere out there in the days that had not yet happened. They never did. The solution that appeared came to me in the present, in the form of a person, who in the present, could see how much I was suffering, and how sick I truly was, and in that present moment shared his story with me, which, in that moment, I did not fully absorb, but on a night when it really mattered, on a night when it mattered most, that story became as present as anything could be. I saw myself in that story and I was suddenly pulled back into the present, lost, scared, and wondering what to do next, but the thinking of what comes next, held me in the present.

When we find ourselves in those moments things get really simple. It becomes about survival, and when you’re fighting for your life there’s no time for complications. For me, I took the only action I could in that moment, I picked up the phone and asked for help, that action set off a chain of events that are still happening today, 13 years later, and today, 13 years later, I still focus on what’s in front of my hands, especially when life gets busy and can seem overwhelming.

It’s OK to plan for the future, to have goals and things you are working toward, but don’t cheat today by living in the future, you never know what you might have missed while you were looking ahead, and what you missed may have been the key to attaining everything you ever wanted in a future, and more, maybe even beyond your wildest dreams. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble staying present? Where does your mind typically go? Why do you think it doesn’t want to stay right where you are? What frightens you there? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you think living in the future offers you? What if you tried to live in the here and now? What if you only did what was in front of your hands? Do you see how simple your life would be? How much more grounded it would be? When you think about doing that how does it make you feel? Try it SLAYER, focus on what’s in front of your hands, don’t allow yourself to get ahead and go to places you have not yet been when there is work to do right here, trust that where you are is where you are meant to be, and that there is valuable information there that will help to get you to where you are supposed to go. Follow your hands and listen for the direction of where they should go next.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Couldn’t join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, no problem, I got you covered, here’s what you missed!

Shared Suffering

When I was suffering from my disease the most I wasn’t sharing what was going on with anyone. I isolated and kept my pain to myself believing that no one would understand, would care, or that everyone else had their own problems so I need not burden them with mine. That rationale kept me sick for a long time, and got me sicker. The more I retreated and kept to myself the more those negative voices in my head became my truth, but it only took one person to share their shared suffering with me to give me enough hope to reach out for help.

I had always said I wasn’t a “group” person. I always preferred to do things one on one. Even growing up with my friends, I had my one or two girls I would hang out with, and we might do things with groups of people from time to time, but mainly it was just the two or three of us. That’s just how I had always been. So when I made the commitment to make positive changes in my life, and to seek help, it was suggested to me I join a support group and get to know other women who were walking the same path as I was. That struck fear in my right away. Me, join a group? That did not sound like anything I wanted to be a part of, but I had promised myself I would try everything that was suggested, so I took a deep breath and dove in. It was difficult for me at first, to sit there and try to be a part of the group, but the more I sat there the more I heard my story told through other people, and I realized that I wasn’t alone. I thought that no one thought and did the things I did, that was one of the reasons I never told anyone, I thought I was a horrible person and no one would understand, or even worse, would judge me for being who I was, but what I learned from sitting in those groups and finding the courage to share my truth is that I wasn’t the only one, in fact I found many others who thought and did things exactly how I had, which was shocking, but also a relief.

It’s been almost 13 years since I first stepped foot in a group meeting, and I still go today, in fact, I went morning I wrote this blog, and I was reminded what a gift it is that I found a group of people like myself who I can relate to, who remind me of who I was and who I have worked to be. Today, I look at that group as something I am blessed to be a part of, something I never would have imagined 13 years ago, but I now know the strength that that group has for me and many others out there who have found a strength with those who identify with them.

When I initially thought about starting a blog the idea was to create a safe place where we could share in our commonality, to create a community of like-minded people who were all striving to live in the light and be our best selves each day. I know there is a lot of power in shared suffering, especially when the focus isn’t on the suffering, but a solution. So for those out there who suffer alone in silence, I invite you to join us, I encourage you to reach out, to share your truth with us, we are not here to judge you, as we are no one to judge, we have all had our share of things we have done in the past that we may not be proud of, or even in our present lives, but it is a part of our journey, who we once were, and we have used those experiences to remind us of where we don’t want to go, of how far we’ve come, and to allow those seemingly negative experiences to bring us closer to those out there who once were just like us, and perhaps still are, but are striving to live in the light. You are not alone, unless you choose to be, but if you decide to come and join us, or others like us, we’ve got a place waiting for you and a love for you that you may not even have for yourself yet, that love comes from an understanding and a recognition that you are just like us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your truth when things are not good with you? If you do, how does that help you? If you don’t, why not? What are you afraid of? Do you have people in your life who you can share your truth with, no matter what it is? If so, who are they? If not, how can you find people like that in your life? Do you see how finding people like yourself can help you to grow, learn, and give you a feeling of support? Do you feel there is strength in numbers? Go find your group SLAYER, even if that’s just us, we as a group are stronger than we are alone, if you’re looking for a place to belong, come SLAY with us.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live

Hey SLAYERS! Join me this coming Wednesday, January 9th, for another SLAY TALK LIVE at 5:30pm PT / 8:30 pm ET.

It’s an hour of live chat on all things State Of Slay. We laugh, we cry, and share our experience, strength and hope and let our light shine for those in need.

While we can’t always control the events around us, we do have power
over how we experience those events. At any moment, we can individually and collectively affect the course of our lives by choosing to
direct our attention to the aspect of ourselves that is aware, and to
awareness itself. The choice of where we put our attention is
ultimately our most powerful freedom.

— The Heart of the Mind

If you haven’t join us before, here’s what you missed last month.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There is no good or bad in the universe, only action and consequence.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Consequences Today

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Consequences

Wear The World Like A Loose Garment

Before stepping on this path I was constantly trying to control the world around me. I would manipulate things to try to force a favorable outcome for myself. I would lie. Cheat. Steal. I would do anything I could to try to get the result I was looking for. As those of you know who have tried this approach, it is impossible to control people, places and things, the only thing we can control is how we react to the world around us, and how we conduct ourselves while we’re out there.

For me, when I made a decision to live a healthier life and made a commitment to make better choices for myself, I had to find a balance of not trying to control everything, but also not just cutting myself off from the world, to observe what was going on, changing those things I didn’t like that were in my control and learning to accept the rest. The observing things and letting them go proved to be the most challenging. It was hard to just see things and not try to control what I didn’t like, right down to noise outside my window from a garbage truck. I mean, doesn’t the truck driver know I’m trying to concentrate over here!? I was told to wear the world like a loose garment. I thought, how am I going to do that? Not react or try to change things? But I learned, I had to, my mental health depended on it. I could no longer enjoy the luxury of getting so tied up in things being my way, and that being the only way, it wasn’t healthy for me, or those around me. I had to start letting things go, so I took the loose garment approach and set off on my goal to start observing and stop obsessing.

It wasn’t easy at first. Just noticing things, things that bothered me, or weren’t “right” or things that could be done better, but I had to ask myself if it was my business in the first place, and most of the time, it was not, I had to ask myself if anyone had asked for my suggestions, and, most of the time, they had not, and I had to ask myself if I wanted to be right or I wanted to be happy, well, I wanted both, but many times, that wasn’t an option, so I had to choose happy. I practiced just acknowledging things as they came up, without reacting to them, that wasn’t always easy, but like anything else, the more I did it the easier it got. When I found it difficult to let something go I had to ask myself if it was my business to be worrying about it in the first place, most of the time, it was not. The better I got at this the less stress and anxiety I felt in my life, and, because I wasn’t trying to control the outcome I was able to see things from a different perspective, and, I found it easier to find solutions to things because I wasn’t trying to meddle in the results.

The more we’re able to wear the world like a loose garment, let things slide off of us, and not try to manipulate the results to suit our own needs, to happier we’ll be. Now, my illness used to tell me different, but today I know the truth, and I know what is best for me to live the kind of life I want to live, and that is one where I know the difference between what I am able to change, should change, and what is none of my business all together, and that frees me up to do a lot of more productive things, like reaching out to all of you here at STATE OF SLAY. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to manipulate things in your favor? What is the result of that? How does it help you? How does it hurt you? What happens when things don’t go your way? How does that impact your day? Are you able to let things go if you don’t get your way? If not, why not? If not, how can you learn to let things go and trust the outcome? Do you get involved in situations that are not really your business? Do you get told things are not your business? Do you still involve yourself? Typically, what is the result? How does that harm you? What if you just observed things SLAYER, and not get involved in every battle, every thing that catches your eye as something you don’t like, or need to fix? What if you choose to let those things go that shouldn’t involve you? What would you do with all the free time? Perhaps continue to work on your own self-love and self-care? Just a gentle suggestion

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The happy ending you’re waiting for is there, when you save yourself.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Hero

Alone In A Crowded Room

I’ve talked a lot at STATE OF SLAY about feeling different, less than, feeling awkward and anxious in social situations growing up, and into my adulthood, before walking this path. It’s a time of year when there are many social gatherings, parties and family functions and I was reminded how I used to feel alone in a crowded room. I could have been in a sold-out stadium and I still felt alone.

I never felt like I belonged, and because of that I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself, and later, as my disease progressed, I isolated, believing those voices in my head that told me no one would understand me, or want to be around me, if you knew my truth, those voices kept me isolated, alone, even though I had people around me. The more I stayed away from all of you the worse my disease got, when I was alone it had me where it wanted me, at attention, with nothing to distract me, no good could come in when all I was hearing was the bad. And, that feeling of loneliness, when I was with people, added fuel to the fire that I just didn’t fit in.

What I didn’t realize is that I didn’t fit in because I believed I didn’t fit in. And I kept believing that story because I wasn’t sharing it with anyone. I believed that all of you always felt like you fit in, even that you were all at ease in every situation, because that’s what my head told me. What I realized when I stepped on this path, and started to share, is that many of you felt like I did, odd, weird, like a misfit at times, but you either walked through your uncomfortableness, or you just found the other people who felt like you did. Now I know, you’re out there.

Feeling alone in a crowded room isn’t something you feel alone, I’ve been you, and there are more like us. And I’m here to tell you I’m here, I’m in that room with you and you’re not alone. I’m also here to tell you that you can overcome that feeling, because it’s something you have the power to change. Your head may tell you that you can’t, or that you’re not good enough to, or that no one will understand, but I’m going to rain on those voices’ parade and tell you from the other side that you are good enough and you can do it, it just takes some courage and honesty. When we share our fears or feelings with others we typically find that most people feel, or have felt like we do. We learn that we are not alone. And, when we realize that there are others likes us, many others, it may give us the courage to share with them and once we do, that fear starts to lose it’s power over us, it starts to fall to the ground like an old piece of clothing that no longer fits us, and the truth is, it never did fit us, we just put it on as a form of protection because we didn’t yet have the tools or awareness that we aren’t so different from those around us after all.

Sometimes the thing that separates us from our fellows is the one thing that will connect us, we just have to find the strength to let it out, to not let it control us, and continue to lie to us. Speak your truth and not only let it allow you to relate to others, but you may just be giving another lonely person permission to do the same. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel lonely in a crowded room? Why do you feel that way? Have you always felt that way? Write down the first time you remember feeling that way. What made you feel alone back then? Is that reason still valid today or an old story you’ve stuck to? How can you shake that story and live in the present? Who do you feel comfortable with? Why? Are you able to find other people like that? If so, where? Why don’t you find those people? What is your biggest fear in social situations? Is that fear a fact, or an old story from your past? What if you ignored those voices that tell you you’re different, that people won’t understand and like you? How would social situations be different? Do it SLAYER, be honest about how you feel, find someone in the next social situation you find yourself in who looks like they also feel like you do, let them know how you’re feeling, you may just make a connection to someone just like yourself, and, you can walk through your fears together.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The bad part about being so numb is that when the time comes that you want to feel again, you might not remember how.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Destined