slayer

Level Up

I was never much of a gamer, and if you’re asking yourself what a gamer is, you’re probably not much of one either. Growing up my brother was always into video games, I would sometimes sit and watch him for hours as he mastered the game and always managed to find those secret parts to it that unlocked something special or take you to a secret level. I was always intrigued by that as a kid, those secret places with those magical things that not everyone knew about. Life has those things, I feel like I’ve found many over the past 12 years, those times I opened my eyes to something or because I let go and had faith, unlocked something new. One of the reasons I decided to start STATE OF SLAY was to give people the secrets that I’ve uncovered, and a lot of them aren’t so secret, we just haven’t been aware of them, or we haven’t chosen not to see them, or implement them in our lives, but as someone who has, I can be your guide based on my own experiences in the hopes that you can also, in your own life, find those secret and magical places so you can level up.

It’s easy to stay stuck where we are. We can feel comfortable there, even if it doesn’t feel like we should be there anymore, sometimes the fear of not knowing what’s outside of what we know is stronger than the place we stay that no longer serves us. We want to get out, but we stay, telling ourselves it’s better where we are, and safer. We may even tell ourselves we deserve to stay in that place. We don’t. What we deserve is to continue to grow and expand our lives, challenge ourselves, and move forward from the places that keep is stagnant and stuck where we are. For me the first secret to unlock a brand new life was to be willing to look for it. Willingness was the key to the first door. From there I reached out to someone I trusted, someone I knew had been through that door and I asked for help. Asking for help unlocked a lot of doors and brought me in contact with countless people who all helped me on my journey, those who had been there before, and those who were exactly where I was on my path. Once I had these people in my life the secrets and magic in the game of life kept unlocking, especially as I kept working on myself and was learning to let go of my past and work on learning to love myself. That path has led me down some winding roads, but those roads have brought me so much more goodness than hardship, and when I think back to the dead-end I was on, even my best day there doesn’t compare to my worst day here. I have leveled up many times, and, if I continue to work, will again many more times.

We all have the opportunity to get a higher level than where we are. But we have to take that first step. We have to be willing to go after it, no matter what that brings, or what we may need to face. In the end I may have learned a few things watching my brother all those hours many years back, I learned that perseverance is what it takes to win, and that when you look for it, there is always something magical on the horizon.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there moments in your life that you feel you leveled up? What were they? How did you get there? Are there moments in your life when you know you should level up, but you stop yourself? What stops you? What are you afraid of? Or, why don’t you think you deserve it? What areas in your life today would you like to level up? How can you achieve this? If you don’t know, who can you go to for advice to find out what steps to take? Do you share your hopes, dreams, and goals with others in your life? If not, why not? What scares you about that? I challenge you SLAYER, to level up, in whatever way that means to you. I challenge you to be honest with yourself, with those around you, and if you don’t have a good group of people around you to help get you there, find them, they’re out there. Walk with them and walk through your fear to go after what you want, or where you are being directed to go, go there, stand tall, and level up to where you’re supposed to be next. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Inspired by another incredible SLAY TALK LIVE last night. Just be yourself. Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful and magical person that you are.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Change 1

Slay Talk Live Video

Good evening SLAYERS! For those of you who didn’t join us for SLAY TALK LIVE tonight, here’s what you missed! Hopefully you can join us next month, until then…SLAY on.

You Can’t Compare

Even though I am writing each day.  talking about loving your authentic self, owning who you are and celebrating that, and I do that, I found myself recently, while I was working out, admiring someone else’s figure and wondering why I don’t look like that. I stopped myself and had to give myself a pep talk. Why do we as human beings compare ourselves with those around us, or those we see in the media, or on social media? Each of us is unique, and in terms of our bodies, we are all built differently, our skeletal systems, muscle mass, metabolisms, it makes no sense to compare ourselves with anyone, we’re not all playing with the same equipment. After my little pep talk mid-workout I had to laugh at myself, thinking, you know better, but we all do it at some point, and the trick is to change our thinking and appreciate who are we, what we’ve been through, how hard we work, and for the many ways we are all blessed. So, how do we do that if we’re stuck in comparison mode? Here are a few ways to get you back on the road of self-appreciation and self-love.

1) Focus on your victories. As much as we live in a culture of always wanting more, and wanting it bigger and faster, we need to focus on our own successes, what we’ve accomplished and overcome to get to where we are today. When we focus on our own personal wins we don’t tend to compare ourselves to the other people around us, we may have people in our lives who inspire us, or push us to the next level of being our best selves, that’s healthy, but you can’t compare apples and oranges, none of us are exactly the same, so focus on you and what others are doing becomes less significant in our lives.

2) Focus on the bigger things in life. It can be easy to caught up in wanting material things, but those things don’t give back to us. When we focus on giving back, on love, on empathy towards others, on humility, and being part of a community we tend to compare ourselves less to those around us. Make sure your time is spent on things that matter most, not just things to puff up your ego or to collect as trophies.

3) Appreciate others instead of competing against them. We live in a competitive world, and a little healthy competition can be good, but not when it becomes the sole purpose for you doing anything, and winning becomes your most important goal. Learn to work with others, compliment them when they do well, and work together as a team, when we build relationships and a community around us we don’t find the need to compete for the spotlight and to always be the best.

4) No one is perfect. I’ve talked about this before. We’re all here to learn. We all make mistakes…that’s how we learn. If we’re not making mistakes we’re not learning, we’re not growing, we’re not pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone to move on to where we’re supposed to be, we’re staying stuck. Every triumph comes with obstacles, so no one is getting a free ride over you. When we look at others through this perspective it helps us find compassion for them, and us, and it helps us connect with them instead of looking at them like they’re our competition.

5) You’re only competing against yourself. Really, at the end of the day, you are your only competition. You are the only one if playing with the exact same circumstances, tools, and parameters as you. Only you can compete against you. Let that be your motivation, your guide, your push, to be a better you than you were yesterday.

When we focus on ourselves, what we can be doing to broaden our world, to challenge ourselves and to give back we lose the need to compare ourselves to others and to put ourselves down for not being something we can never be, someone else. Celebrate who you are and were you’ve come from, and, set some attainable goals to challenge yourself and be your best you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you constantly compare yourself to others? What about those people do you admire, or envy? Why do you think you can’t have a version of those things for yourself? We can never be someone else or have their exact life, and even if we could we’d probably find it wasn’t as rosy as we made it out to be in our minds, so of those things you admire, what can you do to find those or work on those in your life? How’s that self-love coming along SLAYER? Making progress? Or still struggling? Write down 5 things you admire about yourself, that you cannot buy. Write down 5 things you overcame last year that you are proud of. Now make a list of 5 things you would like to overcome this year. Get to work SLAYER, it’s all within your reach.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You are your only limit.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Comfort Zone

The Signs Are There

When I go about my day I always look for the signs, those things that are pointing me in the right direction, showing me the way, the people I am meant to have in my life, and new things that will open my eyes to a new direction or something I might enjoy. Those signs have always been there, but when I was living my life in the darkness I couldn’t see them. Or, didn’t want to see them. Thinking back, there were many signs I chose to ignore because it meant I had to change, or do some work, or say goodbye to something that wasn’t really good for me but I enjoyed hanging on to, either to continue to punish myself, or to keep myself on the same dark path I was on. My line of sight was so dark and so narrow I didn’t see much of anything except what I chose to see. But when I stepped into the light I started to see a new world around me, one full of signs and signals to where I was supposed to go, where I wanted to go, or where I was open to going, they were there, not always at the exactly moment when I wanted them, or asked for them, although sometimes they were, but they popped up when I needed them, when I was ready for them, when I chose to see them. When we find ourselves feeling directionless, or at loss of where to go next, as many of you know, I’m a huge advocate of asking for what you want, so say it out loud, tell people about it, the act of getting it out there can many times bring surprising results, and we may realize that what we want isn’t that far out of reach. But sometimes it takes a little more than just saying it out loud, it takes us being open to it, and living our lives in away that allows us to see the signs. So, how do we do this?

Develop A Desire To Receive The universe is always sending us messages, trying to help us to where we want and/or should go. But we have to be open to seeing and hearing what’s coming our way, not just looking for the signs we want to see and hear. What may come to us may not be what we’re looking for, but it’s what we need, so being open to not only receiving those signs, but being open to the idea that it may bring us to unexpected places. Let yourself be a vessel to take in what is being sent to you, without filtering out what you think you don’t want.

Be Alert Pay attention to the people, places and things around you, even the song that comes on the radio. Signs can come to us in many different ways, and at any time, but if our faces are buried in our phones, or we’re set in our mind that a sign can only look and feel a certain way, we’re going to miss them. Take some time to look around each day, to engage with life, and those around you, to take a moment or two to be quiet with yourself, the answers do come when we look, and we allow ourselves to see.

Look For Patterns If you’re unsure about what’s coming your way, or can’t make sense of it, keep a log, write it down, sometimes it’s easier to piece things together when you can see it on the page rather than just thoughts bouncing around in your head, look for patterns, similarities, things that connect the signs you are getting. Sometimes it’s that we’re not getting the point, so we’ll keep getting the same signs, or we’re ignoring them, if we’re meant to be somewhere we are not, the universe will keep sending the same signs until we get off our butts and go there, or do what we’re supposed to do, so, if you keep getting the same things, take a look at that, and why you haven’t gone there or done it yet.

Surrender Whatever comes your way you have to surrender to it and learn to work as one with the universe and stop trying to manipulate what the signs are that come your way to bend them into what you’re looking for. Surrender and be open to where you may be guided to go next.

Keep It Simple It’s easy to over complicate things and put words in the universe’s mouth where we may not have complete answers, but the universe works in simple ways, if you don’t have enough information yet, stay open, and keeping surrendering to the process, the universe will give you the information when the time is right, or in a way you’ll understand, so stop trying to help things along by trying to finish the job yourself. Keep things simple, listen, and wait.

The biggest ally you have is the universe. The universe is on your side and is sending you love, but you have to be open to receive it, and surrender to the process of it’s guidance of where you’re supposed to be. There are no short cuts in life, you either learn how to dance to it’s rhythm, or trip over your two left feet.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you notice signs in your life guiding you to where you’re supposed to be? Name some. If not, why do you think you’re not seeing them? What gets in your way? How do you think you can overcome them? Do you think you have an open mind to the signs you are given, or do you only look for the signs you want to see? Are you able to surrender to the signs you find? If not, why? When you haven’t surrendered and have moved forward on your own anyways, what was the result of that? Do you see, looking back, that you may have been directed a different way? Do you believe the universe cares for you and wants the best for you? If not, why? Are these ideas based on fact, or based in your own self-loathing or self-love issues? What if you tried SLAYER, to think of the universe as your ally, to try to work together with it, to look and listen to what it’s telling you, and to take action where it’s showing you to. What if you stopped running your life on self-will and started to let go to the next indicated right action? I challenge you to SLAYER. You may be surprised what you’ll find.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never be afraid to speak your mind, we all have one for a reason. Your thoughts are valid and deserve to be heard.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Speak

Honestly Honest

We’ve all heard the saying “honesty is the best policy,” and it is, so why are so many of us afraid of being honest? We may be afraid of being judged, afraid of upsetting the other person, afraid of being seen as different, or just afraid to speak our minds. But when we don’t speak up we typically don’t forget what we didn’t say, it stays with us, playing again and again in our heads like a song on repeat and we beat ourselves up for not speaking our truth. Now, speaking our truth can be tricky, sometimes our truth, or honest opinion, may not be the popular opinion, or what everyone wants to hear, but if we don’t speak up many times it turns into a resentment, either towards the person or people we didn’t speak up to, or ourselves for keeping our mouth shut when we should have spoken up. Being afraid is never a reason not to do anything. So how do we learn to walk through that fear and share our true thoughts with those around us?

1) Stay Calm And Take A Moment. Again, life is not a game show there are no points for speaking up first and having the fastest response. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a moment, breathe, even step away for a second to collect your thoughts. It’s OK to say you need a moment, you don’t have to come up with something right away. Sometimes taking a step back is just what you need gather your thoughts in a concise and clear way so you can share them in a way that will be easily understood. If it’s something you’re very emotional about, definitely give yourself some time, letting your emotions take over will not help you convey what you’re wanting to say in a way that will open the door to a healthy and calm discussion.

2) Be Confident. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and yours is just as important as anyone else’s, so don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Speaking up also opens the door to a conversation or discussion, something that is always useful and understanding and getting to know those around you, and, also yourself. If you feel strongly about something, speak up, share it, and also be open to listen to other people’s points of view. Again, as always, we all have our own perspectives and even though you’re feeling very strongly about yours, there are always different sides to each story or situation, so don’t be afraid to share yours, but allow others to share theirs as well.

3) Overcome Your Fear. You may be fearful of being made fun of, or being listed as difficult, or different, but don’t put so much weight into what other people think, what’s important is what you think and that you’re expressing that. Now, we as SLAYERS don’t set out to say things we know will purposely hurt or anger someone else, we share our thoughts in a thoughtful and mindful way, but we don’t amend our thoughts to appease someone else. People typically will appreciate your honesty with them, even if it differs from their own opinion, they’ll usually respect that you shared your thoughts with them. If they don’t, then that tells you something about who they are and your relationship with them, that’s a red flag and not a good sign of a healthy relationship.

4) Use Your Problem Solving Skills. If there is a differing of opinion, this is an opportunity to work on your problem solving skills. To see if you can find a middle ground or resolution to our differing of opinions. Keeping an open mind and letting others talk are two to elements to this, and you may find that after hearing what they have to say, you may alter your own opinion, or maybe not, but just going into a discussion with the mindset that you are open to new ideas, while sharing your own, can bring an amicable sense of energy to a discussion which opens the door to having a good outcome.

Always be confident in who you are and what you have to offer. Your opinion is unique to you, and your thoughts are valid. If someone has wronged you, has asked for your opinion, or you’re working together on project, speak your mind, collaborate, and be open to other perspectives, you just maybe surprised how easy speaking up can be, and how when you do you gain more confidence, self-esteem, and a stronger sense of self.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you speak your mind when you have an opinion? If not, why not? Do you have fear around being honest with people? Why do you think you do? Are the reasons you have fear around speaking your mind valid fears based in facts? Or are they old narratives from your past that are no longer your truth today? If they are your truth today, what does this tell you about the people you have chosen to surround yourself with? Are there better choices you can be making with the people you have in your life? I challenge you SLAYER to speak your mind this week, to share your opinion, or speak up if you feel you have something to say, the more you do it, the easier it becomes, and, if you take a misstep, that’s a part of the process, that is how we learn, but if we are open an honest we are not hiding our true selves and walking around with unsaid ideas and opinions that are taking up valuable space in our minds, let them out and show your real you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

New Year, New You

Today is New Year’s Eve. The end of one year and the beginning of another. I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve always made commitments to myself as I feel I’m ready for them, or ready for the challenge of them, so the idea of having to come up with them on a specific day has never really appealed to me. What I do like is the idea of a clean slate. A fresh page. A new year gives us a marker and chance to hit the restart button and start again. Now, we’re still us walking into the new year, but maybe we’re us with a different perspective, with new goals, or a drive to find what we’re looking for. It’s a time to take a deep breath and let go of the past to make room for something new. The problem I have with resolutions is that we seem to set ourselves up to fail. We set them thinking we should have them, people ask us what they are, there’s that anticipation that we have to have answers when asked, and so we set forth and make a list that we may not be fully ready to commit to, or truly have any intention of taking action on. So, if we do feel pressured to make a list, and there is no real pressure to, or we’re just wanting to set some goals for ourselves as we head into a new year, how do we make better choices when it comes to finding out what we really do intend to change, or want to change?

First, it’s asking ourselves why we’re wanting things to change, and what we’re wanting to change? What is our motivation behind seeking out this change? Why is it important to us? How will it help us or benefit us? And these answers should have answers that pertain to us, not how we’ll look to others, or if they’ll help someone else, these should be our goals or changes that will help us to become the people we want to be, who we aspire to be, because deep down we know we are those people. It’s about uncovering our true selves and getting rid of old habits we used to use to get by, or survive, or possibly hide who we truly were. Our goals or resolutions, if we want to stick with that label, should not be born out of judgment of ourselves, or comparison of those around us. They should come from a truth inside of us that we know we should change because what we are wanting to let go of is no longer serving us, or possibly never did. These goals should be internal goals, done for internal reasons, not because they’ll look good on the outside, when we do what we think we should do, or we do something to please someone else, but we don’t believe it in our heart, we are setting ourselves up to fail. We should only do what we know is right for us and do it for us, only then do we have a chance to overcome that particular hurdle and succeed.

We also have to give ourselves time. Change doesn’t happen overnight. We can make some changes, but we have give ourselves time to let those changes settle in, and also, give ourselves some leeway to know we’re going to revert back to our old ways from time to time, change takes time, and it takes practice, so even if you fall back, don’t just throw in the towel, understand that’s part of the process, learn from it, and keep going. The more you do something, the more it becomes your new normal. Failure is a part of the process. Always remember why you’re making the change and how it affects you personally. Remember why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Having the awareness that you want to change and what you want to change is a catalyst for change. Awareness is half the battle, the rest is doing it. So really look at your life, who you are, what you do, how you interact with the world around you and be honest with yourself, are you living as your true self? What areas can you improve on? What areas can you really shine? It can be hard to take an honest look at ourselves, but change doesn’t happen if we keep telling ourselves the same story and living in a place that doesn’t allow us to be our best selves. Take a cold hard look at you, the stuff that makes you flinch, or makes you uncomfortable, that’s the perfect place to stop and take a look and ask yourself why it does. Anything can be changed for the better, we all have the ability to make changes and live a fuller life. Once we make some decisions and put a plan in motion it changes our trajectory, our direction, and sets us on a new path, and if we stay true to that path, and true to us, that path will continue to give back to us and will continue to give us what we need on this new path.

Really, we can change or start something new any day of the year, but why not take some time today to reflect on what things in your life you would like to change that are in your reach to change. Write them down, and write down the steps you can take to make those changes happen. Only we know what is best for us, and only we can do the work to make sure we are and have the best for us. So roll up your sleeves SLAYER, this is a great time to dig into your toolbox and find the tools you need to be your best you this year. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you typically set New Year’s Resolutions for yourself at the beginning of year? Do you stick to them? If you don’t, why do you think you fail? Are they realistic? Why don’t you follow through? Searching your heart, what change would you like to see this year for yourself? How can you make these changes happen? If you don’t know, ask those around you, with those you trust or who maybe inspire you, ask them how they might go about achieving the same goal. Find those things you think are holding you back, those things you might hide behind, or use as protection, make a commitment to get rid of them, to get out from behind them, to allow yourself to be your best you and shed those things you no longer need, those things that are only holding you back. Give yourself the gift of self empowerment, of doing what’s best for you, and following through on letting your best parts shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Behind every negative thing is a positive thing we can learn.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Change