proud

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You can’t build on top of success you don’t acknowledge.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Be Proud Every Step

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! How can you make someone’s underestimation of you an asset?

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Underestimated

Those Who Underestimate Us

Throughout my life I have often found that people have underestimated me. For various reasons people have tried to limit what they think I am capable of or should even attempt. My spirit, and drive, has always been strong, and the fear of regretting never trying as always outweighed the fear of trying and possibly failing, and now, having lived on this path for many years, I know there is no failure, only an opportunity to learn. Most of the times I have been underestimated I have used that to fuel my desire to attempt or accomplish what I’ve set out to do, but there have been times that the disbelief that I can complete or attain my goals has been like a knife in my chest. Even, so, I never let it stop me from moving forward.

Support by those we love, colleagues or others in general really can propel us to success. We ourselves, at times have self-doubt, but with the support of those around us we can overcome those negative thoughts and head toward the finish line. But so can those who don’t believe we can get there. It’s easy to take someone else’s opinion of what they think we are capable of and let it bring us down, it can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy were we let it derail us into falling short just as predicted. But for me, being a reformed stubborn close-minded girl in the past, I can pull up that old stubbornness and use it for good. I now, when someone doesn’t believe in me, use that stubbornness to propel me forward and continue on my journey to complete my goal. It’s nice when I have support behind as I go, but not necessary if it’s someone I strongly believe in or have challenged myself to finish. There’s also the twinge of satisfaction when you are able to accomplish what you set out to and are able to show those doubters that you yes you can do exactly what they thought was impossible, I believe that is a moment of self-pride for a job well done.

We should never let anyone else dictate what we can or cannot do. Our limits are only set by ourselves, and, we shouldn’t set any. We are capable of almost anything we set our minds to, and even if something may not be attainable right now, there’s a reason we’re drawn to it, it may be leading us down a path that is meant for us. Never doubt yourself or your goals or dreams, nothing happens by accident, we are meant to challenge ourselves, to reach higher than before and to go after those things we want for ourselves or have dreamed about, we are the only ones who can stop us. Those things may not always look exactly how we thought they would, but they are many times better, because we only have the limited information of our experiences so far, we don’t have the broad spectrum of what is actually out there for us to discover and realize. So, go after your goals with everything you’ve got, and if someone underestimates you, don’t let them slow you down, use that doubt to fire you up and keep you on the path of your goal.

Let someone’s negative opinion of you of you lead to positive results, and perhaps the next time you share your goals with them, they’ll see your potential and cheer you on to victory! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow for negative comments derail you from your goals and ambitions? Why do you do that? How can you change that? Why is it so important to you to have everyone believe in what you want or are doing? Can you use that energy to prove them wrong or attain your goals anyway? Can you use that energy to fuel the fire inside of you to produce a positive outcome? It is always preferable to have the support of those around us, but if we don’t have all of the support we would like, it is still possible to realize our dreams or challenge ourselves to accomplish something new. Use whatever energy comes your way, positive, or negative, to prove to yourself that you can do it, and let those naysayers come around on their own, it’s not your job to convince them, it’s your job to keep reaching for your personal best.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Live With Intent Not Out Of Habit

Before stepping on this path I lived out of habit. I was unhappy with the way I was living my life, but I did nothing to change it. Each day was like Groundhog Day, I just kept repeating the same behaviors and getting the same results, and yet, somehow, I hoped each that things would be different. They never were. Well, except they kept getting worse. My intent every day, back then, was to just disappear, to ignore the things I didn’t want to deal with and find ways to distract or numb myself so I wouldn’t feel. Now, I’m sure a few of you out there know ignoring something typically doesn’t make it go away. I had to learn to stop that cycle if I had any hope of getting better. Or even surviving the endless cycle I was in.

When I got on a path of recovery I realized I had a lot of habits I needed to break. I was told it takes 90 days to break a habit, I figured it probably took longer than that, but 90 days seemed like manageable number, so I set off, focusing on making positive changes to my life in those 90 days like my life depended on it, because it did. I did everything that was suggested, many things for the first time, or through anxiety or fear. But as I started to make better choices, and break those old habits, I started to feel better, it was tiny little steps at first, but they were there, and I could feel a shift. It wasn’t all easy going through the 90 days, the old me, and that negative self-talk in my head, wasn’t going to go down without a fight, and it got loud up there, but I learned to practice contrary action, to do the opposite of what my head was telling me and do what was right. Each time I did that, I not only took my power back but I took away the voice of that negative self-talk. I started to feel stronger, more confident and proud of taking my life back as I started to live with the intent of well-being, of peace and of better choices. It was within that space that I learned to love myself, something I had never done up until that point, because it was through those loving acts to myself that I found a love for myself, and on days when it slipped away I had the love and support of those around me to remind me how to find it.

It’s easy to live life as we always have, or as our parents have, or friends or co-workers have, but is that really in line with how you feel or what you want for yourself? Have you even asked yourself what you want? I know I had, but then never took the steps to go and get it. And sometimes it’s a matter of knowing what we want and not knowing how to get it, that also rang true for me, and the thought of not knowing can paralyze us and keep us where we are. My journey has taught me that if I take the first steps, the steps I may know, and I make my intent clear, that the next few steps will appear in front of me, or someone will who will show me the way. It’s the intent that sets us in motion and then from there we need to take action and build that momentum to where we want to go. And, we may get in our own way and try to convince ourselves what we want isn’t attainable for us, but it is, one step at a time. I know, because I did it, and I am no different than you are.

We all walk this road together, and it’s easy to follow the pack, but ask yourself where it is you want to go on your journey, and instead of just walking on the same path you always have, walk with intent of where you want to go next. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you live your life with intent or just do what you’ve always done? Have you asked yourself what you would like to do? Is that in line with how you’re living your life today? What steps can you take to live your life with intent? Where have you made mistakes in the past or gotten lazy in your resolve? What can you do to change that? Start each day with intent SLAYER, and if you’re unsure of what steps to take to get there, ask for help or look to someone who is living with intent that you may know for inspiration. We are not meant to stay stuck where we are, get yourself on a path that excites you and allows you to find and be your best you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Losing Touch With Who You Used To Be

I’m often reminded of who I used to be. Gratefully, I get many chances to share my story of where I came from with people like myself, who are on this same path, or just beginning their journey, and it’s in sharing what I used to be like that I realize how far away I am from the woman I was. I am relieved, as she was in a lot of pain and suffered a lot at by her own hand, but she’s still a part of me and the reason I work each day to keep her in the past.

It’s important to remember where we’ve come from, how much we’ve changed, and the work it’s taken to get where we are right now, and the more we focus on the good, on this moment, the here and now, the more we let go our painful past and those parts of us we had to let go to get to this place. It feels good to feel so far away from who I used to be, but I’m also reminded that if I don’t take care of myself, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, that woman, from the past starts to creep back into the present. She’ll never go away, and there’s a part of me that knows it’s important that she doesn’t, so I don’t forget the woman I’ve worked so hard to leave behind. But the more I live as my true self, the me of today, the more I let go of her and lose touch with that me and focus on my life today, a life I can be proud of.

When I was in my disease, and who I used to be, I never imagined the me of today was possible, all I saw was darkness and those things I hated about myself. The negative bullshit committee in my head would tell me that my life was never going to get any better and neither was I. Life seemed so bleak, without any light, and I wasn’t so sure I even worthy of the light, and so I kept sliding back into the darkness. I thought, who I was kept me safe, but what it did was kept me isolated and away from a solution. I identified with who I was, I knew her and I suppose, I hid behind her when life felt too overwhelming or I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. It was hard to let her go, she was the me I had known most of my life, the me I had grown up with and the me I thought I’d always be, but there was a new me waiting on the other side of humility, courage and hope. Slowly, as I began to build who I am today, I let go of who I used to be, and she, over time, melted into the background.

We get to choose who we are, and if we don’t like who we’ve become, we can do the work to change. It may take some help, it certainly did for me, a lot of it, but with love and support from those who were walking the same walk I was on, and some professionals, I was able to let go and let the love surround me until I felt safe, and from that place of safety I was able to change, a little at a time. You can too. It is within our power to lose touch with who we were as we become or focus on who we are meant to be, to let go of old ideas and concepts that no longer serve us, or never did, to forge a new way of life that let’s our heart and soul shine. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you lost touch with who you used to be? How have you done that? What have you done to change? Why did you make those changes? How did those changes allow you to let go of the old you? What parts of the old you do you still cling to? Should you let them go? How can you work on letting them go? What are you most proud of today of who you’ve become? Focus on that SLAYER, those qualities that make you you and allow you to be your best self, and keep challenging yourself to find more of those qualities, the more we focus on our positive attributes, the more we find, until soon, we no longer feel the need to hang on to who we used to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

We Become What We Do

Before walking this path I had become someone I wasn’t very proud of. It happened over time, each time I crossed a line I said I never would I became someone darker, more ashamed, and further away from who I truly was, and the more I made poor choices and didn’t honor my true self the easier it became to continue down that path and step all over the me that was dying inside. I didn’t start out a bad person, but I kept making a series of bad choices that lead me to a place of such emptiness and darkness I doubted I could ever find my way back. But I could, we all can. We are what we do, our actions determine who we are and who we become, talk is just that, talk, it doesn’t cause any change, it’s the action we take that can change us, either for the good, or bad.

Making a commitment to change and to not only reclaim who I knew, but find out who I truly was, I was told that my actions would determine who I would turn out to be. Thinking I was a horrible human, and being new on the path of positive thinking and actions, I wasn’t sure that I could change things around, I felt like it was a steep climb back, but I set out to do what was suggested, and I was told I only had to do what I could each day, and even if it was only one thing, that alone was enough to set me on a different path. I had to really focus on the good in my life, and even when it was hard to find it to start, I would find at least one thing and focus on that. I, first and foremost, made a commitment to be accountable, to myself, and to those in my life. If I made a commitment I had to stick to it, and if I couldn’t I had to reach out within a reasonable time and explain why I wasn’t able to follow through. That in itself kept me honest, and being honest was a big first step for someone who had been living her whole life lying to herself and everyone around her. Accountability kept me transparent, and even though I felt exposed at first, it didn’t allow me to slip back to me old nefarious ways, and if I did manage to briefly, it didn’t allow me to stay there. From there I started to make a point to be thoughtful, to find compassion for others, to not judge those around me, and myself, to find forgiveness, to be kind, and the more I practiced these actions the more I became those things, and, the more my old actions didn’t feel good, or like me anymore.

Without even realizing it, what we do is what we become, it can happen so seamlessly we don’t even realize it’s happening, but if we don’t like who we are, or where we find ourselves, we have the power to change that. Focus on the good, focus on the attributes you had or want to have and act in a way that honors those attributes and you. Even the smallest act can impact us in a big way when we change our way of thinking and stop acting out in a way that harms us and those around us. Finding the love in our hearts and letting that lead us to the us we are meant to be, the us that is our best selves and the us we can share with others and encourage them to be their best selves on their path. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see how your actions can affect who you become? How have your actions affected who you are today? What are you most proud of? What would you like to change? What action can you take today to change who you’ve become? Have you already changed who you are in a positive way? How so? We have the power to become whomever we want to be, or whomever we are meant to be just by changing our actions. Set out today to be your best self and taking action that supports that and allows you to shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Happiness and success depend on the child that you still carry within.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Inner Child

Would Little You Be Proud Of You Today

When I was little girl I used to dream about what I thought my life would be like. Now, it was things that I thought were what I should be dreaming about, and back then, that little ol’ me, didn’t know that what would make me most proud had nothing to do with “things,” but the person I could become and the ways I could share that with others. As I got older I started to feel disappointed in myself, in my eyes, I could never do things good enough or how I had imagined them in my head, I always fell short, and as I continued into adolescence, that disappointment turned to hate. I hated myself and started a very long journey of pretending to be who you wanted me to be, or who I thought you wanted me to be, to hide who I really was. I thought, if you knew the real me, you would hate me as much as I did, and as much as I would have told you back then that I didn’t care, I did care, because it was one thing for me to hate myself, but if you all did too, I didn’t think I could survive that. As a result, most of my actions were a result of the fear of that, and most of my actions abused that little girl full of dreams inside of me.

It wasn’t until I made a commitment to get better, many years later, that I started to think about that little me, and recognized that she was still in there and I had done a horrible job protecting and loving her. She was really beat up, that girl, and feeling small, and so part of my job in getting well was to show her the love I had neglected to give her most of my life, and to protect her, show her it was safe, and show her that I was not only able to love her, but love myself. It helped, on those difficult days, to think of her, that little me, sitting alone feeling vulnerable, I could see her there, so when I was battling those negative voices in my head that told me I wasn’t worth fighting for, I would say, maybe not, but she is and I’m going to fight for her.

As I got better she was less shy about coming out, she learned to trust me and when I would celebrate a milestone or overcome something that used to defeat me, she was always there to celebrate and cheer me on. And as I got more confident so did she, until we started working together and learning to love who we were. There are times on this journey that I have let her down, even hurt her, but the work I’ve done allows me to go back and find her and make things right.

My life has changed a lot over the past six months. I have a lot things in my life that I wasn’t sure I would ever have. Things that you can’t buy or easily find just because you want them because they come when you’re ready for them, when you are able to share your best self and honor who you are. I was reflecting on all the good in my life today and I thought about the little me inside of myself, and tears came to my eyes as I saw her smile and felt that she was proud of me, that this was the place she used to imagine and hope for, not only in terms of where I find myself in my life, but where I find myself, in place of self-love and acceptance. It’s been a long rocky road to get to this place, and I know, no matter where the journey goes from here, that if who I am and what I’m doing doesn’t make that little me proud, then I’m on the wrong path. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think about the little you that’s inside of yourself? When you think of that person, what do you feel? Do you think that little you is proud of you today? If yes, why? If not, why? If you don’t think they are, what can you do to make them proud? To show them love? To let them know they’re safe? When you were that little person, what did you hope for for the future? Have those hopes and dreams materialized? If not, how can you work to get those things into your life? Find some time to check in with your little self and see if there is something you can do to make them proud today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Hey! I’m Talking To You

I think it’s time for a pep talk and let go of all the preconceived about who you are and who you should be. YOU SHOULD BE YOU!

It’s easy to get lost in the social media black hole, or the messages put out by advertisers, about who we’re supposed to be, what we’re supposed to look like, and what we’re supposed to watch and listen to. Those things are very persuasive, and so can the people in our lives. If we’re not putting pressure on ourselves, others can put pressure on us to be what is expected of us. Many of us feel like failures when we don’t measure up to these ideas and parameters. But, if that’s not who you are, and not what you want to do, don’t do it. We are not here to please others, we are here to learn who we are and what our own unique purpose is, and we’re not going to find that living a life for someone else, or, by trying to fit into an unattainable mold we see presented to us as the norm. Who the heck wants to be the norm anyways? Be you.

When I speak to young adults it’s hard to listen to them tell me that they don’t feel good enough, or to hear them beat themselves up because they are not like the other kids. I say good! Don’t be like the other kids. But, it’s easy for me to say that now after 12 ½ years of work on myself, and learning to love myself for who I am and what I stand for. When I was a young adult I hated myself, even as an adult I hated myself, and the last thing I wanted to do was to stand out because I worried that you might ask me a lot of questions, questions I didn’t want to answer because I thought if you knew the answers, you wouldn’t like me. So, I understand. But, what I continue to share with anyone who will listen is, what sets you apart makes you special. Unique. Whole. Beautiful. Bold. Strong. And one badass. Love who you are. Embrace who you are. Celebrate who you are. And, if there is something that you don’t like, something that you think is getting in the way of being your best self, then take action to change it. But only do it for you.

It’s about finding acceptance, even in the dark places, of our true selves. In fact, especially loving the dark places because that is where we are most vulnerable. Those are also the place from where we should share ourselves, it’s those places that connect us to others like ourselves and give us strength as we use those places for good, and we take those places back and make them our own. Never be ashamed of who you are and where you’ve come from. It is what has made you into who you are today. And who you are today is awesome. And if you’re not feeling your awesomeness go out and take some action to find it. But I want you to know, that I already see it. It’s in you, let it shine.

Never let anything get in the way of being your best self. Know that what you have to offer is special, and no one else’s. You may come in a different kind of package, but the gifts inside are pure magic. Share those gifts with those out there who may appreciate them, who may need them, or just to show yourself how magical you are. Only you can say what’s right for you, so own who you are and go out and show us all. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find you get stuck thinking you should be or look a certain way? Why? Where are you getting these messages? Do you think they’re healthy? Do you think you’re setting yourself up to fail by setting unreal expectations for yourself? Why do you think you do this? What is a more loving way to encourage yourself to change? What don’t you want to change? List 5 things you like about yourself. Of those 5 things, what can you use to share with others who can use those things? Share them SLAYER, share you, and never doubt that what makes you makes you special. Love who you are, all of you, and live out loud, expressing your true self for all to see. Shine bright SLAYER.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Weird

I was speaking this week to a group of women and children at a homeless shelter in Los Angeles and a 14-year-old girl came over to talk to me when I was done. I sat down with her and we talked about what was on her mind. I recognized a lot myself in her at that age, and related to what she was saying. One issue we talked about was being labeled weird by some of the kids at her school because she didn’t like the same music that they did. I smiled, remembering that being called weird at that age, and perhaps, any age, can seem like a badge of shame.

I smiled at her and asked her why she didn’t like that word? I asked her what that word meant to her. She said, it means she’s not like everybody else. I asked her why she wanted to be like everybody else rather than who she was. She paused. I told her that I would wear that label like a badge of honor, because it meant she wasn’t following the pack, or the rest of kids just to fit in, she was being true to herself, and that is something that most of those kids probably couldn’t claim as their own.

I’ve written in a previous blog about letting your freak flag fly, and when I say that I’m not saying you are a freak, I’m saying let those things that some may label freaky, or weird, or different, be what sets you apart, be what showcases who you are and what you love, and to never apologize for any of that. I’ve learned along my path that those things that may be weird to the masses are what connect me to the closest people in my life, and the ones I admire and love the most. There is a group out there for everyone, and if groups aren’t your thing, there are certainly individuals who share your interests or way of doing things that will think that weirdness is awsomeness.

Now I remember that at 14 many of us just want to blend in, we don’t want any, what we perceive as, unwanted attention, we want to look like we’re just like everyone else, but really all we’re doing is telling ourselves that our true selves isn’t good enough, and that we should hide who we truly are to be accepted by a group of people who won’t accept us for who we are. It’s easy now for me to see how ludicrous that is, but I was that 14-year-old girl, in fact I was that 14-year-old girl until I was 35 years old and had to accept and learn who I truly was at 35 because my life depended on it, because I had lived those 35 years only ever allowing you all to see who I thought you wanted to see so you wouldn’t ask me any questions, because I feared if you did, you would see how ugly a person I really was, and how unworthy I was.

I shared that with my new friend and she looked at me in disbelief. I smiled again and told her I understood that may seem like a far-fetched tale, but that today I look at all of those “weird” things and I wear them proudly, they are what make me me, and they are the best parts of me, those things that make me smile, set my heart on fire, and, most importantly, make me laugh.

Today if someone would tell me I was just like everybody else I would cringe because I would think I wasn’t sharing my authentic self with them. I was holding back. My flaws, my weirdness, my falls are what connect me to all of you, they are what we have in common, they are what make me, and all of us, uniquely us, because life is messy, life is unpredictable, life is about trying new things and celebrating what we love, and even though we may share commonalities, no one is us, no one is me, and, no one is you. Be weird, be brave, be your authentic you, without fear, and if someone tells you you’re weird, thank them, because in my book, that is one of the biggest compliments anyone can give me, because it means I am being myself today.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you ever been called weird? What does that word mean to you? Is it negative? Why? Can you find the positive in that word? If not, why not? Does it take you back to being a kid? What has been your experience with the word? Was it a word used to bully you? How does it make you feel now? What about yourself would others think is weird? What do you think is weird? Do you still feel ashamed of those things, or feel you need to hide them? What if you didn’t? What if you took that word back and looked at it as a positive word, a compliment even, what if you celebrated all the things you thought, or others have thought, were weird? Do it SLAYER, celebrate your weird, smile, and know that is what makes you you, maybe even the best parts. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you