positive

Are You Happy With The Consequences You’re Getting?

As we start the new year it’s a great time to do a check on where we’re at in our lives. To look at what we like, what we don’t, and to ask ourselves if we are happy with the consequences we are getting? As I have said many times at State Of Slay, our lives are what we make of them, they are the result of choices we are making and if we don’t like the results we have the power to change a lot of that if we make different choices. Now, there are always things that are out of our control, but even within those circumstances we do have a choices on how we react to those things. So, if we’re not liking the consequences you’re getting in your life, then you have the power to take different action, or, choosing a different reaction.

As I’ve said in previous blogs, before stepping on this path I believed that life was just something that happened to me. I didn’t think I had much say in how things went, and when things went badly, I always blamed someone else for the result. I also was making choices that could only result in bad consequences which allowed me to continue telling the narrative that I was a bad person who didn’t deserve good things. It wasn’t until I committed to working on self-love and living in the light that it was pointed out to me that I had more power than I thought in all of those things, in fact, I, in many situations, caused the negative outcome myself. It was tough to accept that at first, as it was much easier to point fingers and blame others for my misfortune, but once I was able to wrap my head around that, and, find forgiveness in myself for all those consequences, I realized that I had much more power than I ever thought. That, was something positive I could focus on. If I was able to cause so much chaos in my life, could I not use that same energy and power to now bring good into life? I found that I could, and I still do everyday.

We have the power to change much of what we don’t like in our lives, even if it’s just our attitude or perspective of what we don’t like, but many times it is our choices and actions that may be bringing us unfavorable results, and instead of wallowing in our unhappiness or feeling sorry for ourselves, we can choose to make better choices moving forward to produce different results. That’s pretty powerful. Life is not something that just happens to us, we carry much more power than we realize, and when we live our lives in the light, take positive action, give back when we can, and focus on the good, those are the things that come back to us. If we find ourselves in a negative place, we can look for one thing that is good, one positive thing, or one thing we can find gratitude for, that is a start, that is enough to set us in the right direction, and once we find that one thing, we can keep building from there, keep training ourselves to look for the good, the light, and we will find hope, and if you find yourself not able to find the hope in your life, use mine, use me as a light, and use my hope to show you that you too can come out of the darkness and take your power back, I did, and I know you can too. Shine on. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you don’t have any power in your life? If not, why not? Why do you feel so powerless? Think about a situation you feel powerless against, what can you do, even small, to take positive action within that situation? Even if it’s just changing how you look at it, or realizing you do have some power, that is a positive step in the right direction, a step that could lead to bigger steps and eventually a better way of life. Write down an example when you have taken positive, or different, actions than you have and saw a more favorable result. Use that example to fuel your actions moving forward, and make a commitment to make positive choices and to use your power to create positivity in your life and create the life you see and want for yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You can’t hang around negative people and expect to have a positive life.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Worth

Hang Around People Who Like You

Now this one seems like a no brainer, but how many of us hang out, or choose to spend time, with people who don’t really like us? When we are not feeling good about ourselves, when we are not proud of ourselves or we are feeling less than, we look for people who we can spend time with who may be lower companions, people we feel are far worse off than we are, or at least, just as bad, because we think they won’t, or can’t, judge us. We may also look for people who will continue to tell the narrative we’ve been telling ourselves, one that we may have been telling since our childhood, so we look for those people who will help us to continue to tell that story, one that may keep us sick and dull, dimming our light. It seems crazy that we would do that, purposely look for people who will keep us in a place that is not our authentic selves, but we do it, and many times we do it without even realizing that’s what we’re doing.

We have to believe we deserve good people in our lives, and we have to believe we are also one of those good people. For me that took some work. I hated myself, and thought if you could see the real me, you’d hate me too. So I looked for people who wouldn’t ask a lot of questions, or would believe the person who I pretended to be so they would like me, or at least like me around. I also looked for people who were confrontational, or who I could rise out of, so when I wanted to fan the flames of the story I would tell myself, that I was a bad person, that person would oblige, reinforcing that story. When I made the commitment to get well I had to really look at the relationships in my life. I had to ask myself why I had chosen each person, and if, within this new lifestyle, they could stay. Most did stay, but some had to go. The people I did keep in my life did like me, even when I was living in my sickness, or struggling, they liked me even more, and even loved me during my toughest times. And where I used to not trust someone if they had liked me, I now was able to start liking myself by allowing myself to see what they saw. I was able to back into my own self-love, or like, through theirs.

When we have people around us who like us, support us and cheer us on, we can do anything, but we have to allow those people into our lives, we have to seek them out, and if we’ve chosen the wrong people as we move forward into a positive place, we have to let them go. Each person we choose to have in our lives is a reflection of us and who we are, and if we’re truly being honest with ourselves we have to look at the group of people we’ve surrounded ourselves with and ask ourselves what is being reflected back at us by those people. Find your group of people who like you, who love you, who support you and want the best for you. Surround yourself with them, keep them close and allow them to lift you up when you need to be reminded how amazing you are. Look for those people who like you, who understand you, who want the best for you, and like you just as you are and who you are working to be. Let those who you let into your life represent who you are and the journey you are choosing to take. Make sure they like you, and most importantly, make sure you like yourself. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you choose the right people to spend time with and be in your life? What types of people do you look for? How do the people in your life inspire you? How do you hurt you or tear you down? Why do you let them? Are you wanting them to tear you down? Why? What if you choose people who lift you up? What if you only allowed people in your life who liked you, encouraged you, loved you? What do you think would happen? Do it SLAYER, focus on those people, or find them, they’re out there, look for the people who are walking the same path as you are, look for the people who you can relate to, who you feel comfortable listening to, and who will cheer you on as you work to be your best you. Stay in the middle of these people, and when things get tough, find some strength within their strength, and let them propel you to the next level. Stay in the middle of the good.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

 

 

 

An Ending Brings A New Beginning

We tend to hold onto things. We hold on to them, many times, far longer than we should. We cause ourselves unnecessary pain and heartache, when we should really just let go. We sometimes live in denial that something has ended, we try to live in the past, to conjure up memories or feelings and try to hold on to them when they can’t live in the present. We drag our heels and drag our hearts through the dirt as we try to live in a place that no longer exists. Let go. And not just let go, look at it as an opportunity for something new. A new beginning.

Now I realize that that may have just sent a shutter down your spine. But really, honestly, it’s a good thing. The act of letting go. And the realization that you should let go is a huge act of self-love. To not cause yourself pain by trying to keep yourself somewhere you no longer have no business being. By being responsible for your own pain for not letting go and moving on. Walking away when it’s time takes a long of love and a lot of courage, to know that, if you move on, that is actually a positive act, an act that demonstrates self-respect and one that shows you know your worth. And when it’s time to go and you take that action, it allows something else to come in, something, perhaps, better suited to who you are today, or what you’ve been looking for. When we stay where we are no longer meant to be, we block anything new from coming in because we are spending all of our energy trying to make it right in the wrong place. We make excuses, concessions to stay, and while we’re doing that we’re not seeing that perhaps what we’ve wished for, or wanted,all along, is right within our reach. Putting an end to something takes some faith, faith in yourself that you’re doing the right thing, and faith that whatever inner voice guides you, or outer voice, that there is a plan for you, that you are being guided to whom, or where, you are meant to be. And once you start to take that direction, all roads start to open up to help you get there. So many times we’re heard saying, “why is this so difficult?” Well, it may be difficult because we’re not mean to be there at all. So the question should be, “if this is so difficult, is there somewhere else I should be?” There may be a reason you’re finding things so difficult, the universe may be trying to tell you something.

An ending is really a chance for a new beginning. And perhaps a place that lets you be you, that lets you shine bright. We have to go through the things that aren’t right for us to find out what is. It’s all just part of our journey, our learning of who we are and what we want, so don’t look at it as a bad thing, look at it as information, and a way to lead you to where you should be, and where you are mean to be. Life is already full of obstacles, why put some extra ones in your own way by hanging on when you should go? Why not look at the end of something as a chance to try something new, you never know, that ending may have been set up just to lead you to the beginning of the life of your dreams…but you won’t know if you stay stuck right where you are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to hang on to situations or relationships even when you know you should move on? If so, why do you do that? Write down a time when you held on when you should have let go. How did that make you feel? Write down a time when you did let go. How did that make you feel? Which felt better? Within your life now, are there people, places and things that you should be letting go of or ending? What are they? Why are you hanging on? What do you think will happen if you let go? Are these feelings or concerns valid, or just fears? What are you afraid of? Are these fears based in fact, or are they tied to old stories and old ideas from your past? Look at your life SLAYER, and look at those things that you should end, end them, and don’t be afraid, when we let go of what we no longer want or need, we let the universe know we’re ready for what we do want and need, and we’re ready to turn an ending into a new beginning.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Feelings are like waves, they come and go, and you get decide which ones to surf.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peace

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you believe you deserve the good, you will find the good, work your way to the good and no longer the feel the bad is a place of comfort.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Better

Give Yourself Space

Too often we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, to not make mistakes or to appear to be something we may not be. What we are, is human. We are fallible. We stumble. Stutter. We make mistakes. We are meant to, that’s how we learn. So it’s important in those moments to give ourselves space between what we did do and what we should have done. To allow ourselves to breathe and pause, to feel what it feels like and to think about what we could do differently the next time, not to give ourselves ample time to beat ourselves up, but to just give ourselves those moments before we rush to negative self-talk and just let ourselves learn, let ourselves learn.

I never gave myself space for anything but perfection before stepping on this path, and if I wasn’t perfect, I was an awful person, less than, undeserving of good things. There was no space to breathe, there was just right or wrong, no middle. I was quick to chastise myself when things went wrong and slow to give myself the credit when I did something right, or had accomplished something I had worked for. When I didn’t reach my expectations I was quick to tear myself down and not believing I truly deserved good things I never allowed myself to celebrate my victories. It was a very unhappy place to live, but my mental illness told me I didn’t deserve any breaks, or moments to learn from, to take a pause from the direction I was heading in and really look at the things I had done. My disease only wanted me to beat myself up for those things, not receive anything positive from them, because it wanted to me stay sick, and, it wanted me to get sicker.

We all deserve a break. We all deserve second chances, maybe even thirds, fourths, fifths, sometimes it takes us many tries to get it right, to feel what it feels like to get it wrong enough that we don’t want to feel that anymore. That’s why it’s important to pause. To let yourself feel and to ask yourself if there was a different path you should have taken. If we don’t do that we’re doomed to keep taking the same path, so take that moment, give that gift to yourself. It may feel strange at first, even uncomfortable, but stay there for a moment, and make it a safe place for yourself. A place you can go to to regroup, to exhale and take away what you need to from what may have happened, or what you’ve just experienced, and, give yourself permission to fail. Let yourself learn, allow yourself to make mistakes without beating yourself up for them. Failing at something can always be looked at a positive thing, as we’ve just learned what not to do the next time so we don’t have to do it again.

Give yourself space. Learn who you are, understand why you do certain things and learn how to do what you do better. None of that happens when we are quick to judge your own actions and then try to bulldoze on to the next thing to run away from the mess you just created. Acknowledge the mess, learn from the mess, and make better decisions to not make those same messes moving forward. Find it within yourself to give yourself that place to love and forgive those things that make us human. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you make a mistake, are you quick to punish yourself? Why do you do that? Is that helping you? Is that hurting you? How? What if you didn’t do that? What if you gave yourself space to make mistakes, to learn and to make better choices next time? What do you think that feels like? How can you make that happen for yourself? How do you think that will help you? Remember SLAYER, no one is perfect, no one gets it right every time, we’re not meant to, what we’re meant to do is make better choices, to listen to our needs and listen to our heart to guide us to where we’re supposed to be, if we don’t pause we’re not learning and we’re not listening. Stop. Pause. Listen. Learn. Now you’re SLAYIN’!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s not what happens to you that determines your future, it’s what you do about it.

New blog goes up on Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Become

This Isn’t Who I Am, But It’s Who I’ve Become In This Moment

I know this feeling all too well. I remember thinking this when things got really dark. When the self-hatred overtook the light that used to burn inside of me. I didn’t like who I was, I didn’t like to look at the person staring back at me in the mirror, and I knew that wasn’t me, but what I’d become. When you’re staring at yourself from that place, the journey back seems impossible, to far to travel, you don’t like where you are, but fear you’ve gone too far the other way to make it back, to return to the you you once where. Or maybe you never knew who you were, or never liked that person either. So the journey then is more about self-discovery, to places you’ve never been, and that alone may paralyze you and keep you right where you are.

But going back to knowing this isn’t who you are. How did you get here? What lead you to this place? And why isn’t this place you? These are questions we need to answer. It’s easy, sometimes, when we make small concessions each day, to slowly lose ourselves, let ourselves slip away to something that may seem easier, or look better, or may be the promise of something new. But when we let who we are slip away, slowly and slowly we lose sight of who we really are, and what we deserve. We start to think we deserve this place, the place we find ourselves in, and we try to convince ourselves we’re OK there, even though we know we’re not. It seems easier to stay than to fight and get out, so we stay, sometimes for many years, sometimes a lifetime. And each time we stay when should go, a little part of us dies there, until one day, maybe we can’t get out, or can’t see the light we used to have inside of us. That is why it’s always important to stay true to who you are, what you desire and what you can take action on. And always take that action when you can. It’s much harder to fight your way back when you’ve gone too far. I was lucky enough to have done that, many years ago, to find that little spark of light inside of me and fight my way back, it took a lot of work, and it took many years, but here I am.

This statement now has a different meaning for me, if I’ve become something else in the moment, and it isn’t who I was, it is now a positive thing. It now means, for me, that I’ve surpassed where I was and have moved on to the next version, the 2.0 version, well, it’s probably more than 2.0 at this point, but you get the idea. That statement can also be used be positive once you’ve started to live as your authentic self and continue to push yourself to grow and expand who you are and the world around you. You know I’m one to always look for the positives in life, and this is an example of just that. I’ve had moments over the past 12 ½ years of being on this journey that have surprised me, I’ve surprised myself in who I am in a moment, because even I didn’t know I was capable of something, or of becoming someone so much bigger than who she was, or even imagined could be in terms of my capacity to love and give back. It’s amazing what you’ll find if you always make sure to stay true to yourself, to stand strong and fight for you.

It’s important to know who we are, otherwise we won’t know when we’ve lost what we’ve had, we may feel off, or different, and that can give us a sign we’re off course, but when we truly know who we are, and know we don’t feel like we are, it’s a sign to get to work and to get back to that place that lets our hearts shine. It’s also, on the flip side, a great marker for when we’ve exceeded who we were to become the beautiful people we are today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a strong sense of who you are? Do you like who you are? Is that who you are today? If not, why not? How do you get back to who you are? How did you get lost? What choices did you make to get yourself there? Or have you noticed the opposite, that because of your choices and hard work that you’ve exceeded surpassed who you were to be who you are today? What changes have you noticed? What do you love about who you are today? What else can you do to keep feeding that journey, that path you’re on to becoming an even better brighter version of yourself? Who are you in this moment? Is that person who truly are? Or do you have work to do to reclaim your true self? Find that place again SLAYER and use that as a launching pad to take you to places you have only imagined. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Slay

Good morning SLAYER! You are the author of your own story, don’t like the story, change the narrative.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Story 2