Too often we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, to not make mistakes or to appear to be something we may not be. What we are, is human. We are fallible. We stumble. Stutter. We make mistakes. We are meant to, that’s how we learn. So it’s important in those moments to give ourselves space between what we did do and what we should have done. To allow ourselves to breathe and pause, to feel what it feels like and to think about what we could do differently the next time, not to give ourselves ample time to beat ourselves up, but to just give ourselves those moments before we rush to negative self-talk and just let ourselves learn, let ourselves learn.
I never gave myself space for anything but perfection before stepping on this path, and if I wasn’t perfect, I was an awful person, less than, undeserving of good things. There was no space to breathe, there was just right or wrong, no middle. I was quick to chastise myself when things went wrong and slow to give myself the credit when I did something right, or had accomplished something I had worked for. When I didn’t reach my expectations I was quick to tear myself down and not believing I truly deserved good things I never allowed myself to celebrate my victories. It was a very unhappy place to live, but my mental illness told me I didn’t deserve any breaks, or moments to learn from, to take a pause from the direction I was heading in and really look at the things I had done. My disease only wanted me to beat myself up for those things, not receive anything positive from them, because it wanted to me stay sick, and, it wanted me to get sicker.
We all deserve a break. We all deserve second chances, maybe even thirds, fourths, fifths, sometimes it takes us many tries to get it right, to feel what it feels like to get it wrong enough that we don’t want to feel that anymore. That’s why it’s important to pause. To let yourself feel and to ask yourself if there was a different path you should have taken. If we don’t do that we’re doomed to keep taking the same path, so take that moment, give that gift to yourself. It may feel strange at first, even uncomfortable, but stay there for a moment, and make it a safe place for yourself. A place you can go to to regroup, to exhale and take away what you need to from what may have happened, or what you’ve just experienced, and, give yourself permission to fail. Let yourself learn, allow yourself to make mistakes without beating yourself up for them. Failing at something can always be looked at a positive thing, as we’ve just learned what not to do the next time so we don’t have to do it again.
Give yourself space. Learn who you are, understand why you do certain things and learn how to do what you do better. None of that happens when we are quick to judge your own actions and then try to bulldoze on to the next thing to run away from the mess you just created. Acknowledge the mess, learn from the mess, and make better decisions to not make those same messes moving forward. Find it within yourself to give yourself that place to love and forgive those things that make us human. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: When you make a mistake, are you quick to punish yourself? Why do you do that? Is that helping you? Is that hurting you? How? What if you didn’t do that? What if you gave yourself space to make mistakes, to learn and to make better choices next time? What do you think that feels like? How can you make that happen for yourself? How do you think that will help you? Remember SLAYER, no one is perfect, no one gets it right every time, we’re not meant to, what we’re meant to do is make better choices, to listen to our needs and listen to our heart to guide us to where we’re supposed to be, if we don’t pause we’re not learning and we’re not listening. Stop. Pause. Listen. Learn. Now you’re SLAYIN’!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you