Love

Slay Talk Live Video

Hello SLAYERS! If you didn’t join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE here’s what you missed, hope you can join us next time. SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Do the work. Be the prize.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happy Ending

Sometimes You Have To Unfollow Your Old Dreams To Chase New Ones

We grow up with hopes and dreams of what we would like our lives to look like. Some change as we grow but some we stick on to, hold onto like a life raft in the ocean. We have put so much time into crafting some dreams, and have worked so hard to lay the groundwork that we may not even see that that dream may not work for us anymore, or is no longer viable. Instead of reassessing our choices, we dig in, trying to make it happen by force. Nothing good happens by force. If something isn’t happening, even after putting in countless attempts and hours into it, you may be following the wrong dream, or have limited yourself for it to only look one way. You may have already found it, but because you are hard set on it being one thing, you don’t see it and you continue to work towards something that is not meant for you. Sometimes you have to unfollow your dreams to chase new ones.

In our lives we’re constantly growing, or we should be, challenging ourselves, doing new things with new people, we’re getting new information, educating ourselves, so it is completely rational that our dreams change over time, as we do. There are definitely big picture dreams that we work to attain, but even those can change as we settle into who we are and what is best for us today. The trick is to recognize those things and not get stuck in the dreams of our past.

Before stepping on this path I thought that things had to look a certain way or I couldn’t be happy. And, with that mindset, I wouldn’t have been happy if they looked any different than how I had imagined them. But those ideas were based on when I was young, and I had an idealized view of what life should look like, or what I wanted it to, so why did I think that those same dreams still hold up today? I had to be open to new things, to new experiences, to letting go of old ideas and dreams so I could be open to what else was out there. I’ve lived a lot of life from when I set those dreams many years ago, and my ideas were fabricated with very limited information compared to what I have now. So why would I want to limit my dreams by using old information?

Well, for one, at the beginning of this journey, I was still scared to let go. I felt that I had to control everything, or at least try, and if I didn’t everything would just fall apart. I had to recognize that everything had fallen apart with me hanging on, so, perhaps that thinking and action wasn’t working in my best interest. It was hard to release the past, to be OK with being open to what is and what could be. I felt like I was floating in an abyss. But while I let myself float, new dreams emerged. I discovered things I had never let myself be open to before, and consequently I learned new things, and that opened up my vision of what my dreams were for myself.

My dreams today have changed, although there are some that have still stayed with me, but I have let go of the parameters I had once set on them, and let them be as they are meant to be, allowing them to look the way they are supposed to, not with some naive childlike rigid guidelines that I used to place on them. Check-in with your dreams, and yourself, and see if those dreams you’ve held on to are actually holding you back. See if you need to unfollow some of your dreams to chase new ones, because you have outgrown them. Let yourself dream in the now, not the way you thought it was supposed to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think you’ve held on to old dreams that no longer serve you, or are no longer valid? Which dreams fall into this category? Why do you think you’ve held on to them? Do you feel that you should let them go? If yes, why? If no, why? Do you think that if you are able to let go of some of your old dreams you might find new ones that are better for you today? Do you place expectations on them to only look a certain way? Do you see how that can get in your way? What if you let go SLAYER, and trusted you are being guided to where you’re supposed to be, what if you were open to new things, do you see how maybe you might receive a set of new dreams, dreams that are more fitting with who you are today? I challenge you SLAYER, to write down your dreams, and make sure that they represent who you are today, if they don’t, unfollow them, and make room for some updated dreams that you can chase, and perhaps, just might make you forget those old dreams altogether.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Ignoring The Facts Doesn’t Make Them Go Away

You can’t pretend the facts don’t exist.
You may ignore them, twist them, or bury them deep—but they don’t vanish.

When we avoid truth—because it’s too painful, too inconvenient, or too scary—we don’t protect ourselves. We injure ourselves.

Truth, no matter how sharp, is the foundation for growth. Without grounding in what is, we drift into fiction, stories, and confusion.

The Temptation to Deny

Feelings are persuasive. Our minds can convince us “this isn’t happening,” “that person didn’t mean it,” or “I’ll worry tomorrow.”

I used to be a master at it. I saw only what I wanted to see to preserve my story. Over time, I blurred the line between fact and fantasy until I couldn’t tell the difference.

But ignoring the truth doesn’t erase it—it delays the consequences. The costs only build: regret, confusion, broken relationships, self-betrayal.

Avoidance is a short-term refuge with long-term bankruptcy.

When Facts Feel Too Heavy to Hold

Sometimes the facts we need to face are terrifying.

  • “This relationship is toxic.”

  • “I’m not being honest with myself.”

  • “I’ve been settling.”

The pull to deny them is real. It’s easier to live in a comfortable lie than wrestle with the weight of truth.

But the irony is this: truth brings liberation. Even when it hurts, it frees you from the prison of your own illusions.

What the Facts Give You

When you embrace reality—even the parts you don’t like—you gain:

  • Clarity. You see what’s actually happening, not what you fear is happening.

  • Authority. You can act from truth, not fear.

  • Power. You no longer cede control to illusions or assumptions.

  • Growth. You move forward with integrity instead of spinning in confusion.

Facts aren’t magic. They don’t always heal instantly. But they give you the platform to heal intentionally.

How to Face the Facts

It takes courage—and consistency. But here’s how you begin:

  1. Ask yourself: What do I know to be true?
    In moments of chaos, pause. What fact can you anchor to—no matter how small?

  2. Stop arguing with evidence.
    When you catch yourself resisting what’s clear, name it: “I’m fighting the facts because I’m scared.”

  3. Document what you see.
    Journaling, voice notes, voice memos—let the truth come out in the light.

  4. Let the facts guide action.
    Knowing something is true isn’t passive. Use it to make decisions, to set boundaries, to course-correct.

  5. Practice radical acceptance.
    Acceptance doesn’t mean liking what is. It means not wasting your energy resisting it. Use your focus for forward motion.

Truth in the Toolbox

I now carry “facts” in my SLAY toolbox—tools I use daily.
They help me discern between inner drama and real problems.
They help me take responsibility where I need it, and release what isn’t mine.
They help me walk confidently in my life, not guided by fear.

Yes, sometimes facts will cut deep. But you’re meant to walk through the fire—not be burned by it.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What facts in your life are you avoiding or denying?

  2. How has ignoring them hurt you—emotionally, mentally, relationally?

  3. What’s one small truth you can own today (even if it feels scary)?

  4. How might your life shift if you stopped arguing with evidence?

  5. What action can you take now based on what is, not what you wish it were?

S – Stop ignoring what you already know
L – Let truth, not fear, be your guide
A – Act from what you see, not what you imagine
Y – Yield to integrity—let your life be shaped by real facts

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one fact you’ve been avoiding—and how could facing it change your life?
Share your reflection in the comments. Let’s grow together in honesty.

And if you know someone who’s trapped by denial or stories, send this to them.
Sometimes, truth is the first arrow we need to slay illusions.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! One of the most sincerest forms of love and respect is listening to what another has to say.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Listens

Listening Is Loving

Everyone wants to be heard. One of the greatest gifts we can give someone is to listen to them. Listening to someone is an act of love. And practicing that gift is also a gift to yourself.

It was a gift I had to learn. Before this journey I, many times, wouldn’t listen, not truly, I had already made up my mind, or thought I was smarter than you, or, just didn’t care because you weren’t useful to me, as ugly as sounds, that was the truth. I wasn’t going to sit and listen to someone and not get something in return. With that mindset, I’m sure I missed many opportunities to learn something or to form a closer bond with someone already in my life. It’s giving someone the utmost respect, to listen, you’re saying that their opinion, or feelings, or situation, matters, and sometimes all someone wants to hear is that you’re willing to listen.

The act of listening takes patience, probably one of the main reasons I was so horrible at listening years ago, I was as impatient as they get, listening allows the other person to step into the spotlight, to have their moment to share, without interruptions, see, that’s the key component to listening, you don’t interrupt, or bud in while the other person is still speaking, so it trains us, to be patient, while we listen. It shows a great deal of humility to set aside our own wants and needs for a moment to let someone else express theirs. It allows the other person to step into the spotlight, to give them the moment to take center stage and talk about what is going on for them. And, hopefully they will return the gesture and give you the same gift. In fact, that is something I pay attention to, it’s great to be there for others and listen to them, but they should also ask what’s going on for you, and listen to you if you need to share. One-sided relationships, with only one person ever listening, is not a healthy relationship, I’ve talked about this in the past with the blog, Emotional Vampires: They’ve Come To Suck Your Life. Listening should always be a two-way street.

It also sets that standard for your relationships, it connects you to others, and if you let it, helps you learn from what is shared and possibly apply that new information to your own life. Yeah, there is always a reason why someone asks us to listen, or we’re drawn to ask someone to share with us, we may not know why at the time, but, the reason usually reveals itself.

So how is listening a loving act? It shows you care, that you’re interested, and that you are willing to set your own problems or issues aside for a moment to listen to theirs, because, you care. It costs nothing, but your time, and it could be priceless for someone else to have you as a sounding board and have your attention for a time. It’s also loving to yourself because you are honoring a friendship and the principles you stand for by giving your time to someone else while they share with you. It helps with your self-esteem, with your compassion for others, and with as I mentioned, building your patience.

Never under-estimate the power listening to someone, it is a gift that not only is given to the other person, but to you as well. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a difficult time sitting and listening to someone else? Why? Do you enjoy it when someone takes the time to listen to you? Why do you enjoy that? So, using the reasons that you enjoy being listened to, can you apply those to the other people in your life and understand why they would appreciate being listened to as well? When you have listened to people in the past, how did that make you feel? What new information did you learn? And, how, if any, many ways were you able to apply that to your own life? Do you see how listening to someone is a loving act? Why do you think you struggle with it? I challenge you SLAYER, to call someone this week and instead of talking about your life, ask them how they are and what’s going on, and as the they do, stay quiet, and listen, you may just learn something new.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

You Are Not Entitled To Be Happy

Yeah, I bet that got your attention. It is up to each and every one of us to find our happy. Within every circumstance. Being happy is a choice. It’s about being open to new things, different things than the things we thought were going to make us happy. It’s about releasing the constraints of what you think you need to be happy, to let happy happen even when it doesn’t look exactly how you think it should, or needs to be.

I’ve heard people around me say, many times, “well, I did all of these good things for myself, cleaned up my life, played by the rules, and I still didn’t get what I wanted,” and I always say, “you’ve gotten what you’re supposed to have gotten, when you’re supposed to have gotten it.” Sometimes The Universe, God, whatever your belief is, saves us from ourselves, because what we think we want, isn’t what is good for us, or best for us, or, we’re just not ready for it. I always try to look at opportunities I thought I missed out on as exactly that. Things I wasn’t meant to have, or may not have been in the right place for, even though I thought I should be there or get those things. It’s about trusting you are where you’re supposed to be, and knowing that, life hasn’t forgotten about you, if you feel stuck, that’s a time to ask yourself how you can move forward, or if there is something you are doing that’s keeping you stuck, how can you contribute to yourself moving in the direction of what you want, of, well, happy. I mean, we should be finding happy exactly where we are, but it’s also OK to want to keep going, to get to the next step or level in our lives to a place, or places, we’ve always wanted to go. Just don’t forget to appreciate where you are right now, and what you’ve overcome to get there. Don’t get so caught up in the future that you can’t appreciate the now. The now is important, and it’s important to find happy in the now.

We, as human beings, only know a little, we can only see what’s in front of us, and where we’ve been, but we only have our own perspective, we can’t see the bigger picture, how our lives fit into the overall tapestry of lives all around us, and even beyond, because we are all connected in many ways, and everything we do, as it does with others, affects those around us and far beyond, beyond we even realize, or could ever know. Each decision we make, each action, has a ripple effect, and it keeps rippling out, maybe for a lifetime. I know myself that, there are many people who have affected my life and their actions still are active in my life today, even though it may have been many many years since that interaction. Trust, that the people who are and are coming into your life are meant to be there for a reason, some for a long time, and some for a short period, but no one comes in without a reason, good, bad, it’s all about learning, loving, and well, finding our way to happy, even in the moment.

My favorite word that is used to define happy is buoyant, which means able to stay afloat or rise to the top. That describes my happy. When I think back to the unhappy time in my life, the years and years of unhappy, I was sinking, I was not afloat, it took me shedding the pain, shame, and anger of my past to learn to float, and today I float at the top, and I am happy.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you get angry that you are not happy? Do you feel like life owes you happiness? Why? Why do you think you can’t find happiness? Have you ever felt happy? When was that? Why were you happy? How do you think you lost it? How do you think you can get it back? Do you trust that you are where you’re supposed to be? If you are not happy in that place, is there something you can do to get yourself out that you are not doing? Why haven’t you done it? Do it SLAYER, find your happy, and if you are getting in the way of your own happiness, let it go, go get your happy, it’s worth the work, because you deserve to be happy. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Demonstrate love by giving it unconditionally, to yourself. As you do you will attract others into your life who will also love you without conditions.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Owe Yourself

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never walk away from the one who truly matters, you.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay In Love

Don’t Abandon Yourself

Before stepping on this path I abandoned myself every day. I did it for years. I stopped caring about myself and let my toxic thoughts run my life. It was like I just left the front door open and was daring someone to come in and take everything that was left because I placed no value on what I had to offer. It was a pretty awful way to live, if you could call it living. I was just the shell of a person going through the motions of life, doing what I could to seem normal on the outside, while I was dying on the inside. Until one night, just one random night, when I found myself at the darkest place you can get to, I got really scared, and I finally asked for help. I didn’t realize until I started to get better that I had abandoned myself years before, I had given up, not thought I was worthy, and just left myself there with nothing to defend myself. Looking back it makes me sad to think I did that, because now I am so fiercely protective of who I am and what I stand for, but I did, and I’m not the only one. Why do we abandon ourselves, the one person we should be there for, show up for, and support through thick and thin, why do we walk away from the one person who should mean the most?

For me it started when I began to believe that I wasn’t worthy of the good. That I was less than. That I was weird and awkward, and if you got to know the real me you wouldn’t like me. That’s where it started, and that thinking took me down a very dark path. Because I didn’t believe in myself, I started to do things that I wasn’t proud of, keeping those things a secret, hiding them, and me, from the people who loved and cared about me, which perpetuated my narrative of me being someone who didn’t deserve good things. That lead me to thinking I was a bad person, which led to worse behavior, self-destructive behavior, which brought me down even darker paths, and so on, until I had gotten myself to a place so dark and so alone that even I didn’t want to be there with myself.

We are the only ones who can fight for us. Sure, people can stand up for us, but if we don’t believe we deserve it, or can attain it, it doesn’t do us much good to have a cheering section when we don’t believe should be cheered for. We have to cheer for ourselves, believe in ourselves and fight for ourselves. No matter what anyone says or does, if we don’t believe what is being said it will fall on deaf ears, it will do us no good, because no one else can do the work for us. Now, I certainly have learned to love myself because others loved me first, they showed I was lovable and worthy of love, but I had to find my own self-love or I wouldn’t still be here, I had to find that flame inside of myself and had to learn to fan it so it could grow bigger. I had to show up for myself. I did that by telling people my truth, by getting help, by finding a group of people who were also fighting the same fight I was, I had to be open to try new things, and I had to try to stand up for my well-being and mental health. It wasn’t easy at first, and I had a lot of help in the beginning, but each time I did I gained more self-esteem, more self-worth and more self-love. Each time I was able to show up for myself my flame got brighter, and as it did I got a lot more protective of it because I had fought to get it to burn bright after living in the darkness so long.

No one is worth fighting for more than you are. It is up to you to stand by who you are and for yourself, to encourage, to love, to be proud of your true self. Don’t walk away from the most important human being there is, you, you are worth fighting for. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there times you feel you abandoned yourself? When? Why? Would you choose today to take different actions? What are they? Why do you think you abandoned yourself? Where did that thinking come from? Is that information true today? Was it ever true? How are you different from the person who abandoned themselves? How are you the same? Do you still struggle with this? Why do you think you do? Write down 5 reasons that you should fight for you. Look at those reasons at times when you feel you are backing down, when you are not standing up for who you are and fighting for what you believe. No one has the power that you do to support, love, and give strength to yourself, even if it’s just a small gesture, do something today to show yourself that you have not abandoned yourself. Show yourself some love SLAYER.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you