Don’t Abandon Yourself

Before stepping on this path I abandoned myself every day. I did it for years. I stopped caring about myself and let my toxic thoughts run my life. It was like I just left the front door open and was daring someone to come in and take everything that was left because I placed no value on what I had to offer. It was a pretty awful way to live, if you could call it living. I was just the shell of a person going through the motions of life, doing what I could to seem normal on the outside, while I was dying on the inside. Until one night, just one random night, when I found myself at the darkest place you can get to, I got really scared, and I finally asked for help. I didn’t realize until I started to get better that I had abandoned myself years before, I had given up, not thought I was worthy, and just left myself there with nothing to defend myself. Looking back it makes me sad to think I did that, because now I am so fiercely protective of who I am and what I stand for, but I did, and I’m not the only one. Why do we abandon ourselves, the one person we should be there for, show up for, and support through thick and thin, why do we walk away from the one person who should mean the most?

For me it started when I began to believe that I wasn’t worthy of the good. That I was less than. That I was weird and awkward, and if you got to know the real me you wouldn’t like me. That’s where it started, and that thinking took me down a very dark path. Because I didn’t believe in myself, I started to do things that I wasn’t proud of, keeping those things a secret, hiding them, and me, from the people who loved and cared about me, which perpetuated my narrative of me being someone who didn’t deserve good things. That lead me to thinking I was a bad person, which led to worse behavior, self-destructive behavior, which brought me down even darker paths, and so on, until I had gotten myself to a place so dark and so alone that even I didn’t want to be there with myself.

We are the only ones who can fight for us. Sure, people can stand up for us, but if we don’t believe we deserve it, or can attain it, it doesn’t do us much good to have a cheering section when we don’t believe should be cheered for. We have to cheer for ourselves, believe in ourselves and fight for ourselves. No matter what anyone says or does, if we don’t believe what is being said it will fall on deaf ears, it will do us no good, because no one else can do the work for us. Now, I certainly have learned to love myself because others loved me first, they showed I was lovable and worthy of love, but I had to find my own self-love or I wouldn’t still be here, I had to find that flame inside of myself and had to learn to fan it so it could grow bigger. I had to show up for myself. I did that by telling people my truth, by getting help, by finding a group of people who were also fighting the same fight I was, I had to be open to try new things, and I had to try to stand up for my well-being and mental health. It wasn’t easy at first, and I had a lot of help in the beginning, but each time I did I gained more self-esteem, more self-worth and more self-love. Each time I was able to show up for myself my flame got brighter, and as it did I got a lot more protective of it because I had fought to get it to burn bright after living in the darkness so long.

No one is worth fighting for more than you are. It is up to you to stand by who you are and for yourself, to encourage, to love, to be proud of your true self. Don’t walk away from the most important human being there is, you, you are worth fighting for. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there times you feel you abandoned yourself? When? Why? Would you choose today to take different actions? What are they? Why do you think you abandoned yourself? Where did that thinking come from? Is that information true today? Was it ever true? How are you different from the person who abandoned themselves? How are you the same? Do you still struggle with this? Why do you think you do? Write down 5 reasons that you should fight for you. Look at those reasons at times when you feel you are backing down, when you are not standing up for who you are and fighting for what you believe. No one has the power that you do to support, love, and give strength to yourself, even if it’s just a small gesture, do something today to show yourself that you have not abandoned yourself. Show yourself some love SLAYER.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

2 thoughts on “Don’t Abandon Yourself

  1. “We are the only ones who can fight for us. Sure, people can stand up for us, but if we don’t believe we deserve it, or can attain it, it doesn’t do us much good to have a cheering section when we don’t believe should be cheered for.”

    Family and friends have observed that I lack little faith or belief in my capabilities. I don’t know what really to say to that other than I don’t believe in myself truly. I think it’s because I felt that my worth was tied to how others perceived me and how I made others feel. I want to be the kind of person who is trustworthy, dependable, empathetic and compassionate. I certainly match those inner values to the external actions myself and others take. I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe in myself of doing well and succeeding. I was listening to Brene Brown and the number one fear most people have is being afraid of joy when it comes. To be present and be thankful. I am taking a moment to be grateful for those who do love and believe me despite myself. Now to work on getting me to believe in me too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For me it was about finding self-love. That seemed like an impossible task when it was posed to me, at that time I wouldn’t even look at myself in the mirror when I brushed my teeth because I hated myself so much. It took time, and a lot of work. It was a combination of many things, one of which was therapy, it was me making a list of how I thought I had failed myself, and working to forgive myself for those things, it was practicing loving acts, for myself, and others, by giving without expecting anything in return, it was about letting go of the past and working to be my best self today.

      Today I do believe in myself, I trust myself and love myself. It is possible. Sometimes it’s easier to back into self-love by letting in the love that is around us, by letting people love us before we love ourselves.

      Work on it everyday, and always remember to be kind to yourself during this process, it takes time to change the way we have always lived, we will fall back, allow yourself to learn from that and love yourself through that.

      I love you and believe in you, and I know many others do as well. Think of who you are when you have that great big smile on your face, think of who that woman is and what makes her smile, and, love and believe in that woman, she is worth fighting for.

      SLAY on!

      Like

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