Good morning SLAYER! When somebody hurts you try to understand the situation instead of just trying to hurt them back.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
growth
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Impress people with the things you are, not the things you have.
SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The most dangerous thinking is, I’ve always done it this way.
SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You may have no idea just how much you already have. Count your blessings today.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The most important person to keep promises to is yourself, promise to be true to who you are, what you want and where you should be.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
W.A.I.T. – Why Am I Talking?
I was with a group of people yesterday and we were talking about how the greatest gift, or way of being of service to someone, is to listen. Many times that’s all anyone wants, to be heard, and yet, too many times we chime in with our opinion or experience before they’ve had a chance to finish. One of the people in our group had said that he used to have that problem, of interrupting before someone was done, but he uses the acronym W.A.I.T! Now, before he speaks up he asks himself why he’s talking, if it’s important to interrupt what’s being said, is it adding to the conversation, is it useful, it’s helping the other person or people in the group, and is it the truth, or, is it his ego speaking for him to look superior to the group or in front of that person. I smiled. I used to be guilty of interrupting, especially when I knew I was wrong. I figured if I didn’t give the other person time to finish and finished it for them I would appear to have all the answers and already knew what they were going to say, or, that I knew better, so to save time they should just listen to me and stop talking. The truth is, I had a lot to learn by staying quiet and listen…and still do, we all do.
When we allow someone to finish what they’re saying, and may need to say, we are showing them respect, a respect we all deserve, and by pausing and listening to them we may also learn some new information, what we’re also saying by not saying anything is that we are still teachable and open to new ideas, something that is imperative for our continued growth, intellectually and spiritually. By pausing it also allows us to do a quick spot check, in terms of what we’re wanting to say, to ask ourselves why we feel we need to say it, and if it’s something that will move the conversation forward, or are we speaking up for different reasons that only serve us? Or, are we responding out of fear, anger, or jealously? Again, if we take a moment to pause and get in touch with our intentions for wanting to speak up, or respond, it gives us that moment to let those immediate emotions calm down so we can make a better decision about what and if we’re going to respond.
When I started on this path I had to basically throw out most of what I knew. I had to start from scratch. And I had to question my motives and instincts always at the start. My reactions to things were almost always fear based, so I was often quick to respond and jump in, many times regretting what I said and did later. I too, was told to W.A.I.T. and it was that pause that helped me not to hurt others by stepping all over their conversation and trying to sound smarter and better than they were. I also learned how important it was to be heard. I had a lot of questions, feelings and emotions at the start of this journey, many I had trouble making sense of, and if someone took the time to sit to listen to me, even when it didn’t make much sense, it meant so much to me, and most times, even just by saying it out loud, even without a response, I would figure out the issue, but also, many times, it allowed someone else who had been where I was to share their experience with me and offer some suggestions. Those exchanges helped me heal, and I learned a lot from them, not only by finding answers to my questions, but also it taught me how to be a good listener myself.
Everyone wants and deserves to be heard, make sure you’re not taking that moment away from someone who really needs it to feed our own ego. You might just learn something yourself by pausing and making yourself W.AI.T. and asking yourself, why am I talking? SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let others speak or are you always quick to chime in? Why do you think you do that? When you think about not doing that, what comes up? What do you feel? Where do you think that need comes from? What can you do to change it? When someone takes the time to listen to you, how does that make you feel? What do you think you can learn by pausing and not immediately jumping in a conversation? Try to pause SLAYER, and W.A.I.T., ask yourself, why am I talking? If it’s not adding something positive to the conversation, then maybe just listen and see what you can learn.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Celebrate who you are and what you’ve been through, it’s prepared you for where you are right now…and, what’s to come.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Yay! Congratulate Yourself, Especially For The Tough Sh*t
We recently got a puppy and are in the throes of house-training. We’ve had some hits, and some misses. A lot of misses. So when we get a hit, there’s a lot of celebration in the house. There’s always an immediate YAY and a lot of congratulations, and those celebrations aren’t just reserved for the wins at home, they can happen anywhere, and do. We laugh sometimes because, now, without even thinking about it, when our puppy does something good, we burst into yays, no matter where we are. And not only does she get excited, but it makes us laugh as well. It got me thinking today, in mid-yay, that we should cheer ourselves on just as much, maybe even throw out a verbal YAY when we do something great or something new. We all deserve some yays in our lives and some celebration.
Before walking this path, there very few yays in my life. What there was a lot of was negative self-talk. I was constantly telling myself I was stupid or had done something wrong, or even if something went well, I told myself I should have done it better. Nothing was ever good enough, and as a result I dug myself deeper and deeper into a depression. I didn’t feel worthy of praise. I was ashamed at how I was living my life, the things I was doing and if someone did praise me for something I thought they were lying, or they wanted something from me, I never trusted it, but I also didn’t trust myself. I never gave myself any leeway to learn and grow, I expected myself to get it perfect right way, and when I didn’t, that kicked up right away which kept me in the dark.
The key to getting myself out of that cycle was learning self-love. A tall order at the start, but essential for my recovery, and, my survival. That negative self-talk had gotten so strong it was the only voice I was listening to, and I believed it when it said that I was never going to be good enough and everyone would be better off without me here. Learning that I was enough, that we all are works in progress, and that we learn the most from the things that don’t do our way, or, let me say it, failures, but, really, they’re not really failures because that’s where the most growth happens. In fact, in those failed attempts lies the most yays, in fact, walking through those failures and learning from them should be the loudest yays, and maybe even a little dance or hand clap. It’s most important to congratulate ourselves especially in the sh*t, we should make a point of it, in fact, I challenge you, next time, during one of those times to stand up and let out a loud YAY, because even though it may not feel like a victory in that moment, it truly is, and you’ll know why on the other side of it, so why not get the celebration started early?
We walk through a lot in our lives, and we’ve all been through some really tough things, but how often do you congratulate yourself for walking through those, and, making better choices today as a result? You may just owe yourself some yays for that. As I watch my puppy grow and learn, I realize that we are all still doing the same, we may be further along the path as someone just starting their life, but life is always teaching us new things, if we let it, so congratulate yourself as you learn each new thing. SL-YAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate who you are and what you’ve accomplished? If not, why not? What stops you? Write down an example of something you walked through that was difficult. Do you appreciate yourself for getting through that? Do you see how you learned from that experience? Do you see that perhaps you were meant to go through it to take away some valuable lessons and information? What did you take away from that experience that you use in your life today? When something goes well, or you accomplish a goal or project, do you congratulate yourself? If not, why not? If yes, how do you celebrate? Celebrate yourself everyday SLAYER, even just for getting out of bed today, hey, that’s an accomplishment in itself, and then, find as many yays in day as you can, maybe even say them out loud for some extra self-love.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! There is no failure, only learning experiences.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
If You’re Strong Enough To Destroy Something, You’re Strong Enough To Repair It
There was a time when I believed strength meant walking away.
Ending things.
Burning it all down before anyone could get too close.
And I had a lot of strength.
But I didn’t always use it for good.
Especially toward the end of certain chapters in my life, I used my strength to destroy:
Relationships. Opportunities. Myself.
Sometimes intentionally.
Other times, impulsively.
But almost always out of fear.
Fear of being exposed.
Fear of being seen as damaged.
Fear of being me.
So I built walls. I pushed people out. I burned bridges and convinced myself I didn’t have the strength to fix any of it.
But that wasn’t true.
What I didn’t have was the humility to try.
I had the strength all along. I just didn’t yet understand what real strength looked like.
Because real strength doesn’t lie in the destruction.
It lives in the repair.
It’s easy to tear something down.
It’s much harder to own your part and build something better in its place.
But that’s where we grow.
That’s where healing happens.
When I began to get better, I slowly learned how to channel that strength in a new direction.
One that looked more like forgiveness.
Like compassion.
Like showing up for myself and the people I loved.
I stopped using my strength to protect the wound and started using it to heal.
Here’s what else I learned:
That voice in your head—the one that says you’re “stronger alone” or that you’re “cutting off what doesn’t serve you”—sometimes it’s not wisdom.
Sometimes it’s fear talking.
Sometimes it’s pain pretending to be power.
There’s a difference between walking away to honor yourself and walking away to avoid yourself.
I’ve done both.
I’ve ended relationships and convinced myself I was doing the strong thing… when really, I was just afraid to look at the part I played in their breakdown.
It’s easier to point the finger.
It’s harder to say, “I chose this dynamic.”
“I allowed this behavior.”
“I contributed to the pain.”
But that’s the work.
That’s the kind of strength that transforms everything.
And here’s the beautiful part:
The more we practice using our strength to build, the more of it we gain.
Just like self-esteem comes from estimable acts, our inner strength multiplies when we use it for repair, growth, and truth.
We become stronger when we’re brave enough to face ourselves.
To say the hard thing.
To make the amends.
To walk toward the mess instead of away from it.
Because if you’re strong enough to destroy something…
You’re strong enough to repair it.
SLAY Reflection
S – SHOW UP: Are you using your strength to avoid, escape, or destroy? Or to face, heal, and rebuild?
L – LEARN: What’s one moment where your strength showed up in a way that surprised you?
A – ACCEPT: Can you accept that real strength might look like softness, honesty, or vulnerability?
Y – YOU MATTER: What’s something broken that you still have the power to repair?
BONUS: What could change if you used your strength for good—starting today?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever used your strength to heal something you once damaged?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s struggling with what it means to be strong, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
