Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Embrace Your Flaws

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There are two kinds of days: good days, and character builders.

SLAY on!

Chapter 20

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Balance is the key to everything. What we think, do, say, eat, feel, they require awareness, and through this awareness we can grow.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Who You Are

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fear the boredom that comes with not learning and taking chances.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay True Self

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Decisions become easier when you no longer aim to please the world.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Hold You Back

Time Takes Time

We often hear when we’re going through a difficult time, to give it time. And many times, my thought has been, well, how much time!? When is this going to feel better? And the answer is, when it’s time. I know that time does some amazing things. It can heal. It can give us perspective. It can give us strength, love, and it can give us what we need to move on, or start over. Time, as it turns out, is the answer to a lot of things, but it takes time to get time.

When I was new in my journey time was all I thought about. I could see others who had started before me, who had more time, and I wanted to be there, to jump ahead to that time, and already feel better, or feel how I thought those people were feeling, but since I had already gotten myself to an emotional and spiritual bottom by not wanting or allowing myself to feel my feelings, I was told I needed to learn to feel them right where I was, and that takes, you guessed it, time. I also had to accept that my time wasn’t anyone else’s time. We all heal, grow, learn on our own time, and it wasn’t my place to judge others time, nor was it there’s to judge mine, and I had to abide by that same rule with myself, I could not judge my own time, only live each moment to the best of my ability.

Time can seem infinite, daunting and empty, especially when we’re waiting to have it, so for me, on those days when I wanted to jump ahead, I had to focus on what was in front of me, do what was in front of my hands and take it moment by moment, minute by minute so I could keep moving forward with time, even if it was slower than I would have liked, but the key to being present for each moment of time was that I was actually living each moment, no matter how uncomfortable it was, I was there, feeling it and learning to make better choices for myself. And when I focused on each moment, I was able to start looking at larger increments of time, minutes, to hours, to days to months, to years. Each moment of time has added up to almost 14 years now, and yet still, like today, I sometimes have to dial it back to just this moment and keep it simple for myself so I don’t run away from time.

With time I do have the privilege to look back at my journey, so see how far I’ve come, and to notice what I still struggle with. Time shows me my patterns, my highs and my lows, and as it shows me that it also let’s me see that all of it, the good and bad, passes, because time never stops moving, even if we get stuck in it, stuck somewhere, time doesn’t stop, it moves past us until we catch up. Time is a blessing that way, it walks with us, and shows us our past, and it offers us the hope of the future, but that hope isn’t an invite to get ahead of it, just some light to look for as we keep moving forward in time.

We all love time when it’s working in our favor, the trick is to realize that it may always be, even when it’s adding stress or moving too slowly, there’s always a reason for time moving just as it is, and even when it doesn’t seem so, it may always be on our side, even when it seems like it’s working against us. Time, like everything in life, is going to tick along at it’s own pace, so why not learn to dance in it’s rhythm and trust that it’s moving at just the right speed to allow us to get what we need out of our time each day. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make the most of your time? Do you live in the moment or do you find yourself looking into your past or surfing into the future? Why do you think you do that? What stops you from living in the moment? What are you afraid of? Why are you not comfortable just where you are? What can you do in this moment to accept where you are? There is nothing we can do to slow down or speed up time, so why not appreciate it and learn to make the most out of the time we have.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Space is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in times of upheaval or confusion, or, just to breathe.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Permission To Pause

The Negative Space

I was in a conversation someone who works in design the other day and she was talking about the beauty of negative space. It made me think, that yes, there is beauty in not having to fit everything in, in order or right in line with the next. There is something very beautiful with space between things, not only aesthetically but in life as well.

Before walking this path I was constantly trying to control everything. What I didn’t realize until I was in recovery was that my need for control was a result of me feeling out of control of my life and the world around me, so, I would dig in and hold tight trying to do the impossible, control the uncontrollable. Negative space, any space or gaps, made me nervous, I always wanted everything to line up and to be perfect. Well, I don’t know about your life, but mine, no matter how much I tried to force it, never quite lined up that way, not for long anyway, and when it didn’t, I thought I had failed. The insanity for me was continuing time and time again, day in and day out, to line everything up, and each day finding it didn’t. I never left room for any negative space, or anything I couldn’t see or label. Learning to leave that negative space caused me anxiety at first. Things felt unfinished, or undone, two things I never let happen while I was living in the dark, I always had to see everything to it’s conclusion and have it neatly tied up at the end, even if it was harmful to me. I had to change my thinking and my perspective to focus on my own self-care, and that had to take precedent over trying to finish something or lining everything up neatly so it looked pretty but may have damaged my heart and soul. I challenged myself to leave some space, or not finish something if it didn’t feel right or wasn’t in line with my new way of life. It was difficult to walk away at first, but I found my power in it, if I had made that choice there was a good reason, and that reason was me. I had to put myself at the top of any list and make sure whatever it was I was engaging in was feeding me with positivity, or teaching me something I needed to know or experience. I began to look at that negative space as self-love, of giving myself space to breathe, to let go and to allow for the possibility of the unknown, and as I did, my anxiety started to dissipate and retreat. I know today that the only control I have in my life is my reaction to what is around me and my intentions, that is all, and when I feel the need to try to control I can change that need to being of service to others, to finding a way, or ways, to make someone else’s day brighter or let them know they are loved and appreciated, when I focus on that intention, my need to control goes away, and I am no longer stuck in my head trying to run the show. Today I can find peace in the negative space because it’s where I can exhale and find some room to move, to investigate and to be open to new things. I have made that space a positive space.

We all have the ability to give ourselves some space, to leave some room in between those people, places and things we deem important or essential in our lives, and when we do, we open the door for new thoughts, new experiences and new ways of life, letting go of the patterns we may have been in that no longer suit us, or perhaps, never did. Learning to enjoy the negative space in our lives allows us to be gentler to ourselves, it always us room to learn and make mistakes, it gives us permission to be human and flawed, and it allows us to laugh where we may have beat ourselves up in the past. Find the negative space in your life, and look for some that you can expand and give yourself more room to grow. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow for any negative space in your life or do you keep things tight and lined up? If you don’t allow for any negative space, why is that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? Does it frighten you? Why is that? What if you tried SLAYER, to ease off the control of our life and let there be some room for some negative space in your life, some room to let go and breathe. The answers you seek may just be in that space you so desperately try to avoid.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Don’t let anyone who doesn’t know your worth set it’s value.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Worth Discounts

Know Your Worth

Before walking this path, I didn’t know my worth, in fact, I didn’t think I had any. Even when I found success, or was complimented, I didn’t believe I was worthy of it, and many times, I thought if someone was praising me for a job well done that they were lying and had ulterior motives. I never thought I was good enough or worthy of what I wanted, yet I was in fear of never getting those same things, or loosing the ones I had. It was a horrible place to live, and yet I lived there for most of my life. And ultimately, I almost didn’t believe my life was worth saving, but that little part of me that did, fought like hell to survive.

When I set out on a path of self-love and recovery, I had to hold on to the part of me that believed I was worth the work. When the road got tough, it was that part of me that got me through, that wouldn’t let me give up and dug it’s heels in and kept me moving forward, even if the steps were slow and small. Each time I moved forward I gained a little more self-worth, the act itself of pushing through and not giving up was building my belief that I was worth the fight, and I was, and still am. My self-worth also grew as I was able to be of service to other people, something I thought I didn’t have much to give but realized that even at the beginning of my journey, I still had a lot to offer someone who had just started, sometimes more than those who were much farther along, because it was easier for someone just starting to relate to me, still new, and still learning as I went. Those acts of kindness and compassion continued to expand my self-worth. And as I got further down the path I realized how important it was to protect my self-worth and what my worth really was. There are those who try to take advantage, or work out a deal that is really in their favor, stripping our worth in the process, and if we ourselves are unclear of our worth, or don’t think we have any, we will fall victim to those people time and time again. It is important to stand up, when something isn’t right, and say so, knowing and owning your worth. For me, self-love played a big hand in me realizing my worth, because if I was loving myself, and participating in acts that were loving to myself, I wasn’t going to tolerate someone else not honoring my worth, and, I certainly wasn’t going to participate in any acts that would diminish or dishonor anyone else’s.

We all have worth, and we all deserve to be treated with worth, and, we all should acknowledge others people’s worth. When we know our own worth we stop putting ourselves in harms way, we stop inviting people into our lives who disrespect us and start to contribute and look for loving acts in our lives, each of those acts builds more worth. We all have value, we all have worth, and it’s important to find ours and own it as we navigate through our journey and to see where that path with take us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you know your worth? If yes, how. If not, why not? Have you already known your worth, or have you discovered it along the way? If you don’t know your worth, why do you think you don’t have any or much? Did you ever feel you had it and lost it? If so, what happened? Finding your worth is an integral part to having healthy relationships in your life, respectful business or working interactions and the fuel you need to propel you forward to where you want and should go. Write out all of what gives you worth, and if you have trouble thinking of them, ask a trusted friend, sometimes we can see our worth through someone else’s eyes, but what’s most important is, finding it, and owning it, that’s when positive changes begin to happen.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you