encouragement

Smize, It Might Just Change Your Life

For most of my adult life, I believed that strength meant hiding my feelings. But during these times, when our faces are hidden behind masks, I’ve realized just how much we rely on simple gestures to connect. I used to share smiles freely, but now, I’ve had to get creative.

It reminded me of Tyra Banks and her famous “smize”—smiling with your eyes. I chuckled, thinking how those skills could come in handy today. While it might seem silly, that little spark of connection through our eyes can make a big difference, especially when we feel disconnected from one another.

Small Gestures, Big Impact
I’ve always believed in the power of simple acts—saying thank you, sharing a smile, letting someone know they’re seen. But with masks and distancing, it takes extra effort. And that effort makes it even more meaningful.

Now, I find myself waving, giving a thumbs-up, or sharing a kind word. These small acts might seem insignificant, but they create a ripple effect of compassion. When we step out of our own discomfort to connect with others, it not only lifts their spirits but ours too.

From Isolation to Connection
When I was living in the dark, I wanted to hide from the world. I didn’t want anyone to see my pain. I avoided interaction, kept my head down, and hurried through my days. But on my path to healing, I was encouraged to do the opposite—to look up, to smile, to reach out.

At first, it felt forced and uncomfortable. My anxiety spiked. I thought I had nothing to offer. But I was told to “act as if” I believed I did. And slowly, as I made the effort to smile, to thank someone, to ask how their day was, something shifted. People responded with warmth and gratitude. I began to feel connected, and my anxiety eased.

A Simple Connection Matters
The truth is, we don’t always know what others are going through. A smile, a kind word, or even a “smize” might be the only positive interaction someone has that day. It might be the thing that lifts their spirits or reminds them they’re not alone.

Especially now, when the world feels uncertain and heavy, these small acts of kindness carry weight. They remind us that we’re in this together. Even a simple acknowledgment—a wave, a nod, a smile through the eyes—can be a beacon of light in someone’s day.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you go out of your way to let people know they matter while you’re out?

  • How do you do that?

  • What can you do to do more?

  • How have people done that with you? Have you appreciated it?

  • How did that make you feel?

  • What can you do today to let someone know they matter?

  • How is that different than how you would usually do it?

We all have the power to make someone’s day brighter. And by doing so, we make our own days a little brighter too. Smize on, SLAYER.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small act of kindness you’ll try today to brighten someone’s day?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s inspire each other with simple ways to stay connected.

And if you know someone who needs a little light today, send this to them.
Sometimes, a simple gesture reminds us we’re not alone.

You Don’t Have To Be A Bully To Win

Choosing Strength Without Losing Yourself

There’s a moment many of us can point to — where we made ourselves smaller so someone else could feel bigger. Where we let a louder voice drown out our quieter truth. Where we convinced ourselves that the only way to keep peace, keep harmony, keep connection… was to let someone else take the spotlight or the power.

I’ve been there more times than I can count.

And for a long stretch of my life, I believed a dangerous lie:
That the only way to win was to push, dominate, or overpower.
That the world rewarded sharp edges, not steady hearts.
That kindness was weakness, and compassion was a liability.

Except… every time I tried to step into that version of “strength,” I felt like I was abandoning myself. Winning didn’t feel like winning if I had to step out of integrity to get there. It felt hollow. It felt false. It felt like I was playing a role someone else demanded of me.

It took years to understand what I know now:

The loudest person in the room isn’t the strongest — just the loudest.
Real power doesn’t need to humiliate anyone to stand tall.
And you never have to be a bully to win.

The Myth of “Hardness” as Power

So many of us grew up observing people who led with fear, not respect. Maybe it was in our home, our school, our workplace, or even our friendships. People who believed intimidation equaled leadership. People who measured their worth through dominance. People who confused cruelty with competence.

Maybe those were the people who seemed to get rewarded. They got attention. They got results. They got their way.

And somewhere along the line, we internalized the belief that:

  • If we wanted to succeed, we had to be more like them.

  • If we stayed soft, we’d get run over.

  • If we stayed compassionate, we’d get crushed.

But here’s the truth we weren’t taught:

Strength without empathy is insecurity.
Confidence without humility is ego.
Power without kindness is fear dressed as control.

None of that is leadership.
None of that is winning.
None of that is sustainable.

Power built on intimidation crumbles the moment someone refuses to be intimidated.

Kindness Is Not Weakness — It’s Precision

People often misunderstand compassion. They confuse it with people-pleasing. They mistake boundaries for cruelty and softness for passivity.

But kindness is not a lack of backbone.
Kindness is not the absence of truth.
Kindness is not silence in the face of harm.

Kindness is precision.
It’s the ability to see clearly when others act from fear.
It’s the ability to hold your shape instead of collapsing into theirs.
It’s the bravery to choose integrity even when someone else chooses force.

Kindness is strength with the volume turned down — and the clarity turned up.

Winning with kindness means:

  • You don’t betray yourself.

  • You don’t hurt others to lift yourself higher.

  • You don’t weaponize your voice or your power.

  • You don’t step outside your values to gain validation.

It means you succeed as yourself, not as a costume someone else taught you to wear.

Standing Strong Without Striking Back

There is a quiet moment — the moment between hurt and response — where we decide who we want to be.

When someone else raises their voice, throws their weight around, or tries to provoke a reaction, you get to choose:

Do you match their energy?
Or do you rise above it?

Do you let their behavior define the moment?
Or do you let your integrity define you?

Choosing not to bully back is not weakness.
Choosing not to belittle is not submission.
Choosing not to retaliate is not letting them win.

It’s choosing peace over chaos.
It’s choosing self-respect over reactivity.
It’s choosing your future over a moment of validation.

Strength isn’t proven through force — it’s proven through discipline.

Winning By Staying in Integrity

Here’s what no one tells you:

When you stop engaging in someone else’s game, they lose control of the scoreboard.

Winning without bullying looks like:

  • Setting a boundary and sticking to it.

  • Walking away from disrespect instead of debating it.

  • Saying “No” without explanation or apology.

  • Refusing to match someone else’s cruelty.

  • Choosing peace even when chaos tempts you.

  • Being confident enough not to dominate.

  • Leading by example, not intimidation.

When you choose integrity, you reclaim the power they hoped you’d abandon.

When you choose grounding, you interrupt the cycle.

When you choose compassion — for yourself and others — you create a new standard of strength.

And when you stop trying to outperform someone’s ego, you start outperforming your own past.

You Win Every Time You Don’t Become What Hurt You

What if winning isn’t about beating someone else?

What if winning is:

  • Becoming who you needed when you were younger

  • Responding instead of reacting

  • Growing instead of repeating patterns

  • Standing tall without stepping on anyone

  • Being the person who breaks generational cycles

  • Choosing softness in a world that worships hardness

What if the real victory is becoming someone you’re proud of?

Because every time you refuse to become what tried to break you, you win.

Every time you choose compassion over ego, you win.

Every time you stay rooted instead of rattled, you win.

Every time you lead with integrity, you win.

You don’t have to be a bully to win.
You just have to be brave enough to stay yourself.

SLAY Reflection

Take a moment and check in with yourself. Let these questions guide what comes next:

S — Sit With Your Truth

Where in your life have you believed you had to act harder, sharper, or louder just to be heard?

L — Look at the Pattern

Who taught you that compassion was weakness? And were they actually strong — or simply scared?

A — Align With Your Values

How can you choose strength with kindness in the next conflict or challenge?

Y — Yield to Growth

What becomes possible when you stop fighting battles that require you to betray yourself?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When have you chosen integrity over intimidation, and how did it change the outcome?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to find their power without losing their kindness, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! The only thing more exhausting than having mental illness is pretrending you don’t have it.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Strength And Courage

Maybe Is Enough

Sometimes setting out to start on a new path can seem daunting. The hills you have to climb seem insurmountable, and you can feel defeated long before you even begin. Your mind will tell you you will fail, it will site all the times you’ve let yourself, and others, down, it will tell you you can’t do it, even when you can, but even if all you can muster is maybe I can, that is enough to get you started, to put one foot in front of the other, to take that leap of faith and jump. Maybe is enough. Maybe is the crack of the door being open, maybe is that little bit of light that you need to stay focused, to motivate you to work and maybe give you a place to work to, because if maybe gets you started, maybe can get you to believe that you can.

We all can make excuses for not starting something, we all can procrastinate, we place expectations on ourselves of where we’re supposed to be to get started, or what head-space we’re supposed to have, that we lose sight of the fact that we can just start, any time, any place, we can just choose to start. Nothing has to look any way other than the way it looks. We get to decide when the right time is, we get to decide when we’re ready, what we need to do, the steps we need to take, no one else gets to decide that for us, and when the road gets tough, remember what you’re fighting for, remember why it’s worth it, remember it’s for you. The best time to start may just be right now.

You also don’t have to know all the steps you have you need to get where you want to be, or even have everything in place, all you have to do is start. There have been many times I have started something new not knowing exactly how I was going to get to the finish line, but trusted that if I started that the next piece I needed to reach my goal would come if I just started doing the work, and, it has, every time. It’s about taking action, letting people know what you are trying to accomplish, and being accountable to that goal.  When we do those things, magic happens, something shifts and the missing pieces we need seem to come together and help us reach the finish line. Too many times we think we have to have all the pieces before we start, we don’t, all you need is a desire to do something and a belief you can, and you’ve got all the pieces you need to get started.

Don’t let negative self-talk get in the way of going after your dreams, or goals, or starting something new, dig deep and go after what you want, talk about what you want, and do the work to get what you want. No one can tell you what is right or wrong, except you, we make our own rules and we get to decide what is right and wrong for us. Use your strength, your drive, your stamina to go after the life you want to have SLAYER, and when the path seems dark and a little too steep of a hill to climb, remember that maybe is enough to get started, find your light and never lose sight of it, it will always bring you home.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you talk yourself out of things before you’ve even started? Why do you do that? How do you do that? What do you say to yourself? Where does this negative self-talk come from? What do you say to yourself? Would you allow anyone else in your life to speak to yourself like that? So why do you allow yourself? What is a kinder and gentler way to speak to yourself? How can you use words to encourage yourself? When you’ve attempted to start something in past and weren’t able to reach your goal, what stopped you? How can you overcome this for the next time? SLAYER, you have it in to reach your goals, your dreams, that life you want, the time to start is now, even if you don’t know where to begin, begin by taking action, any action, that will get you on the path to victory, trust that when you are doing the footwork the answers will come and you will be shown the next step, the people you will need to help you along the way will come, and what once seemed impossible, in reality, when you just try you may realize that you’ve been enough this whole time. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Gallery

Join our Valentine’s Campaign!

Hey there SLAYER! Valentine’s Day can be a difficult time for many who suffer from depression or are feeling alone. Myself, along a group of wonderful people, have contributed to the IMALIVE Valentine’s Day Campaign to send messages of love and encouragement those who may need it.

You can also send out your own message by posting with the hashtage #ThereIsAlwaysMe and IMALIVE with share you post.

We all matter, you matter, you are not alone.

SLAY on!