Good morning SLAYER! I am W.E.I.R.D. Wonderful. Exciting. Interesting. Real. Different. Always be you, because you are awesome.
New blog does up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Self Help
Weird
I was speaking this week to a group of women and children at a homeless shelter in Los Angeles and a 14-year-old girl came over to talk to me when I was done. I sat down with her and we talked about what was on her mind. I recognized a lot myself in her at that age, and related to what she was saying. One issue we talked about was being labeled weird by some of the kids at her school because she didn’t like the same music that they did. I smiled, remembering that being called weird at that age, and perhaps, any age, can seem like a badge of shame.
I smiled at her and asked her why she didn’t like that word? I asked her what that word meant to her. She said, it means she’s not like everybody else. I asked her why she wanted to be like everybody else rather than who she was. She paused. I told her that I would wear that label like a badge of honor, because it meant she wasn’t following the pack, or the rest of kids just to fit in, she was being true to herself, and that is something that most of those kids probably couldn’t claim as their own.
I’ve written in a previous blog about letting your freak flag fly, and when I say that I’m not saying you are a freak, I’m saying let those things that some may label freaky, or weird, or different, be what sets you apart, be what showcases who you are and what you love, and to never apologize for any of that. I’ve learned along my path that those things that may be weird to the masses are what connect me to the closest people in my life, and the ones I admire and love the most. There is a group out there for everyone, and if groups aren’t your thing, there are certainly individuals who share your interests or way of doing things that will think that weirdness is awsomeness.
Now I remember that at 14 many of us just want to blend in, we don’t want any, what we perceive as, unwanted attention, we want to look like we’re just like everyone else, but really all we’re doing is telling ourselves that our true selves isn’t good enough, and that we should hide who we truly are to be accepted by a group of people who won’t accept us for who we are. It’s easy now for me to see how ludicrous that is, but I was that 14-year-old girl, in fact I was that 14-year-old girl until I was 35 years old and had to accept and learn who I truly was at 35 because my life depended on it, because I had lived those 35 years only ever allowing you all to see who I thought you wanted to see so you wouldn’t ask me any questions, because I feared if you did, you would see how ugly a person I really was, and how unworthy I was.
I shared that with my new friend and she looked at me in disbelief. I smiled again and told her I understood that may seem like a far-fetched tale, but that today I look at all of those “weird” things and I wear them proudly, they are what make me me, and they are the best parts of me, those things that make me smile, set my heart on fire, and, most importantly, make me laugh.
Today if someone would tell me I was just like everybody else I would cringe because I would think I wasn’t sharing my authentic self with them. I was holding back. My flaws, my weirdness, my falls are what connect me to all of you, they are what we have in common, they are what make me, and all of us, uniquely us, because life is messy, life is unpredictable, life is about trying new things and celebrating what we love, and even though we may share commonalities, no one is us, no one is me, and, no one is you. Be weird, be brave, be your authentic you, without fear, and if someone tells you you’re weird, thank them, because in my book, that is one of the biggest compliments anyone can give me, because it means I am being myself today.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you ever been called weird? What does that word mean to you? Is it negative? Why? Can you find the positive in that word? If not, why not? Does it take you back to being a kid? What has been your experience with the word? Was it a word used to bully you? How does it make you feel now? What about yourself would others think is weird? What do you think is weird? Do you still feel ashamed of those things, or feel you need to hide them? What if you didn’t? What if you took that word back and looked at it as a positive word, a compliment even, what if you celebrated all the things you thought, or others have thought, were weird? Do it SLAYER, celebrate your weird, smile, and know that is what makes you you, maybe even the best parts. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Don’t forget to say thank you, especially when you stumble or don’t get what want, it’s those times we learn the most, be grateful.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Say Thank You, Even If You Don’t Like It
I know what you’re thinking — why would I say thank you for something I didn’t want?
Why would I be grateful for disappointment?
For loss?
For situations that didn’t go my way?
For things that hurt, frustrated me, or felt unfair?
For a long time, I wouldn’t have.
I used to divide my life into simple categories:
good if it benefited me,
bad if it didn’t.
If I got what I wanted, it was positive.
If I didn’t, it was negative.
But life has a way of teaching you that those labels don’t actually hold much truth.
Learning to See Differently
Over time, I started noticing something about myself.
When something didn’t go my way, I could choose to sit in frustration…
or I could choose to look for the lesson.
And almost every single time, there was one.
Sometimes the lesson was about me —
that I needed to prepare better,
ask better questions,
set clearer expectations,
communicate more honestly,
or let go of control.
Sometimes the lesson was about other people —
their limits,
their patterns,
their boundaries,
their capacity.
Sometimes the lesson was simply learning humility.
Learning grace.
Learning patience.
Learning acceptance.
None of those situations felt good in the moment —
but every single one shaped me.
Gratitude Wasn’t Natural for Me — It Was Learned
This wasn’t something that came naturally.
I had to practice it.
I had to stop immediately labeling things as “bad”
and start asking myself:
What can I learn from this?
What is this teaching me?
What is this showing me about myself?
How can this help me grow next time?
When I started doing that, something shifted internally.
I stopped feeling like life was happening to me
and started feeling like life was working for me.
Even when it didn’t feel good.
The Shift From Resentment to Grace
I realized how easy it is to live in bitterness when things don’t go our way.
It’s easy to feel wronged.
To feel blocked.
To feel unlucky.
To feel like life is unfair.
I’ve lived there.
But when I started practicing gratitude — not just for what felt good, but for what taught me — I felt a shift from poor me to fortunate me.
Not because everything was perfect.
Not because everything worked out.
But because everything had meaning.
Everything had purpose.
Everything carried information.
Everything offered growth.
This Is What Living in Grace Looks Like for Me
Living in grace doesn’t mean pretending things don’t hurt.
It doesn’t mean bypassing emotion.
It doesn’t mean spiritualizing pain.
It doesn’t mean toxic positivity.
It means choosing perspective.
Choosing to look for learning instead of loss.
Choosing growth instead of bitterness.
Choosing awareness instead of blame.
For me, this is what living in a State Of Slay™ actually means.
Not controlling life —
but trusting it.
Not resisting experiences —
but extracting wisdom from them.
Why I Say Thank You Anyway
I say thank you because I grew.
Because I learned.
Because I became wiser.
Because I became more aware.
Because I became more grounded.
Not because I liked it.
Not because it felt good.
Not because it was easy.
But because it shaped me.
Every experience becomes a teacher when I let it.
Choosing Gratitude Changes Everything
When I look for the good, I find the good.
When I look for the lesson, I grow.
When I choose gratitude, I create peace.
This doesn’t mean I’m perfect at it.
This doesn’t mean I never get frustrated.
This doesn’t mean I don’t feel disappointed.
But I live here more often than not — and that’s enough to change everything.
Say Thank You, Even If You Don’t Like It
Say thank you for the lesson.
Say thank you for the clarity.
Say thank you for the redirection.
Say thank you for the growth.
Say thank you for the wisdom.
Even when you didn’t want it.
Even when it hurt.
Even when it felt unfair.
Be grateful.
Learn.
Grow.
Find the good.
Create the good.
Be the good.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: What situations in your life do you still label as “bad”?
L: What might those experiences have taught you that you’ve overlooked?
A: How would your mindset shift if you practiced gratitude instead of resentment?
Y: What is one experience you can say thank you for today — even if you didn’t like it?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s something in your life you didn’t want — but ended up learning from?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone stuck in bitterness or disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Don’t let the shadows of your past darken the the doorstep of your future.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Talk Live Video
Hello SLAYERS! Thank you to all the SLAYERS who joined me tonight! For those of you how didn’t join us, here’s what you missed!
SLAY on!
You Can’t Change The Past, But You Can Change How It Affects You
There is no going back.
No rewinding. No editing. No alternate ending where we made the perfect choice every time. The past is fixed. It happened. And for a long time, I let mine define me.
Before I began this healing journey, I used my past as proof that I was a victim. I told those stories in ways that supported that narrative. Sometimes I wanted sympathy. Sometimes I wanted validation. Sometimes I wanted an excuse for behavior I knew was not aligned with who I truly wanted to be.
And here is the truth I eventually had to face.
In many of those situations, I had a role. Sometimes a small one. Sometimes a big one. But denying that kept me stuck. It kept me repeating patterns. It kept me living in yesterday instead of building today.
The moment I committed to honesty, especially with myself, everything began to shift.
Owning Your Story Changes Its Power
Taking responsibility is not about blame. It is about freedom.
When I stopped pointing outward and started looking inward, I began to see patterns. Choices I had made. People I had allowed into my life. Boundaries I had not set. Truths I had ignored.
At first, that realization was uncomfortable. I had built an identity around being wronged. Letting go of that identity felt like losing something familiar.
But what I gained was far greater.
Clarity. Growth. Self respect. And the ability to change.
Once you see your patterns, you can interrupt them.
And that is where transformation begins.
The Past Only Has The Power You Give It
I used to carry shame, anger, and frustration everywhere I went. Those emotions colored how I saw myself and others. They influenced my reactions. They shaped my expectations.
But when I started living more honestly, those emotions began to loosen their grip.
I learned to ask different questions:
What did I learn?
What would I do differently now?
What boundaries do I need moving forward?
What forgiveness is necessary for peace?
Sometimes forgiveness was for someone else. Sometimes it was for myself. Often it was both.
And slowly, the past stopped feeling like a prison and started feeling like a teacher.
Patterns Become Signals Instead Of Traps
One of the biggest gifts of reflection is recognition.
When you understand your patterns, familiar situations begin to feel different. You notice warning signs earlier. You pause before reacting. You make decisions with awareness instead of autopilot.
Early on, I often did not know what the “right” response was. So I learned something important.
Pause.
Life is not a game show. There is no prize for responding fastest. Taking time to think, to ask questions, or to seek guidance is not weakness. It is wisdom.
And with practice, better decisions become more natural.
That is growth in action.
Changing Today Rewrites Tomorrow
You cannot rewrite the past, but you absolutely shape what comes next.
When we act with honesty, integrity, and awareness, the weight of past mistakes lightens. They stop defining us because we are no longer repeating them.
We admit when we are wrong. We make amends when possible. We learn. We adjust. We grow.
And suddenly, the past becomes context instead of identity.
That shift is powerful.
It creates space for self respect. Confidence. Peace.
Healing Requires Compassion Too
Responsibility does not mean harsh self judgment.
Some experiences truly were outside our control. Some situations were painful, unfair, or confusing. Acknowledging that is part of healing too.
The key is balance.
Accountability where we had choice. Compassion where we did not.
Both are necessary for emotional freedom.
And both allow us to move forward without dragging the past behind us.
You Are Allowed To Outgrow Who You Were
This might be the most important part.
You are not required to remain the person you were during your hardest seasons.
Growth means evolution. Awareness means change. Healing means forward movement.
Your past informs you.
It does not imprison you.
And every day offers a chance to choose differently.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: When you think about your past, what emotions come up most strongly?
L: What patterns or choices do you now recognize that you could approach differently today?
A: Where might forgiveness, either for yourself or someone else, create more peace in your life?
Y: What is one small action you can take today that reflects who you are becoming rather than who you were?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
How have you learned to reinterpret your past so it supports your growth instead of holding you back?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who needs permission to move forward without being defined by yesterday, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You are enough. You have always been enough. You will always be enough. You matter.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
You Matter
This week we lost two creative, talented, successful people to suicide. Both came as a shock, to me, and most people. How could two different people, seemingly both “having it all”, make the decision to take their own lives? It seems unfathomable, except to those who have been there, who understand the despair and anguish that goes along with anxiety, depression, mental illness. Yes, those conditions do not discriminate between those who have all the things, we may think, will make us OK, or better, and those who may not. It can come for any of us, I know because it had me in it’s grips for most of my life, and, on a bad day, can still get the best of me when I’m not taking care of myself, because even though I’ve made the choice to live a life in the light today, my disease still wants me dead, and as I grow and learn to be a better and healthier woman, my disease is also learning what I am and looking to find a way to navigate around the obstacles I’ve put in it’s path. I know if I stop choosing life, death is waiting to take me in it’s arms.
It’s also a wake-up call. To me, and hopefully those out there like me, and, those who are still struggling. We may tell ourselves that if we get the new job we’ll be OK, the new girlfriend/boyfriend, the vacation, the new apartment/house, a move to a new city, we may tell ourselves that if something in our lives changed we would be OK, and the truth is it won’t, not if we’re not OK right now. Sure it’s nice to have nice things, but nothing can fix us if it’s an inside problem, that we have to tackle, head on. For me it was a matter of life and death. Trying to hide what was going on, not sharing it with anyone, and isolating myself from people who cared, those negative voices got louder in my head, and because they were the only feedback I was hearing, they sounded like the truth. They would tell me I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t deserve good things, that I was a bad person, that I should be ashamed, and that it would be better if I just wasn’t here anymore, in fact, no one would even notice, or care. None of that is true. None of that is fact. All of that is my disease. But, when you’re not sharing with others, no one can tell you it’s wrong. I know what’s it’s like to stand there, alone, in the darkness and make the decision to end the pain and suffering, thinking that’s the only way out, the only way to stop the pain, it’s an awful place to stand, it makes me feel physically ill just thinking about it, but I can also say, as a survivor, that there is a solution, and, you will be missed, and that action will not only take you from our lives, but will have a ripple effect of pain, anger, and confusion for years to come, maybe even a lifetime.
You matter. We want you here. You deserve good things, and you can get them, but first you need to get help. Talk. Share. Reach out. There are so many ways to do it today. You can call someone, a help or crises line, you can chat online, talk to someone in person, just take action, no one will judge you, but they will offer to help. When I finally reached out for help it was such a relief. A relief to let go of the huge secret I had been carrying around with me. To finally be honest, to come clean, and to find the courage to say I was in crisis. My life changed the day, I found an abundance of people willing to help, but I had to take action before I started to get better. Now, as I said, on a bad day those demons still come calling, and they always know just what to say, but today I know they’re lying to me, and I know if I can’t battle them alone, that I have a whole army of people to back me up and fight them with me. You also have that army, you just have to call it into action.
Pick up your sword SLAYER, and go to battle, for the most important person there is, YOU.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let your demons get the best of you? How do they do that? Why do they do that? Why do you let them? Would you allow anyone else to speak to you that way? So why do you let them? Do you reach out for help when you feel overwhelmed? If not, why not? If you have, what was the result of that? When you are struggling, do you make sure you let people know? If not, why not? SLAYER, we are all more alike than not, we understand and are here to help, we all support each other through the tough times and as a result we all rise. We stand together, tall, proud of who we are, even on those days we feel small, because we will not be defeated, we are warriors, survivors, we are SLAYERS!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
