Author: Carrie Genzel

Do Your Best And Forget The Rest

We tend to be a very results oriented culture. We often equate whether we did a good job with if we won, or how we placed, or, if anyone noticed. But really we win every time if we’ve just done our best, regardless of the result or if anyone noticed. And, our best changes every day, sometimes within a day, what our best was yesterday might not be our best today, because we might not be the same as we were yesterday. It’s about doing what we can in each moment, and allowing ourselves to be less than our best yesterday because it is our best today. Allow ourselves to be human. Allowing ourselves to honor who we are at any given moment, and taking the pressure off ourselves to be perfect, or always at a heightened level of execution or achievement, allowing ourselves to just be, and know that just because our best today didn’t match our best yesterday, it might tomorrow, or tomorrow might be our best!

I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to be ‘the best,’ and when I didn’t win or get the recognition I was looking for I considered myself a loser. I was a loser, I had lost the point. Trying to be number one all the time is exhausting, it’s good to have goals, to set standards for yourself, but to make that the only reason to do something is empty, and, ultimately, unattainable all the time, and for some, never attainable. Each of us have our own best, our personal best, and really that’s the only marker we should be looking at, but we should also acknowledge and honor where we are at each day, and love ourselves even when we are not able to perform at a level that we would like, our best changes as we do, and some days, just getting out of bed may be our best, and, that’s OK. So, how do we have a healthier relationship with our best?

1) Live One Day At A Time – Take stock each day of where you’re at, mentally and physically, and let that guide you as to how hard you should push yourself, or how hard you should be on yourself, really, you should never be hard on yourself, but we do tend to be at times. Be kind and let yourself move at a pace that is comfortable for you, that includes self-care, and that allows you to progress at a speed that helps you to keep moving forward. Each day starts with a different you, so check in and see where you’re at before throwing out your list of demands.

2) Acceptance – Acknowledging yourself and where you are on any given day is one thing, the next step is accepting it. If you’re feeling tired, or emotional, or your head feels scattered, take note of that, and adjust your day to work within the parameters of who you are. Beating yourself up for being something you’re not, or for not being able to do what you want to do isn’t going to help you reach your goal, it’s only going to set you back. When you accept your situation it allows you to formulate a new plan and maybe a different approach, which in the end, maybe be the better way in the first place. Accept and move on.

3) Practice – Like with everything else it’s about practice. No one gets it right every single time, allow yourself to make mistakes and be gentle with yourself when you do. Anything new takes time to get right so if you fall back into old behaviors, acknowledge it, ask yourself what you can do differently the next time, and then move on. Life is all about learning, so let yourself learn.

4) Good Results Come From Good Work – Like everything else in life, to get the results we want, we have to do the work. Just wishing something to be, or wanting it to be, isn’t going to make it happen. How can you take action in your life to get the results you would like to have, while taking into consideration of who you are on that day? You’ve got to put in the work to get the results.

All any of us can do ever day is to do our best, if we’ve done that, and we’ve done it for the right reasons, meaning because we’ve wanted to, or it’s what’s best for us, then we should be happy with that. Our best is our best. It changes every day, it changes moment to moment, and that is OK, accept who you are and what you have to offer, leave everything else behind, thinking about what we could have done, or would have liked to have done only adds to self-loathing, anxiety and depression, life is about taking action, if you took the best action you could, you did your best, and the next time something comes around, maybe you top your best, maybe you don’t, but by continuing to strive to do your best you are planting the seeds for the future, and your best will get you to a place that you want to go. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself to do your best? Is your best ever good enough? If not, why? What do you think makes it not good enough? How can you change your attitude around it? What if you stopped judging yourself and just did your best? What can you do to have a healthier attitude around what your best is? I challenge you SLAYER, to keep an open dialogue with yourself, to check in and see how you are before jumping into a new task or project, if you feel like you need to slow down, do it, and if you think you have the energy to speed things up then give it a boost, it’s all about doing what’s best for you, and knowing that whatever you do, you did your best.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Always remain teachable.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Learn

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we know the facts we are safe.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Knowledge

Knowledge Is Power

I used to be a “I don’t wanna know” kind of gal. I would put off going to the Doctor or looking into something I didn’t really want to know the answer to, or was afraid of. Consequently, by the time I would find out the answers is was generally too late to do anything about it because that opportunity had passed. I write a lot about finding out the facts, or focusing on the facts, and that, when we have the facts, we are safe. But we can take that one step further with, when we have knowledge, we have power. For instance, I was a passenger in a car accident this past summer, I got injured, not horribly, nothing was broken, but just your average car accident stuff, stiff neck, sore back, even though I was in pain I powered on, thinking it would right itself eventually. Well, it didn’t, so I started treatment, and it has improved over the past few months, but having just moved I had to switch doctors, and he ordered X-Rays, that sounded kind of scary, like, what if he finds out things are really bad in there, or, even worse, finds something else wrong? The old me would have avoided those X-Rays like the plague, coming up with excuses to not getting them, but now, even though I was nervous about the results, I went and got them done, because if there is something wrong, now is the time to correct it, not later when the body cannot be adjusted and has locked itself in to being a certain way. Looking at the X-Rays I learned a lot about my body, and why it does certain things, I gained knowledge, and, in the end, what I learned was that things weren’t nearly as bad as I had worried they might be, what is there is fixable, for the most part, and will help me live an active and healthy life, so, with that knowledge I know that everything will get better, and my Doctor now knows what plan of attack to start to get things back on track. I feel better having the knowledge about what is really going on and what it looks like, instead of just blindly going to treatment and trusting what’s being done is the right thing and helping. Now it’s not the unknown.

Why are we so afraid of the unknown? Why do we let it paralyze us? Why do we let it get in our way of taking care of ourselves and seeking out the best care? I know, for me, that even though I can have some fear around something, finding out the truth and learning about something I may not know about, far exceeds that fear, in fact, a lot of time it stomps all over it. Sometimes, gaining that knowledge takes some work, so we don’t do it, but if we’re not willing to work for ourselves, to help ourselves, then who are we willing to do the work for? If it’s for our well-being we should always be willing to do the work, no matter what it is, no one is certainly going to do it for us, nor can they most of the time, so invest in you, put in the work, put in the time, put in the energy to learn more about you and those things that affect you. I know, each of us carries around the baggage of our past of certain things having gone badly, but think about those times and ask yourself if you sought out the knowledge around those circumstances, did you get the facts? Sometimes no matter what we do there’s nothing we can do to change or better the outcome, but at least in those situations we can prepare ourselves for what’s coming, and possibly find a way to lessen the blow. Knowledge is always better than ignorance, or diversion, or not doing what’s best for you. Get the knowledge. Seek out the knowledge that helps you make the best decisions for you, that allows you to be our best you, and that gives you the tools to so you can help yourself.

Knowledge is power, don’t you want to arm yourself with as much power as you can?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you always seek out the answers to a problem, or do you avoid them hoping they’ll fix themselves? Name 5 instances when a situation got worse because you didn’t take action. What could you have done differently? What can you do in the future to avoid this same result? Name some times when you did take action and found out the truth and got some answers. How did that make you feel? How was this better than ignoring it? Make a pledge to yourself SLAYER, to get as much knowledge as you can, to find the answers in any given situation, and to give yourself the power to make the right decisions for you, and perhaps, find a better path. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You’ve seen better days, but you’ve also seen worse. You may not have everything that you want, but you have what you need. You may have woken up with aches and pains, but you woke up. Your life may not be perfect, but you are blessed.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay All You Need

Never Cursed

Before walking this path when bad things would happen to me, or when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to, I would say I was cursed. Others would say it me too, so I believed that I was, or I would say that maybe I had been someone really awful in another life and was now paying the price. I believed I was cursed for most of my life. It wasn’t until I changed my life and made a commitment to live in the light that I realized I had never been cursed at all, well, maybe by my own thinking, but that it was my need to control everything that caused my frustration, and my expectation that everything and anything would go wrong that made my cursed theory a self-fulfilling prophecy. I expected the bad, so the bad came. I also played a part with some self-sabotage as well to really get the negative narrative spinning that I wanted to tell, and could use that for sympathy to manipulate others and to see if I would get a break because I could get someone to feel sorry for me. Yeah, that’s an attractive way to live. It felt as ugly as it sounds, because it was. So here’s the thing, I was never cursed, I was choosing to only see the bad, the negative, and sometimes created it myself, to stay in the muck and dirt because I believed I belonged there. And if that sounds like you, it’s time to clean yourself off and come clean about the story you’re telling yourself, and those around you.

The truth is, life happens. Good, bad. It ebbs and flows. And sure, it sucks when we get disappointed, or hurt, or slapped with an unexpected surprise that may be hard to deal with, but that’s life, it’s how we deal with it that makes us who we are. I’ve talked quite a bit about expecting the good, because when we expect good, many times the good comes, and even when something perceivably bad happens, trying to find the good in it, or at least the lesson learned. For me it was about practicing some contrary action, which I’ve blogged about in the past as well, when my brain would go to the negative, focusing on something positive, searching for it, even if it was small, to turn my negative thinking to positive thinking. It took time, and sometimes still I’ll slip back to negative thinking, but for the most part I stay in the light and expect the good. We tell ourselves stories, either to back up the story we want to tell, or because it was a story that was told to us as children or by others even in adulthood, but what really matters is not the story, but the truth, what are the facts, those won’t steer you wrong. But it’s always looking at the facts for what they are, not skewing them to lean the way you want. Live life and life’s terms. Now I know that statement may scare some of you, especially you control freaks, I know you’re out there, I used to be one of you, but there’s so much power in letting things go, and truly accepting things as they come, it’s far too much work, and exhausting, to try to spin everything to fit the story you’re trying to tell, to manipulate the facts, to manipulate the people around you. You are not cursed anymore than you are a genie, but you do have the power to make some magic happen in your life, focus on the good things, and focus on getting more good in your life, that’s when the real magic happens.

At the end of the day, you have the power to reverse that curse, and change the outlook you have on your life, let the light in, accept what you cannot change, and make changes where you can, and focus on the good, after all, the energy we put out is the energy that comes back to us, so step in the light and make a plan to stay there. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think of yourself as being cursed? Why? Do you tell people you are cursed? Why? What do you think will happen if you stop saying that? What if you stopped thinking it? What if you just took the “bad” things in stride and walked through it, never labeling it or giving it more weight than it deserves? Do you have trouble finding the light in your life? Why? How have you tried? Make a list of 5 things that you are grateful for, that you cannot buy. When you have trouble finding the light, look at that list, visual light around those things, and yourself, and see if you can add 5 more by the end of the week.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is always knocking at your door, you just have to let it in.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happy

Happiness Committee

That negative chatter that happens in our heads, those voices that lie to us and tell us things to hold us back, to keep us down and to keep us in a place of isolation so we stay where we are and believe we don’t deserve better, I call those voices The Bullshit Committee. I tell them to quiet down now when they get rowdy, I tell them I don’t believe their lies anymore…but sometimes, on a bad day, I can, even for a few minutes, even though I know better, believe what they are saying. So I decided to replace that Bullshit Committee with The Happiness Committee. It’s a committee that I’ve worked to assemble for years, and typically they’re off doing things that fall under self-care, but sometimes I need them in the boardroom upstairs because I need them to drown out the bad guys who are trying to stir up trouble. It always seems like the negative voices are loudest. But, light always beats out dark, if we champion the light. So, how do we give our Happiness Committee megaphones to drown out the bullshit?

1) Start The Day Positive – How we start our day sets the tone for the rest of the day. If we start out in a bad mood or believing the negative chatter, it is really hard to turn the day around. So start the day on a positive note. Maybe leave something you love by your bed, or a quote you can read, or affirmation, so that before your feet hit the floor you’re already in a positive mindset. Not ready to turn on your noggin’ right away, then leave a note for yourself in the bathroom, or by the coffee maker, or maybe even in your car or by your keys, find a way to get yourself thinking positive thoughts before you leave the house or start your day.

2) Focus On The Good – Even on our most challenging of days there is always good if we look for it. Things may not be going the way we want them to, but what are the things you are grateful for? What did go your way? What are you looking forward to? How can you add something good to a seemingly negative day? There is always something, and when you find it, focus on it, and challenge yourself to find more, typically the more we look, the more we find.

3) Laugh – I always say, if you’ve lost your sense of humor, you’ve lost everything. Even after a car accident, I looked for something humorous to lighten the mood. Many times we give things too much weight in our lives, too much power over us, when we crack a joke or find the humor our outlook brightens, even for a moment, but even the act of trying to lighten the mood and looking for the humor in something has gotten you away from focusing on the bad, so, you’ve already won.

4) There’s Always A Lesson – Even when we fail, or things go terribly wrong, we learn from that, typically that’s when we do our best learning, so remember that when things have gone wrong, instead of focusing on the failure, think of it of a win of a different kind, because really you’re still winning, you just learned an important lesson, one you wouldn’t have learned if you won all the time. Look for the lesson, and maybe even say thank you for receiving it.

5) Focus On The Now – When we stay out of the past and stop ourselves from future-surfing, we can stay present and put things in perspective. Many times we can pile on in a situation that may not have gone our way with past experiences and fears about the future, stay present, look at the facts for what they are, and give the situation only the weight it deserves.

6) Surround Yourself With Positive People – Make sure you have a positive posse you can turn to when you’re having trouble finding the positivity yourself. Find that positive person at work, or a friend, family member, neighbor, and reach out to them. Many times just by explaining what you’re upset about will alleviate your feelings of dread and doom. And, who can’t use a little shot of positivity now and then? Make sure you’ve got yourself surrounded with some positive people.

Negative chatter will happen, but what can you do to keep it to a minimum, how can you boost your Happiness Committee and give them a louder voice? As the President of us, it is our job to make sure each committee has it’s proper place, so surround yourself with the committee that is going to work with you to accomplish your goals and yell the loudest when you’re going after your dreams and challenging yourself to be your best you. It’s time to fire the Bullshit Committee and give them the boot!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you listen to the negative chatter in your head? Do believe what it’s telling you? Why? Why do you think it’s telling you the truth? What if you stopped listening to it and replaced it with positive thoughts? What if you worked every day to replace each negative thought with a positive one? What do you think would happen? Do you think you would have a happier life? Do you think it would be easier to go after your hopes and dreams? So why don’t you do it? I challenge you SLAYER to focus on the positive and be grateful for what you have, it may not be everything you want, but you have many things to be grateful for, focus on them and give your Happiness Committee a voice to drown our your fears. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes, walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dignity

A Special Anniversary

Good morning SLAYER! Today is a special day. Today is the day 12 years ago I picked up the phone and reached out for help. Today is a Birthday of sorts. The first day I started living my life for me, the first day I starting fighting for me, and not against me. Today is the anniversary of the day I decided to live, that I decided I was going to change my story, that I was going to pick up my sword and SLAY, and even though my sword was wobbling, and it’s heaviness took all my strength, I stood up and carried it forward, so that I could show myself my strength, and to show all of you it can be done.  You too can pick up your sword and fight for yourself. You are worth it, as am I, and together we walk this path together, ready to battle anything. SLAY on!

I am really proud to share my story and to be a part of Kaaran Singh’s project PEOPLE – Every Portrait Tells A Story. A project about sharing our true selves, and, what we are most grateful for. This seemed like the perfect day to share this with all of you.  http://www.kaaransingh.com/people/

Carrie Genzel — Kaaran Singh

Photography: Kaaran Singh