Good morning SLAYER! Failure is not falling down, it’s refusing to get up. In order to stand up, you’ve got to know what’s like to fall down.
SLAY on!
State Of Slay
Falling Down Is Part Of The Process
When we step into a new chapter—filled with intention, purpose, and growth—we often expect things to go smoothly. We’re showing up, doing the work, making better choices… shouldn’t that mean we’re past the hard parts?
Not quite.
Falling down is part of the process. Always has been. Always will be.
I’ve learned more from my falls than I ever have from my wins. Those stumbles gave me new tools, revealed blind spots, and taught me that even when there isn’t a clear solution, I’m strong enough to get back up again.
Falling isn’t failure—it’s feedback.
Setbacks Aren’t Stop Signs
It’s easy to feel discouraged when things don’t go the way we hoped.
When you’re working so hard to be better, live authentically, and move forward, setbacks can feel personal. It’s frustrating. It’s deflating. But here’s the truth: setbacks don’t mean you’re off track—they mean you’re on it.
Every fall is an opportunity to pause, reflect, and ask:
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What did this moment teach me?
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What was my part in it?
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What new tool or insight can I take forward from here?
If everything went perfectly all the time, we wouldn’t learn much. We wouldn’t build strength. And we definitely wouldn’t develop the resilience we need for long-term growth.
Every Fall Is Just Information
Let’s take the drama out of the fall.
Not every stumble is a crisis. Not every setback is a disaster. Sometimes it’s just a signpost that says: Not this way. Try another.
When we start to look at our missteps as information—not identity—we take back our power.
A fall doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means something needed your attention.
Maybe you weren’t doing what you needed to do.
Maybe you missed a red flag.
Maybe the lesson was simply about learning how to stand back up.
Whatever the reason, the fall isn’t the end. It’s just part of the path.
Falling Forward with Intention
Some of the most painful moments in my life were the result of my own choices—or lack of action. But with each one, I had a decision to make: let the fall define me, or let it refine me.
If we ignore what the fall is trying to teach us, it’s likely we’ll end up back in that same spot—only this time it’ll hurt more, because we’ll know better.
But if we take the time to reflect, gather what we need, and move forward differently, we turn what was once a painful experience into a stepping stone toward something better.
Keep Showing Up
The key isn’t avoiding every fall. That’s impossible. The key is learning how to rise, gather the lesson, and keep moving.
No matter how hard you fall, you can get back up.
No matter how lost you feel, you can find your way again.
Eventually, you’ll recognize the patterns. You’ll learn where the pitfalls are. And you’ll start to navigate the path with more confidence.
Falling doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re growing.
And growth is never a straight line—it’s a beautifully messy journey.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect together, SLAYER:
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S: What’s your usual reaction when you fall—do you give up or get curious?
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L: Can you recall a setback that led to growth or a better decision later on?
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A: How can you start viewing setbacks as information rather than personal failure?
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Y: What’s one fall you can reframe today as a stepping stone instead of a stopping point?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
When was the last time you fell, and what did it teach you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who feels defeated by a recent fall, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Be gentle with yourself, and others, a kind word or gesture can be difference between the bloom of a beautiful flower, or a wilted bud scorched by the sun.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Be Gentle With Others When You Are Hurt
When we are hurt, our automatic defense many times is to lash out and hurt someone else, even of they have nothing to do with the reason we’re hurt in the first place. It’s easy to make someone the target of our anger, fear, or pain, but, that is when we need to practice contrary action, take a breath, and be gentle to those around us, just as we would want others to be gentle with us.
I’ve spoken about this before, how a friend, who helped me tremendously at the start of my journey, commented that I had a barbed tongue, and I still can, I just try to cut that barbed wire now before it can hurt somebody, but every once in a while, it still manages to lash out. That barbed tongue is fast, and it’s viscous. It used to be something I was really proud of. Something I had honed over the years to protect myself. Something that always brought about the desired results, to be left alone. Really I wanted everyone to leave me alone to suffer in silence, in isolation, because that’s what I thought I deserved, and if I pushed everyone away, no one was going to discover how deeply damaged I really was. There, also, was a part of me that, the really damaged part, wanted others to feel as bad as I did, that wanted others to suffer, especially those who I thought valued me less than themselves, or, who I deemed had too much good going on in their lives, I played judge and jury and thought it was my right to knock them down a peg or two. That sounds really disgusting to see that in print now, but it’s the truth.
But here’s the real truth, when we are feeling down, when we are angry, when we are feeling less than, it’s important that we are gentle with those around us, to acknowledge the place we’re in, and to also not forget to be gentle with ourselves. Oh yes, we also need to practice gentleness towards ourselves, in fact, when we practice being gentle with ourselves we find it much easier to practice it with others, and, even find some compassion for them. When we recognize our own feelings, moods, and needs, when can then take action to find a solution to them, or at least take action to ease the pain or frustration, and when we can identify that in our own behavior, it gives us a window into those around us, we start to recognize those same feelings, moods, and angers in others, so even when we don’t feel like being kind, or someone isn’t with us, if we’re living in a state of gentleness, we can be gentle back, or at the very least, walk away and not engage so we’re not adding to their pain, and ours.
Here’s another truth about acting gentle towards others when we’re hurt. When we practice doing this our own hurt diminishes. True. When we are kind to someone else, we get out of our own head, our own problems, worries, anger, we shift the focus off of us and onto doing something kind for someone else, and low and behold, our own mood shifts, things become lighter, brighter, better. I know that may sound crazy to you other barbed-tongued SLAYERS, but it’s absolutely true, and, I challenge you to try it. It’s also a fantastic way to break your pattern, to change the direction of what you’ve always done, and create a new trajectory for yourself. It’s kind of the stop, drop and roll of anger management, instead of just igniting in a flurry of flames, or anger, stop, drop and roll, breath, take that breath, and then respond. Our breath is the fire extinguisher of anger, it will put out the flames every time. Practice compassion towards yourself, and towards others that come across your path, you’ll find yourself in far fewer altercations, and you might just start to identify with what connects you to those people on your path, and those connections, keep us in the light.
SLAY OF THE DAY: When you are in anger or in pain do you lash out at those around you? How do you do this? Do you feel badly afterwards? How does it make you feel? Do you apologize? How can you stop yourself from getting into those situations in the first place? Have you ever considered being gentle when you know you are not in a good place? How have you practiced this? How do you feel differently when you’ve practiced gentleness over when you’ve lashed out? How can you, SLAYER, practice gentleness this week? What steps can you take to ensure that you are taking responsibility for your actions? Be kind, be gentle, and remember that goes for you too. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! We are not given a good or bad life, we are given a life, and it’s up to us to make it good or bad.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
All The Bad Is Good
I was speaking other night at a facility that houses people who are working to get their lives back on track, or maybe on track for the first time, these were people who were at their bottom, and if they weren’t they should have been, but some of us have many bottoms before we begin our journey out, and then there are some who never make it out and continue to bottom out until they run out of chances. I spoke honestly to them, and I looked at each of their faces as I told them my journey, ending with telling them that all the bad that’s happened to them is really good. I meant that, the bad is good, if we use those experiences to teach us and motivate us to learn and make better choices from there. When I said that they looked skeptical at first, but I could see, as it began to settle in, that look on some of their faces that if they look at those times as good, they then got to take their power back to change, and grow, and, find some good.
When I started my own journey from the darkness, I couldn’t see how everything I had been through, everything that had gotten me to where I was, was anything good. I still was in victim mode, thinking that all of those things were done to me and that I had no control over them, but in reality I played a part in most of them, and the ones I didn’t play a part in, I was still responsible for how I reacted to them, but I couldn’t see that at the beginning. It was a hard pill swallow when I had to take responsibility for my part in all of those things, especially the things I instigated that harmed me more than anyone else, those things were the hardest to come to terms with. I also let people harm me, thinking that I deserved it, or to continue to tell the story I wanted to tell, which was that I was a piece of crap who didn’t deserve anything good. Once I was able to forgive myself for all of those things, I was able to see the good that could come out it.
In reality, I had a blueprint of what not to do, of what didn’t work, and when you think about that, that’s a pretty good blueprint to have, that is some useful information, because, when we’re searching for new ways to do things, for better ways, for ways that honor us, we can always look back at what not to do, and, maybe try doing the opposite of that as an alternative. See, no matter what we’ve done in the past, it’s all good, it’s good because we are making a commitment to not take part in those activities and actions anymore, and we now have a wealth of information of what not to do, and in turn, a way for us to keep ourselves in check, when we are in doubt, we can look back and make sure we haven’t fallen back into old habits, or, we can see the progress we’ve made.
When I looked out to the room, to those faces that night, to those people who were looking for some hope, I smiled and told them I was once just like them, that we are all the same, we may look different, we may come from different backgrounds, have held different jobs, but at the end of the day, we, those of us who have gotten ourselves to our own personal bottoms, who have felt lost and alone, we all have the power to change to our stories, we have the power to step into the light and be our best selves, we can turn the bad into the good, and how do I know, because I’ve done it, and so can you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Looking back, can you see how the things you used to label as bad can be looked at as good today? List 5 “bad” things that you can now see the good in. How, out of those things, can you take what happened, or your actions, and use them in a positive way today? How can you use that information to make better choices in the future? Good vs. bad is all a matter of perspective, we can extract some good out of almost any situation, and when we start looking for the good, and looking for the lessons, we start to change our outlook on our past and we see how it can be useful to our growth, it can also be empowering to look back and know, we’ve changed our patterns, we’ve broken the cycle, to become our best selves.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When you’re too caught up in what’s happened in the past, you miss what’s right in front of you.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Your power comes from living in the present, it is in the present that you can take action.
SLAY on!
Do What’s In Front Of Your Hands
I talked about this last week on SLAY TALK LIVE, in regards to anxiety. I used to suffer from a lot of anxiety, and typically it was because I was living in the past, or I was living in the future. I wasn’t living in the present. When we worry about things that have happened already, or fixate on circumstances or situations that have already happened, we can feel anxious, we feel anxious because there is nothing we can do to change the past, we just keep rehashing what’s already happened, or we let it dictate what will happen because we haven’t take the necessary steps to correct the behavior or situation so we worry about it happening again. There are also times we live in the future. We fear what may or may not happen, we worry about things that again, we have no control over, because just like the past, we cannot control the future either. What we can control is right here and now. So when I would feel anxious it was suggested to me to focus on what’s in front of my hands.
When you focus on what’s in front of your hands you are present. You are looking at what is right in front of you, and that is something you can control, well, most of the time, but when you’re looking at what is right in front of you you are able to take action, it’s also a way to focus when you’re feeling overwhelmed and have a lot to do. Many times we get side-tracked, or we can procrastinate because we don’t know where to start on our long list of things to get done, but, if you focus on what’s in front of your hands, and start there, you can work your way down your list and it doesn’t seem so daunting.
For me, when I first started my journey on this path, focusing on what was in front of my hands was that magic trick that got me through my day, and it taught me how to zero in and focus on an activity even if there was a lot going on around me, or if I had a lot to do, as I practiced being present the rest of my worries or tasks started to fall away and I got the first task done, and I learned to get it done without feeling anxious. One thing that always quashes anxiety is action, when we take action and do what we can in any given situation our worries about the past or future start to fade away because we are doing what we can in the present moment, also, we are occupied with the doing that we lose the worry.
Our hands are always with us, when you feel anxious, when you are worried or overwhelmed, look at your hands and ask yourself, what is in front of my hands, what can I do to take action right now? It’s a simple trick to tackle a substantial problem.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often feel overwhelmed or anxious? What causes you to feel that way? Are these things you have control over? Are these things that are active in your present life? Or, are these things have already happened, or have yet to happen? What can you do to take action in your present life to address these things or issues? Do you often get overwhelmed by your to-do list? What happens when you get overwhelmed? What do you do to overcome it? Do you see that by focusing on what’s in front of your hands that you may be able to focus on the task in front of you rather than letting your thoughts hijack you and paralyze you? I challenge you SLAYER to focus on what’s in front of your hands, that when you feel anxious or worry, right that down, acknowledge it, but go back to what is in front of your hands. Tackle each task one at a time, take action where you can, let your past teach you as you move forward in your present day, and keep your thoughts out of the future, none of that has happened yet, and your energies are better spent on the things that are happening right in front of you. Do what’s in front of your hands. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Rock bottom has built more champions than privileged. Use the tough times to build strength, and knowledge for the next time.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
