Good morning SLAYER! The perfect time to start something new is right now. Trust that you are enough, take a chance, and jump in!
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Self-worth
You Don’t Have To Be Perfect, You Just Have To Be
I used to believe I had to be perfect to show up.
Perfect timing. Perfect skills. Perfect hair, even. And if things didn’t line up just right—if I didn’t line up just right—I’d sit it out. I’d pass on the opportunity. I’d talk myself out of the dream. Looking back, I can’t count the chances I missed because I let perfectionism run the show.
But perfection is a lie we tell ourselves when we’re scared.
It gives us a reason to wait, to hide, to stay small. We convince ourselves we’re not ready, not worthy, not enough—so we don’t begin. But here’s the truth: Perfection is not required. Showing up is.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
It’s Never Going to Look Perfect—Do It Anyway
No one has it all figured out. No plan is bulletproof. No path is paved just right. Life is messy, and we’re messy too.
The trick is to move forward anyway.
Start with what you’ve got. Doubt? Bring it. Fear? Take it with you. Confusion? Totally normal. You don’t need to wait for the moment to be perfect—you just need to be brave enough to begin.
It reminds me of being a kid on the playground, standing in front of a merry-go-round already spinning. I’d spot my opening, take a breath, and jump. Was it scary? Sure. But it was also thrilling. I didn’t need a guarantee—I just needed to go for it.
So why do we stop doing that?
Because we’ve fallen. We’ve been judged. We’ve been told to wait until we’re “ready.” But the only way to be ready is to start anyway.
Flaws and All, You’re Already Enough
Let me say this loud for the people in the back:
You are already worthy of showing up.
You don’t have to be “fixed” or “perfect” or polished to begin. The real magic happens when you show up as you are. That’s what makes you relatable. That’s what makes you real.
You are perfect in your imperfection. Unique. Valuable. Needed.
And when you let go of chasing perfect, something incredible happens—you start living. You stop waiting. You begin to believe in what’s possible for you.
So whatever it is you’ve been putting off—start it. Show up. Say yes. Jump in. Your life isn’t waiting for perfect. It’s waiting for you.
SLAY Reflection
- What’s one thing you’ve avoided because you were waiting for the “perfect” moment?
- How has perfectionism kept you from living fully?
- What would it feel like to show up just as you are?
- What’s one small step you can take this week toward something you’ve been putting off?
- Can you write down 5 things that make you uniquely you—and remind yourself why they matter?
S-L-A-Y:
- Start without needing it to be perfect.
- Listen to your inner voice—not your inner critic.
- Accept yourself as you are, flaws and all.
- You are the magic you’ve been waiting for.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What have you been putting off because it wasn’t perfect?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s stuck waiting for the “right time,” send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! We can’t be possibly be there for everyone all the time, so why do we expect others to always be there for us? Many times we create our own heartbreaks through expectations.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
People Can’t Always Be Who You Want Them To Be
We all want someone in our lives to just understand us—to show up when we need them, to read our silent pleas, to fill the gaps we feel inside. But here’s a hard truth: nobody is designed to be your everything.
When we expect someone to always be there, always know, always respond—without communication, without boundaries—we set both them and ourselves up for heartbreak.
We must learn the beauty and the burden of loving with grace and owning our own needs.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
Expectations vs. Reality
It’s natural to hope others will meet us where we are. We desire connection, validation, support. But expectations—especially unspoken ones—are traps.
When we expect another to always stay ready, even when they’re fighting their own war, we feel let down. When we expect consistent availability, we forget that everyone has their own life, struggles, and limitations.
And when reality falls short of those silent demands, we start to believe they don’t love us enough—when in truth, they might just be human like us.
Learning to Right-Size Our Expectations
The seeds of resentment often come from expecting others to be what we need without telling them. We assume they know. We assume they’ll show up.
But healthy relationships ask for clarity not mind-reading.
- Let them know how you feel.
- Ask for what you need.
- Accept the answer, even if it doesn’t match what you hoped for.
This is how we protect ourselves from disappointment—not by becoming colder—but by learning truth, honest communication, and respect for boundaries.
When They Can’t Be Who You Want
Here’s what I discovered over time:
- “Can’t” isn’t always about unwillingness—sometimes it’s about capacity.
- Being unavailable doesn’t always mean they don’t care.
- When someone can’t be who you want, sometimes they are doing the best they can within their own limits.
I used to take it personally when people couldn’t show up as I needed them to. I thought it meant something was wrong with me—or wrong with them. But I learned to see it differently: I learned to love them where they are, to protect my peace, and to find others with compatible strengths.
You, Not Others, Are Responsible for You
Expecting someone else to complete your emotional puzzle is heavy for both parties.
Your emotional survival is your job. You cannot force someone to be who they’re not. And when you try, you weaken your own foundation.
You deserve people who can be consistent. But until then, you can be your own constant. You can love others without relying on them. You can communicate your needs, accept imperfect love, and continue building your own inner strength.
Staying Open While Protecting Your Peace
How do you navigate this balance without becoming closed off or bitter?
- Stay open to love, even when disappointed.
- Keep your standards, but don’t demand perfection.
- Allow yourself to walk away when love becomes harmful.
- Find multiple sources of support, not just one person.
- Own your emotional state: don’t outsource it to others.
People Can’t Always Be Who You Want—but You Can Still Love Well
You don’t have to settle for being used, ignored, or repeatedly disappointed. You can adjust your expectations without shutting down your heart. You can ask for what you need, and learn to accept what people can give.
You don’t have to stop loving. You just have to love smarter.
SLAY Reflection
- What silent expectations are you placing on someone in your life?
- How often do you feel disappointed because someone couldn’t read your mind?
- What is a healthy boundary you can express to protect yourself and the relationship?
- Who in your life can you rely on without needing them to be everything to you?
- How can you practice self-reliance (emotionally) while still staying open?
S – Stop expecting people to read your heart
L – Let them care within their capacity
A – Ask for what you need—don’t demand it
Y – Yield your peace first before expecting someone else to
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever been hurt by expecting too much from someone—and what did that teach you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s value honesty over perfection.
And if you know someone who struggles with unmet expectations or carrying disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, love begins with understanding limitation.
Get Out Of The Should And Into The Could
We’ve all sat and thought about the things we should be doing, we should exercise more, we should eat better, we should get more sleep, we should apply for that job…the list goes on. It’s easy to live in the shoulds, but the shoulds don’t get us anywhere except adding to an unending list that we allow to pull us down into resentment and despair because we’re not taking action so the list just keeps growing longer and longer. The shoulds are typically seen as a negative because we’re not executing them, they hang around and nag us, but until we change them into coulds, they will continue to drag us down.
Living in a place of could is a more positive place. A place of possibility, of hope, and of change. Just changing our attitude from should to could isn’t enough though, but it is a start. We can take our should list and make a conscious effort to change it into our could list, and then from there take action where we can. It’s a matter of perspective and how we choose to look at the things we want in our life. We have the power to make change, we have the power to go after what we want, to have those things on our list, but it requires us to actually pull the trigger and do the work, magical thinking will not get us magical results. When we’re living in the shoulds, and in negative thinking, we limit our view to the outside world, it gets narrow, we only concentrate on what we’re not doing or getting instead of changing what we can, our limited view only lets us see what we don’t have, it can paralyze us. Negative thoughts don’t allow us to see the choices we have around us, thinking we have none, we give up. But when we live in the coulds our brain sees the possibility, it opens up our mind to more options, which in turn allows us to build new skills that can help us eventually get from could to did, which is ultimately where we want to go. So, how do we achieve more positive thinking in our lives?
The more joy, love, and contentment we feel in our lives, the more positive we feel. So, if you don’t know already what in your life brings you those things, it’s about finding them and what fills you up, what nourishes you, what excites you, what makes you smile. Do those activities to help you focus and find a more positive outlook, or find new activities that can help you, maybe, meditation, writing, and play time. Now I know some of you cringe at the word meditation, and think it is only sitting quietly with a clear mind. Next to impossible right? But there are many different ways one can meditate, for me, what works best, is a walking meditation, getting out in nature, by myself, and starting a conversation with myself about what’s going on, what I’m concerned about, what I’d like to try, whatever is on my mind. Just breathing the air, taking time to soak up my surroundings and just being with myself, helps me to sort through many issues or mental blocks that I may be experiencing. There are many different ways to meditate, find one that works for you. Writing is also a good one. I was never a writer before this journey, I would never just sit down and write, but I found that when I did interesting things would come out of it, things I didn’t even know I thought, or felt, would pour out onto the page or screen, don’t think about it, just start writing. And, if you’re struggling with positivity in your life, write down five positive things at the bottom of the page each time. If you have a hard time starting to write, maybe start with what the benefits are of accomplishing each item on your should list, how would that benefit you, how would that change your life. Focus on the positive nature of doing good things for yourself and improving your life with those actions. The third activity, play, make sure to schedule fun in your life, those things that make you smile, laugh, or fill you with joy. There are always things we have to do that we don’t necessarily want to do so I always make sure to bookend those things with something fun, something I enjoy or like to do, that way I’m going into the not so fun activity with joy and I have something to look forward to when I finish.
When we feel good about ourselves, finding love, joy, and contentment in our day, we find it easier to go from should to could, and, taking action with our could list, we ultimately find that list turned from could to did. You can do it SLAYER, I know you can, but it starts with believing you can and then pulling the trigger and doing it.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make excuses for not going after or doing the things on your should list? What’s stopping you? Are these legitimate reasons, or excuses? What can you do to start to take action on the items on your should list? Pick one. What can you do to tackle this? Have you tried in the past? How did you fail? How did you succeed, even if it was just a little. How can you try to tackle it in a different way than last time? Do you believe you can tackle and take action on the items on your should list? If not why? You can SLAYER. You have the power to do that, it just takes commitment and some work, but it’s worth it, you’re worth it, start small and build from there. Each step you take in a positive way will build a strong foundation under your feet, and help you build the skills you need to continue moving forward. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The first step to change is to recognize our own bullshit, then we’re better able to bulldoze through others’.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you never know who would love the person you hide.” And, you can’t love you when you’re hiding who you truly are.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Never apologize for who you are, be strong, be brave, be YOU!
SLAY on.
Take Up More Space
I think many of us at times have cut off pieces of ourselves to make other people more comfortable. We’ve made ourselves small. We’ve downplayed who we are and what we want to fit in nicely to what others are expecting of us, or willing to accept from us and cheating ourselves of being who we are authentically or going after what we want. Our job isn’t to make others comfortable with who we are, it’s to be the best us we can be and celebrate who we are and what we love, to go after the things that make us happy, that challenge us, and show off our talents. If that makes someone in your life uncomfortable then perhaps that person shouldn’t be in your life. A true friend or partner would want you to be you, and loves you for being you, and would never want you to dull your shine for them or those around you. Nor should we want nothing less for ourselves. As SLAYERS we should make ourselves priority, always shine bright and believe in our own strength, power, and beauty.
I didn’t always believe. I thought, for most of my life, that I was less than. That you all were the bright shiny stars, and even though I could pretend, put on the act like I too was bright, the truth was I didn’t believe I deserved it, and, I many times, made myself smaller so I wouldn’t stand out, or cause anyone to look at me. I had so many hopes and dreams and there were many I quashed in the darkness, I didn’t dare let out, or tell anyone, for fear you would tell me I didn’t deserve them, or they were stupid, or that you might get jealous. I lived like that most of my life, and it felt like I was constantly cutting away at who I was and I worried what would be left. In the end, not much was left, just an empty girl, with a dark heart, and an empty soul. Thankfully that girl had a tiny bit of light and fight left in her and started to put the pieces back to together.
Sometimes it takes a lot of walking through fear. If you’ve lived in an environment where you’ve been told you don’t deserve what you want, or aren’t good enough to get it, walking through the fear that they might be right can be difficult, difficult, but not impossible. Use your desire to push past your fear, to show yourself that you can, and you will accomplish and get what you want, what you’re working for, don’t let someone else’s insecurities or jealousies stop you from fulfilling your dreams. Surround yourself with people who do believe in you and support you, use that support to further fuel you as you step forward, growing, expanding, and taking up more space. The fear that you might fail is not your story, it’s someone else placing a narrative on you to make them feel better, and if it is you and your narrative, you have the power to change it, as I’ve written in the past, You Are The Author Of Your Own Story, so start writing a new chapter. Make your mark!
Don’t get caught up in someone else’s expectations of who you are and who you can be. Express yourself in it’s truest form and be your best self, regardless of limits others may put on you. You are the only one who can break free of the chains that hold you back, you hold the key to reaching your potential and realizing your dreams, let go of those people who don’t support that and you and let yourself shine, you may just light the path for those naysayers who said you couldn’t.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make yourself smaller to make others feel more comfortable? Why do you think you do that? What can you do to stop doing that? What do you think will happen if you do? If you have fears in doing so, what are those fears based on? Fears aren’t facts. What are the facts of your situation, why are you stopping yourself from living as your authentic self and going after you dreams? You are not a victim, you are not your past, what you are is a beautiful human being with so much to offer to world, go out there and get it and show us all what you’ve got. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Never feel guilty for doing what’s best for you. Setting a boundary is not selfish, it is an act of self-respect and self-care. Don’t let someone get comfortable disrespecting you.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
