Take Up More Space

I think many of us at times have cut off pieces of ourselves to make other people more comfortable. We’ve made ourselves small. We’ve downplayed who we are and what we want to fit in nicely to what others are expecting of us, or willing to accept from us and cheating ourselves of being who we are authentically or going after what we want. Our job isn’t to make others comfortable with who we are, it’s to be the best us we can be and celebrate who we are and what we love, to go after the things that make us happy, that challenge us, and show off our talents. If that makes someone in your life uncomfortable then perhaps that person shouldn’t be in your life. A true friend or partner would want you to be you, and loves you for being you, and would never want you to dull your shine for them or those around you. Nor should we want nothing less for ourselves. As SLAYERS we should make ourselves priority, always shine bright and believe in our own strength, power, and beauty.

I didn’t always believe. I thought, for most of my life, that I was less than. That you all were the bright shiny stars, and even though I could pretend, put on the act like I too was bright, the truth was I didn’t believe I deserved it, and, I many times, made myself smaller so I wouldn’t stand out, or cause anyone to look at me. I had so many hopes and dreams and there were many I quashed in the darkness, I didn’t dare let out, or tell anyone, for fear you would tell me I didn’t deserve them, or they were stupid, or that you might get jealous. I lived like that most of my life, and it felt like I was constantly cutting away at who I was and I worried what would be left. In the end, not much was left, just an empty girl, with a dark heart, and an empty soul. Thankfully that girl had a tiny bit of light and fight left in her and started to put the pieces back to together.

Sometimes it takes a lot of walking through fear. If you’ve lived in an environment where you’ve been told you don’t deserve what you want, or aren’t good enough to get it, walking through the fear that they might be right can be difficult, difficult, but not impossible. Use your desire to push past your fear, to show yourself that you can, and you will accomplish and get what you want, what you’re working for, don’t let someone else’s insecurities or jealousies stop you from fulfilling your dreams. Surround yourself with people who do believe in you and support you, use that support to further fuel you as you step forward, growing, expanding, and taking up more space. The fear that you might fail is not your story, it’s someone else placing a narrative on you to make them feel better, and if it is you and your narrative, you have the power to change it, as I’ve written in the past, You Are The Author Of Your Own Story, so start writing a new chapter. Make your mark!

Don’t get caught up in someone else’s expectations of who you are and who you can be. Express yourself in it’s truest form and be your best self, regardless of limits others may put on you. You are the only one who can break free of the chains that hold you back, you hold the key to reaching your potential and realizing your dreams, let go of those people who don’t support that and you and let yourself shine, you may just light the path for those naysayers who said you couldn’t.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make yourself smaller to make others feel more comfortable? Why do you think you do that? What can you do to stop doing that? What do you think will happen if you do? If you have fears in doing so, what are those fears based on? Fears aren’t facts. What are the facts of your situation, why are you stopping yourself from living as your authentic self and going after you dreams? You are not a victim, you are not your past, what you are is a beautiful human being with so much to offer to world, go out there and get it and show us all what you’ve got. SLAY on!

                                                 S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

4 thoughts on “Take Up More Space

  1. Recently, I met a friend’s family at a party. The house was full of people I didn’t know, and one person I love. I felt completely out of place, and so worried that I’d be too loud, too boisterous, too me, I suppose.

    I shared my concerns with my friend, on the way to the party, and she just chuckled. “You’ll be fine, Mel. If I didn’t think my family could handle you, I wouldn’t put you through it. Don’t worry so much.”

    Handle me…

    Yeah, I’m that friend you have to explain before you introduce. “Mel’s unique.” is the most common phrase. I’m not rude, and I don’t make people uncomfortable by being gross or brash, but I have a voice for the stage, and my laugh is even louder. I make friends with puppies and kids, long before I feel relaxed around my peers. Puppies and kids accept what they see at face value. No judgments; just a desire to connect and have a good time. I feel like my peers are full of expectations, as soon as they see me.

    The party went well, with one or two hiccups. I made a joke about the hostess not having Dr. Pepper, and she sent one of her kids to the store. Then, I felt like a jerk, of course. My friend didn’t even know the hostess (her sister-in-law) had taken me seriously. When I told her, she said, “That’s hilarious! I mean, I knew she probably wouldn’t get your kind of funny, but that’s just gold!”

    Then, I understood. This has been a common theme in my life. I’m, very often, sicced upon unsuspecting strangers, by well-meaning friends, because they think it’s funny. My vibrant personality isn’t always welcomed by those who get nervous around loud folks. The sister-in-law was one of those folks. My friend knew that, and set us both up. For fun.

    I love being me, don’t get me wrong. But I like when people are comfortable around me, as well. My friend understood that her SIL wouldn’t get me, and didn’t inform me, so I could have the opportunity to curb my sense of humor, and not put her on edge. That’s not really fair.

    So, I suppose, once in a while, I do try to make myself smaller, or less imposing, to allow others to feel better being around me. I don’t know if it’s healthy, but it feels like a kind of social compromise.

    I walked away from that party, at the end of the night, feeling like I’d failed some kind of test, and that I’d failed the hostess. I wonder if she felt the same. If she did, it was because of me, and that really sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s not your responsibility to make other people feel comfortable, and realistically, it’s next to impossible, we don’t know where they’re coming from, what their hang-ups are, or triggers might be, however, as SLAYERS we don’t purposely antagonize people if we can see or feel they are uncomfortable with our behavior.

      I don’t see that you did anything wrong here. You were you. You weren’t rude, inconsiderate, or mean, you made some jokes, had some fun, if someone receives that in a negative way, that is their issue. If you happen to notice that someone has received something differently than you intended there is a place there to explain and perhaps apologize if that was not your intent, but otherwise, it is the other person’s issue, not yours.

      I too have a fun personality, and coming from a work environment where being a little more out there is excepted, I do need to read the room before launching into my more authentic me, I don’t see that as making myself smaller, just respectful of the room and circumstances, I mean, you’re not going to launch into a song and dance in the middle of a funeral…unless that is called for, but it’s just about being you and what’s feels right in any given situation. Sometimes we don’t get a warning, so making sure we’re paying attention to where we are and who we’re with can usually give us good indicators of what level of us would probably be appreciated.

      It sounds like here your “friend” really did you a disservice, as well as the sister-in-law, by throwing you two together knowing it wasn’t the best mix. You, in no way, should feel bad about that, but I would question your “friend’s” intent and desire to do that, no friend of mine would put me in a situation that knowingly would make me look or feel bad, goes back to People Picker and boundaries, I make sure that my time is spent with people who want the best for me, and I them. Walking away from this party the only thing I would question is that friendship.

      Keep being you, and, SLAY on!

      Liked by 1 person

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