Good morning SLAYER! We all suffer defeats, but we must not them defeat us. We can’t change what happens to us, but we can choose not to be reduced by it.
SLAY on!
Self-worth
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! Conflict will happen, it’s how we choose to respond to it that matters. Practicing healthy conflict allows us to get into a solution, and offers us an opportunity to learn about those around us, and ourselves.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! It’s great to have goals, and look into what you need to do to achieve them, but it’s the action that takes you to the finish line.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Don’t give someone else power over your thoughts and actions, let go of resentments, not to let them off the hook, but to set yourself free!
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! We are in charge of our anger, if we are feeling angry it’s our job to figure out why before we act out on it and possibly do or say something we can’t take back. Pause before you act.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Optical Delusion
We’ve all heard the saying “looking at the world through rose-colored glasses,” and I was certainly guilty of that, and I say guilty because I believe that although sometimes it is nice to see the world with a positive, or pretty perspective, when we purposely ignore the truth, ignore our responsibilities, and ignore ourselves and choose to see only what we want to see, that’s where we can fall into bad behaviors. Each one of us has our own perspective, no two people see everything exactly the same, and take our experiences, beliefs, and projected expectations into each situation, and those things can twist reality into something very different.
Our own Optical Delusions aren’t always rose-colored. They can also hold us back. I was reading a story recently about some trainers in India working with baby elephants. When they began they would firmly chain them to a tree so they can’t break free. Over time, after many attempts to break free, the elephants stop trying, and slowly the trainers reduces the size of the chain until they no longer use one at all, but the elephant, still believing it’s there, because it had been many times in the past, no longer tries to see if it can get away. We as people do the same thing. Our field of vision can get so small based on our past experiences that we stop trying, we just sit there, and our Optical Delusion tells us that there is no hope, no use in trying, because we are doomed to the existence we currently find ourselves in, not true. Try. Just try something different, take contrary action and just try. Circumstances can change, we change, but we’ll never know unless we try. Sometimes the only thing that is currently holding us back is us, there is no chain, only the one we imagine in our mind.
On the flip side, there are those who live life like they’re in their own fairy tale. Floating through life doing what they want, not a care in the world, or if they do, quickly brushing it off, or stuffing it down with outside things, thinking if they can keep floating above the mayhem, or the reality of their actual lives, they will always be OK. Well, at some point the balloon bursts and they come crashing down to earth, sometimes with a lot of mess and financial damage to clean up. As you know, I’m always an advocate of looking for the good, the positive in the world and our lives, but not so much that we are ignoring what is really going on around us.
So, how do we know if we are seeing the truth around us, or our own Optical Delusion? We stop, really look around. We ask ourselves if what is happening, truly happening, lines up with our core beliefs of who we are and how we want to live our lives. We ask ourselves if we are shirking our responsibilities to go off and play, ignoring our own needs and those around us. We ask ourselves if the story we’re seeing in front of us is true. What are the facts? Or have we slipped into a place of repression, or irresponsibility, which is holding us back? Listen, it’s always nice to treat ourselves and do something we love, enjoy, or feel a part of, but not if we’re using those things to run away from ourselves and our lives, or, holding ourselves back and telling ourselves we can’t do the things we love, or try for something better because of our own negative self-talk. It’s about getting honest with ourselves. We can do anything SLAYERS, we have the power, but sometimes we get in our own way, or let the voices of others stop us from trying. Ask yourself if what you’re seeing in your life is true, the facts, or are you looking at it through an Optical Delusion?
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think you look at your life with a clear perspective? Or do you think you give it a darker view, or to much of a rosey one? Why do you think you do that? What do you think you can do to change that? What do you think will happen if you do? Write down how you feel about yourself and your life. Now, ask yourself which of those things are facts, and which ones are fears or feelings that no longer pertain to your life or situation. What can you do to change the facts that you don’t like? And, how can you accept the ones that you cannot change? It’s about finding a balance SLAYER, living our lives for us, finding joy for ourselves, but not putting joy above the basic things we need to do to be active in our own lives and taking responsibility for our own actions. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The perfect time to start something new is right now. Trust that you are enough, take a chance, and jump in!
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
You Don’t Have To Be Perfect, You Just Have To Be
I used to believe I had to be perfect to show up.
Perfect timing. Perfect skills. Perfect hair, even. And if things didn’t line up just right—if I didn’t line up just right—I’d sit it out. I’d pass on the opportunity. I’d talk myself out of the dream. Looking back, I can’t count the chances I missed because I let perfectionism run the show.
But perfection is a lie we tell ourselves when we’re scared.
It gives us a reason to wait, to hide, to stay small. We convince ourselves we’re not ready, not worthy, not enough—so we don’t begin. But here’s the truth: Perfection is not required. Showing up is.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
It’s Never Going to Look Perfect—Do It Anyway
No one has it all figured out. No plan is bulletproof. No path is paved just right. Life is messy, and we’re messy too.
The trick is to move forward anyway.
Start with what you’ve got. Doubt? Bring it. Fear? Take it with you. Confusion? Totally normal. You don’t need to wait for the moment to be perfect—you just need to be brave enough to begin.
It reminds me of being a kid on the playground, standing in front of a merry-go-round already spinning. I’d spot my opening, take a breath, and jump. Was it scary? Sure. But it was also thrilling. I didn’t need a guarantee—I just needed to go for it.
So why do we stop doing that?
Because we’ve fallen. We’ve been judged. We’ve been told to wait until we’re “ready.” But the only way to be ready is to start anyway.
Flaws and All, You’re Already Enough
Let me say this loud for the people in the back:
You are already worthy of showing up.
You don’t have to be “fixed” or “perfect” or polished to begin. The real magic happens when you show up as you are. That’s what makes you relatable. That’s what makes you real.
You are perfect in your imperfection. Unique. Valuable. Needed.
And when you let go of chasing perfect, something incredible happens—you start living. You stop waiting. You begin to believe in what’s possible for you.
So whatever it is you’ve been putting off—start it. Show up. Say yes. Jump in. Your life isn’t waiting for perfect. It’s waiting for you.
SLAY Reflection
- What’s one thing you’ve avoided because you were waiting for the “perfect” moment?
- How has perfectionism kept you from living fully?
- What would it feel like to show up just as you are?
- What’s one small step you can take this week toward something you’ve been putting off?
- Can you write down 5 things that make you uniquely you—and remind yourself why they matter?
S-L-A-Y:
- Start without needing it to be perfect.
- Listen to your inner voice—not your inner critic.
- Accept yourself as you are, flaws and all.
- You are the magic you’ve been waiting for.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What have you been putting off because it wasn’t perfect?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s stuck waiting for the “right time,” send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! We can’t be possibly be there for everyone all the time, so why do we expect others to always be there for us? Many times we create our own heartbreaks through expectations.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
People Can’t Always Be Who You Want Them To Be
We all want someone in our lives to just understand us—to show up when we need them, to read our silent pleas, to fill the gaps we feel inside. But here’s a hard truth: nobody is designed to be your everything.
When we expect someone to always be there, always know, always respond—without communication, without boundaries—we set both them and ourselves up for heartbreak.
We must learn the beauty and the burden of loving with grace and owning our own needs.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
Expectations vs. Reality
It’s natural to hope others will meet us where we are. We desire connection, validation, support. But expectations—especially unspoken ones—are traps.
When we expect another to always stay ready, even when they’re fighting their own war, we feel let down. When we expect consistent availability, we forget that everyone has their own life, struggles, and limitations.
And when reality falls short of those silent demands, we start to believe they don’t love us enough—when in truth, they might just be human like us.
Learning to Right-Size Our Expectations
The seeds of resentment often come from expecting others to be what we need without telling them. We assume they know. We assume they’ll show up.
But healthy relationships ask for clarity not mind-reading.
- Let them know how you feel.
- Ask for what you need.
- Accept the answer, even if it doesn’t match what you hoped for.
This is how we protect ourselves from disappointment—not by becoming colder—but by learning truth, honest communication, and respect for boundaries.
When They Can’t Be Who You Want
Here’s what I discovered over time:
- “Can’t” isn’t always about unwillingness—sometimes it’s about capacity.
- Being unavailable doesn’t always mean they don’t care.
- When someone can’t be who you want, sometimes they are doing the best they can within their own limits.
I used to take it personally when people couldn’t show up as I needed them to. I thought it meant something was wrong with me—or wrong with them. But I learned to see it differently: I learned to love them where they are, to protect my peace, and to find others with compatible strengths.
You, Not Others, Are Responsible for You
Expecting someone else to complete your emotional puzzle is heavy for both parties.
Your emotional survival is your job. You cannot force someone to be who they’re not. And when you try, you weaken your own foundation.
You deserve people who can be consistent. But until then, you can be your own constant. You can love others without relying on them. You can communicate your needs, accept imperfect love, and continue building your own inner strength.
Staying Open While Protecting Your Peace
How do you navigate this balance without becoming closed off or bitter?
- Stay open to love, even when disappointed.
- Keep your standards, but don’t demand perfection.
- Allow yourself to walk away when love becomes harmful.
- Find multiple sources of support, not just one person.
- Own your emotional state: don’t outsource it to others.
People Can’t Always Be Who You Want—but You Can Still Love Well
You don’t have to settle for being used, ignored, or repeatedly disappointed. You can adjust your expectations without shutting down your heart. You can ask for what you need, and learn to accept what people can give.
You don’t have to stop loving. You just have to love smarter.
SLAY Reflection
- What silent expectations are you placing on someone in your life?
- How often do you feel disappointed because someone couldn’t read your mind?
- What is a healthy boundary you can express to protect yourself and the relationship?
- Who in your life can you rely on without needing them to be everything to you?
- How can you practice self-reliance (emotionally) while still staying open?
S – Stop expecting people to read your heart
L – Let them care within their capacity
A – Ask for what you need—don’t demand it
Y – Yield your peace first before expecting someone else to
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever been hurt by expecting too much from someone—and what did that teach you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s value honesty over perfection.
And if you know someone who struggles with unmet expectations or carrying disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, love begins with understanding limitation.
