Good morning SLAYER! When you stop doing nothing and just start to do something, it starts to change everything.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Self Love
Waking Up And Nothing Has Changed, But Everything Is Different
I have had a number of these moments in my life. And I’m grateful for all of them.
We see things when we’re ready to, or when we’re ready to take action, or capable of taking the right action, or, sometimes when we find ourselves at a crossroads and realize what road we are meant to take, and we realize that we are no longer able to stay were we are. Nothing has changed in that moment of realization, but everything has changed. We see things differently. We see things clearly. And even though it can be a harsh awakening, it is the key to our freedom, or a new chapter in our life. There’s an excitement to it. There can be fear, as we embark on a new journey to perhaps unfamiliar places, and we may have to take action in unfamiliar ways, but we’re ready for them, and they’re ready for us.
It’s easy to live where we are and put blinders on to the rest of the world. To narrow our field of vision, to somehow make where we are OK, to ignore the signs we shouldn’t be there, or to continue to tell ourselves the lies we need to to keep ourselves there. But we know the truth. Deep down. That’s why our light grows dim, we know we are not being true to ourselves and our light can’t shine when we’re not living in our truth.
Sometimes it takes a big jolt to get us to see. Or sometimes it comes as a person, a message, a kind heart. But when it comes it lets the light in, it blows the dust off of those places we’ve let sit stagnant, and maybe stopped visiting for fear of the truth. But once we see we can’t ignore it. Everything changes, and to stay would be too painful, too costly, so we take the action we can, even if it’s small, just a step, we take it, and once we do we start to live in our truth, the light comes in, and we begin to live again. Or, maybe for the first time.
For me, the first time it happened it was when I started to live, truly, in my truth, I had lived most of my life presenting myself to the world the way I thought you wanted me to be, and as a result, I never really connected to anyone, or let anyone really see the real me. In fact, I didn’t actually know the real me because I was too busy being who I thought you wanted me to be. But when my eyes finally opened to the reality of my life and that I held the key to finding a better one, as frightened as I was about the unknown of the future, I had found my power in my actions, and as I took more action, my power got stronger, as did I. And that was the beginning of the person who is now typing this blog.
The last time it happened was not that long ago. My eyes were opened to a life that filled my heart with joy, and does, a life that allows me to be who I truly am, that celebrates that, and allows me to learn and grow in the safety of it’s authenticity. In that moment of realization, nothing had changed, but everything had, as I could no longer stay where I was knowing what I knew, and feeling what I felt, that knowledge and those feelings were so strong they propelled me forward to the place I am meant to be, a place of true love, a place of support, a place that is home. I am grateful that I had had those moments before, and because I had taken action and found positive results, I didn’t hesitate when it happened again, I trusted that I was being shown this for a reason and that I had to take a leap of faith to find out why.
When you wake up and find that everything looks different, even if you’re in the same place, take note of that, and take action to get yourself out of the place you are and in the place you are mean to be. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you ever felt like you woke up and everything looked different? Write down an example. What was the result of that? Did you make some changes? What changes did you make? Where there changes you didn’t make? What was the result? What stopped you from making them? Is it too late to make those changes today? Do it SLAYER, make any changes necessary to live as your best you, and, to live your best life. You have it in you, and if you forget, we’re right here to remind you as we live ours.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! If you always do what you’ve done, you’ll always get what you always got.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Your Life Doesn’t Get Any Better By Chance, It Gets Better By Change
What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results? That was me, for most of my life. I wasn’t happy with the results I was getting but I didn’t do anything differently to change them. I certainly hoped they would changed, and wished for them to change, but without taking different action there was really no hope at all that they would. The only way change happens is if we take action and make changes.
Change takes work. It takes risks. It takes us getting out of our comfort zones and doing something we’re not used to doing, maybe something we may not believe we can. But we can. We just have to do it. Those voices we hear may tell us we can’t, but we can. For me I had to hit a pretty hard bottom before I made the changes I needed to make. I was one stubborn gal and even though I didn’t like where I was and how I was living my life, I thought I could just wish it away, and not only did it not go away, it got worse. So for me, it took my life being in jeopardy to finally make some changes. You don’t need to wait quite that long, in fact, you can start right now!
It can be scary to start something new, or try a new way of life, but it’s typically just scary at the beginning, those first few steps, and once you’ve taken them you feel it’s right and taking the next few steps becomes less scary because you’ve already taken some, and it’s already feeling good. For me, I made sure to surround myself with others doing the same, and those people already in my life who supported me and cheered me on, it helped to have a cheering section and a group of people doing it with me, so even when things may not have gone as planned, there were always people there to encourage to keep trying, and that’s the key, just keep trying, each step isn’t always going to go the way you would have liked, and it’s those steps that we typically learn the most, they may sting in the moment, but that sting will help us grow, and, hopefully ignite the fire in us to try again.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. It’s that simple. In fact, in my case, and in others as well I’ve spoken to, when nothing changes, a lot of times, things actually get worse. The universe has a way to pushing us in the right direction, and if we’re not taking the hint, those nudges can sometimes feel more like a push, there’s a reason for that, we’re not supposed to be where we are. Take those cues, those hints, and look at your life and what you may not be changing, or taking action on, look at what may not serve you, and maybe never did, but you convinced yourself it did. Be honest with yourself SLAYER, and truly look for those areas that need change, that you can take action on and take it. Don’t even think about it, just take it, trust that you’re being directed where you should be and take the leap, we’re all here to catch you if you stumble.
Wishing for the life we want without doing the work doesn’t work. We have to roll up our sleeves and get to work, once we do we see that things start to fall into place, there may be a few bumps in the road, but those bumps don’t come close to the despair of staying somewhere we shouldn’t be. Trust that you have what it takes to get what you want, what you’ve imagined for yourself, go take it, and you may just find that you’ve made your own chances and a life that you once only dreamed of.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you take action when things don’t feel right, or hope they just get better on their own? What in your life could you take action on but haven’t? Why haven’t you? How long have you lived in this place and not take action? How does that feel? What can you do, SLAYER, to take action in that area of your life? Are you afraid? What are you frightened of? Does not taking action and staying stuck where you are bring you even more fear? It should. We are not meant to stay in one place, we are meant to learn, grow, explore, and challenge ourselves, get out there and go after what we want, make the changes we need to have the life we want, the life, up until now, we’ve only dreamed of. Make those dreams a reality, one change at a time.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! At your absolute best you are still not good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person. Remember that.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Let go of people who dull your shine, poison your spirit and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.
SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Each of us is responsible to fix ourselves, don’t apply for a job you are not qualified for.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Other People Are Not Your Problem To Solve
We can sometimes get caught up in wanting to fix people. But, people are not our problems to fix. Each of us is responsible for ourselves, and when we meddle in someone else’s life, or try to school them on what they should be doing, we’re not only doing ourselves a disservice, but also them as well, as it’s their responsibility to find their own journey on their own path. It is also usually an indicator that we’re trying to avoid something in our own lives by focusing on someone else’s. It’s always much easier to tell someone else what to do rather than take action on those things in our lives that we should be working on our changing. And, when we’re in avoidance, looking for other people to fix becomes easy as we tend to look for the things that we dislike about ourselves in those around us.
No one has the right to tell us how to live our own lives, or to point out the things they think are wrong with the way we’re living, and, that goes for us too, if someone asks for an opinion, sure, go ahead and give it, but if we’re not asked, we must assume our opinion is not welcome and we need to keep it to ourselves. There are some of us too, who like to fancy ourselves as teachers, but typically what’s really going on there is that we’re feeling less than, or know we’re not doing all we can for our own growth and betterment and are deflecting our energies to someone else we think we can ‘help.’ Any time we think we’re better than someone else, or know better, we’re living from a place of ego, that ego may be covering up our insecurities, but we’re not living in a place in line with the universe, and, ourselves. So when we find those urges come up to school someone we should sit ourselves down and look at our own behavior before trying to teach someone else.
When I was living in my disease I often thought I knew better than most of the people around me. And, I often shared my opinion, especially if it wasn’t asked for, because I thought I was doing them a favor. Meanwhile, my own life was a total train wreck, and, was still barreling down the tracks collecting more and more collateral damage. But, to talk to me, I had it all together, and I knew just how you could too. What a hypocrite. On the flip-side, if someone did see through my bravado, I certainly didn’t welcome their opinion on my life. I would be offended and tell any unsuspecting do-gooder that they didn’t know what they were talking about and they should mind their own business, so why did I think it was OK to do just that to someone else? Well, again, I was sick, and in full denial about how sick I really was, so if I could get the spotlight off of me, I would do that at any cost. When I finally had to take a look at my own life, I realized that those things I used to say that others should do was exactly what I needed to do to live a healthy and productive life, and so I had to put my ego aside and get to work.
Today, I don’t look for people to fix, that’s their job, but what I can do is encourage them as they do make changes, support them as they take changes they never have, and love them even when they fall, in fact, especially as they fall because I know they are trying, as I do every day, and I know that those people in my day-to-day life offer me the same, and we all can lift each other up as we grow and learn and focus on making our lives the exciting adventure we deserve, and worked for. Let everyone have their own experience, give them that honor, and do the same for yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes and have the courage to do the work you need to to become someone you are proud of today, and someone who feels good in the place they stand in. You can SLAYER, just keep that spotlight on yourself, and let everybody else shine theirs on them, so together, you can help each other shine.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you in the past fallen into the trap of trying to fix other people? What was the result? How did this help you? How did this hurt you? Were you able to “fix” them? What did you see in them that needed fixing? Is that, or are those the things that need fixing in your own life? Do people in your life try to fix you? If yes, how does that feel? Do you welcome that? If not, why not? How does that make you feel? So, knowing how that makes you feel, why do you try to do it to others? Do you find that you go looking for people to fix when you’re not feeling good about yourself? Do you see a pattern in your behavior? How can you change that pattern SLAYER? What can you do this week to turn that spotlight on you and make some changes in your own life that will help you grow? Take action SLAYER, and take back your power to make some good changes for you. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When you try something new you face new challenges, but those challenges also bring new results.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Sometimes You Face Difficulties Because You’re Doing Something Right
There’s a belief many of us carry without ever questioning it:
If things feel hard, we must be doing something wrong.
So when resistance shows up — discomfort, fear, pushback, uncertainty — we assume it’s a sign to turn around. To retreat. To go back to what’s familiar.
But sometimes, the opposite is true.
Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re off track — but because you’re finally on the right one.
Especially when you’re choosing something new. Something honest. Something that honors who you actually are instead of who you’ve always been expected to be.
Familiar Paths Feel Easier Because They’re Familiar Not Because They’re Right
We are creatures of habit.
We do what we’ve been taught.
What we’ve seen modeled.
What feels easiest in the moment.
Even when those patterns don’t serve us, they feel safe because they’re known.
But “easy” doesn’t always mean aligned.
And “comfortable” doesn’t always mean healthy.
Sometimes the path that looks smooth is the one leading you further away from yourself. And the path that feels difficult is the one asking you to grow into someone new.
New choices almost always come with new discomfort — not because they’re wrong, but because they’re unfamiliar.
The Cost of Taking the Easier Softer Route
For a long time, I chose what felt easier on the surface.
I avoided conflict.
I tried to minimize attention.
I looked for solutions that required the least resistance.
But those choices didn’t bring peace — they brought consequences.
I didn’t get what I needed.
And when I did, it often came through manipulation, avoidance, or dishonesty with myself. I ended up doing far more emotional labor trying to maintain something that never truly fit.
What I thought was “keeping the peace” was actually betraying myself.
And over time, that betrayal showed up as anxiety, resentment, and exhaustion.
People Pleasing Is a Survival Strategy Not a Solution
Many of us learn early on that being agreeable feels safer than being honest.
So we prioritize other people’s comfort.
We swallow our needs.
We tell ourselves it’s not worth the trouble.
But unspoken needs don’t disappear — they turn inward.
They become anger.
They become sadness.
They become numbness.
And eventually, the weight of living out of alignment becomes unbearable.
That’s often the moment when people turn to outside fixes — anything to quiet the voice inside that says, This isn’t right.
I did too.
I tried to numb myself.
To silence the discomfort.
To convince myself I could stay somewhere I didn’t belong.
But I couldn’t — because I wasn’t supposed to be there.
The Truth Always Finds You
We can hide from the truth for a while — sometimes even for years.
But deep down, we always know when we’re not living authentically. When we’re shrinking. When we’re dimming ourselves to fit into spaces that don’t allow us to grow.
And when we finally start making decisions that honor our truth — maybe for the first time — the difficulties that arise can feel overwhelming.
But those difficulties aren’t punishments.
They’re signs that you’re walking where you’ve never walked before.
New Difficulties Mean New Growth
The challenges that show up when you choose yourself feel hard because they’re unfamiliar — not because they’re wrong.
They require courage instead of compliance.
Honesty instead of avoidance.
Boundaries instead of people pleasing.
But here’s what matters:
These difficulties are far healthier than the ones you lived with while betraying yourself.
Fear shows up when we’re letting go of old versions of ourselves.
Uncertainty shows up when we’re stepping into something real.
That doesn’t mean stop.
It means keep going.
Doing the Right Thing Doesn’t Mean Everyone Will Understand
Choosing what’s right for you doesn’t mean you don’t care about others. It means you care enough about your life to live it truthfully.
If you’ve chosen the right people, they’ll want the best for you — even when it’s uncomfortable. They may walk beside you through the difficulty.
And if they don’t — that tells you something too.
Sometimes growth requires moving forward without everyone coming along.
Or continuing relationships in a different way.
That isn’t cruelty.
It’s clarity.
Only You Can Walk the Path That’s Meant for You
Only you know what’s right for your life.
Only you can do the work to build it.
Only you can walk through the fear that stands between where you are and where you’re meant to be.
Difficulties don’t always mean danger.
Sometimes they mean direction.
So suit up, SLAYER.
Step onto the path that asks more of you — because it gives more back.
You’re not alone.
Plenty of us are walking beside you.
And we’re cheering you on.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: Where in your life are you choosing what’s familiar instead of what’s true?
L: When have you ignored your needs to avoid discomfort or conflict?
A: What difficulty might actually be a sign that you’re on the right path?
Y: What would honoring yourself look like today — even if it feels uncomfortable?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Where have you faced difficulty because you were finally doing something right?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s questioning their path because it feels hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
