When I was newly on my path I was asked to write down all the people that had harmed me, I, being in victim mode at the time, vigorously got to work, this was my chance, I thought, to point out how I had been wronged and getting it all down on paper was going to justify the place where I had found myself. When I was done I read it out loud, feeling good about my list and all of those on it, now the truth was going to come out I thought. When I was done the question was asked of me, why aren’t you on the list? The comment was made, you should be at the top of your list, you did the most damage to yourself. That hit me like a ton of bricks. What? Had this person not just heard my list of dastardly people who had all such horrible things to me? What did I have to do with that? Well, as it turns out, a lot. I had spent so much time playing the victim that I had totally lost sight that I played a role in most of what I was angrily carrying around. In fact, unless we are children, or the victim of a random crime, we always have a part. Taking responsibility for that part seemed like a daunting task.
For me, I had to tackle it as a fact-finding mission. What were the patterns of my past? And, boy where they there. When I saw it all on paper it was very obvious where my behavior was wrong time and time again. But instead of beating myself up for it, I had to learn to forgive myself and move on. It was pointed out to me that for most of my wrongdoing I did not know better, and for the times I did, I was doing the best I could at that time, not to make excuses for my behavior, but to find a way to not resent myself for it. We all can only do what we can with the tools we have, and if we don’t have the right tools, or any, we can’t fault ourselves for past decisions. Even if we do have the right tools, that doesn’t always mean we’ll use them, or use them in the right way. This is where forgiveness comes into play. Learning to forgive yourself is an integral part of self-love, of having healthy relationships in your life and to stop repeating the past. When we learn from our past, forgive ourselves for what may have gone wrong, we can let it go and move past it. And when we love ourselves we stop doing things and associating with people who don’t honor that love. Forgiveness is the key to all of those things we want and when we don’t understand why we don’t.
Learning to forgive ourselves may be the most difficult thing we do, especially for those of us that have carried that guilt and self-hatred around like a badge of honor. Let it go, let it all go and forgive yourself, and make part of that forgiveness a living amends to yourself by not repeating the past, by learning from those mistakes or events that you carried guilt around for, vow to work to not repeat those same mistakes, and even if you do, use that as a learning moment and move on. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, allow yourself to make them and forgive yourself for the ones of your past. In doing so, you will open the door to your own freedom. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you harbor a lot of shame, guilt or self-hatred towards yourself for your past? If so, how do you do this? How does this harm you? Why do you do this? Do you point fingers at others and have a difficult time seeing your part in these relationships or events? Why do you think that is? What if you looked for your part? When we look at our past it allows us to see the patterns of our behaviors, to see where we keep making the same choices that are getting us results we don’t want. Use those old mistakes as a learning tool and forgive yourself for the choices of your past, turning those old tools that did not work into ones that do.
Before walking this path, I didn’t know my worth, in fact, I didn’t think I had any. Even when I found success, or was complimented, I didn’t believe I was worthy of it, and many times, I thought if someone was praising me for a job well done that they were lying and had ulterior motives. I never thought I was good enough or worthy of what I wanted, yet I was in fear of never getting those same things, or loosing the ones I had. It was a horrible place to live, and yet I lived there for most of my life. And ultimately, I almost didn’t believe my life was worth saving, but that little part of me that did, fought like hell to survive.
When I set out on a path of self-love and recovery, I had to hold on to the part of me that believed I was worth the work. When the road got tough, it was that part of me that got me through, that wouldn’t let me give up and dug it’s heels in and kept me moving forward, even if the steps were slow and small. Each time I moved forward I gained a little more self-worth, the act itself of pushing through and not giving up was building my belief that I was worth the fight, and I was, and still am. My self-worth also grew as I was able to be of service to other people, something I thought I didn’t have much to give but realized that even at the beginning of my journey, I still had a lot to offer someone who had just started, sometimes more than those who were much farther along, because it was easier for someone just starting to relate to me, still new, and still learning as I went. Those acts of kindness and compassion continued to expand my self-worth. And as I got further down the path I realized how important it was to protect my self-worth and what my worth really was. There are those who try to take advantage, or work out a deal that is really in their favor, stripping our worth in the process, and if we ourselves are unclear of our worth, or don’t think we have any, we will fall victim to those people time and time again. It is important to stand up, when something isn’t right, and say so, knowing and owning your worth. For me, self-love played a big hand in me realizing my worth, because if I was loving myself, and participating in acts that were loving to myself, I wasn’t going to tolerate someone else not honoring my worth, and, I certainly wasn’t going to participate in any acts that would diminish or dishonor anyone else’s.
We all have worth, and we all deserve to be treated with worth, and, we all should acknowledge others people’s worth. When we know our own worth we stop putting ourselves in harms way, we stop inviting people into our lives who disrespect us and start to contribute and look for loving acts in our lives, each of those acts builds more worth. We all have value, we all have worth, and it’s important to find ours and own it as we navigate through our journey and to see where that path with take us. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you know your worth? If yes, how. If not, why not? Have you already known your worth, or have you discovered it along the way? If you don’t know your worth, why do you think you don’t have any or much? Did you ever feel you had it and lost it? If so, what happened? Finding your worth is an integral part to having healthy relationships in your life, respectful business or working interactions and the fuel you need to propel you forward to where you want and should go. Write out all of what gives you worth, and if you have trouble thinking of them, ask a trusted friend, sometimes we can see our worth through someone else’s eyes, but what’s most important is, finding it, and owning it, that’s when positive changes begin to happen.
If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s this: Courage doesn’t just change our lives — it creates space for others to change theirs.
But courage rarely announces itself with clarity. It usually arrives quietly, disguised as exhaustion, fear, or the realization that we simply can’t keep living the way we’ve been living.
For a long time, I didn’t recognize that the smallest spark of hope could become the bravest decision I ever made. I didn’t understand that my willingness to change wouldn’t just save me — it would ripple outward in ways I never expected.
But it did.
And it all started with someone else’s courage.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
The Moment Someone Else’s Courage Became My Lifeline
More than a decade ago, I was drowning.
Not metaphorically — truly drowning in despair, in silence, in thoughts that terrified me. I had learned to function on the outside while falling apart on the inside. I didn’t see a future. I didn’t see a way out. I didn’t see myself as someone worth saving.
And then someone shared their story with me.
They weren’t preaching. They weren’t trying to fix me. They simply let me see their truth — the messy, painful, unpolished parts of their journey.
And for the first time in a very long time, I felt something stir inside me:
Hope.
It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t dramatic.
But it was real.
That tiny spark became the courage I didn’t know I was capable of. It gave me just enough strength to reach out and say, “I need help.”
And that single moment changed everything.
When Our Lives Start Unraveling, the Truth Reveals Itself
Before that breakthrough, I worked hard to pretend I was fine. I justified. I minimized. I avoided. I told myself I just needed to push through.
But deep down, I knew my life was unraveling.
I knew the weight I was carrying was too heavy. I knew the numbness was getting darker. I knew I was losing myself.
That’s the thing about internal truth — even when we hide it, it never stops whispering. And the longer we run, the louder it becomes.
When I finally faced what was happening, it wasn’t graceful. It wasn’t heroic. It was raw, terrifying, and humbling.
But it was honest.
And honesty is where healing begins.
Asking for Help Was the Bravest Thing I Ever Did
When I reached out for help, I didn’t do it because I believed I was worth saving.
I did it because I was desperate.
But here’s the beautiful part: desperation can be a doorway.
Sometimes the darkest moments are what make courage possible.
I admitted the truth — not just to others, but to myself.
I acknowledged how bad things had gotten.
I asked for support.
I allowed someone to walk with me through the darkness.
That choice didn’t just change my trajectory — it gave me my life back.
And once I began healing, something unexpected happened:
I wanted others to feel the relief, the hope, the clarity I was finding. I wanted to share what had helped me, the way someone had shared with me.
But I learned a life-changing lesson:
You Can’t Make Someone Change — but You Can Show Them It’s Possible
In my eagerness, I tried to help people who weren’t ready.
I offered advice they didn’t ask for.
I pushed when I should have simply stood beside them.
Because change can’t be forced.
Not for me.
Not for you.
Not for anyone.
People move when they are ready — not when we decide they should be.
But even when someone isn’t ready, they’re watching our courage.
They’re watching the way we transform.
They’re watching the way we choose to show up differently.
And sometimes, without realizing it, our healing becomes their hope.
Your Growth Gives Someone Else Permission to Grow
We never fully know who’s inspired by our courage.
Your decision to get help.
Your willingness to change.
Your honesty about your past.
Your commitment to healing.
Your refusal to stay stuck.
These things matter.
They matter more than you think.
Just by living your truth — not perfectly, not publicly, just truthfully — you become a mirror for possibility.
You become a reminder that change is possible.
You become evidence that pain isn’t the end of the story.
And someone, somewhere, may take their first brave step because you took yours.
Courage Isn’t Loud — It’s Contagious
Courage doesn’t have to roar.
Sometimes it whispers.
Sometimes it shakes.
Sometimes it shows up as a trembling hand reaching out for help.
But every act of courage sends a message:
If I can do this, maybe you can too.
That’s the quiet magic of growth.
It doesn’t just elevate your life — it lights the way for others.
You don’t have to preach.
You don’t have to convince.
You don’t have to prove anything.
All you have to do is live your truth.
The rest happens on its own.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: Where in your life have you felt the first spark of courage to change? L: Who inspired you by sharing their story, and how did their courage impact yours? A: What is one step — even a small one — that you feel called to take toward healing or growth? Y: How might your journey give hope to someone else who’s struggling?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you. When has someone else’s courage inspired you to change — or where do you feel called to be brave today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s trying to find their courage, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
We hate out of fear. We hate out of ignorance. We hate out of intolerance. We hate because we hate ourselves.
When I was living in the darkness I hated myself. Because I hated myself I hated a lot of other things. It’s hard to find love in your heart for other things when you’ve stamped it out for yourself. I also lived in a place of ego, ego and self-hatred, that was the insanity of my reality, I thought I was the biggest piece of crap out there, but I still thought I knew more than you did. I was really unforgiving of others because I was unforgiving of myself. I judged everyone and had an opinion about everything. I didn’t like someone who was different because I felt different, and that made me feel uncomfortable. But all of that really came from that deep-seated hate for myself, once I found self-love hate became something I no longer thought about. I know that for some of us self-love seems like a daunting task, but know others who were able to find self-love by loving others, or letting others love them, looking at themselves through someone else’s eyes and seeing the love they see. There is not just one route to finding self-love and the love that is shared between us, but those who hate will tell you different.
We see so much hate in the world today. And hate seems to have a louder voice than love. And maybe that’s because we who love and are spreading love do it in a more one-on-one, softer and gentler way than those spreading hate, they seem to spread it in a rapid fire spraying motion trying to cause the most collateral damage as possible. Love is not spread that way. For me it’s spread because of the love I feel within, I want to share that with those around me and so that they may possibly feel the way I do. The thought of hate doesn’t even really cross my mind. There are certainly things, and even a few people, I dislike, but hate to me feels evil, dark and sinister, and a gateway to the place I used to live. I have also learned to have much more of an open mind than used to, although, I can still be a bit stubborn at times… I’ve been told. Okay, yes, I can be. But when I lived in hate I would never budge, I thought I knew the truth, I thought, I knew the best way and that was that, even though the best way I came up with nearly cost me my life. Which brings me to another topic I’ve discussed before, humility. There is no humility in hate, it cannot co-exist, humility opened the door for me to recovery, to find a solution because the solution I had come up with was not working. I had to admit that I was wrong and I had to surrender. Both things I used to think would make me weak, but after doing it was able to see the strength in it.
When we live in a place of self-love, when we are open to new things, when we can find compassion for our neighbors, we no longer have a place for hate in your lives. We seek to learn, to understand, to honor those around us, and ourselves, so now when I see someone spreading hate I feel badly for them because I know that that hate likely extends to themselves, as mine once did, and I know the only antidote for hate is love. Perhaps today, we can all send some love out in the world to try to neutralize the hate, maybe if we all did it we could extinguish it, even just in our own lives. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hate? What do you hate? Why do you hate? What does that word mean to you? How do you feel about yourself? Describe yourself? How many of those things are positive? How many of them come from love? How many from hate? Do you think of yourself as better than those around you? Do you consider yourself worse? What can you do to even level that field? Do you love yourself? If yes, why? If not, why? Finding love for yourself is the most important work you can do, and the most rewarding. It is the base of everything you do, and it allows you to share that love with others and possibly show them love that they might see themselves. Love is contagious, so why not spread instead of hate?
